What to do when your spouse wants another child but you don't?

TIFFANY - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My spouse wants another child, he wants to try for a girl but my last pregnancy was very hard for me and to be honest i don't won't more kids, I'm fine with just two. But what should i do because he really wants to but i just don't know?

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Alysha - posted on 11/20/2009

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after i had a hard delivery (emergency c-section) i didnt want anymore, but i changed my mind. just explain on why u dont and understand each others veiw

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[deleted account]

I would go to your doc and BRING YOUR HUBBY WITH YOU. That way the doc can explain to him the health risks of you having another child. If he still wants another one maybe you could adopt (besides, that is a more reliable way to get the gender your hubby wants!).



I know a couple where the wife didn't want another baby, but her husband "forced" her to have another one (because he wanted a boy - he replaced her birth control pills with sugar pills). The pregnancy and delivery almost killed her! Then, the baby ended up with a hole in his heart and needed surgery at just 2 weks old. It was a horrible and heart wrenching experience to see the dynamics of that family (the wife had 3 kids from 2 previous relatioships, the husband had 1 child from a previous relationship, and they already had 1 together - so their total ended up being 6 kids). The husband works 50+ hours a week and the wife was left at home to care for all the children all the time - even while being on bed rest for the last 5 months of her last pregnancy! It was absolutely horrible to see and it is something that should never be forced upon a woman - EVER!

Desiree - posted on 11/22/2009

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Can you look into adoption or fostering? I wish I had some advice for you. That's one of those things you just can't really compromise on. Was your husband there when the doctor said it would be better if you didn't have more children health-wise?

Chilquitta - posted on 11/22/2009

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Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany

I had this problem with my husband. All i can tell you is talk to him about it? Then yall go from their because i had my first two and did not want know more. But i love my husband he is a good father and husband so i gave him what he wanted. I felt if i did not give him his child i would have been selfish. All three of my pergancy was hard. I lost two before i had the first one. I had a stillborn at five months then a miscarriage. I had high blood pressure during the pergancy and it was hard for me to carry them each pergancy i had to get my cervic stiched up so they would not come early because i was about to lose my oldest daughter at 5 months pergant and on top of that i vomited the whole nine months. I can feel you on the hard pergancy part. But my daughter Mary i just had October 15, 2009 she is just a month old. I love her to death. But talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and yall go from their. You might change your mind. Babies are the mosrt percious things in the world.

TIFFANY - posted on 11/21/2009

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the funny thing is that he was there he knew how hard my last pregnancy was i was on a heart monitor for two months they thought i was gonna have a heart attack b/c of the really i mean really bad chest pains i was having then i was put out of work by my doctor b/c of all the stress i was putting on the baby. the horrible headaches that put me in the hospital twice for that, when i say i had major problems i mean major but it's like he doesn't care and my doctor told me after having my youngest child if i want more then wait a couple years but my best bet would be to not have anymore b/c of my health right now can't take it. I am seriously thinking of getting my tubes tied but i don't know i want to please my soon to be husband and i want to be around for the two kids i have to watch them grow up! MEN JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THE TROUBLE WE GO THROUGH SOMETIMES.

[deleted account]

I can sort of sympathize. Altho I want more children too (we have 1) I had the worst possible pregnancy, i threw up all day and night long for 4m and then had 2m where things settled down somewhat only to get really nauseous all the time for the last 3m. I was in labor and the doctor induced me because the contractions were consistent. I was in labor like 28 hrs and over 2 of those were pushing hours.... then I had to have an emergency c-section. So after all that when we got home a few days later, they called me up THAT evening and said my baby's jaundice levels were high and we had to come back right away so we were admitted for like 4 more days! On top of all that my husband was off of work and had been in the hospital and was on heavy sedating medication. So I had to be strong for myself and for him.... and I was in so much pain and my legs swelled all the way to my knees. Looking back I have no idea how I lived through it all and didn't have a nervous break down. Now, our little girl is almost 2 yrs old. We do want more someday, but anytime I think about going thru all that again I really get freaked out. I don't know if I can do it again. Thankfully my husband is understanding. Try just telling him that its not that you don't want more kids, but you just feel like you need time to heal mentally from your past experience.

TIFFANY - posted on 11/20/2009

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I have already tried telling him that i don't want more kids but that doesn't stop him from asking at least once a week. He saw how hard my last pregnancy was and all the problems i had but he stills wants to try. Maybe one of these days he will get the picture and be happy with the family he has now

TaNesha - posted on 11/19/2009

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I have one child. My pregnancy was horrible. I didn't like being pregnant at all. I found out I was pregnant when I was 3mths. I broke out in a rash at 5mths because I was ready to have the baby already.I gained 60lbs.And after all that hemrraged buckets of blood 3wks after delivery because the Doctor left placenta and I had a c-setion. Tell him to carry the child. I say. Or adopt.Or sergate

[deleted account]

I think you need to be honest with your partner tell him how you feel, he may not not be happy about the situation but at the end of the day being a couple is about honesty. Maybe in time you might change your views as your children grow and decide to have more children or maybe given time your partner may become satisfied with the little family he has! I hope this helps it's a hard situation!

Anna - posted on 11/18/2009

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That's a tough one. We're the other way round - I want 3 more, he will tolerate only one more. If you figure it out, let me know :)

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