To have another one or not to, that is thy question??

Devon - posted on 06/11/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have been thinking about this for a while now and i just don't know if i will ever have another child or not and if i can see myself having another one.

I am 26 years old, i live with my boyfriend who i have been dating for 6 years now and we do plan on getting married some time. i have twin daughters who are 6 years old from a previous relationship and my boyfriend has two kids from another relationship who are 9/b and 10/g years old. we both have discussed several times of wanting a child together. about a year ago i went off of my birth control pills and we tried for like 6 months to get pregnant and it never happened so i gave up and went back on the pill. we live in a 2 bedroom apartment, we don't have a whole lot of money at the moment because i am unemployed and without a car. my boyfriends kids live with there bm right now, but we also want to eventually take her to court to get custody of his kids because she is not exactly the best mother (there is to many reasons right now to list). eventually when i get a car (hopefully soon) i plan on finding a job and going to school to be a veterinary technician.

anyway, my problem is that i was 19 years old when i had my kids and i will only be 30 years old when they turn 10 and i still think that is young to where when they are old enough to stay home by themselves me and my boyfriend can start doing our own things and go out with friends. i just feel that if i don't have a kid soon like before i am thirty then i will be alot older by the time that baby gets old enough to stay home by itself, that i will have lost all that time to do stuff for myself that i can't really do now. and plus my kids are already 6 years old and i don't want to have another baby when they are hitting pre teen stage because i will be starting all over again with the diapers, formula, teaching them how to talk and going through all that stuff.

i really want another baby but i also don't want to have to start all over again and sometimes i can't see myself having anymore children. i am so confused on what i should do. should i have another one or should i just say forget it?? please let me know opinions and what you would do!!!


View replies by

Rasha - posted on 06/12/2009




Im going through the same thing right now, although for different reasons. I'm 24 and i've always wanted my kids to be close in age, 2 years apart ideally. My brother and i are 2 years and 9 months apart and we're sooo close and i love that relationship, i want my kids to have the same.

However, right now we're overseas and in debt. i'm about to start a new job and i need to stick with it for at least a year before we can get out of debt and go back to the states. Not to mention the other financial problems we've got. Once we get back to the states I can then focus on finishing college since i'll have my mother's help. Is it really time for a baby? Can i put everything aside to have one? Can I do what i want to do and have a baby too? It's so confusing and my husband and i had decided before that once our little boy is 2 we can start trying again. he's 1 year and 9 months now. i dunno what is going to happen in the next 3 months but if i've learned one thing it's that life never goes as planned. Trust in God and usually things work out for the best. I'm not a pill but we use condoms, that is how i got pregnant the first time ;). So i guess you can say we are leaving it up to God; but we're also certainly not trying. When will we start trying? I really can't say. i'm very torn, do i do what i think is best for me, or what's best for my baby?

arrggghhh i dunno if this post helped you at all, it's a big ramble, i hope you got something out of it even if it's just to know that there are lots of others out there going through the same thing?

Devon - posted on 06/12/2009




thank you both for your reply's i really appreciate it :) i will definately take both of your opinions in to consideration and really think about it.

Leaha - posted on 06/11/2009




Hi Devon, I can relate to your situation. I myself am only 27, and my husband and I live in a 2br appartment. I have an 8yo girl from a previous marriage, and he has a 11yo girl, 8yo girl, and 2yo boy from a previous marriage. People tell us all the time we don't need anymore kids, that we can't comfortably support the ones we've got, why would we want more. But that's our decision, we want at least one together, I would love to have at least 2 or 3 more. But that's just my opinion. Don't let what other's think get to you, it's your life, not theirs. If you are flirting with the idea of having a baby before you turn 30, go ahead and stop the bc and just let it happen. Don't ''try'' but dont prevent it either. BC usually stays in your system for 3 months, so when you went off it before for 6 months you really only were ''trying'' for 3 months. Leave it up to God, if he thinks you're ready for another baby, he'll make your decision much easier for you! Best of luck...

Corinne - posted on 06/11/2009




i personally feel like 4 kids is awesome! dont stress yourself out about another baby! you guys need to get your lives straight and were you want it to be! go to school and get the job you want, then revisit the kidsidea! lots of moms wait till they are in their 30's! you could also discuss with your bf to go off the pill and just "see what happens"! thats what my hubby and i decided to do when we were ready for a child! we didnt force anything or take any special meds...we just let nature take its course! it took us a year and a half! best of luck to you with everything

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms