What do I do about my MIL?

MaryBeth - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My MIL does not like to follow our house rules. Once she puts my 8 month old son to bed she feels the need to watch him sleep and if he rouses she immediately tends to him and picks him up out of bed. I have asked her not to and let him cry for a few minutes and then just lie him back down without talking to him. Also she feels the need to touch his head and say goodbye before she leaves after babysitting which wakes him back up. Sometimes he'll stay up until after midnight! HELP! What do I say?

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Letha - posted on 07/28/2009

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That is a tough one since it is your mil. If you pay her to babysit, then treat her like an employee, since she is being paid (if she is) then she works for you mil or not. Bring in another babysitter and when she asks why you can simply say since I am the mother and want things done a certain way and I am not getting those results that I want I felt that I needed to bring someone in who will abide by my rules. That may work but in the same sense it may not. You could have a heart to heart with her with the hubby present and have him back you, grandparents are for spoiling, but when they are watching children while the parents work, then the role changes to caretaker not grandma. I had the same issue with my mil one day I just snapped and went off on her and my hubby b/c he was just as guilty. Yes she may have more experiance with children, but that is your child not hers and she does need to know that, it's ok that she wants to coddle him especially if it's her first grandchild but in the long run she is hurting him by making him dependent on that and making it harder on the parents b/c you are having to stay up late b/c he won't sleep and getting up early with him and its not fair for her to put her son through that or mess up your son's sleeping cycle it's not healthy for him or the parents. Word it in a way that is comforting and concern, if that doesn't work hire an outside babysitter, If trust is an issue (which was for me) for an outside babysitter try another family member that you can trust even if it's for a night to drive the point home. The best route to go is first honesty, concern and then as a last resort, the other babysitter, you can explain that if she doesn't want to abide by the house rules then you will have to seek out alternitives which will lessen her time with the grandchild. Hope this helps

Jacqueline - posted on 07/28/2009

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Politely tell her that she needs to respect your rules, that it is dufficult to get the baby back to sleep once he is awake. Tell her if she plans on leaving after your son is asleep, if she would like to say goodbye and good night to do it before you put him down to bed. There is definitely no need to watch him sleep, or coddle and baby him if he wakes up. In my oppinion that is how you spoil a child, I'm sure there will be posts saying "You can't spoil a baby!" or something to that extent, but my son is a year and a half and he is one of the most independant kids I have ever seen.

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Zoel-fah - posted on 07/28/2009

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I HAD THE SAME SENERIO WIV MY MIL...I HAD A C-SECTION WITH MY SON SO UNFORTUNATLY I HAD DIFFICULTY BATHING MY BABY...SO MY MIL DID THIS FOR ME BUT I TELL YOU ONLY FOR A WEEK THEN I TOOK CONTROL AS SHE DID THE BATHING THEY WAY SHE WANTED....tell me when you wash your baby dont you first wash their faces...then the hair and so on....well my MIL DID THE OPPOSITE SHE WASHED HIM FIRST THEN LASTLY WASHED HIS FACE WITH THAT SAME DIRTY WATER AFTER ME TELLING HER SEVERAL TIMES TO WASH HIS FACE FIRST.........SO I TOOK CONTROL EVER SINCE THEN AND I HAVE NEVER EVER GIVEN HER THE CHANCE TO CONTROL ME AND THE WAY IN WHICH I DO THINGS SINCE THEN.SHE WAS SO BAD THAT IF BABY HAD A CLINIC APPOINTMENT AND IT WOULD BE COLD THE MORNING SHE WOULD ASK MY HUSBAND WHAT IS ZOEL-FAH GOING TO PUT ON FOR THE BABY and i tell you she would knock on our room door at 6.00am in the morning to ask this question.....but i showed her it my way ...this is my baby......so yes i think you should stand up to her and show her she needs to respect you...
mwahx

MaryBeth - posted on 07/28/2009

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Thank you all so much for your comments!! I think you all have some great ideas and I totally agree that I want him to be an independent little person.

Helen - posted on 07/28/2009

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I agree with Melissa, get your husband to have a chat with her....if it was my mother in law, I wouldnt want to say anything that would make her feel as though I was ungrateful for her babysitting....but at the end of the day that baby is going to grow up abiding by your rules and your routines and your mother in law needs to respect that so perhaps it might be an idea to get your hubs to have a little chat. x

Melissa - posted on 07/28/2009

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I have had the same problems with my MIL! I had my husband talk to her and that really helped! He might not have said what i wanted but it got the point across! Then you are not the "bad" DIL!

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