Whats your opinion on spanking?

Caylyn - posted on 02/22/2009 ( 89 moms have responded )

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I had to delete the last post, because i didnt word it right lol



I know its a very sensitive subject but I'd like to you your opinion on it. I see kids in walmart all the time or just random kids where the mother is like no, dont do that sweetie...and their kids are HORRIBLE. If i did that in a public place my mom would take me to the bathroom and spank me, as i got older she just had to say wait till we get home and i was like oh god...lol My discipline method is usually talking to her and timeout, if she is showing her behind real bad, i'll spank her. My parents spanked me when needed...I deserved it, i was prob being real bad for my mom to spank me because she is a real patient person. I'm not saying all kids are bad that aren't spanked but a wide variety of them are. Just wanted opinions on it =)

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Courtney - posted on 02/23/2009

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I have never been spanked myself, I was the good child :)    but my mom would grab my ear and Id stop if I were to start acting up. My brothers got spanked A LOT their 17 and 18 now and their little hoodlums... ones in jail. I'm sure spanking them taught them nothing. My first child I  spanked a few times until I learned other methods. I go by the hands off policy. Why would you put your hands on your child and at the same time tell them hitting is bad? It makes no sense and is confusing to a child. I do a warning and then time out. My 5 boys aged 9, 8, 7, 7, and 5 are well behaved. I just think you need to stick to the rules and be consistent. I couldn't even imagine spanking my kids I'm sur no good will come from it.

Bulelwa - posted on 02/22/2009

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I have so much to say about this topic I hardly know where to start. I hope my offering makes sense and resonates with someone out there. I am against spanking. I believe that it's an easy way out when we don't want to look for creative solutions to interacting with children or when we want to just control them. Ultimately, I think that it teaches children that they can use violence or physical force to get their way or control those who are "weaker" than them. In my observation, children's behaviour is usually a manifestation of how they are feeling. It also depends on age. My boy is 18 months old and is at a stage where he is just exploring his environment. If I take him to the mall, I know i must have time to just follow him around as he walks from shop to shop or shelf to shelf. If it looks like he's going to mess something up or put himself in danger, I just pick him up and distract his attention with something else. My advise is, don't take your child to the mall if you don't have time to entertain his/her exploring the environment, which is a natural stage of development. I think that we should rather learn to talk to children and listen to them, from birth. That way we may avoid resorting to violence or physical force and we set an example of how to deal with conflict. Also, what people call naughty behaviour is usually play or expression of feeling, or exploring for the child, usually the child's intention is not to be bad or do something bad. If we learn to question and find out why the child is behaving the way they are, we might come to better solutions than spanking.

I was spanked by my father when I was younger and I hated it. In retrospect, I realise that I became resentful towards him and I feared him instead of respect him. I avoided "bad" behaviour to avoid a spanking, not because I had the conviction that something was "wrong" and if I thought I could get away with it, I would do it anyway, so spanking didn't work for me. If we see children as human beings in their own right and ourselves as people who are there to teach, guide, support and love them in their journey of life, I think that we'll treat them with more respect. Less spanking and more talking and listening...

Monica - posted on 03/22/2011

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I think it is fine for parents to spank their kids my dad spanked me when I was younger and he did it no matter where we were at my husband and I spank our daughter

[deleted account]

I keep reading on threads like this that hitting/spanking/smack can leave negative effects on a child. As Holly Hall mentions, can lead to depression. While this may happen with some people it dosent happen with all. For example My sister who is now 17, used to have tempertantrums (as most kids do) when she was a toddler at the would last at least 3 hours. My parents tried all sorts of disapline with her, but nothing really worked. She is not depressed, nor does she have any phsycological issues.



My younger sister, brother and including myself were all "smacked" as kids, and yes we did recieve the wooden spoon etc.But that hasn't had any negative effect on us growing up. I was abused growing up, but in a different form from smacking. I'm getting off subject here. I was blamed for the way my brother and sister behaived. I was also used as a third parent (my sister is 5 years younger and my brother is 6 years younger), and when I got my first job, I was then used as a third income. Being used as a third income but me into a hell of a lot of debt which I'm still paying off. You could say "why didn't you just say "No!"?. It was not as easy as that as my parents were good at making you feel bad for saying no. 

Margo - posted on 02/23/2009

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I have to add as well that when i was spanked...i was sent to my room first and the spanking didnt comence until about 10 min later which gave my parents time to calm down a bit so it wasnt done out of anger. Sometimes just the anticipation of being spanked was enough to make me smarten up!

