want to no what people think bout staying with ur partner just for the kids

Jenny - posted on 02/05/2010 ( 160 moms have responded )

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is it wrong to stay in the relationship just for the childern ....???

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Lauren - posted on 02/05/2010

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The old saying of stick together for the children is just that: old. The theory behind it was that 2 parents are better than 1. However our children learn from the environments they are raised in. If they don't see true love and affection (trust me children are smarter than you give them credit for) they will effectively become the products of what they see. They will either end up in abusive relationships as adults, or have a difficult time finding and maintaining any degree of a healthy relationship.



Yes it is a terrible thing to split up and have separate lives apart but in the end if done properly (stay friendly towards each other for the children) then it can actually be more positive then a 2 parent home. Remember they see everything, and understand better than you'll ever guess.

Nicole - posted on 02/08/2010

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If mom's not happ, noone is happy. That's just my thought and you wouldn't want your kids to be unhappy. If your child came to you years from now and said I'm just staying in this marriage for the kids, wouldn't that break your heart? Just think about it.

Nadia - posted on 02/10/2010

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I don't think you should ever stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, if you are unhappy your children will sense that. I think raising your children in a home where their parents can't stand each other is far worse than two parents who are apart and are happy. My parents divorced when I was 7... it was hard at first for me to understand but when I got older and talked to my parents more about it , I'm glad they didn't stick together. At the end of the day even though you are not together you both are still parents to your children.

Shelbi - posted on 02/08/2010

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I have so many friends whose parents did that, and they hate them for it. Children aren't stupid - from the moment they're born they can pick up on negative energy. They cry when people yell. And even if you and your partner don't yell, they'll be able to tell when you're upset and they'll probably wonder why you're hiding your feelings. You have to know that you are a role model for your kids in everything you do, and that includes the bad stuff. How can you teach your children that they deserve healthy and loving relationships if you yourself are in one that you don't want to be in? It may take some time adjusting to having two different households, but kids are a lot more resilient than people give them credit for. In time they'll understand that you did what was best for them, and you'll be all be a lot happier for it. You don't want your kids to grow up angry and spiteful and having damaged relationships when they're old enough for them.

Jennifer - posted on 02/05/2010

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In my opinion, I don't think it's nessecarily wrong, but I don't think it's benificial at all. . .I mean think about it, we are the teachers of our kids and soon enought they will know (if they can't tell by now. . .and they are smart lil buggers) and this will be what you've taught them, that you might have to settle. I would never stay as much as it feels right for them it's not, they will know and it will damage the view they have on realationships now, and it's not good for you either. . .cuzz how long are you planning on staying? just a couple of years? the rest of your life? then you've never lived lady!!! your life will be going past with no real happiness for yourself, that isn't a life, do what you need to for the kids and for yourself, it will be hard but it will be worth it.

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Stephanie - posted on 02/10/2010

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yes it is wrong i dont see the need of it, if your not happy leave him and find somebody that makes you happy. The only communication you need with him is about your child and make sure that he takes care of him/her. nothing more nothing less. have a good day!!

Rachael - posted on 02/10/2010

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It really depends on the situation. You don't want to do it if it will make you both bitter and angry, therefore creating a negative environment for the kids. If the problem between you two is a matter of mutual "falling out of love", and you're both content with remaining "roommates", while giving each other space, it might be okay for you. However, I don't think it would be a relationship at that point, so it's probably not a good idea, and will most likely have a negative impact on everyone involved (especially the children).

