what are your friends like since you had your first baby

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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before i had my baby i was close to all of my friends. since i had my lil boy only 2 of them stuck by me, the others dont want to know one of themisnt happy with me at the minute as she wants me to go out clubbing (which i cant anyway as im pregnant again :)) she expects me to go out with her and she tells me to leave my son with his dad after his dad has just come in from work. and i never realy went clubbing in the first place. i i say do you want to go shopping or to the park or somewhere i can take the baby she wont. i think that is nasty of her. i love my baby so much and he and my unborn child comes before anyone. i know they are not realy friends but it seems a shame as i have known them for years.



i was just wondering if anyone else has went through this, or am i the only one. thank you :)

42 Comments

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Laura - posted on 07/12/2009

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Oh yeah. I was the first one to get married and have kids out of all my "friends". I use to be the one to drive everywhere and want to go shopping or clubbing or any of those "single unattched things" we all did. Once I found out I was pregnant and quit doing all of those things they quit being my friends. I found out from my husband that one of them hit on him when our first born was just 4 days old! He told me as soon as he got home from the store. The others just didn't get the whole Mama and Baby thing. They were like your friend in saying just leave the baby with Daddy.
My advice is try to find some new friends that are also parents. If you can find another couple that both you and your sig other can be friends with so much the better. Good luck and hang in there!!

Christy - posted on 07/12/2009

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I went through the same thing. The friends that did stick around went off to do the bar hopping thing. I stuck close to my family members (mainly my sisters). My daughter is now 5 and I am still with her dad, but it is tough at times. If you enjoy sports you can find a group to join at most of the ball fields or courts. Her dad plays softball so we are now out there a couple of nights a week. We love it. Other moms like me out there who just want to talk about everything. It is a stress reliever and you can make some really great friends out of it. You can also go to a public park and find a way to start talking to another mom. Just remember though, not everyone is exactly the same. Sometimes you need to overlook someone's appearance and make the best for you and someone else. good luck.

Tess - posted on 07/12/2009

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You absolutely are not the only one that has gone through this. I too have two children and when I had my first I had one friend stick by me and want to just go to the park or places I could take my children. The way I see it, is if those friends that only care about partying with you and not your kids....then they aren't really your friends. So just keep the friends who are there for you AND your kids, and they are all that matter. Good luck to you with your kids.

Rose - posted on 07/12/2009

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wow.... I guess I'm not the only one! I have no friends. They all disappeared when I had my baby.

Ragnheather - posted on 07/12/2009

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Thoughs that don't talk to you anymore weren't really your real friends. They should have no problem with the fact that you are a mom or that you don't want to go clubing. God forbid that you've generally grown up. Yes I had that same problem with a couple of my friends but like I said they are not real friends and it sucks that you like I had to find out the hard way. I have a little boy and girl that come before anyone.

Yvonne - posted on 07/12/2009

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i think its just one of those things that can come wit bein a mam.
i had lil girl at 21 but luckily for me my friend had just had baby boy when i was pregnant so we stayed so close and now d kids are best friends too.and i hav one other friend who has no kids but is still a true friend to me......before i got pregnant we partied a bit too much so some of those friends we no longer see but its a good thing as its not a road i wanted to stay on...

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2009

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After I had my first daughter my friends didn't want to do much cause I have my daughter all the time and now I have two little girls and couldn't be happier. I'm not so worried about people that don't want to hang out with me cause I have kids. I take them to the park or library and that gives me a chance to talk to other moms. They go with me just about everywhere and I love it.

Stacey - posted on 07/12/2009

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the same thing happend to me i still have two mates that care but they dont live near me anymore when i had my son all the people that i thought where my mates stabbed me in the back and slagged me off so im better off with out them. when you have kids it just proves who your real friends are

Laura - posted on 07/12/2009

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Quoting Charlene:



Quoting Crystal:

A few of my friends had kids before me, but not many of them. Women without kids just don't understand that it changes you. find some new friends with kids, it is a shame since you've known them so long but if they aren't willing to accept your new life they aren't worth your time






your right i dont have the time for people like that i think they just being realy immature. once she agreed to go shopping she kept calling him it, i told her hes a boy and he is called ashton she said its an IT to me thats when i gave up with her.






That is disgusting calling ur son an IT, u are definitly better off without her, my friends not so much dumped me when I had my kids, I just grew away from them, wasn't invited anywhere ne more etc. I have new friends now, the majority of whom have kids themselves. It is a shame, especially when u have known them for years, but unfortunately some ppl are only meant to be in ur life for a certain phase and it looks like u are ready to move on to the next one with ur son and new baby. ongrats and good luck!