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Amanda - posted on 03/05/2009

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I think one of our biggest problems today is a lack of discipline. I don't believe in abuse, however, whatever works, works. I received spankings, and "hated" my pafrents for all of their rules. Today, I am glad that they did it. I spank my children, when they need it, put them in time out, ground them, or simply talk to them. Different children, and different actions require discipline. As long as the discipline you choose for your child is appropriate, it is the correct action to take.

Rachel - posted on 03/05/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

For all those who believe in spanking...If you wouldn't do it in public, why do it in private? If you truly believed spanking was okay you wouldn't have to wait until you got home, you'd do it wherever, whenever! If there were naysayers all you would have to reply, well I was spanked and I turned out fine...Spanking is not okay anyplace, anytime!



I'm am definately NOT trying to start a fight but if my children deserve a tap on the hand or bum when were out or at home i will give it to them regardless of what other people think or say because they are my children and if i think the deserve a tap then i dam well will give the one. Saying that i have only ever tapped all 3 of mine a couple of times in their life and that was when they were little and now all i have to do is take something away from them and they understand not to continue with that behaviour. None of my kids are scared of me because i have always explained the reason y they got the tap and i have never tapped them in anger or frustration and my kids all come to me with their problems and respect me NOT fear me because i have always showed them love even after they had been giving a tap. Your opinion is that spanking is not okay anyplace or anytime and thats fine i don't hold that opinion against you so y do PEOPLE hold my opinion of that i was spanked as a kid and i turned out fine, against me? This topic is very much a 2 sided coin, people who DO spank their kids thats great if it works for you and people who DONT spank their kids thats great if that works for you too. No 2 people are the same and i think us humans tend to forget that when it comes to parenting, i have 3 kids in which i have had to adapt to the way that they respond as my son responds better to being grounded were my eldest daughter only responds to the naughty chair and my youngest daughter will only respond with the loss of her favourite toy(she's only 2 so she only looses it for 2 hrs lol) but they all know and respect the fact that if they do continue withe their behaviour then there will be a light tap on the butt and they stop.

Jennifer - posted on 02/26/2009

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I also use the count to 3 method, and then I spank. I tried time out and it worked for about a month. After, that she just got worse and started beating on whatever wall she was standing by - so I started spanking. I do it hard enough so she realizes that it's a punishment but not hard enough to leave a mark. I also pop her hand when she does something I ask her not to three times. I've tried other methods and nothing seems to work with my two year old.

Caylyn - posted on 02/26/2009

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Quoting Misty:



My opinion is it teaches that hurting other people is okay and also just don't get caught.  In my opinon consquences should fit the crime.  I know a kindergarden who is terror and gotten a referral.  He gets spanked all the time.  So it doesn't work.  Also I think parents need to realize that kids need something to do in a store a job or task to keep them calm.  Like helping with the lists.  I could go on, but I think you get my view.






I just wanted to add to your comment.  Just because one kid is a terror and gets spanked and it "doesnt work" on him, doesn't mean a little tap doesnt work on other kids.  If i tap my daughters butt, she doesn't even feel it but knows that i mean business and changes her attitude.  So i don't think it is appropriate to say just because one kid getting spanked doesnt work, that every kid in the world it wont work on either..

Caylyn - posted on 02/26/2009

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Quoting Misty:



My opinion is it teaches that hurting other people is okay and also just don't get caught.  In my opinon consquences should fit the crime.  I know a kindergarden who is terror and gotten a referral.  He gets spanked all the time.  So it doesn't work.  Also I think parents need to realize that kids need something to do in a store a job or task to keep them calm.  Like helping with the lists.  I could go on, but I think you get my view.






I just wanted to add to your comment.  Just because one kid is a terror and gets spanked and it "doesnt work" on him, doesn't mean a little tap doesnt work on other kids.  If i tap my daughters butt, she doesn't even feel it but knows that i mean business and changes her attitude.  So i don't think it is appropriate to say just because one kid getting spanked doesnt work, that every kid in the world it wont work on either..

Nadine - posted on 02/26/2009

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well my step son is now eight and had never really been spanked until a few months ago. he has gotten way out of hand and now the swats aren't having any effect. i was never spanked as a cild but all my mom had to do was raise her voice and i was scared. Kids now like to test you. i say do it but limit yourself from doing it out of anger because it could get out of hand.