Yoon - posted on 02/10/2010

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i think its absurd to stay in a relationship for the kids. kids know or will find out what's going on. and the it becomes even more so bitter. just because your not with your partner does not mean that your children cant have 2 very wonderful loving parents in separate households. if you become unhappy then that relays back onto your kids sometimes. i think its better to make arrangements to provide 2 happy parents for kids

Sarah - posted on 02/10/2010

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hiya if i was you i wood nt stay with then for the sake of the kids hun coz it dont work like that my mum and dad were like that it's not good for the kids coz you thinkl ther not know wots going on but turst me they do coz i did and its not a nice felling when you love both mum and dad but you know that they dont love eachother it coursis to much hart ack and with me when i was a kid wat you still to gethere if you dont love eachother it not a nice felling ever. but i do know one thing iv been marrd 9 years and 10 years together and if i very felt like that ill be out like a shot coz i wood never put my kids thore that.

Sarah - posted on 02/10/2010

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hiya if i was you i wood nt stay with then for the sake of the kids hun coz it dont work like that my mum and dad were like that it's not good for the kids coz you thinkl ther not know wots going on but turst me they do coz i did and its not a nice felling when you love both mum and dad but you know that they dont love eachother it coursis to much hart ack and with me when i was a kid wat you still to gethere if you dont love eachother it not a nice felling ever. but i do know one thing iv been marrd 9 years and 10 years together and if i very felt like that ill be out like a shot coz i wood never put my kids thore that.

Sarah - posted on 02/10/2010

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hiya if i was you i wood nt stay with then for the sake of the kids hun coz it dont work like that my mum and dad were like that it's not good for the kids coz you thinkl ther not know wots going on but turst me they do coz i did and its not a nice felling when you love both mum and dad but you know that they dont love eachother it coursis to much hart ack and with me when i was a kid wat you still to gethere if you dont love eachother it not a nice felling ever. but i do know one thing iv been marrd 9 years and 10 years together and if i very felt like that ill be out like a shot coz i wood never put my kids thore that.

Sarah - posted on 02/10/2010

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hiya if i was you i wood nt stay with then for the sake of the kids hun coz it dont work like that my mum and dad were like that it's not good for the kids coz you thinkl ther not know wots going on but turst me they do coz i did and its not a nice felling when you love both mum and dad but you know that they dont love eachother it coursis to much hart ack and with me when i was a kid wat you still to gethere if you dont love eachother it not a nice felling ever. but i do know one thing iv been marrd 9 years and 10 years together and if i very felt like that ill be out like a shot coz i wood never put my kids thore that.

Renee - posted on 02/10/2010

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It is all up to you. In my opinion, It is unhealthy to stay. I think you already knew that though. I would have been much happier had my Mom moved out from my Dad a lot sooner than she did. All they did was fight and argue for years. She finally did but it should have happened a lot sooner. We hated them fighting.



If you want to woek things out, that would be best. But if you fight in fron of the kids, get out now. If it's money, find a job asap. Trust me. I've been there and stayed for financial reasons and comfort reasons. None of them for the right reasons....

Michelle - posted on 02/10/2010

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I dont think it is a good idea, I think that the children can since the hostility and stuff between the 2 of you and I think it will do more damage then good. Of course I am no expert I am just giving my opinion. Good luck:)

Lyndsey - posted on 02/10/2010

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i have friends going threw the same thing. personally, i think you stay with someone because you love them, not for the well being of your children. someone might end up doing something they wish they didnt because they dont really love their spouse. it is better for the children to see their parents not together than fighting all the time. im am so glad my parents split up when i was an infant because there is no way i would be the person i am today if they stayed together and there are many days i wish my mother and step father would split because they fight was too much. i actually chose to live with my real father when i was a child because of their fighting, i just wish i could have gotten my sisters from the fighting too. but that is just what i personally think, only you know what is right for you and your family. but i hope this helps a bit.

Charlotte - posted on 02/10/2010

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It depends how unhappy you are. If it's bearable, I personally think it's best to stay. But if you are really unhappy then the kid's pick up on that and it has a really negative effect on them.

Camille - posted on 02/10/2010

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Nadia is right, you should be happy for your children. If you are just unhappy with your partner that is a good reason to leave him.

