What would you do ?

Misty - posted on 04/25/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )




I am currently going through a divorce. My daughter's father did me wrong ( I won't mention what ).Just know that it was probably the worst thing a guy could do to a girl. We are still friends for my daughter and we are still (active). My thoughts or questions are has anyone ever been active with someone preferably an ax x that did you wrong? I feel bad because I know he did me wrong, but I still need (that thing). Just wondering what are your takes and if you have ever done the same... If you need more info let me know...


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Christina - posted on 04/28/2009




I think the last person in the world someone should have a casual relationship with is their soon to be ex-husband/baby's father. That is WAY too much confusion for the baby and you. I don't even really think whatever he did to you is worse than what you are doing to yourself now. If you want to have sex, trust me, it is not hard to find. ANY person (other than family of course!) would be better than who you are doing it with now. You are just setting yourself up for more heartache and a possible relationship where you can't even get along, not even for your baby.

Ashley - posted on 04/28/2009




If he cheated on you and you are still sleeping with him listen to me good...YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!!!! Say it to yourself. And then repeat this HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU! If he didn't cheat on you but did something equally disrespectful and you are still "with him" if I were you I would end that right now. I don't know how old your daughter is (she looks fairly young in the picture) but if I were you I would try to teach her to respect herself and that she is a wonderful person and deserves someone who will treat her like a princess. And you deserve that too. By letting the intimate relationship to continue with someone that does not respect you (he doesn't if he did you wrong) you are letting him know and yourself know that you don't deserve any better. And even though I don't know you, you deserve better. You are raising that gorgeous girl and doing the best you can. You need to tell the daddy that he can have a relationship with his little girl but only a cordial/civil relationship with you and find yourself a man that will value you and respect you for the wonderful person you are. I know it can be lonely without someone especially when you have "needs" too, but it's not worth it in this situation. You can and will do better.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent. But I hate it when men treat women badly, they certainly don't deserve "activities" if you know what I mean.

[deleted account]

Been there and done that and for me, wasn't worth it in the end. I ended up feeling degraded and plain awful.
If a marriage/relationship is over, it is OVER.
I just can't see how its healthy for anyone.

Sorry you are going through this. I was cheated on by my husband and father of my two small children and eventually divorced him. I know how painful and confusing it can be.

Ava - posted on 04/26/2009




I'm going through a separation right now. My husband wants to be, as you say, "active". I don't. Here's why: while my husband never harmed me or cheated on me, his addiction to "that thing" took valuable time from my daughter, and in the end, our family and our relationship. While we are still friends, I think the confusion that the whole thing would cause for my daughter is too much to bear. Regardless of what I feel toward him, the priority is NOT him. It's my girl. I made the decision to leave, and she understands this. I think you should be asking yourself how this does, or will, appear to your daughter; given her perspective and how your relationship status (can you really define that?) will affect her. What would you tell her if she asked? As a parent, this becomes less of a relationship issue as a parenting issue. Kids are very perceptive. You'd be surprised to know what they are able to pick up on.

Amie - posted on 04/25/2009




Yes and it was the worst and stupidest decision I ever made. To clarify because we started to get along again we figured to give it another shot. Only to end up with one more kid and him being an even bigger jackass in the end of it all. Don't do it, clean break is the easiest. As another mom said, only talk and deal with him on the kid basis. There are other ways to deal with your sexual needs.

Tara - posted on 04/25/2009




This is coming from my experience going through my divorce with my ex who cheated on me with my "best friend." I wasn't able to heal or focus on my own needs emotionally while I was still attached to my ex in any way. We didn't live in the same state for awhile because of the military and he rarely called our kids, so this next part was easy: ex-husband detox! I literally didn't have any contact with him for at least a few weeks. Of course I would have if he wanted to call and talk to his kids, but he choose not to. My suggestion would be to only have interactions with him that involve your child, and I don't mean doing things that could make another! You need to focus on your own healing and the possiblity of finding love again when you are ready but you're never going to be ready if you're still doing certain things with your ex.

Kate CP - posted on 04/25/2009




Well, to me, the worst thing a man can do to a woman is to rape her...so my question would be why would you want to sleep with your rapist?

BUT! That's for that situation. Since I don't know your situation I can't give you my opinion. If you mean he cheated on you and you're still sleeping with him...well, I don't know if I'd do that. I'd feel too betrayed and too worried about catching something. If you really need sex that bad (and believe me, I totally understand) maybe it would be worth it to invest in a high quality vibrator/dildo?

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