Aundrea - posted on 02/26/2009

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I personally think it depends on the child. some kids you only have to talk to others timeout works and some times you have to spank them. I would say find what works for you child and do it. when i was was growing up spanking was a last resort for my mom she never just hit me she would try other things first and if those didnt work then i would get spanked.

Amanda - posted on 02/26/2009

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Quoting Holly:

I researched the effects of spanking for a paper in college. Spanking causes many negative long-term effects such as a higher risk for depression. In addition, studies have shown that while spanking might convince kids to stop a behavior in the short-term it does not stop them from doing that behavior again any more than another type of discipline such as a time-out. Reasoning is the most effective way to get your kids to stop a behavior in the long-term.



I agree with this completely. If you are just looking for short term results then spanking will most likely work but it will not change the long term behavior because it doesnt change the child's reasoning or though processess. Plus as parents we are supposed to MODEL appropriate behavior. I dont know about everyone else but I do not want to model physical violence in any form as appropriate for my children. There are tons of other ways to get your child to behave...this includes making sure your child gets enough rest/snacks/exercise and not expecting behavior that they are not developmentally ready to exhibit.

[deleted account]

Quoting Margo:



Quoting Cassie:

Spanking is abuse!
If you cannot raise a child well without beating them then you probably should not have a child.






People that make statements like this are idiots...and idiots should not have children






This is ridiculous. I mean we are supposed to be adults here. Spanking is NOT beating. There is a very fine line between spanking and beating. I spank my son,and I will do it any day, in front of anyone, children need to understand there are consequences with certain actions. My child means more to me than anything on this Earth, and I would NEVER beat him. Lets act our age here, come on!

Kelly - posted on 02/26/2009

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I think that spanking is fine too!!  Time outs are good as well, as long as your not slapping i think its fine!  I was raised being spanked too!!  I just know for myself i will be very careful, you dont know how other people feel so i dont think that walmart would be a good place to spank your child!!! :)

Kelly - posted on 02/26/2009

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I think that spanking is fine too!!  Time outs are good as well, as long as your not slapping i think its fine!  I was raised being spanked too!!  I just know for myself i will be very careful, you dont know how other people feel so i dont think that walmart would be a good place to spank your child!!! :)

[deleted account]

My son is 21 months and he gets spanked. He is extremely smart, and he understands that when you do something bad, your consequence is a spanking, which is a deterrence for him not to do something b/c he doesnt want to get spanked. I totally agree with it, it's impossible to teach your kids not to do something without some sort of discipline. I hate seeing kids in stores pitching a fit and their parents just ignoring them. It's a nuisance to shoppers. Take them into the bathroom and spank them. My son gets his hand popped all the time, but if he does something bigger than just like touching my laptop, then we will spank him.

Nadine - posted on 02/26/2009

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Personally, I do NOT believe in apanking your children, there people, you don't hit people..Isn't that what we teach our children "it's not nice to hit", So how can we possibly teach our children that when we are doing just that very thing, It's completely contradicting.



Chidren will only be "bad" if you allow it, it's all in how you raise your children, if your firm with them, kneel down to there eye level and teach them that way they will not need spankings.  To me..spanking is still hitting no matter how you look at it, so..it's abuse.  And abusing your children isnt going to get your point across and your not going to raise very happy children.

Bulelwa - posted on 02/26/2009

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Quoting Kate:



Quoting Melissa:




I am a HANDS on FULL TIME mom. I mean literally I am lucky if I get away from my kids for an our every 2 weeks. I do not use sitters and my husband works 12-14 hours a day. And I have tried everything with my youngest child (who is 22 months). I try to talk to her, take her away from situations, occupy her with something else. Time-outs don't work, can't send her to her room cause she just tears it apart and that is more of a punishment for me. I try the 1....2....3 and still nothing works with her. She is not a bad or naughty child, but very strong willed and likes to push my buttons and test my limits.








So as Kate and Bulelwa had said about misbehaving children being due to the parents. Can you explain to me how it is my fault that my daughter likes to pull the caps out of the electrical sockets constantly. Or climb up on my kitchen chairs up onto the table. (even though I have gone as far as to move with kitchen chairs into another room and she just drag them back into the kitchen)? How is it my fault that she likes to try to climb the baby gate, or try to jump from the coffe table to the couch?