Camille - posted on 02/10/2010

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I have trouble with my husband because we fight over the most stupid things. It has gotten to the point of being a shouting match. That is just wrong b/c you can have differences in front of your children as long as you solve them. That is even healthy for the kids in the conflict solving department. I know we should fix that. It is no reason to go and get a divorce but eventually it will be b/c the offenses are going to be so great that the relationship will become irreparable.

Nadia - posted on 02/10/2010

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I don't think you should ever stay in a relationship for the sake of the children, if you are unhappy your children will sense that. I think raising your children in a home where their parents can't stand each other is far worse than two parents who are apart and are happy. My parents divorced when I was 7... it was hard at first for me to understand but when I got older and talked to my parents more about it , I'm glad they didn't stick together. At the end of the day even though you are not together you both are still parents to your children.

Camille - posted on 02/10/2010

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Just. Don't. Do. That. Staying for the kids is a wrong thing if you have serious problems with your partner. The results are going to be terrible in the end and with a lot of wounds even in your children. The fights, the tension, the very unstable environment. Do you really want that for your children? I know it's very difficult to leave a person when you have kids together b/c I know most parents want to be together for the children. It is the ideal, isn't it? Also, it depends in the type of trouble and the things you can do to solve those things together. Evaluate the problems you have w/ your partner, if they can be solved in a pacific way, if every time you have a difference you can solve it effectively, and if those problems are detrimental for you. If you fight over insignificant things, you have to solve that b/c fighting is not good for the kids. That is not a reason to leave a partner. But if the problems are more serious like he drinks, does drugs, hits you, cheats on you, there's no way you can solve a problem w/ him b/c of his personality, or just belittles you, you should consider getting out of that relationship. I hope this helps.

Kerri - posted on 02/10/2010

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I think people give up on relations ships way too easily, particularly when you are marrie and have kids. I think a couple needs to try to work on their issues. BUT if there is abuse going on or there is constant tension and arguing (which kids can hear and feel) then no I do not think you should stay just so the kids will have two parents living with them at the same time. Dr Phil has a great saying. It's "children would rather be from a broken home than live in one"

User - posted on 02/10/2010

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probably not but give it time, I though at one point I was doing that, but our relationship grew over the next year and now we are the happiest couple ever....I'm so glad I didn't leave....

Katie - posted on 02/10/2010

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Truth sometimes that is harder on the kids then if the parents would have just spilt they can tell when mommy and daddy arent really happy!! I think people should split before they can not be friends anymore! I understand wanting to stick it out for the kids but really think about them do you want them to grow up thinking well mommy and daddy werent happy but they did it so this must be normal.. Whatever kids grow up around they think it is normal, even if most would slap them upside the head and yell "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!"

Heather - posted on 02/09/2010

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My life greatly improved when my parents split! My dad married my mom because of me, by the time I was 3 my dad was never around either working or trying to stay away from my mom. They devorced when I was 8 and until then I didn't realize anything was wrong before, after the devorce I had 2 parents. If it came down to it with my boyfriend and I, it would be better for my daughter to have (eventually of course) two happy parents.

