Trouble with In-laws-Help!

Jennifer - posted on 10/09/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hello! My name is Jennifer. I have a daughter named Trinity who is going to be 1 in November and I'm expecting another baby in December. When my daughter was born, we lived 3 hrs away. They came up for a weekend and we talk to them every 4-6 months maybe. Now that we live 5-10 minutes away, they expect me to take her there all the time but we still hardly ever talk to them. They never ask how my fiance and I are doing. My mother in law doesn't talk to me when we go there to visit. It makes me very uncomfortable. She will only talk to me if I ask a question first. So not only am I uncomfortable communicating with her,but she has other issues. She is a hoarder! She has freezers and a full fridge of rotting food! They also have a dog who pees on the carpet and poops all over, and she doesn't always clean it up. My daughter is crawling around now and putting things in her mouth so I'm kind've afraid to take her there. I need advice!

6 Comments

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Nicole - posted on 10/10/2009

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I would just stop taking your kids there, it sounds like a hostile and dirty environment. If they want to see their grandkids they can come to your house or meet you at a park. As the parent you have the right to decide what to expose your children to.

Jennifer - posted on 10/10/2009

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Thank you for all the responses! I appreciate all the opinions :) I have no problems talking to her, its just hard to communicate with her. She doesn't say much-I did talk to my fiance's dad about the situation and he understood how I felt, but he says," that's the way she is.." He also told me that she has anxiety when it comes to calling people on the phone, which I do understand that happens. one night his dad left a message on his phone saying "your mom was wondering if you could bring the baby over because she misses her." I was confused as to why she couldn't call him herself. I'm so lost in this whole thing. I will try to invite her over to our house more though. :) Thanks for all the advice!

Mel - posted on 10/10/2009

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I understand how u must feel and it would be hard standing up to her when you are 7 months pregnant! If you don't have the confidence to tell her outright then maybe use the excuse that it is best if she goes to your place as your house is "babyproof" and you dont want her to waste time baby proofing her place. At least that way she feels like you are doing her a favor. Just say it is easier for you to keep an eye on your daughter at your house whilst u are pregnant.

Meghan - posted on 10/09/2009

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I have the same sort of situation. My husband's mother is the exact same way, and what I've figured out is that you have to lay down boundaries. Your children are YOUR children, so either she cleans up the house, or she can come over to yours. Along with that, get your significant other on the same page with you, have him back you up on the topic. As soon as my husband told his mother that we wouldn't come over if she didn't clean up, she started cleaning the house and getting things in order so that we would bring the baby around. If she's that concerned about the children coming to visit granny, she'll either change because you all say so, or it's time to let granny feel the consequences of not being a good granny.

Lindsay - posted on 10/09/2009

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You could try inviting them over to your house since their house doesn't seem to be in the cleanest category. You should also try talking to your fiance about going to their house and how they don't communicate. Maybe they just don't know you that well. You should try to invite them over for dinner and get to know them. Their likes and interests, maybe you could bond over something you all have in common.

Amber - posted on 10/09/2009

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Considering the conditions of your in-law's house I would definitely not take your daughter (or even yourself!) over there. I would flat out tell your MIL how you feel and if she's offended then so be it. You have every right to not go over there. I know I wouldn't go over there if I were you. They shouldn't expect so much from you either. Why can't they come over and visit? Just be honest. You don't have to be rude about it but stand your ground! Good luck :)

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