I try not to spank my kids not sometimes it is the only thing that works. If my youngest took a crayon and colored all over my walls She wouldn't get spanked, I would explain to her what she did wrong and take crayons away from her for awhile. But certain things I can't remove and she is CONSTANTLY at them no matter how many talks we have or how many times I remove her from the situation or how many time outs she gets. So she gets swatted on the bum or hand sometimes. I do not think that makes me a bad parent.








As I had said in a previous post My oldest who is 6 would rather a spanking than any type of time out or being sent to her room without video games and TV. So she doesn't get spanked, and she was only spanked once when she was about 4.








So each child is different and need to dealt with in different ways.








 









Woah! Slow down! I didn't say it was a parent's fault that a child misbehaves. I said it was MY fault MY child had a melt down in public. I also said that some children do not handle being spanked very well-this includes my kid. The thought of Mommy or Daddy being mad at her is punishment enough FOR HER. Okay, that being said, here is my take on behavior modification and discipline:






As adults we set examples for children. They learn by observing us what is socially acceptable, right and wrong. We should not lead by force, but by example. The way a person (read: child) behaves is directly related to their surroundings. Note that you cannot change a person, but you CAN change the environment. You said each child is different and needs to be dealt with in different ways and I could not agree with you more. While one child may gain more perspective on the consequences to their actions from a time out, another may be more responsive to correcting the indiscretion: if child A bites child B, child A should help dress the wound and care for child B. This teaches respect, empathy, and consequences to actions. For more information on this method of teaching and to learn more about the Montessori method visit http://www.montessori.edu/






I, personally, am not a big fan of spanking. I'm really against spanking when a parent is trying to teach a child not to hit people which is just plain confusing. Unless the child is being out and out abused then the way a person disciplines their child is really non of my business. If a parent asks me for my opinion or for help, then I will gladly offer some advice. But if a family has found that one particular method of discipline works for their child and their situation, well...if it ain't broke, don't fix it.






And that's my two cents. :)






Melissa, I'm also a full time mom but I have 1 child who's 18months old so I can imagine what it must be like for you. Hats off to you and much respect. Much respect to all full time parents!



If you read my statement well, you'll see that I said it's an adult's "fault" most of the time. I say Most of the time because I recognise that there are times when that is not true. I put fault in quotation marks to indicate - for lack of a better word - and to say that I'm not putting this in a blaming way.



You sound like a conscientious mom. Obviously I'm not in your shoes and don't have all the details of your situation but please, indulge me. With your 22 month old, is it possible that she doesn't get enough opportunities to be outside much, like in the park where she can climb on things that are meant to be climbed? You chose to have more than one child. You choose to be a full time, hands-on mom. You choose to not have help. And I'm not saying these choices are wrong. I'm just saying examine your situation and look at how it impacts your children, and their behaviour in daily details and in the bigger picture. So, this is what I meant, whether we are aware of it or not, our thoughts, beliefs, experiences, feelings, attitudes - consciousness - lead to the choices we make and these impact on our children and their behaviour, positive and negative. So before inflicting physical pain on a child, think about this.



At the end of the day, we all do what is available for us. I guess we make these comments because we hope that they will create a positive impact on someone's life, especially a child.

Jennifer - posted on 02/25/2009

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Well, for me spanking in a touchy subject. But here it goes. Spanking is a form of discipline, so I don't think its wrong. But when you are in a public place it becomes wrong because the people who don't know you are assuming you are "beating" your child. So taking your child to a bathroom will prob work if no one else is in there. Like I said in todays world its hard to discipline your child the right way cause to people who don't know any better they are assuming you are beating your child.



I know first hand on what beating your child is. I was a mother at 18, got married at 18 and let me tell you, I am no perfect mother. Today my daugther and I argue like sisters. We barely have the connection like I see most mothers and daughters have. It hurts me too. I love my daughter, but sometimes I just wish things that I shouldn't. I am an okay Mom. I am def not a perfect Mom. 



Sorry got off subject. Well, like I said before I think spanking is alright. I just know that in todays society no matter where you are or what you are doing, people who don't know you will think you are beating your child.

User - posted on 02/25/2009

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i think they're fine!!! in the uk it ILLEGAL smack a child, if u leave a red mark. but ive smacked my son if he's needed it, like playing with plug sockets and time outs didnt work. sometime u have to

Candise - posted on 02/24/2009

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I was spanked when I was younger and it had a pretty negative affect on me. I think that if you spank your child when they act up, it just teaches them to hit people when they dont act the way they like. I do think a small pop on the bum or back of the leg is ok, just to get a point across, but only when completley nessesary. Children should be treated the way you would want them to act to others, and at a young age, spanking will just teach them to hit when displeased.

