What Should Be My Input on Life and How Should I Deal With My Baby Daddy From Now On?

Leshae - posted on 06/12/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I was a good girl; innnocent and had a pretty good life financially; had my family, friends and everything but I decided to leave home to get away and do my own thing. I ended up running the streets and so I met my boyfriend and I fell in love with him in no time. I'm 20 years old and he's 22. He already has two young children by another woman. Now I'm about to have his third ( at least that I know of, maybe his fourth) I'm about 10 weeks pregnant. While I was running the streets I ended up living a life I didnt want to live and I've been through quite a bit. My baby daddy has been there for me the whole way through pretty much. I have a strong connection to him and I feel like I'll never find anybody else like him. But the thing is, he has alot of issues. He's been trouble since middle school. He's had jail time and just got out in December, he doesnt pay child support,( because his baby mama doesn't make him and he just can't and really doesn't want too) , he doesnt really spend alot of time with his kids even when they're in his home, he still kinda runs the streets, stays out really late at night alot of times and leaves me alone. Sometimes he'll flirt with other females to get back at me and basically nicely threatens to cheat on me if I don't wanna be intimate with him. He acts childish alot of times and he can have a really bad temper. He's occasionally put me through hell and in dangerous situations (even healthwise) and he smokes too much. He knows how to get into my head and I believe him but I dont know if he's telling the truth. He hangs out with teenagers and these guys do him in all the time. He's too old for alot of the things he does. His baby mama left him because of all of this and he won't grow up. I don't completely blame him for the inability to get on his feet because he's made bad mistakes in the past, all of which are not his fault and now it makes things hard for him. It's been alot of drama since we've been together and other people have caused drama between us. Now that I'm pregnant I decided to get serious, go back home and get my life together. I know it's crucial to have my family's support, especially my mom's during this time. Despite everything he's done, he has changed some since we've been together and he's tried to get into school so he can get college credits to go to the military and those are great goals. Before I went home he said he was gonna make changes for me so he could take care of me and the baby and make our relationship work and last. I know I am his motivation but now that I'm back home and I won't be seeing him as often, I don't know what he'll do. He's doing things that are making me wonder and question him. He might go hoe around, have more babies, and not do anything he said he's gonna do and just relapse. He knows he's never gonna find another female like me. I don't know if I should try to hold onto him or just limit myself to just talking to him about the baby and occasional visitation. My parents think I should let him go and limit my conact with him because they are not fond of him at all and they pretty much think he's a deadbeat and feels that he's gonna hinder me from making progress. Everybody even his family wonders why I'm with him because they say he's a nobody and we're the complete opposite of each other in so many ways. How should I view him and this whole situation?

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Denikka - posted on 06/12/2013

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He's an adult and is going to make his own choices. If he cares about you and the baby, he's going to do as he says he will and straighten his life out. If he cares more about himself, then he'll continue his lief as is.
I think that what you need to do is sit down and talk to him. Give him a choice, either he straightens up and gets his act together, or you will leave him and you will do what you have to do to make sure your child is taken care of (and that would mean taking him to court for child support). Give him a time limit. Since you're only 10 weeks along, I would give him until the end of the pregnancy to straighten up and start moving in the right direction. He doesn't have to accomplish everything before you're due, just be making the effort and making progress.
You give him the choice, it's up to him how to proceed. But stick to your guns. It's quite possible that he'll make a choice that you don't like. And no matter how much you love him or whatever, your baby needs to come first now. And that child deserves parents who are invested in them, not themselves. If he can't commit to being a good father, and I would personally include ALL of his children in that, then that's not the sort of man you need in your child's life, no matter what the genetic connection.

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