Toddler and Boyfriend Relationship

Jennifer - posted on 09/05/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of an almost 4 year old girl. She is a good kid, and has her moments like any other girl her age. I have been dating my boyfriend about a year now. About 3 months ago we got our own place together and moved in. I get my daughter every other week. My boyfriend would see my daughter a couple times a week when we were not living together and everything was fine and dandy. Since we moved in, he sees her a lot more and he is beginning to get frustrated with her. He has kids of his own which he sees every other weekend and they are very well behaved. My daughter whines when she doesn't get her way but I control the situation. On the other hand my boyfriend will try to step in and guide her to which she get whiny and it ends up frustrating him. We are recently engaged and after an incident the other night where she started whining when he was trying to help her, made him get frustrated and leave for a while. Last night we were talking about it and he said he doesn't want to live his life with a child who hates him. She doesn't hate him at all. In fact she talks about him all the time and tell me that he is her friend. He has backed off and has not been getting involved with her as much now, but he said that he is not ready to get married until he and my daughter have a good relationship, which I understand. The only thing I don't get is that he doesn't believe in adjusting to a new lifestyle for my daughter. She went from just me and her to her, me and my boyfriend. He says that she and him should have a good relationship by now considering how long we have been together. I want to see if there is anyone that has had a similar situation and what they did to resolve it or make it better. Any advice would be great. Thanks!!!

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Jennifer - posted on 09/05/2013

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I have explained this to him. I told him that they will not get along everyday and she doesn't single him out when he tries to play or wrestle with her. She does it to me, my family, and other friends. He has three kids of his own which one is around the same age, a little older. He says she doesn't act like that around me, which none of his kids do, but they are different. He thinks that he is a problem to her and that she doesn't like him, but she does. I told him to do stuff with her like color or throw around her baseball with her. He says he will only do the same things he does with his kids with her. His kids like to wrestle and all that and my daughter just doesn't liek to do that stuff in general, even when I try to.

Michelle - posted on 09/05/2013

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The other point to make is she's only 4! She would love the person in the supermarket 1 day and hate them the next. Her best friend could be her teddy/dolly. Your Bf needs to understand that she isn't going to get along with him every minute of every day! She is going to whine when she's tired, not getting her own way or even just when she's in a mood.
You have to explain she's 4 and will NOT have an adult, emotionally stable relationship until around 20!!!!

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