Melissa - posted on 02/24/2009

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I was spanked as a child. BUT, I do believe that trying different methods first would be best before going straight to the spanking. Mainly because to this date, the times that i did get spankings, I don't remember the WHY they did it, just the fact that they did do it. So what does that tell you!!!

Jennifer - posted on 02/24/2009

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I wasn't spanked as a child because my parents didn't need to spank me. My mom had a 1-2-3 Hot Seat policy. She would count and if I didn't stop what I was doing, I'd go in time out. I'd usually start crying by the time she got to 2 and was super apologetic. My sister wasn't spanked but probably should have been because she was in direct defiance of my parents on a regular basis. She's now almost 17 and still knows how to get away with stuff because my parents don't really "lay down the law" with her. My husband was spanked as a child and he swears that it saved his life and made him a better person. I think if you do it correctly (not in public, with an explanation, not when you're hot tempered), it can be very beneficial. That being said, I don't think spanking is appropriate for all kids so we'll play it by ear with our kids.

Cassie - posted on 02/24/2009

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That was my only factor with the matter. Really, I think a lil' pop not hard at all is okay just to get there attention NOT hurt them. I think that if you get used to spanking your kids then they wont react and in some cases parents begain to take it too far and not only spank the behind. Does that make sense?

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2009

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i think it can be used in the right circumstances, i have given my older 2 boys smackson the hand but our main form of discipline is time out. I do believe that some parents cantake spanking too far.

Amanda - posted on 02/24/2009

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My husband and I do not believe in spanking. We were both spanked as children. I think that spanking is unessesary. When our daughter misbehaves we have a 3 step process. 1. we tell her what she is doing wrong and why. 2. If she continues to misbehave we send her to her room. 3. If she is still misbehaving after that then we again address what she has done wrong and tell her to go put her nose in the corner.



We do get very frusterated with her, and most times don't think this is working. But then we see her start to do the thing that she was punished for... and she stops and thinks about it.  Sometimes she will do it... and we have to all over. But sometimes she doesn't. And it is at those times we know we are doing the right thing.



I know what a hard topic this is. I also know that what we do for our family isn't right for every one.



I don't think scaring our kids into obeying us is going to teach them reason. All spanking teaches kids is that the people who love them the most in the world will hit them when they are bad.

Amanda - posted on 02/24/2009

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My husband and I do not believe in spanking. We were both spanked as children. I think that spanking is unessesary. When our daughter misbehaves we have a 3 step process. 1. we tell her what she is doing wrong and why. 2. If she continues to misbehave we send her to her room. 3. If she is still misbehaving after that then we again address what she has done wrong and tell her to go put her nose in the corner.



We do get very frusterated with her, and most times don't think this is working. But then we see her start to do the thing that she was punished for... and she stops and thinks about it.  Sometimes she will do it... and we have to all over. But sometimes she doesn't. And it is at those times we know we are doing the right thing.



I know what a hard topic this is. I also know that what we do for our family isn't right for every one.



I don't think scaring our kids into obeying us is going to teach them reason. All spanking teaches kids is that the people who love them the most in the world will hit them when they are bad.

Amanda - posted on 02/24/2009

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My husband and I do not believe in spanking. We were both spanked as children. I think that spanking is unessesary. When our daughter misbehaves we have a 3 step process. 1. we tell her what she is doing wrong and why. 2. If she continues to misbehave we send her to her room. 3. If she is still misbehaving after that then we again address what she has done wrong and tell her to go put her nose in the corner.



We do get very frusterated with her, and most times don't think this is working. But then we see her start to do the thing that she was punished for... and she stops and thinks about it.  Sometimes she will do it... and we have to all over. But sometimes she doesn't. And it is at those times we know we are doing the right thing.



I know what a hard topic this is. I also know that what we do for our family isn't right for every one.



I don't think scaring our kids into obeying us is going to teach them reason. All spanking teaches kids is that the people who love them the most in the world will hit them when they are bad.

Silvana - posted on 02/24/2009

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i'm sure i got a few spankings myself but none that have traumatized me or that i can even remember...i think if it can be avoided than i'd rather not go there if you know what i mean..and i've been to walmart myself and i may be wrong but in my opinion i think perhaps those parents might have let too many things get away and are now kinda out of control a bit.