Laura - posted on 07/11/2009

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I lost my friends due to having kids and I am having a really hard time making new friends with moms who have kids mostly because there are not alot of moms to befriend in my neighborhood and I have a hard time just striking up conversations with people I don't know. Its not easy and I wish people would be more supportive when you have kids its not the end of the world its the beginning of a brand new chapter in your life that should be welcomed and embraced. Sorry i know I'm not much help but sometimes you just need to vent to people who understand.

Julie - posted on 07/11/2009

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I was 18 when I had my son .All of my so called friends never had time for me any more once I had my son.

Laura - posted on 07/11/2009

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I went through the same thing with my friends. Ever since I got pregnant with my daughter, most of my friends started distancing themselves from me. We were just in different places in our lives and couldn't relate to each other anymore. It got even worse when my daughter was born. My childless friends, one in particular, give me grief because I don't call them all the time and don't hang out with them as much anymore. I have a 6 month old for crying out loud! I agree with some other people who suggested making friends with other moms. It's so wonderful to have them in my life and be able to share experiences.

Arwen - posted on 07/11/2009

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I guess I'm one of the lucky ones as well. I never did have friends that like to party much. I guess we're all the nerds and homebodies in our area. LOL I'm treated the same, but we obviously don't get to spend the time we used to.

Jessica - posted on 07/11/2009

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u know its not intill i had my kids that u really make true friends friends that dont care about yr place, money, clothes ect ect I still talk to my old friends but there life is just so borring to me.. i am there if they need me but its like they speck one lanauage i i another.

i just can't wait to do the simple things like walkin in the park taking the kids to the libary with my mummy friends.

Emma - posted on 07/11/2009

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What friends ???? I used to have lots. My life has changed so much i dont recognize myself anymore. I used to run a pub, spent about 100 + hours a week at work. getting paid to be the life of the party. only 1 of my friend is married and has a kid. I talk to people on line but dont see anyone anymore. now im a stay at home mom with a 1 and 2 year old. I need to make new friends.......

Charlie - posted on 07/09/2009

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im 24 and i was lucky enough to have wonderful friends who have stuck by me i even moved 6 hours away from where i was and many of them have made the effort to come and visit us , the friends i have here in my home town pretty much all have babies so thats been easy , its not fair of your friend to expect you to go clubbing , she obviously no consideration for you or you baby , shes not worth it hun , maybe find some other mums you can have playdates with !

Brianna - posted on 07/09/2009

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I had my son at 19...I'm 21 now and all my friends stuck around until right after my baby was born. It wasn't even that I couldn't go out, it's like they just didn't think about inviting me anymore. It's kind of upsetting but it's what everyone goes through especially if you have a baby young. I am in the exact same boat as you. I have friends who expect me to leave my son with his dad and just go out to bars and party, but the truth is I don't want to and I don't think it's fair to my fiance. None of my friends will go to a park with me or anything. It just comes down to that when you have a baby whether your 20 or 30, you grow up and sometimes you surpass your friends with maturity. Having a child is a good lesson of who your real friends are that's for sure!

Sarah - posted on 07/09/2009

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It's a sad fact but I lost ALL of my friends when I had my first. It's so hard because they can't possibily understand how much this little baby means to you until they have one. Because I am a young mommy none of my previous friends had babies, I felt it really hard to connect with them. They would want me to go out to a club or party and I never wanted to so, slowly they just quit involving me. My childern are such a huge part of my life that I need someone tha understands that. I did have a few friends that also had childern but had the issue with them comparing babies, husbands, lives...ect. They were easier to connect with tho. I think as your life changes so does your group of friends. The number of years you've known someone doesn't automatically make them a good friend, I learned that the hard way. I think they are good to keep in touch with, have lunch now and then, but don't expect much more. And that's ok, it's a forgein concept for people to understand until they have gone through it. But, you're definitely not the only one!!

Nichole - posted on 07/09/2009

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I would just say like some of the other mothers have said to get new friends. Luckily I havent experienced this cause most of friends already have families and children. I did experience though my best friend turning into a complete nut after she had her baby a month after me and not talking to me anymore cause I am not good enough now for her I guess. I don't really know what her deal was but after having her son she became a completely different person. I guess that just happens to some women.