Mandy - posted on 02/09/2010

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In my opinion yes it is wrong to stay in a relationship for the children. My parents got a divorce when I was 4yrs old but you know I think it was for the best, because if they weren't happy why have me suffer from their unhappieness. Both parents got remarried and both had children by their other spouses. I have seen how my mother's two kids, my brother and sister, having to grow up in an unhappy home as well, though now my mama is sticking it out for my brother. My sister she is gone with a kid and fiance. I can tell that my brother is unhappy from the fussing and plus his controlling father, my mama has no say so around her house at all, and I just don't find that healthy at all for my brother. Plus, I can tell how it is affecting him, he is 15yrs old now, but he also is unhappy. I beg my mama to leave my step-father all the time, but she is determine to stay until my brother graduates from high school, then she said she is gone. My mother hurts everyday because she is so miserable, but she is sticking it out only for my brother. I hate it for her everyday because I have to see her hurting from all of this. I myself has been in a long relationship with my daughter's father also, and we have also been engaged for 7yrs, and he has no determination on getting married. I'm not trying to pressure him into it though, because the first 4yrs of my daughter's life he was never home. At the time I cared and stressed about where and what he was doing but now I don't at all. He has just begun to stay at home because whatever he had going on either ended, or he finally saw that he was missing out on his daughter's life. I have done gotten to point to where I don't care anymore and that is sad I know, so I could also say I'm only staying with him because of my daughter plus I am a full-time student getting a degree in "Medical Sonography." After, I get my degree my plans at the time are to leave, I just don't feel the real love that two people should have for another to stay together for my daughter. "Do I love him?"yes I do, for many reason's but not the way I should. We don't even sleep together and that itself is not healthy for my little girl which is 6yrs old now, being I neglected to mention that earlier. I have told him a couple of times that I am only here for because of my little girl, and he really don't say much. He never says anything really. Though at the time he is taking care of me and our daughter by providing a beautiful home, putting food on the table, and trying his best to give me what I want. The thing is he is just now realizing it when I feel like it's to late especially for me. Not only that he is a mama's boy and they live right up the road and that has affected our relationship also, along with them being very controlling and he always takes their side, so that is another problem. I feel what you are going threw but you are the only one that can make that decision. I will say and pple may say this is wrong but you should be happy in your life for yourself and children. You only live once and live it happy not the way you think is best for your children, because it will affect them. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make!!Hope some of this helps!!

Valerie - posted on 02/09/2010

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i dont think its a good idea in my opinion...i was in an abusive relationship and thats not good for my kids to be around...so for their sake i left...being in a relationship just for the kids isnt worth waisting away days, months, or years of your life if love isnt involved...especially in a situation that i was in

Crystal - posted on 02/09/2010

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My childs father and I were trying to make it work for our daughter and it was horrible. She was a very happy baby that would play and was real good. Because we fight and yell so much she has became a yeller as well. We just recently seperated and in the time we been apart her personality has changed alot. BTW my daughter is now only 15 months. So it starts early.

Jessica - posted on 02/09/2010

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its not going to only make u unhappy in the situation but ur child might suffer as well being un happy passes of on our children and if the relationship isnt working part ways its better not to be in a relationship and be happy than to be in an unhappy rtelationship for all the parties

[deleted account]

My parents were very unhappily married for 10 years of my life and I have to say it made life on my brother and I very hard. Even as kids we could feel the anger and just all around somber mood in the house. I believe that if you are not happy, the children won't be happy.

Heather - posted on 02/09/2010

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I have to say that it is wrong to stay because of the children. I have a three and a half year old and i stayed because of him. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and ha ve left my common law husband. Things were rough right from the start and never got better. All I can say is you have to be happy for you children to be.

Shauna - posted on 02/09/2010

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I don't think that anyone should stay together just for the kids. The reason being that the kids are going to sense the tention between the two of you and it is going to not only stress you out because you know they know, but it's going to stress them out because they will see and hear you guys fighting and they may think that it is somehow their fault. Your probably saying "we don't fight in front of them," but it don't matter you don't have to do it in front of them for them to know what is going on.

Laura - posted on 02/09/2010

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better for the kids to see their parents happy and in a relationship that works than to just be in a relationship where there is always tension. My parents divorced when I was young and had they stayed together I would've been miserable. They still don't really get along to this day even though its been 20+ years. They can be cordial but actually get along not really.

Angela - posted on 02/09/2010

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If it is solely for their benefit and there are no feelings between the parents but resentment and anger then I say don't do it. The kids will pick up on it. And they are the ones who suffer no matter how everything turns out. Make it as painless as possible and break it off.

[deleted account]

I know it is not a good idea to stay with your partner just for the kids. I have lived through that and no one was really happy. I know that my sister and brother and I would have been happier if our parents would have divorced when we were children instead of waiting until we were grown. Now were are mostly happy, but we are not close like other families are.