Vicki - posted on 02/24/2009

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Nobody saying beat ya kid till black n blue.Just a little tap on the hand and say No.

[deleted account]

First of all before I say what I'm about to say is that it is not my intention to offend anyone.



I feel that we are becoming too PC. We get frowend upon for anything we do from those mothers who bottlefeed or breast feed to how they choose to disapline our child(ren).



I believe it is every parents right to choose the form of disapline on their chil(dren).



In 2007, with the help of Green MP  (Member of Parliament) Sue Bradford, In New Zealand, a bill was passed into law that took away the parental right to "smack" their child. The reason behind this law change was for many years some parents have been brought into the limelight for abusing their child.




We had a case here recently to do with child abuse was a defenseless child Nia Glassy was brutally beated for much of her three years. Her mother let her parnter, and family  members repeatledly bash the poor child (his reason for it was:she was ugly"), she was used as a wrestling doll, hung from a washing line and also put in a dryer. Many of the family members had abused this poor child, the neighbours herd this child being abused and did nothing.



When this law changed it caused great controversy here, in New Zealand. Most parents reacted and said this is our right and its being taken away. Not every parent out there wants to abuse their child but do believe that a "smack" will do no harm to a child but will teach them "No".Although there is a big difference between a swat/"smack" and a smack. A smack  like poor Nia recieved is abuse but there is line between how force full your smack is.



I was smacked growing up, it did not make me fear my parents, nor does it have any negative affect on me now.



A friend of my Mum's, her eldest child had no disapline growing up. She wa told "no" but her mother never went through with any punishments. She ended up walking all over her mother and took advangtage of that. She didn't like it when her mother had a couple of relationships, and wen she realised when her mother entered into a serious relationship, she tried to sabotage it . This girl was the oldest of three children. Her little sister looked up to her and started to behave just like her.



I do believe in smacking but not to a point where it becomes a beating. Thats my opinion.



When a topic like this is put up it can cause a great deal of arguments between parents (that too depending on how it is worded-if thats such a word). It would be nice if we could all discuss threads like this in a positive manner and not name call each other.



Now I do appologies if I have offended anyone on here, thats not my intention but I felt I needed to say this.

Britny - posted on 02/24/2009

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I think the ONLY thing that skept me out of trouble in school and throughout life was the fact that IF I did something wrong and my mom found out about it, I knew what would happen. I hate seeing kids in public screaming over candly bars or something they cant have. I know that child abuse is a big issue now days, but I hardly think spanking qualifies!

Emily - posted on 02/24/2009

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Wow, this is clearly a controversial topic.  I prefer the timeout method, the counting and the distraction methods personally, however, I have given my 2 1/2 year old a spanking on the bottom; not hard enough to really hurt but hard enough for him to get the message and only when all else fails.  I do however give a tap to the back of the hand when my toddler or my 10 month old is touching something that is dangerous - like pulling the electrical covers off (but only after they've been told no; i would never give a spanking unless they've been explicitly told no).  I am very fortunate that both of my children listen well and usually do what they are told.



Whether or not you choose to discipline your child with positive punishment, spankings, timeout, etc... depends on what is right for you and your children.



 

Danielle - posted on 02/24/2009

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Some kids just need to be spanked... but most of the time if you just threatin to spank they will straighten up.



I've always believe what I was raised on... spare the rod and spoil the child... and tho i also believe all children have the right to be spoiled I also think that eveything in moteration is a good way to live.



I don't want my daughter to think she's going to get everything she wants just cuz she throws a fit and if I ask her if she wants a spanking she'll usually say no and cut it out.



You just have to try to understand where your child is coming from and why they are acting out at the time to decide weather a spanking is the solution to the problem.



And if you a mom, a good mom knows her children for the most part!

Jena - posted on 02/24/2009

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I don't believe in spanking. I can remember one time in my entire life my mom ever spanked me. My dad never did. My parents practiced and taught at times STEP- systematic training for effective parenting. If you spank your child as a form of discipline your child doesn't learn that he is doing something wrong, he learns to fear you.



I saw a Nanny 911 where the father spanked his little kids, and then he started slapping them in the face. It was so sad. I'm not saying all ppl who spank end up hitting their children in the face. I'm just saying it could happen.



My daughter is a baby now, but when she is older I plan to use time outs.