Jamie - posted on 07/09/2009

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I got pregnant young (19) and let me just tell you, I really found out who my friends were and were not during that time and after. I seriously only have 1 good friend left from the many in high school that I talk to now. My life is in a completley different direction than theirs and my life is no longer interesting to them, it's sad, but such is life. Try joining a mommy group if you are feeling lonely, meetup.com may have a group in or near your area. Best of luck :)

Sarra - posted on 07/09/2009

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Firstly, Congratulations on your 2nd pregnancy!! :o)
I was one of those people that lost all their friends. The moment my husband and I announced that we were expecting our son, my friends started disappearing, didn't reply to emails / calls / texts.......I thought they'd come round once our son was born, but unfortunately that was not the case.
What made everything seem worse, is that a number of my Husband's Family members also cut us off. My husband has 5 siblings, 9 nephews and nieces and 8 sets of aunts and uncles, and not one of them has been to visit our son who was born December 2008. My Mother and Father-in-Law has seen our son twice, in the past 6.5 months. I used to get really upset about it all, about friends and family being so hurtful.....but the way I see it now, is that it is their loss, they miss seeing our beautiful boy blossom, and grow, they missed his first smile, they missed the first time he rolled over, and his first tooth cutting through.
Mums need support from Family and/or Friends, not people who come and go when it pleases them.

[deleted account]

I don't have the same friends anymore... i was the first to get married and have a child out of all my friends and none of them understood why i no longer wanted to go to cocktail parties or dancing or grab drinks when they get off work... They thought i was selfish and completely self involved, i thought i was just being a good mom and wife, at home with my family rather than leaving my son and husband at home while i go out with my single girlfriends... I don't speak to any of them anymore... Too bad i couldn't grow and change within the relationship. Someday, if they have children they will understand.

Jeannine - posted on 07/09/2009

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ah its hard donr really see em or hear much from them its diff they dont have have kids some not even married and ones who do are so busy to with little ones very hard i founf now its certain family members that have act become more our freinds. we do alot with family luckily my nephew is same age as my daughter i try do girls night out for dinner or movies but i cant alwasys get out and when i do i am so tried.

Sheldean - posted on 07/09/2009

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I as well went through the same thing. Having a baby changes your life, but not your friends. It took me a while to get used to my friends not wanting to do what i do. I am a young mother and all my friends are still drinking and clubbing. But I just starting going to moms groups and met girls with the same life style as me. Its hard and it sucks to see your good friends get so distant but their will be a time in life when your all in the same place again =) Right now surround yourself with positive people and people that want to be around you. Your a mommy now and your children are the most important part of your life. Congratulations as well =)

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Natasha:

Yep,
I have been really lucky, we kind of only surround ourselves with people who love my son. I have told people, not matter what we are a package deal, end of story, you want me you have to have him to. Its quite funny though, because when those people get pregnant, they are there by your side, asking you lots of questions, saying things, like "Its been so long, why haven't we caught up lately", maybe its because you called my son an it.

Reading posts lower, yes Uh Uh Uh is my signature phrase, my son is almost 2, and he says it back to me now when i do something "naughty", like the oven, I was cooking dinner and went to open the oven and he went "mummy Uh Uh Uh, Burny"


lmao that is soooo cute! My cousin Alaska is 3 but when she was a yr old she tried to pick up a cup of tea and her mum said "No Alaska, HOT!" and ever since then whenever she is doing summat naughty or she sees someone doing something "naughty" she shouts "HOT, HOT, NO, HOT" lol

Natasha - posted on 07/09/2009

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Yep,
I have been really lucky, we kind of only surround ourselves with people who love my son. I have told people, not matter what we are a package deal, end of story, you want me you have to have him to. Its quite funny though, because when those people get pregnant, they are there by your side, asking you lots of questions, saying things, like "Its been so long, why haven't we caught up lately", maybe its because you called my son an it.

Reading posts lower, yes Uh Uh Uh is my signature phrase, my son is almost 2, and he says it back to me now when i do something "naughty", like the oven, I was cooking dinner and went to open the oven and he went "mummy Uh Uh Uh, Burny"

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting becci:

my friends did the same to me i got pregnet at 18 they only seem to want to no me again as most of them are geting pregnet now with is not far i only have one good friend that has a little girl like me with i have just started seeing again and the same has happened to her friends like that are not worth the you worring about there are missing out on you beautiful boy xxxx



aww thnx i love coming for support on here your all so nice lol :)

Becci - posted on 07/09/2009

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my friends did the same to me i got pregnet at 18 they only seem to want to no me again as most of them are geting pregnet now with is not far i only have one good friend that has a little girl like me with i have just started seeing again and the same has happened to her friends like that are not worth the you worring about there are missing out on you beautiful boy xxxx

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Charlene:




Quoting Jessica:

I have to say that i'm one of the very lucky few who had really good friends to stick with me through thick and thin! i have only had a few that i dont really talk to anymore and even those come to see me and my son every once in a while! If your friends wont stay with you through the bad times aswell as the good then they are not really friends!







you are realy lucky lol







 








i must say your lil one in the pic is so cute lol









lol thanx! He's a HUH-YOOGE handful, constantly on the move!!






