Threee year olds with raging tempers!

Jessica - posted on 07/24/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

21

7

1

I have two children one who is 3 1/2 years and one that is 3 months. In the last month or so, my eldest child has been exhibiting this raging temper that gets worse and worse. At first I thought that it was something I was doing or jealousy. She gets plenty of mommy time and adores her sister. I am about at my wits end as what i should do reprimand this behavior I have tried everything.

3 Comments

View replies by

Stefanie - posted on 07/24/2009

364

13

43

If this is a new behavior it could be that she is having trouble expressing her emotions. I think the yelling might be an age thing. My almost 4 yr old has started shouting at us when we do something she doesn't like. And for a couple weeks she went through a "drop to the floor kicking" tantrum phase too. I've heard that the 4's are similar to the "terrible 2's". Here's what I would do if it were me:
~Make sure she's getting at least 10 hours of sleep a night (12 is better).
~Examine what is causing the tantrums. Is there a trigger that you've noticed cause these? If so, do your best to compensate for them (like not letting her get too tired or hungry).
~Look to see if she is getting ready to hit a large milestone, like potty training. Most children have accelerated tantrums right before they master a new ability.
~Do your best not to respond to her tantrums in a cross way. That will only fuel it. If she will let you, hold her (not restrain but lovingly hold) and tell her, "I can see that you are out of control but mommy is in control and I'm here to anchor you. I'll sit with you until you regain control." Then praise her for regaining her control. Most kids are more frightened by the tantrum and then can't figure out how to calm back down.
~Regardless of how she acts, do not give in and do not act surprised or shocked. Try to do the above suggestion but if you've told her no to something you must stick by it.
~Once she is calm tell her she must apologize for hitting/kicking (if she did). When she apologizes make sure you say "I forgive you." with a smile. It will give her a sense of relief that you still love her.
~When you spend time with her tell her baby stories about her. "I remember when you were just a little baby. You were such a happy little thing! When you smiled you lit up the room like the sun!" If her tantrums are due to a bit of jealousy this will help her feel special that you still have fond memories of her as a babe.
~Buy some small, cheap toys to have on hand that you know she likes. Then when you see her do something praiseworthy surprise her with one and say, "You're Queen of the hour!" (I buy my kids princess stuff or let them wear a crown until daddy gets home)
~Have your husband treat his "ladies" special. This can be anything from opening doors for her, to asking her to dance. My husband buys rose petals for $2 from the grocery store and puts them in our dd's bath water b/c she loves to smell "pretty for daddy" (got that from me lol). They also like it when daddy comes home from work and declares a "princess party" night. The girls get to dress up and dance around the house with daddy and then drink some juice out of our "fancy glasses" (wine glasses).
~When my kids yell at me I always respond in a soft tone. The more they yell at me the softer I get, down to a whisper. They think it's funny but it forces them to stop yelling if they want to hear what I have to say. Then when they say, "Mom, you have to speak up. I can't hear you." I'll say in a normal voice, "Oh, you mean like this!" and then we all laugh.

That's the best advice I've got. I hope it helps. I wouldn't worry too much. From how you explained it, it sounds pretty normal and not all too violent.

Jessica - posted on 07/24/2009

21

7

1

She goes in to this screaming at me over the littlest thing like if she miss places something the screaming is so bad that her little voice cracks and you cant understand her! she hits kicks and it doesn't matter to who she is doing it to even people she has only know for a min! I believe she is out of control!

Stefanie - posted on 07/24/2009

364

13

43

Can you give an example of what she does? This will better able me to answer b/c my advice will differ depending on what she is doing.


Thanks

Oh, and add how you normally handle it too.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms