What happened to parents being parents?

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

It has occurred to me through many observations that a lot (not all) of parents forgot that it is their responsibility to teach their children right from wrong and that there are consequences for their actions. I feel that this should start at a very young age and continue into late teens. Children are not born knowing what is good and bad but have to be taught. The same goes with behavior. They are not born with a certain behavior, it is environmentally influenced. They may cry because they want a toy. If you the parent give it to them every time they cry then the child will associate crying as a way to get a toy. Parents seem like they want to be their child’s best friend. They will buy their kid a new mustang and the kid is failing school!!!!! (I know of someone who just did this). If he keeps failing school he won’t be able to afford to live that kind of life style. I am not saying that parents are supposed to be monsters that make their kids run the other way and close up. I just don’t understand why parents are not more involved in ways that matter such as knowing who their friends are and having a set time to be home. Knowing their friends parents and what kind of values they have. Having an open line of communication about sex, the internet, and going out seem to be the farthest thing from a lot of parent’s minds. I am a big believer in privacy for teens, but when it comes to the internet; there will only be one computer in my house where they can access it and I will know all of the social networking sites they are on. If their behavior merits me reviewing items in their room or on their networking sites then I will do so. I will not do it behind their backs though. I will do it at a random time with them in the room. Trust is earned and that goes for parents and children. Sorry for the rant. I have some many things I could go on about. I was just wondering if anyone else noticed a lack of parenting in the world (or in my case the United States) lately. Open communication is welcome but keep it clean without ugliness! Thanks!

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Sherre - posted on 04/11/2010

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It's society painting a picture on how we're supposed to be portrayed. Like a woman above stated, some parents don't allow their children to believe in Santa Claus or the Easter bunny for whatever reasons but those statements are irrelevant. Not everyone has to allow their children to believe in imaginary people because everyone else does. And whether these children believe in these fictional characters or not will not make them a bad person later on in life. And (Leslie) disagrees on spanking...Every person is different. Behind closed doors, you don't know what's going on in someone elses' life. I understand the obvious. Teach your children respect, morals...etc but why do so many people suggest a right and a wrong way to parent? We have rights and freedoms because we live in America and unless there's a constitution on parenting, everyone's going to do it differently however, I completely agree with what you're saying. I just wanted you to see my point as well.

[deleted account]

i agree carolee. we had a neighbor once that was always calling cps bc we were living in a country area and had a tractor and my mom used to give us rides when we were in elementary school and they said it was dangerous. but whatever. you cant even touch a kid anymore because they learn all this if someone touches you call someone or yell for help so then you get all these molestation charges for no reason. i have seen that alot. men are afraid to even change their daughters diapers because woman will bring up molestation if they get mad or break up or if he makes her mad. you even touch a kid then all of a sudden its child abuse and you have cps at your door. its like kids can now sue parents. kids are taking over and walking all over parents and theres not a thing they can do sometimes. thats why you have to keep them in check from a young age, you wait until teenage years you have your hands full. so many parents just let kids walk all over them. my uncle was so afraid of my cousins because they are bigger than him and when my aunt died he was alone and would never say or do anything bc they would always fight him and he was scared. so needless to say they were problem kids for the longest time. now they are startring to straighten out.

Carolee - posted on 04/10/2010

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Well, in the US, we (parents) live in constant fear that nosy neighbors are going to call somebody (child services) on us if they see us doing something they don't like. And there are a LOT of people who don't like ANYTHING that has to do with parenting! I think that this is why society is slipping. If we were actually ALLOWED to be parents to our children, there would be a whole lot less wrong with the next generation.

[deleted account]

theres alot of people who disagree there are consequences for actions. but im not one of them. i think parents are afraid to parent and just want to be more like a friend.when we were in wal mart once there were 3 kids opening toys not buying them,coloring in books not buying them squishing candles in the floor, throwing things out of the cart. i almost got hit with flying juice boxes. everyone was mumbling and the cashier just had this omg look. i finally said something and told her if she cant parent the 3 she has stop having kids or dont have kids at all. she gave me a dirty look but i mean really, i was tired of having juice boxes almost hit me. i told her to start parenting. or the time we had ice cream and some kid kept drawing on the ice with her finger on it since we held it and her parents let her do it so my husband dealt with it and said its rude to let kids touch other peoples food and he doesnt want her germs all over it. i was always taught respect and we got popped for back talking or disrespecting an adult. today parents are afraid of swatting a kid or just dont believ in it.



i wasnt even allowed to have internet until i was 18 and moved out. i agree with everything you stated. my husbands step sister is 17 and was allowed to quit her job, her grades are bad now shes driving and she was out until 4:30am on a school night saying she was in bible study. her dad lets her do stuff thinking shes a perfect princess who isnt doing anything wrong. well last i checked theres no bible study past midnight even on a school night.