Yareli - posted on 02/09/2010

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i think if your screaming and the kids hear u and know that u guys are constantly fighting that its better to just end it. i come from a home were my parents stayed togheter supposely for us but made it worce. so worce that i ended up hateing my mom for a long time. but to tell u the truth im probably passing through the same thing and know that im in da same position that my mom sort of was i kind of understand her but its hard sometimes to leave.

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2010

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i think it is. i stayed with my kids father together the last 3 yrs of our relationship for the kids and it got bad. by the end u wont even be able to be in the same room with him and its not good for the kids seeing all that fighting. be around all that made mine start acting out badly

Louise - posted on 02/09/2010

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if all you're going to do is hate on eachother and argue and make all of your lives miserable does that honestly make sense? if you or him feel you can work things out and actually love and have a healthy relationship like before you had children then i'd say it's worth it, otherwise no...do what feels right for you!

Selina - posted on 02/09/2010

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i honestly dont htink so kids are very smart and pick up everything are moods and weven when we are stressed out but if u and ur partner have a very good relationship then i would say there is no problme but if not i would recommend going ur own ways just like my younger brother did they would aregue so much they both decided to go there own ways and its worked out better

Samantha - posted on 02/09/2010

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I don't see your children being one of the reasons you try to stay and make things work with your partner as a problem, so long as their environment is a good and healthy one where both parents are trying to do their best. I think it's a problem when your child becomes the ONLY reason you stay with your partner, your doing your child, partner and yourself no favors. Parents don't have to be together to be good parents, but it does suck when relationships go bad and there is bad blood left afterwards. It makes things a lot harder however if two parents are looking at their child's best interest they will work together to ensure their child has a good environment and has access to both parents in some form.



If you feel that your only reason to stay with your partner is your child and wanting them to grow up with both parents together, you need to sit down and really think things through, ask yourself hard questions, are you happy in the relationship? if not that will reflect on your child believe me kids notice no matter how much you hide it from them or argue behind closed doors, Is there anything left in the relationship worth working on? Do you still love your partner but are just feeling stressed and tired of it all? Maybe talk to your partner and try to work things out if they don't work then maybe it's time to part ways. Is it fair to your partner to stay with them if you don't love them or feel attracted to them anymore? You need to really be honest with yourself and what you want and then go from there a step at a time and don't think your being selfish because your not it's more selfish to stay in a relationship your not happy in, its not fair to your child or your partner and its worse feeling this way and not doing anything about it you can always do something whether it be talk it out with your partner and decide to make things work or decide to move on and focus on your child maybe even find new love, if your happy your child is more likely to be happy and I'm sure your partner wouldn't want you to stay if you weren't happy or things couldn't be worked out.



I went through a time when I felt like I didnt want to be with my partner, everything was just putting me over the edge. It got to the point I felt like the main reason I stayed with him was my daughter, that's when I asked myself all these questions, I sat down with my partner and told him how I was feeling and that things needed to change if our relationship is to work. Since, things have been a lot better for me and I have been much happier in my relationship.

Jess - posted on 02/09/2010

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children sense anger, and hatred. if you stay together for them, they will no. it doesnt matter what age. they will be happier with 2 parents that are happy apart rather then 2 parents unhappy together

Lisa - posted on 02/09/2010

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Yes you want ur child to learn honesty and trust however staying with someone just for kids teaches them lies and not to trust you want them to learn love and so forth.

Lauren - posted on 02/09/2010

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This is obviously just my opinion, but I think staying with your partner just because of the kids is insane! I know people always tell you to work at it for the kids. To stay with your partner when there is no love there, you are going to start resenting each other and your kids may see it. I know it itsn't the perfect situation, but if you and your partner are happy and your kids are happy who cares! Children don't understand in the beginning, but the older they get the smarter they are and they will cut through all the bullshit.