I guess that's a mothers lot! lol






lol bless him. my sons a hand fill to he has just learnt to crawl and hes into everything lol. i havnt said no so much in my life lol.

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Charlene:




Quoting Jessica:

I have to say that i'm one of the very lucky few who had really good friends to stick with me through thick and thin! i have only had a few that i dont really talk to anymore and even those come to see me and my son every once in a while! If your friends wont stay with you through the bad times aswell as the good then they are not really friends!







you are realy lucky lol







 








i must say your lil one in the pic is so cute lol









lol thanx! He's a HUH-YOOGE handful, constantly on the move!!






I guess that's a mothers lot! lol






lol bless him. my sons a hand fill to he has just learnt to crawl and hes into everything lol. i havnt said no so much in my life lol.

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Charlene:



Quoting Jessica:

I have to say that i'm one of the very lucky few who had really good friends to stick with me through thick and thin! i have only had a few that i dont really talk to anymore and even those come to see me and my son every once in a while! If your friends wont stay with you through the bad times aswell as the good then they are not really friends!





you are realy lucky lol






 






i must say your lil one in the pic is so cute lol





lol thanx! He's a HUH-YOOGE handful, constantly on the move!!



I guess that's a mothers lot! lol

September - posted on 07/09/2009

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I had a simular problem. I've realized it's not so much that your friends change it's you that changes. You're a Mom now and things change when you become a parent. My friends that don't have kids still have a simular life style that I had before I became a Mother and until they become parents themselves they will remain on a whole diffrent level than you and I. It's been said that when you become a parent you learn who your real friends are! Good luck and just stay true to yourself and your family :)

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

I have to say that i'm one of the very lucky few who had really good friends to stick with me through thick and thin! i have only had a few that i dont really talk to anymore and even those come to see me and my son every once in a while! If your friends wont stay with you through the bad times aswell as the good then they are not really friends!


you are realy lucky lol



 



i must say your lil one in the pic is so cute lol

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Mindy:

Having my daughter at 21, all of my friends spent most of their time partying. So needless to say, I don't really talk to them much anymore. My life is much to boring for them...lol. I was lucky and had four friends who got pregnant around the same time so we have been able to stay close and share advice.



thats exactly why they want nothing do do with me if i dont go partying which wasnt realy my thing anyway (drinking alot like they do)

Jessica - posted on 07/09/2009

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I have to say that i'm one of the very lucky few who had really good friends to stick with me through thick and thin! i have only had a few that i dont really talk to anymore and even those come to see me and my son every once in a while! If your friends wont stay with you through the bad times aswell as the good then they are not really friends!

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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Quoting Crystal:

A few of my friends had kids before me, but not many of them. Women without kids just don't understand that it changes you. find some new friends with kids, it is a shame since you've known them so long but if they aren't willing to accept your new life they aren't worth your time



your right i dont have the time for people like that i think they just being realy immature. once she agreed to go shopping she kept calling him it, i told her hes a boy and he is called ashton she said its an IT to me thats when i gave up with her.

Charlene - posted on 07/09/2009

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yeah they are going on bad paths. one of my friends is my sons godmother and she is my best friend she comes to see me when ever she can and she loves my son like her own she spoils him rotten lol. she is the only one who has stuck by me since telling them all i was pregnant. i realy didnt think that the others would do that to me but they have shown their true colours. i am pleased i got my partner, my best mate and my family thats all we need lol. thanks lyssa :)

Crystal - posted on 07/09/2009

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A few of my friends had kids before me, but not many of them. Women without kids just don't understand that it changes you. find some new friends with kids, it is a shame since you've known them so long but if they aren't willing to accept your new life they aren't worth your time

Mindy - posted on 07/09/2009

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Having my daughter at 21, all of my friends spent most of their time partying. So needless to say, I don't really talk to them much anymore. My life is much to boring for them...lol. I was lucky and had four friends who got pregnant around the same time so we have been able to stay close and share advice.

Lyssa - posted on 07/09/2009

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ALL OF MY FRIEND DISAPPEARED AFTER I HAD MY FIRST. ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE YOU SAID. THE BEST THING I CAN ADVISE IS GET NEW FRIENDS WITH KIDS. THERES NOTHING LIKE A FELLOW MOM TO LOOK AT AND SAY AM I A BAD MOM FOR DOING THIS AND THEY SAY NO I DID IT TOO. :) I STILL OCCASIONALLY TALK TO MY OLD FRIENDS AND NOW I THANK GOODNESS THAT I DIDNT END UP FOLLOWING THERE PATHS.

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