 

Chantel - posted on 02/24/2009

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I was raised with spanking, although I didn't get many. I guess just knowing what would happen was enough to deter bad behaviour, lol! My daughter is 10 months old and she gets her hand tapped if she won't listen when I tell her no. I agree maybe more people should be a little more harsh with their discipline. I too have seen horrible kids and their parents just say ( Susie, don't do that sweetie. Mommy said no, okay?) And WHAT is that going to teach her?? lol.

Laura - posted on 02/24/2009

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Like most of us, I was also raised with spankings.. although they were more of just a tap on the butt. Before I would get the spanking, my mother or father would explain why I was getting it, so that I knew exactly what I had done wrong and what I was getting punished for.

On that note, I decided not to spank my son. I dont necessarily believe it's right or wrong, I just feel that there are other options. My 4 year old is incredibly well behaved (unlike my younger son) and I have never spanked him. He has time-outs, or we take away a movie for the night or some game time (4 years old and playing on the PS3 is a whole other issue :P).

Personally, I just believe that when disciplining your child, the MAIN thing to keep in mind is to have the child CLEARLY understand what they have done wrong, and why it was wrong/dangerous/hurtful. If they understand that what they have done is unacceptable, then perhaps a tap on the bum is something that will have them remember the situation. As I said though, I put my son in time out for what he has done, and when he is ready to come out, we have a long talk about why he was in time out. I ask him if he knows why he was in time out, and if he can't answer, I explain it's because he hit the baby/threw his toys/etc.. and that Mommy had told him before that that action was unacceptable. Children NEED to understand why they are getting in trouble, so that they can know what NOT to do, which is just as important as knowing what TO do.



Just as a side note... I know I mentioned it a couple of times, but I'll just go over it one more time.. I consider spanking a slight TAP on the rear end. I do not agree with anything that would actually inflict PAIN on a child. I do NOT think it is a good idea to 'beat' your children, nor to hit a child on the face or anywhere else that is more sensitive than a bottom. Thank you :)

Kate CP - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Margo:



Quoting Cassie:

Spanking is abuse!
If you cannot raise a child well without beating them then you probably should not have a child.






People that make statements like this are idiots...and idiots should not have children





Hey, guys, no hitting below the belt. Let's keep this clean and civilized, shall we?

Kate CP - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Melissa:



I am a HANDS on FULL TIME mom. I mean literally I am lucky if I get away from my kids for an our every 2 weeks. I do not use sitters and my husband works 12-14 hours a day. And I have tried everything with my youngest child (who is 22 months). I try to talk to her, take her away from situations, occupy her with something else. Time-outs don't work, can't send her to her room cause she just tears it apart and that is more of a punishment for me. I try the 1....2....3 and still nothing works with her. She is not a bad or naughty child, but very strong willed and likes to push my buttons and test my limits.






So as Kate and Bulelwa had said about misbehaving children being due to the parents. Can you explain to me how it is my fault that my daughter likes to pull the caps out of the electrical sockets constantly. Or climb up on my kitchen chairs up onto the table. (even though I have gone as far as to move with kitchen chairs into another room and she just drag them back into the kitchen)? How is it my fault that she likes to try to climb the baby gate, or try to jump from the coffe table to the couch?






I try not to spank my kids not sometimes it is the only thing that works. If my youngest took a crayon and colored all over my walls She wouldn't get spanked, I would explain to her what she did wrong and take crayons away from her for awhile. But certain things I can't remove and she is CONSTANTLY at them no matter how many talks we have or how many times I remove her from the situation or how many time outs she gets. So she gets swatted on the bum or hand sometimes. I do not think that makes me a bad parent.






As I had said in a previous post My oldest who is 6 would rather a spanking than any type of time out or being sent to her room without video games and TV. So she doesn't get spanked, and she was only spanked once when she was about 4.






So each child is different and need to dealt with in different ways.