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Alisa - posted on 03/11/2014

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More than to spank or not, the question really should be "Are the ways that I'm training my child lead them to greater levels of self-control." Just like the cop that give you a ticket for speeding, consequences are supposed to remind the child, that felt uncomfortable, I didn't like that, I'm going to do something else. In order to train your children, you have to have a vision of what you want them to be like as a adults. Part of my vision for my children is that they become capable, self-controlled and hard working adults. So If I want them to become self-controlled as adults, then practically we have to practice and grow self-control. We would allow our little kids to have their dessert or fruit on the table in front of them but not have any until after they finished their other food. We'd leave the rewards for potty training in the bathroom and allow them to take one when they succeeded, but remove the ability to self-serve if they abused the privilege. As they grow, the self-control tests become harder. I recently left my son alone with the computer accessible and told him not to use it. Then later I asked him if he did, he said he didn't. I checked this history and he had gone to Lego.com. We had another talk about self-control, lying and trust. I think we all have ways to grow in. In parenting our job is to see our kids strengths and weaknesses and strengthen both! Trust is indeed earned but self-control is learned.

Jane - posted on 03/09/2014

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This is stupid. How can you blame a child for their grades. The parent I know have to work. I think there should be web cams in the classroom if you want the parent to explain the homework that they are having trouble with. The parent needs to understand what and how the teacher explain the assignment My children only get reward for good grades they own me if they get anything lower then a C. I work and help my children with their homework every night. Sometimes I and take over a hour to complete the assignments. This new common core is so confusing. It take picture and drawing to complete a simple math problem. I show my daughter how to do % with whole number not by using a box or line but the old fashion right way. She zip right though it. She got all the answers right. The next day they were marked wrong because she didn't use the common core. So I wonder is it right to get the answer wrong using common core? How in the world would the U.S. ever get to the moon with the math being wrong. I believe the teachers are truely F ing in teaching children. Teacher need to be held accountible for lacking common sense.

[deleted account]

when ours is at that age where shes able to comprehend like maybe 2-3 we paln on talking to her, stating what she did was wrong the whole don't do it again thing then if she point blank does it again and understands what shes doing then spank. before that age tho its hard to disicpline because they are young and they dont understand. its hard and frustrating. i know alot of parents who are afraid of their kids and let them do what they want because their kids run the house basically. you know you're in for trouble when you let your kids run the show. i have seen so many mouthy rude kids. and the lack of common sense is unbelievable. there were some kids like teens out sledding, fine, the hill was facing the country road where people go faster. luckily we were not speeding because they sled down righ into the road while cars were comming so we had to slow down. common sense would say not to sled in the road nor facing the road. youd think an adult would have seen them and told them to stop before they got hurt. or the kid who looked about middle school knew there were cars, saw us drving and about walked out in front of us. i dont think parents realize how dangerous that is teens or not. some people cant stop in time and they would have been hit. i dont think people always control theri kids at a certain age because they are older. but still older or not they need to learn or should have already known whats safe and whats not. i'd rather get onto my teen than have something bad happen.



i do agree its not ok to spank a mentally challenged or disabled kid. i think theres ways to discipline them and treat them like everyone else as i know alot of them hate being treated different depending on the severity. my cousin has a mental problem and it was hard. eventually they let him find something he's good at and let him do it. he loves cooking. so now he will cook. he will wake up at all hours of the night and cook as well. its scary as they dont know what he will do but instead of yelling at him or getting on to him they will let him do it as long as he stayed safe and didnt do anything bad. of course he was older at the time so he wasnt a kid.

