To bring him home or let him stay with grandma?

Alaneah - posted on 10/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




So i'll try not to make this super long. But heres a small back story. I am Bisexual, the only man I ever dated was my son's father (my sons 4 on the 22nd) My X's family has had some bad feelings towards me since the beginning. My X committed Domestic Violence against me and I got him locked up for it a few times. (he wouldn't stay away, of course some ladies know how that is) Well they have always told me they could take him away from me. I admit, that becoming a mom at 17 not having a mom there since I was 10 (she was an alcoholic and died as a result) so of course I turned to my X's mom whenever i needed to vent. So she knows everything about me. I put faith in her.

Basically my x never left me alone until he got put in prison for 4 years (hes barely on his second year now) and on and off his mother will take my side then decide im being naive. She uses everything I've ever told her against me (since the beginning) and she loves to tell me how naive and selfish i am when all i try to do is do what's best for aden. i've tried not having my son talk to them and just shut them out but his behavior gets worse when he doesn't. She spoils him and never listens to me. I wanted him off the bottle at 12 months (or around there) but she kept him on it until he was 2 years old. (stuff like that)

Well, I was going through a hardtime with my son at the moment (june) and was feeling like I was totally lost. (I have a SO we have been together 3 years now) They had an alright relationship. But My son's behavior was getting ridiculous. I didnt know what to do! So i called her and asked her if he could stay there for awhile so I could get my head together. I really felt I could be doing a way better job than I was doing with him. We were losing our bond and I was stressing horribly. I admitted to her that I couldn't handle him for the moment because I had no real support other than from my SO but she was working all the time. I felt like his behavior was outta control because he wasn't being spoiled, and me, not knowing what I know now, was getting overwhelmed and was being too hard on him. I finally caled her up (like i said) and told her I was going minorly crazy and I needed to go to parenting classes and read books and stuff to get more updated and find a way i CAN do it. Well she thought I meant have him LIVE THERE with her. (in california, forgot to mention she moved to CA in FEB and thats when the behavior got worse) So i did go to a parenting class and do crazy research and plan on continuing the classes so we can fix our bond BUT the weekend I was gonna get him (july) She opened an abuse case on me and my SO. Theres a lot of alligations, but no proof.

SInce the case has opened, I have been continplating whether to bring him back to live with me, or just have it be a part time thing. (like summers and holiday arrangments) just because of the craziness she has put me threw. Like i cant even explain the anxiety!

(i'll be glad to answer any questions to clear up how BAD it is) the constant put downs and putting up with her bullshit, then she puts me threw this. Where now my every move is a bad one, no matter what it is. I want Aden to want to come home and be with me. I dont want to force him home and have the behavior happen all over again. I'm ready to try out all the stuff i've learnt about stress management and why they get upset, but what if I cant do it again? and I get really upset and yell over stupid stuff? I dont want to be that mom. But i also worry that he will grow up to be like his father being with them, or maybe even never want to come back because of what they tell him about me. I'm just so lost. I'm lost in being a "good mom" in the eyes of society and bringing him home and trying to "deal with it" or being labled "lazy and selfish" if i dont. AND THEN what about when my X does get out?? He broke into my APT jsut because i wouldn't answer his fone calls and his mom blamed it on me sayin "i should have just answered him and done what he wanted." What will he do this time knowing I actually wont let his parents see Aden again after putting me threw all this just because I wanted to bring him home?

I want him to be home, so i can be a better mom and try all over again to get our bond back. But I also dont want him to be in distress from being removed from all the "fun and candy" lifestyle. I want him to be like "mom i wanna be with you" I go to court monday and I have so much stuff I could tear them apart. but then I could get the case closed faster if I say he's alright living there as long as I get to see him. The case could go on for years, so he would be with her anyways. :/ IDK. IM LOST! any advise?


Leanne - posted on 10/21/2012




If you want your son home then go to court and fight for him.. Im assuming that your x will come out of prison and go and live with his mum. How unhealthy is that gna be for ya son to be bought up around a man who thinks it is ok to be violent and dis respectfull to women most of all to you. The mother of his child.. Maybe you could bring this up when you go to court.. It will undeniably be a rough adjustment for ya son when he comes home to you, but children need boundaries and dicipline to learn and understand respect, his nanna spoiling him now is gna in my opinion result to much more severe behaviour when he reaches his teens and there comes a point that she has so say no.. I understand fully how hard it is to comply with society idea of ''good parenting'' as i am a single mum of 2 very strong willed young girls. (Age 4 and 5). I also find myself shouting out of frustration with my children but that does not make us bad mums that makes us human it is hard been a mum it is especially hard been a young single mum but its a learning curve every1 whos already had or got children believe that there way is best but their not you and your son. I believe that if you and your son go to bed every night happy then all is ok, my daughter breaks my heart when i tell her no to thinks she makes me feel so guilty but the day aftershe has forgoten and still loves me. Its hard with young children and ya mother in law is making it harder by bribing your son with candy and treats whilst he is young he will choose the things he can see and understanding but in the long run he will appreciate the praise and approval and love of his mum... I hope i have helped and not offended you. Good luck and remember you are a good mum x

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