TROUBLED 3 YEAR OLD

Tessa - posted on 08/28/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My 3 yr old son has an issue to listening to anyone and I cant control him at all, if he doenst get his way anger comes out of him and he isnt a fun child tyo be around sometimes..Please help!!!

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Stephany - posted on 08/30/2009

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unless I overlooked the other comments no one expressed showing more love. all kids are different you need to learn his love language. It sounds silly but believe me this works.
The Five Love Languages Of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell M.D.
They also wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. this one is for everyone and will help in all marriages. Ive read both. they are incredible. let me know if this helps.

Mimi - posted on 08/28/2009

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he's too young to even be considered for ADHD. my son does the same thing, except he only acts up at home. take him to a sitter or to someone's house and he is an angel. so i thank God that i at least got through to him with the manners but i also get pissed cuz he doesn't listen at home! i chalk it up to age and the fact that i am mommy, he wants to push my buttons. i have spanked, yelled, screamed, talked to him, been firm with him, put him in time out...i've even ignored him when he asks me for something so he sees how it feels when he does it to me. sometimes the punishments work, sometimes they don't! just hang in there and good luck!!

Leah - posted on 08/28/2009

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First I would rule out any chance of medical issues leading up to his behavior. (That can take several dr.'s and lots of second opinions until you are satisfied.) Try to remeber what he is eating, food allergies or sensitivites and show themselves in funny ways. Behavior is one of them. (Celiac desease often causes depression, pain, outbursts in young kids because they don't know whats causing them to feel so bad)



Then I would suggest listing in a journal (when you can get a free moment...ha ha ha) all the activities and interactions every day. You may be able to look back at these journal entries and see something glaringly obvious that wasn't jumping out at you before. It will also be helpful to see any improvements if you can get to that next step.



Lastly, if nothing is wrong medically I would suggest trying to change your own behavior. Sometimes children cannot relate to parents because of the stress the parents put out when they go about their day to day activities. Many of us don't realize what we are doing but children pick up on vibes very easily.

Rebecca - posted on 08/28/2009

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Quoting Mindy:

Rebecca, there most deffinatly is correction with this punishment as long as it is done out of love and not anger...And to be smacked as a child is completly different from being spanked. I am a Christian and I know from reading the word of GOD that there is correction in spanking a child and that they will learn from it!!! As I say so often, every child is different, and every parent is different in their forms of punishment. I serve the LORD in everything that I do and the LORD has provided for each of us in the scriptures everything we need to raise our children to grow and become what is pleasing to HIM, and I know that is what I want for my three boys.... I really felt it appropriate that I reply to what you said for your benifit as well as any other moms who might come across this. May GOD Bless you all! Mindy



if it works for you thats great, i woud never dream of smacking my kids personally thats for sure as like i say there i no leason be to learnt from it at all.



i was myself once a follower of the bible n god n all that but so many bad things have happened to me i lost faith in it all, and i still think that a book that tells us to hit our kids is not book to lve by in my eyes, its abuse on a small scale

[deleted account]

Rebecca, there most deffinatly is correction with this punishment as long as it is done out of love and not anger...And to be smacked as a child is completly different from being spanked. I am a Christian and I know from reading the word of GOD that there is correction in spanking a child and that they will learn from it!!! As I say so often, every child is different, and every parent is different in their forms of punishment. I serve the LORD in everything that I do and the LORD has provided for each of us in the scriptures everything we need to raise our children to grow and become what is pleasing to HIM, and I know that is what I want for my three boys.... I really felt it appropriate that I reply to what you said for your benifit as well as any other moms who might come across this. May GOD Bless you all! Mindy

Breanne - posted on 08/28/2009

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If parenting isn't consisent on both ends then there will be disicpline issues. You have to get your husband to see that it's not helping your child at all, it's just making things worse. You are the only one disciplining and he knows this so you get the rough end, while the husband gets the easy end because he just gives into what the child wants and doesn't deal with the things that he is doing bad. To me it's called lazy parenting. It's probably not helping your relationship with you and your husband either with all of this because it's so stressful. Just look up spoiled children or children that get what they want on google and they give signs of it. Show these signs to your husband and then show him what could happen if he keeps giving into everything that the child wants. If your husband does listen and your parenting styles become on the same page and it still doesn't help after a month of being consisent or so, I would take your child back to the doctors and get a second opinion, just to be on the safe side, maybe even have his hearing checked also because he could have hearing problems and that's be causing the not listening or screaming and to me it sounds like he's frustated.