Trina - posted on 04/11/2010

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I hear you Leslie. A lot of parents don't parent. Sometimes we all mess up, that is life. You can enforce consequences without ever spanking ;) and is that not the beauty of parenting? We all come from different walks of life, and cultures. We all want our children to be good, and do the right things. We all choose to disciple and how to discipline according to what each child need and reacts. One size advice never works for all people. After all, we wouldn't want someone to think it is fine to spank a developmentally disabled child or one with major health issues. I hear you, it is frustrating to be working to be the best parent you can be but to feel like other people don't care. Maybe we should all stop blaming one another and start working towards solutions. :(

Jen - posted on 04/11/2010

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I completely agree with you. There are so many parents out there who do not parent. That's why there are so many teachers who have to deal with rude children and children with behavioral issues. I do developmental research on children in preschool and early elementary school and see a lot of this first hand. Most of the children I deal with are well behaved, but I do come across some difficult children that you can tell probably aren't disciplined at home. I have been told countless times how well behaved my 2-year-old is. A lot of people are surprised that she has been saying please since she was 15 months old and thank you since she was 18 months. Now I'm not saying my child is perfect because unfortunately she's a biter, but she mostly understands right from wrong and is very respectful. My husband has always said that he thinks people should have to take a comprehensive test before being able to have a child. Even though he's joking I feel that some parents may need it lol.

[deleted account]

Sherre,
I completely understand your point. I would not want a constitution on parenting nor do I believe that anyone else would. I just don't understand why so many parents are not parenting. They just let their children do what ever they want. It is wrong. Children are born with parents for a reason. They do not have the mental development to care for themselves. Teenagers should be allowed to make their own choices with in boundries. The frontal lobe of the brain is the area in which the ability to use reason and logic is located. It is not fully developed until an adult is at least 21 years of age. Thus this is why children and teens need parents to provide them with guidence. I am not saying to tell a teenage exactly what to do. Give them options. Ask them if they thought what possible dangers there may be.

In regards to spanking. I re-read what I wrote and realize that I wrote what I was trying to say wrong. I do not see a problem with spanking on the bottom when merited as a last resort. However, I do not expect every parent to do as I do. Every child is different and parents should correct their children in a way that works for the child.

Back to point. This converstion is ment to be about the lack of accountablitilty and respect parents demand form their children. Yes society does pressure parents into being hands off, but it is not the only reason nor should it be used as an excuse. Parents need to remember that society also makes them responsible for their child's actions. If you cannot teach your child right from wrong and they get into trouble, the finger is pointed at the parent as it should be. As I have said before, Parents need to start being parents and stop trying to be friends to their children.

[deleted account]

I would also like to add that consistancy is the key! I know this may sound silly but the TV show the "Super Nanny" has a lot of great techniques for parenting. I have used some with my son and they work!



Remember to please stay respectful to each other as you post. Not everyone is going to agree with each other and that is more than fine! Thanks!

[deleted account]

Ladies, I agree with all of you. Part of the problem is that parents are worried that someone might call social services if they don't like the way a child is being raised. But that is not the entire story. A lot of parents just dont't care or they are too busy worrying about themselves. Maybe if parents woulld stop worrying about what others may or may not do in regards to how they correct their children the cycle would stop. I do not think that violence (spanking on the bottom as a last resort is okay) is the answer to correcting a child nor do I think it is okay to deprive a child of their basic needs for punishment. I have found that being consistant with punishment and having lots talks about why something is wrong helps. I have seen this with my own son. My mother and father in law watch him when I have class and they keep him when my husband is on his way home from work and I have to leave for work. My husband and I have clearly set boundries for our two year old and he knows that if he breaks them he will be in time out. When he is at my in laws he has no boundries. He talks to them very disrespectfully and demands things from them rather than ask. We have tried to get them to do time out like we do but they wont. They insist that his behavior is a phase and that he will grow out of it. Obviously it is not, because he is a completely different child when he is with my husband and I as well as anyone else for that matter once he sees that they have boundries as well. He may only be two, but teaching him he has boundries that must be followed or he will have to suffer consequences for his actions has made a tramendous difference in his behavior.

Jessica - posted on 04/11/2010

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i absolutely agree with you! our job is to make sure our children can live a decent, respectful life when they are adults, and hopefully pass on morals, respect, and common courtesy to their children as well. The saddest thing has come to my attention though in the last few months... that I know parents that do not follow through on traditions of Easter and Christmas- (and they are not of opposing religion). They spout that they don't like lying to their children, etc... but it seems to me that it suits them a lot more that their children realise that it's them that spends all their money on them, rather than giving a fictional character the credit. But it seems strange to me that they cannot allow their children the indulgence of a bit of imagination and fantasy. This contributes to teens and pre-adults not being able to thinking outside the box, which is scary for our future generations. It is also scary to think of their children that have no concept of these holidays and their significance... even if it's not for their religious beliefs, but for the beauty that comes from the anticipation, and impatience that comes from the pure joy of waiting for the unknown, yet familiar rituals... does it really hurt to let your children believe... they are only innocent for such a short time, why not let that time be magical??

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