What should I do?

Dara - posted on 05/25/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I guess I probably already know but I'm a stay at home mom, and have never been in a sitation where I wasn't working. My fiance and I weren't together long when I got pregnant with our first daughter. Only a couple of months. I was actually about to dump him when I found out I was expecting. Now, a bit over 3 years later and a second daughter I think I'm just getting more and more unhappy by the day.



He doesn't appreciate anything I do, it's never good enough. Ex I spent an hour and a half cleaning out the car with my two and a half year old, which he had been promising to do for two months. Anyway, I bagged up all the toys in a grocery bag and brought them in a put them on their play couch to put away. I hadn't gotten to it by the time my youngest awoke from her nap and of course she began to make a mess of them. He looked at me and said, "What, did you bring those toys in so she could make a mess of them"? Not thanks for cleaning the car but somehow no matter what I do it's always wrong.



I'm so unhappy and I think my girls are beginning to pick up on it. At the same time I do love him, not so sure I'm in love with him anymore and I'm afraid to leave for many reasons. Not sure for one I can do this alone, I don't want my girls to not have their father in their lives the way they do now. But where do I draw the line. He doesn't cheat or hit me so I know it could be worse but I think mental and verbal abuse is just as bad. Whenever we get in fights which has been more and more often, at least a couple times a week he always says I don't even know why we're togther. Anyway, I would love some feedback from some of you Moms. I really don't doubt I can do this on my own and I'm sure we'd be better off in the long run, but I'm just so torn. However this is something I've been thinking about for a couple months or more now.

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Elle June - posted on 05/25/2010

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hey Dara, im a single mum the father of my baby walked away when i told him i was pregnant. i have now moved to Melbourne and living my own life independently, working and enjoying every moment. what im saying is that if your unhappy you should be doing what is going to make you and you children happy. if your man cant appreciate the little things that you do, and the big things you do then he is not worthy of your love. because being in a relationship is about communication, trust and make in sure the work load is equal between the both of you. not making one unhappy and the other the boss.

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Lindsay - posted on 05/25/2010

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I would say, ask him to go to therapy with you, try to talk it out and work out your problems. if he can realize how he is making you feel, and changes his behavior, it can bring that love back for you! but some men will refuse, and if that is the case, I would leave. there is no point in being in a relationship where you're unhappy, and he is unwilling to try to change that! You can do it!!!

Katie - posted on 05/25/2010

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hi dara,

My name is Katie, Im also a stay at home mom and a single mom.I have two kids and they are 14months apart. I know where your coming from. The father to my kids, wanted kids so bad then told me he feel out of love with me when i was pregnant with my second kid. Him an i fought 24/7 he never hit me but it was mental and verbal abuse and i know my son caught on. My mom helps me now. Yes, it will be hard taking care of two kids. i think you should leave him and get him for child support

Sadie - posted on 05/25/2010

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i am in the same situaltion i do eerything round the house and get told its not good enough or that i dont do anything all day i hae een tempted to leae eerything and let him realise that way that i do actually do things BUT i live with his mum aswell and she doesnt do anything either i do it all even cook everyones dinner hover all rooms including mil's bedroom coz if i dont do it the dust would be inches thick before she would do it herself i wash eeryones clothes etc.... it annoys me but i dont wanna upset her as she can tell me to get out

Deborah - posted on 05/25/2010

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Hi. I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you and I hope that they get better. But make sure that you remember that you are with a man. They dont get it, they never do and they never will. I'm not saying that you should stay with him or that you should leave him, only you can really make that decision but you should take a break and go away on your own for the weekend and think about it. Sometimes running away from the problem helps to put it in perspective. If you really feel unhappy try telling him because men always need it spelt out to them and if you make a neon sign they still might not get it but at least that way no matter what you decide in the end you could always say that you tried everything and did your best. Good Luck and I really do hope it all works out for you

Meagan - posted on 05/25/2010

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Honestly, If you are no longer in love with him then why be with him. If the only reason you are with him is for the children and becasuse you don't think you can do it on your own then I would leave him. You can do it on your own no matter what you think. as long as you have support from family and friends and there are support groups out there for single moms as well. Just make the dission that is right for your girls.

Charity - posted on 05/25/2010

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I partially agree with everyone else. If you are unhappy then leave but if it's only the never being appreciated here's an idea I used when I was in the same situation. I would clean the house everyday and then get told how lazy I was and it was never good enough. This being because I didn't have a "real job". I decided to just not doing anything but play with my daughter that day. When he came home from work and the place was a disaster with toys and clothes and games everywherre plus no food cooked for dinner, and asked what I did everyday I told him exactly what YOU think I do everyday. NOTHING. His mood changed in about 2 days and then he had a new found respect for me and what I did around the house. Not sure if this will work or if you want it too but it's a thought. Just remember to do what is best for your children no matter what it may be like for you at the moment. I have had to pack up and leave due to other circumstances) and be single parent myself too. It's not fun and easy but so worth it in the long run.

Corinna - posted on 05/25/2010

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dara nothing is as bad as living in a dream world dreaming things will get better, dreaming that you two can make a go of it, dreaming you will eventually feel happiness, dreaming that you will fall back in love with him. Yes you love him of course you do he is the father of your children but not been IN love with him is the answer to your question...also you said your children are picking up on your unhappiness believe me girl if you dont do something now they will keep pickin up on it and their behaviour will worsen as they will not know whats wrong and the only way to express that they know is been bold rebellious not eating been a nightmare for you in which will cause nore probs for you and your children......whats more important right now and for the futher is yours and your childrens happiness and personaly i think you should leave him you can make it work for the children without been together....they will actually be alot happier as they will have two homes, two xmas's easters etc. and also you will be free the weight will lift right off your shoulders hun i wish you the very best

Dara - posted on 05/25/2010

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Thank you Elle! Nothing seems equal, and I know that's not how it's supposed to be. His excuse for that is that no matter how much he does it will never be equal.

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