Krista - posted on 08/28/2009

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Always remain calm, speak in a kind and concerned voice and be consistant. Do not ever give in to him for the sake of peace. You will definately not see improvement right away, but consistant expectations and consequences will pay off. Three is a pivotal age in behavioral development. They need to know that mommy (and daddy) mean business and that no amount of "terrorism" will change that.

Rebecca - posted on 08/28/2009

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Quoting Lauren:

Have you taken him to the doctor? My 3 yr old was showing signs of Autism and they asked whether or not he listened or if he gets really angry along with other questions. He didn't end up having autism, something else all together-but its worth getting checked at least.



yes i have had my son checked for autisum and ADHD and he has neither i just think its the age and testing what he can and can not get away with but some days its very testing.



it worries me that he is like this at my familys house when i am not there as he is very bad at back chatting at the moment so i hope we get it understood soon thats its not nice

Rebecca - posted on 08/28/2009

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hi mindy

i was smacked as a child and i can say that other than anger my more in had very little impact on making me do as i was told...its a quick and easy punishment that has no real correction other than shock, but if works on ur kids thats great, i will stick to the naughty spot

Tessa - posted on 08/28/2009

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I have spanked, time out, and even took things away from him! It got so bad I took him to a doctor and they told me he had displine issues. I try to make him mind but he just screams and hits and spits on me..my other son wasnt like this but I think that some of it has to do with my husband.He lets him get by with so much, how can I talk to him so we can be on the same page or could my son have ADHD???

Rebecca - posted on 08/28/2009

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hi there,

god i swear you have just described my son who is also three.

we have been through so many technice to make the lad listen to us and to as he is told without lashing out and were almost at a breaking point, then we did find a technie that worked.

i hope it may be of some help for you....we told our son what it was we wanted to do for example "tidy up his rrom" the min he said no we was staright on his naughty step for 3 mins then was offered another chance and was back on naughty spot if he ended uo on there a 3rd time he also lost a penny from his jar...and every time after that he lost a good reward sticker from his chart and if the chart become empty he was straight to bed...i no it sounds a bit extream but after keeping it with this same routine for 2 weeks we stated to see changes...now a days if he ends up on the naughty spot he never ends up back there more than 2 or 3 times n thats on his bad days

hope this might help you as it made a big differents to our household

Lauren - posted on 08/28/2009

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Have you taken him to the doctor? My 3 yr old was showing signs of Autism and they asked whether or not he listened or if he gets really angry along with other questions. He didn't end up having autism, something else all together-but its worth getting checked at least.

Jenna - posted on 08/28/2009

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My almost 4 year old (JuJu) has the same problem. I really think its an age thing. He gets LOTS of time outs.

[deleted account]

I have a 3 yr old son too!!! I spank him when he doesn't listen to me or any other adult (mostly family right now)when they are talking to him or asking him to do something. A spanking gets his attention!!! I have had to physically make him listen...For instance, if I tell him to put his drink on the counter in the kitchen and he only makes it to the chair, I tell him again and let him know that if he doesn't do what mommy says he will get a spanking, if he still does not listen, I have (in the past) made him put his hands around the drink(mine over his) and made him walk into the kitchen and put it on the counter....And to make sure he understands, I will wait a few minutes and ask him to do something else, like put a toy away, and he minds me when I do that. The more correction and disipline we give our children at home will make all the difference when they are around other people....I don't have problems with this anymore myself, if I can get my one year old to stop growling at people in public now everything will be peachy!!! Good Luck!!!

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