what do you do when your husband comes home after 3am ???

Adriana - posted on 08/26/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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i am 23 yrs old i have 4 kids, two daughters one is 5 and the other one is 2 months old ,, i have two boys one is 3 going on 4 and the other one is 1 yr old ,.im a stay at home mom . my husband works all after noon but there are times when he doesnt come home at all what can i do because i cant stop thinkin bad stuff like "wat if he is cheating on me " wat if something bad happend to him "please give me some advise

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Amy - posted on 08/30/2010

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There should be no staying out that long at all!!!!! He is a husband and father now. There is no more room in life for that crap! Thats what it is. What could he really be doing at 3am? Why would he not want to be home with you if there is no cheating going on? You need to have a long talk with him and ask him why he would want to be away that long from his home and family? Nip it in the butt now!!

Bonnie - posted on 08/28/2010

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I am sorry you are going through this and I don't blame you for worrying or wondering as I would do the same. You have to think, "well what if he is cheating on me?" He is coming home at 3am or not at all. Okay, 3am is bad as he is a husband and a father, but if he is not working at that time than why is he coming home at 3am? Why are there times he is not coming home at all? You must sit him down and talk with him about this and get some answers. You are going to make yourself sick worrying and wondering all the time.

Dawn - posted on 08/26/2010

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Im just assuming that all these children are his so you have been together for at least 5 years and have probably lived with him for most of that you know his routine and if you are becoming suspicious than something is definitly going on doesnt always mean there is another women. Its hard to give advice to someone you dont know about something like this. I would start by talking to him. If he throws a fit than its probably best to leave it alone and make a decision on what you want to do. But pushing the issue or argueing over it usually doesnt get you anywhere. I have been in this situation you need to decide what you think chances are if he is straying he isnt gonna tell you about it..so decide if you can live with it or not. Try talking to him about that it bothers you he isnt home or staying out late too much but demanding him coming home is only gonna cause more problems. Sounds like you are in a bad situation if he is cheating being a stay at home mom being so dependant of him but throwing fits and putting demands on him could potentially push him away so just be careful and good luck to you I hope it all works out

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2010

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I would just go away for a few days, and see what happens...then mention counseling. I will be praying. Hang in there :)

[deleted account]

I have never been in this situatuion. My brother was a single parent for 18 yrs and I can tell you if you think your gonna stay together becuase its easier on the kids. Your wrong. The stress and drepression you feel wears on them, they feel the tension. Be honest with him and tell him right out either give you a good reason why he's not home or your out. I'd make an exit plan before you have this talk(Ex: talk to your parents and see if you and the kids can go there till you get a job and on your feet) I hope this helps. But I've seen it first hand the kids only suffer more when a parent isnt happy and they are around that all the time.

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Lindiwe - posted on 08/30/2010

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I must say that I agree with Tasha. Like I said in my previous post, Adriana, you are still young and with 4 kids I hope I am right in assuming you wont be having anymore anytime soon.

Make an exit plan like Tasha said and take control of your life again. This guy probably thinks you will not leave cause you have nowhere to go and nobody to help with the kids. You can still get a job and look after your kids with the help of family and friends.

I feel like I'm just repeating everything Tasha said.

lol

Good luck hey

Theresa - posted on 08/28/2010

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thats the only reason im trying to stay w/ my b/f for our kids but idk if its worth me being depressed all the time

Adriana - posted on 08/28/2010

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thank you ladies for all of your advice i appreciate it ... i have confronted him about how it all makes me feel and how its tearing us apart and it always ends up in an arguement... i cant take any more fightin ...I love him but there is a certain limit to what us women can take from men ...im just worried about our children ..

Lindiwe - posted on 08/28/2010

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It must be hard to be a young mom with 4 kids and on top of it to stay at home. Your partner's staying out late surely doesnt make life any easier. When do you guys spend time together? I think you have both gotten so cuaght up with life (him having to work all day & you taking care of the kids) that maybe you are now neglecting each other.

Like th eother ladies said its hard to give advice on a situation like this but I it would be a great idea for you to suggest to him that one weekend yo'll take the kids to thier gran or call a sitter and go out with him till 3am.

Again, like the other ladies said, if he gets cranky about the issue than there is something there.

You are only 23 Adriana, you still need a bit of fun and entertainment outside of the kids.

Good luck

Theresa - posted on 08/28/2010

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just ask him why hes home so late if he freaks out or get mad that your asking i'd snoop around

Naomi - posted on 08/26/2010

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i went through that with my partner the insecurity so i did some snooping found some stuff but just asked of course he kept lying but i put up with it until one day i got the strength to leave him and thats when he started telling me the truth i know that its hard but sometimes your instincts are right sometimes they arent i dont think anyone can give u advice as in to trust him or not...but if i was you i would be so pissed i would ask him and do some snooping lol hope u work things out because i know what it feels like you have kids so its hard...hope i helped a lil bit if not sory girl

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