Whats your opinion?

Krystin - posted on 07/27/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Ok first off I want to let everyone know my story. On June 11 of this year I woke up with terrible cramps and decided to go to the doctor where I found out I was pregnant. I immediately went to the hospital where I then found out I was in active labor. At 12:19AM on June 12, I had my daughter Jocelyn. Now you are probably wondering how I didnt know I was pregnant. I had my "cycle" the whole 9 months, I only gained 10 pounds and I never felf her move because I carried her in my back. So as you can imagine, this baby came as a shock to everyone.



Now my question.

Ever since I had her my fiancee's father has constantly been around. He came up to the hospital everyday we were there and stayed for hours. As soon as he found out he even asked to be in the room while I gave birth. The day we came home he was over within 20 minutes and stayed, again, for a few hours. Now dont get me wrong I am thankful that he wants to be around but he has also requested to come over everyday now or at least everyother day. My fiancee wont back me up when I say he is over stepping some boundries, he is scared to hurt is feelings because he is newly divorced. I finally put my foot down and said he can come over on sundays when she is awake, and if we havent called him by noon he is calling us to find out when he can come over. I am starting to feel smothered and I dont want to resent him but I am starting to feel that way. He keeps bugging us about babysitting too. Well Im still on leave from work and he has many medical problems, and I am to uncomfortable to leave her with him while she is so little and again my fiancee wont back me up. Does anyone else have this problem? And does anyone think I am wrong like my fiancee does? Please give me some feedback.

5 Comments

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If you just had your child in June I can entirely understand why you wouldn't be eager to go out and leave her. We didn't want to leave our Son with anyone until he was about 3 months. Especially if you're still recovering.



I think you have taken a big step in setting the Sunday only rule, it's a shame he keeps phoning you all day though. Maybe just be straight with him. You're really happy and impressed he wants to spend so much time with his new Granddaughter and his Son's family but as a family you need your time. Let him know it's hard for you to relax and recover when you feel you have to adjust your schedule to his visits, or he calls all the time.



It's better to hurt his feelings a little now rather than have a huge blow up of emotion or building resentment.

Tamika - posted on 07/27/2009

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I didnt have this problem, because I told everyone from the start, the first 3-4 months the family is welcome to see the baby by appointment only. The baby needs time to adjust to the new world its living in and her immune system needs to form. You need to make your fiancee understand that you need time to adjust to this new life with baby too. Good Luck, and your daughter and my son share a bithday.

Christina - posted on 07/27/2009

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yeah i agree with Jamie on that one he probably thinks he is helping out with the baby in which most parents feel its there god given right to do so but like jamie said lay it out to schedule it accordingly with grandpa when he can come over and he should know thats his cue to back off. I would be furious if my husband didn't help me with that its his family! he should be doing everything it takes for you and the baby.

Jamie - posted on 07/27/2009

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You just have to put your foot down with your finace and if he wont say anything to grandpa you will have to. I know its probably tough cause its not your dad. But if you want peace your going to have to ask yourself. Hes probably just very excited and Im guessing this is his frist. Let him know you want his love and him to be a part of your daughters life but you also need time to bond with her yourself and develop and routine. You got tossed into this and are working things out, but you will set up special time every week to spend with her. He may not realize hes imposing, he may just think hes being helpful.

Christina - posted on 07/27/2009

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thats a hard one... i mean to me it looks like your fiancee dad just really cares about the baby, is Jocelyn the first grand daughter? that might play a big key into that. or maybe he is just so alone now as you mentioned he is newly divorced, he might be seeking happiness and your daughter might be that to him. it is great to have family around but only if your comfortable with that and i can see your not so you most likely are going to have to sit him down and say look i appreciate you wanting spend a lot of time with jocelyn but i just dont feel it has to be all the time. set a schedule every time you do wish his presence there giving a day and time might help that so you can prepare his arrivals and that will also help him not calling on sunday and asking when all the time.

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