what do you tell your son why his father isnt around

Shari - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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i have a 3yrs old son his dad has always been in and out of his life since he was 16 months old well the is past october he came back and and his life i gave him a choice to either be in his life or completly out of it he agreed to this, then this past may he got back with the some chick he was with before and now i havent seen him since then and my son is asking where is daddy? and im not sure what to tell him ????

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Mandy - posted on 08/06/2009

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Hi Shari!

This is a tough one! I have a similar situation to you. My son is almost three and he hasn't seen his dad since he was 1 as his dad choose to walk away and not be involved.



I agree with the other responses to be honest with your son! When my son asks me i always tell him, that Daddy loves him and that mummy does not know where daddy is etc. Honesty is so important especially at this age. What has also really helped for my son is something called the 'Daddy Box'! It is basically an old shoe box my son and i decrotated together. In it i have put all the photos and things i have of his father for him. So now when my son asks where is daddy etc. we get the box out and look through the pics, it is also a place my son puts pics and cards for his dad that he makes at nursery (fathers day etc). I never really bring his dad up, so the subject is not forced. It has helped my son, understand who his dad is (name, and what he looks like), and reinforces the message that daddy loves u (pics of dad and my son as baby). My son doesn't talk about his dad much any more but i hear him playing with his friends telling them about his daddy when they talk about theres.



I hope this has helped, as it has reallly helped my son and I

All the best

Mandy

Darcy - posted on 08/05/2009

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I had similar issues with my oldest sons father, and instead of making excuses or trying to find a way not to hurt Colbys feelings I eventually had him call his father and ask his father why he didnt see him and why he wasnt always around....it worked for me because it made my ex man up!

Veronica - posted on 08/05/2009

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be honest with him. leave the details out, but dont make excuses for his father. My three children have had their father in and out of their lives for four years now. i tried to candy coat it at first, but all it did was make them mad at me. my oldest daughter, now eight, knows that her dad has a disease called " drug addiction" and that until he is ready to help himself, all we can do is pray for him. it doesnt make it any easier, but at least she knows the truth.

Ciara - posted on 08/05/2009

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This is a tough one, my oldest son has never had a father figure in his life period and he finally just asked me why he doesnt have a daddy and I explained to him that his daddy chose to make different choices in life and we arent included in those choices but your case is alot different.. Just try to tell him that daddy is away right now and unable to take care of him but that he loves him very much and one day when he's able to he'll be back in his life and of course tell him how much you love him and how you are there for him no matter what. Hope that helps? Good luck!

AMBER LYNN - posted on 08/05/2009

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This is a tough one and Im sure alot of us single moms are facing the same issue. The only advice I can give is to be honest with your son without giving full detail because he just won't understand. I too will facing those very same questions when my son gets older and right now if he was old enough I'd probably just tell him that his dad wasn't ready to be dad. That it has nothing to do with him. That he did not do anything wrong. I wish I could help you more.

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