What do I do about my MIL?

MaryBeth - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My MIL does not like to follow our house rules. Once she puts my 8 month old son to bed she feels the need to watch him sleep and if he rouses she immediately tends to him and picks him up out of bed. I have asked her not to and let him cry for a few minutes and then just lie him back down without talking to him. Also she feels the need to touch his head and say goodbye before she leaves after babysitting which wakes him back up. Sometimes he'll stay up until after midnight! HELP! What do I say?

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Jen - posted on 07/28/2009

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My MIL also loved to watch my baby when she slept. She would put the bassinet right next to her so that she could make sure she was breathing lol. She never picked her up, but she would rock her to sleep after we had stopped rocking her to sleep which I didn't like. Once my baby got older and bigger it wasn't a problem so I never said anything because it wasn't a big deal.

I would just explain to you MIL that you'd rather your son not be picked up until he's been crying for a few mins. Explain to her that he's old enough to put himself back to sleep if he's not ready to get up yet. Also tell her that you'd rather her not touch his head. Come up with a different way for her to say goodbye that doesn't involve touching him and waking him up. I don't know if that helps any, but I wish you the best of luck.

Ashley - posted on 07/28/2009

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I think since this is your husbands mother he should be the one to speak up. It should never come from the in-law. If my husband and I had an issue with my mother, I would be the one to deal with it. Just the same if it were his mother, he would talk to her. It doesn't have to be rude just say we really appreciate everything you do to help but he needs to learn to soothe himself and go back to sleep...or....I know you want to rub his head before you leave but he wakes up and doesn't want to go back to sleep and then he's really fussy the next day..I know grandmothers are supposed to spoil grandchildren but...you're the boss:)Good Luck!

MaryBeth - posted on 07/28/2009

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But I don't want to be the one awake at night and into the next day with a crabby baby because she needs to wake him up to say goodbye. It's not like she never gets to see him. She lives across the street.

Melissa - posted on 07/28/2009

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I would have to agree on the MIL need to follow some of the rules. But you need to pick the ones that most bother you and ask her to help you get those in order. Maybe if she feels like she is helping she might be more willing to do. Because at the same time she is Grandma and her job is to spoil. And you never want that to change.

Stacey - posted on 07/28/2009

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I'd speak up. My FIL used to do tons of stupid stuff and oned ay I snapped. He was watching my then 6 month old and feeding him. My son has a mouth ful of food he cant swallow, tears running down his face and vomit all over his clothes. Turns out his pap was force feeding him and making him sick. I aksed him what he was doing andhe said "I opened it so he has to eat it." I told him he didnt need to finish it..look what you're doing to my child. That pissed me off. Or when he'd give my son a sucker. No toddler needs a sucker. He drools all ovrthe stick n bites the wet stick...what happens when u constantly bite a wet stick? It breaks and could get lodged in my toddlers throat. I took away his sucker and threw it away. Not only did I have my son mad at me but I had my FIL mad too.
Now after sticking to my guns my FIL doesnt do ANYTHING without asking me first. I'm not afraid of thst old man. I tell him how it is but you may not be like me. Just be nice and tell her no and if she doesnt listen then you gotta get stern and tell her you mean business! Good luck to you!

Angela - posted on 07/28/2009

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I would tell her that you really appricate her coming over to babysit her grandson, but she needs to follow your rules when she is here. Then explain the things you want and tell her why. I do not think you should have to cut her slack. She had a chance to raise her own children, this is your chance, which means your rules. I would of course make sure your hubby is on the same page so he is there to support you. If she continues to do it after talking then I would find someone else to babysit for you. Since my baby has been born I have had my MIL watch her a couple of times. She doesn't seem to listen to anything I say, which I was surprised by since she followed my hubby's cousin's instructions on her kids to a T even though she said she didn't think she was doing the right thing (my hubby's cousin has this thing with food and her kid, she only will feed her yogurt for a meal, it is really wrong in my eyes also, she is in no way overweight). I have been trying to drop little hints to her like saying "Riley is pretty warm blooded and gets hot really easy." I said this after picking her up she was wearing her thick PJs with a onsie underneath and when I got there she had her thick "play" blanket laying over her, which is thick like an adult comforter. Then when I got home she only fed her like 4oz over the 6 hrs she had her. Riley will normally eat 4oz in one sitting and she had more than enough milk with her to feed her appropriately. I do not get how MIL's seem to suddenly "have all the answers" once you have kids. My hubby is so on the side of his mom, anything she says pretty much is "the word." He was kind of shocked by the PJs with a onsie though. I kind of need to take my own advice. Tonight my MIL is watching her again but only for a couple hours.

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Are you around when she does this or are you having her babysit while you and your husband get a date night? I think if you're around then you'll just have to do the bedtime routine yourself and let her know that you don't need her help. If she's babysitting for her then you can write down the instructions for what you want her to do and when she leaves you can explain that if she touches him he will wake up and this makes a very difficult night for him and you since he stays up so late. But I think if she's babysitting then she should be allowed a little bit of leeway to do things the way she likes so long as it is not seriously messing up his schedule. Yes, he's your son but she is doing you a favor and trying to help out and it's not worth it trying to get her to do everything your way. Good luck!

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