Unbearable sex after stitches

Lana - posted on 04/09/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I am a healthy 22 year old married mother to a 5 month old baby. I am exclusively breast feeding. During delivery I ripped to a 2nd(Doctors think) degree laceration. Stitches healed okay and I was given the green light to resume sex after the 6 weeks. The problem is that I CAN NOT have sex. We can't even get the head in because it feels like I'm being torn apart. We are at the 5 month mark and I have been told by several people to just have sex until it stops hurting. I find this comment ridiculous and selfish, I shouldn't be crying to please my man.

Who else has dealt with this and what am I supposed to do(besides see a doc)?
Side note: He is being patient. So no bashing him.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Trish - posted on 04/11/2013

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I had this my son is now 3 yrs it lasted almost a year. It got better by it self. Your body has been through a very traumatic experience and it takes more then 6 weeks to recover mentally and physically from child birth just relax ladies. Stressing will make it worse! Maybe trying gradually in the bath using your fingers to slowly stretch yourself. Above all your not alone in this. Relax it will get better x

Rose - posted on 04/15/2013

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This also happened to me . Now a year later it feels completely normal, besides having the driest vag ever, probably from still nursing. I use coconut oil for lube and it makes it much much better.
Also I found that I could stand the penetration if I had orgasmed beforehand. Probably softened it all up. But really don't push it, If it still hurts your body is telling you to take it easy.

Beth - posted on 04/15/2013

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Not sure if someone else has mentioned this but exclusively breastfeeding (yay momma!) can decrease the natural lubricants you produce. So A: foreplay foreplay foreplay! and B: Lube Lube Lube :). Use some canola oil or other natural oil if you don't want any fancy self-heating stuff. The oil can help smooth your scar sure but it might make the actual penetration part a lil smoother also.

My 1st I had "skid mark" tears from and altho I felt 'tighter' down there my hubby said it felt looser for a few months. Just took some extra slippery and slow action to make it start to feel better.

It's also possible that the doc stitched you up a bit "tighter" than you were before also. But just like some people advocate perineal oil and massage to stretch you before labor I would bet you could do the same techniques for before sex gets real again. Look up perineal massage and stretching and see what you can do on your own- maybe even as foreplay?- with the hubs.
Good Luck!

Jeanie - posted on 04/14/2013

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First koodos to your man!! I love my husband for doing the same thing. He was patient before we had kids and I had ab surgery, he waited for three weeks. After our first he was excited to "get back in" after we were given the go ahead, but he saw I was in pain and stopped until three months when it didn't hurt. With our second I tore both directions and it took six months and I had to be on top for a while to control pressure and all. I agree with rubbing the scar even if sex does not immediately follow. Softening the scar will help with the pain.
Talk with him to find some sort of physical release that works for both of you. My hubby said just having (TMI warning!) naked fantasy talk was enough sometimes. Just let him know he is still desirable.

Christy - posted on 04/14/2013

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Well I had torn with my first as well I could not do it with anyone for a while either but it will eventually get better I like had to wait like a year and so so months then it was ok so I would suggest seeing what a obgyn' says but with my 2nd I didn't have that problem and yes it does hurt but if it hurts so much don't push it yet

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Lana - posted on 04/16/2013

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wow... I never considered massaging the area as obvious as it should have been. THanks moms! We shall see if it helps any.

Ashley - posted on 04/12/2013

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I dealt with this with both my kids but especially my second on who I had vaginally and tore as well. I couldn't have sex without pain for close to 9 months, I know not very encouraging, lol. one thing that I found helped was either having me or my husband take some lotion or lubrication and gently massage the area where the stitches/scar were because what likely happens is that scar area has healed tighter. so the lube helps lossen and soften the scar tissue. the biggest thing is time. for a while it hurt to have sex but also peeing would bring tears to my eyes it would burn so bad. the obgyn never gave me a good answer as to why, but I felt like i'd never be able to have sex again. after awhile the pain from sex disappeared and so did the pain during urination. for now you can do other things together to meet those sexually needs, don't get discouraged, in time this will pass.

Rebecca - posted on 04/09/2013

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I make the best of it. If it was near as bad as yours I dont know what I'd do. I really do suggest going to a doctor. I really hope all goes well for you!

Rebecca - posted on 04/09/2013

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Oh no I completely agree with you Lana. That is stupid. I still hurt and tomorrow it will be 3 years.

Lana - posted on 04/09/2013

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I find it ridiculous that a man would EVER consider the needs of his penis to be more important than physically hurting his wife. thanks for the response though. I hope you get better soon!

Rebecca - posted on 04/09/2013

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I have this problem also. I ripped up instead of down. IT WAS HORRIBLE! I just have to use lube and a milltion different positions. Its not much help, but other than surgery or soemthing from a doctor, I'm not sure what else would happen.

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