Tiffany - posted on 02/09/2010

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I think it is wrong to stay in the relationship, my sons dad and I just split up 6 months ago and it was the best thing for us to do for him. When we were together all we did was fight and my son would cling to me and not go near his dad, it put a huge gap between them and now that we are apart our son is happy and has a great relationship with us both!

Cleo - posted on 02/09/2010

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I personally don't think it's a good idea at all because sometimes being separated is the best solution for all parties. If I'd stayed in my first relationship for my daughter both my daughter and I would still be in a over controlling abusive situation but that's just me. If your relationship with your spouse can be saved then I'm all for staying in it but if you've tried over and over and over again and there's still no change then maybe separating is something to be considered.

Athena - posted on 02/09/2010

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personally I think its a bad idea. ALL kids sense when things are wrong. There will be lack of communication, love, & security if you stay JUST for the children. I wanted "him" to stay for the sake of our daughter but didn't & I ended up finding someone so much better for me AND my daughter because he didn't stay. Just because your a mom doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy & loved & love in return. The children will get used to two homes.

Brittany - posted on 02/09/2010

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I'm dealing with the same thing. My daughter loves her dad when he is around, but we fight all the time.

Anne-Marie - posted on 02/09/2010

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it depends. in my opinion i dont think it is a good idea. it will probably affect the children when they are older and are learning about relationships and thry will not know how to keep a relationship. i think it will benifit them more if u explain to them what is going on abd tell them mummy and daddy arent going to live together any more. if u the your partner remain friends and let the kids see the father whenever they want then it will benifit them more

Elizabeth - posted on 02/09/2010

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Not a good idea. Just because you are not together (and living together) does not mean that you can't work together to raise happy, healthy children. Staying together for the kids has never worked in any situation that I have ever seen, personally or professionally (I am a therapist). In these situations, most parents end up hating one another and the tension affects the entire family. In most cases, children are miserable and start acting out. Staying together for the sake of the children is outdated and unrealistic, and ends up doing more damage in the end....

Melissa - posted on 02/09/2010

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If you're in a horrible relationship, you need to leave. The kids will know and if it's abusive they will lose respect for you. I speak from experience. I had to leave my ex because of him constantly putting me down. They're going to pick up on all the tension and stress. I know it's hard, but if you're in a horrible relationship, seek out a friend to help you get out.

Taryn - posted on 02/09/2010

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hi jenny

being in a relationship for the children can do more harm in the run it might be hard in the beggining but you and your children will be better in th end

Allie - posted on 02/09/2010

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Children deserve the world. If their parents aren't happy or aren't getting along, they don't need to be around that. From a psychological stand point it can be detrimental for their growth and development to be in a hostile environment. Coming from a split home is never easy, but sometimes it is what is best. If the parents can't parent well together then it is probably best for them to be separate.

Kerry - posted on 02/09/2010

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I do not believe in the long run that it will even benefit the children. My boyfriend and I have been together to 4 yrs and have decided to not get married because we did not want to rush things. We may have done things backwards but we are not ready to make a major life changing decision such as marriage with out knowing 100% it is right for us. We have had conversations as to what we would do. It would not be fair to us or our children if we were only together for them. We would be scarificing our happiness and that is not healthy. I feel that you can be seperated and have children just as happy as those couples who chose to stay together. However, I do feel it would be much harder to do so.

Catherine - posted on 02/09/2010

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if your not happy then you shouldn't stay. the kids can tell and it will make them not happy also. 2 good parents apart are better then if they are together and dont get along

Felicia - posted on 02/09/2010

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In my opinion.. yes. You only get the chance to live once. Why would you waste that one life on being unhappy. You can make a wonderful life for your children without the father, or without a man in general. you have to make sure your happy, or its going to be hard to make sure your child is happy and healthy. Children look at you as a role model, and they are able to sense sadness, stress, anger and all other emotions.. Why not make sure they are sensing happiness?

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