 





Woah! Slow down! I didn't say it was a parent's fault that a child misbehaves. I said it was MY fault MY child had a melt down in public. I also said that some children do not handle being spanked very well-this includes my kid. The thought of Mommy or Daddy being mad at her is punishment enough FOR HER. Okay, that being said, here is my take on behavior modification and discipline:



As adults we set examples for children. They learn by observing us what is socially acceptable, right and wrong. We should not lead by force, but by example. The way a person (read: child) behaves is directly related to their surroundings. Note that you cannot change a person, but you CAN change the environment. You said each child is different and needs to be dealt with in different ways and I could not agree with you more. While one child may gain more perspective on the consequences to their actions from a time out, another may be more responsive to correcting the indiscretion: if child A bites child B, child A should help dress the wound and care for child B. This teaches respect, empathy, and consequences to actions. For more information on this method of teaching and to learn more about the Montessori method visit http://www.montessori.edu/



I, personally, am not a big fan of spanking. I'm really against spanking when a parent is trying to teach a child not to hit people which is just plain confusing. Unless the child is being out and out abused then the way a person disciplines their child is really non of my business. If a parent asks me for my opinion or for help, then I will gladly offer some advice. But if a family has found that one particular method of discipline works for their child and their situation, well...if it ain't broke, don't fix it.



And that's my two cents. :)

Kerry - posted on 02/24/2009

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I do not believe in spankings. I will slap my sons hands, say no and move him; but that is it. I was not raised with spankings. I feel that you do not need to spank a child to get your point across. Those children that are out of control at a store and the parents say do not do that and the children continue to do that; are not thatway because they do not get spanked. They are that way because their is no punishment at all. They get away with it. Parents like that let their children walk all over them. Alot of people do not want people to think that they are mean parents so they try to ignore it. They need to address the issue right when it happens. I believe that a child needs a punishment but also needs to be told what they did wrong and why it was wrong.

Margo - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Cassie:

Spanking is abuse!
If you cannot raise a child well without beating them then you probably should not have a child.



People that make statements like this are idiots...and idiots should not have children

Sarah - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Cassie:

Spanking is abuse!
If you cannot raise a child well without beating them then you probably should not have a child.


 



Now wait a minute...do you think you may have gone a little too far? You simply can not make a blanket statement like "spanking is abuse". Not all forms of spanking is abuse. I will say 'no no' to my daughter if she is touching something that is dangerous and tap her hand. To many that would be considered spanking but i would not agree with you that that is abuse. you must look at individual situations before passing such judgments. I am not 'beating' my daughter when i pat her bottom to get her away from a dangerous situation and i am not a bad parent for doing so. 

Melissa - posted on 02/24/2009

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I am a HANDS on FULL TIME mom. I mean literally I am lucky if I get away from my kids for an our every 2 weeks. I do not use sitters and my husband works 12-14 hours a day. And I have tried everything with my youngest child (who is 22 months). I try to talk to her, take her away from situations, occupy her with something else. Time-outs don't work, can't send her to her room cause she just tears it apart and that is more of a punishment for me. I try the 1....2....3 and still nothing works with her. She is not a bad or naughty child, but very strong willed and likes to push my buttons and test my limits.



So as Kate and Bulelwa had said about misbehaving children being due to the parents. Can you explain to me how it is my fault that my daughter likes to pull the caps out of the electrical sockets constantly. Or climb up on my kitchen chairs up onto the table. (even though I have gone as far as to move with kitchen chairs into another room and she just drag them back into the kitchen)? How is it my fault that she likes to try to climb the baby gate, or try to jump from the coffe table to the couch?



I try not to spank my kids not sometimes it is the only thing that works. If my youngest took a crayon and colored all over my walls She wouldn't get spanked, I would explain to her what she did wrong and take crayons away from her for awhile. But certain things I can't remove and she is CONSTANTLY at them no matter how many talks we have or how many times I remove her from the situation or how many time outs she gets. So she gets swatted on the bum or hand sometimes. I do not think that makes me a bad parent.



As I had said in a previous post My oldest who is 6 would rather a spanking than any type of time out or being sent to her room without video games and TV. So she doesn't get spanked, and she was only spanked once when she was about 4.



So each child is different and need to dealt with in different ways.



 

[deleted account]

my mom whipped my butt as a kid and i think that is why i turned out pretty good. She never spanked my brother and he has had all kinds of decipline problems. I have three girls and i dont spank often I always start out with a talk then a time out but some things require an immediate spanking like when my 2 year old runs out into the street and she knows she isnt supposed to I swat her butt. there is a big difference between spaking to get their attention to let them know what they are doing is wrong and just beating the crap out of your kids and i think as long as you are not spaking out of anger there is nothing wrong with spanking your kids. I see a lot of kids now a days and think to myself if their parents would take some control and wip that kids butt they probably wouldnt act like that.

Cassie - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Cassie:

I don't see how spanking your child will solve anything. I think that they would just get used to the spakings and still not stop what they were doing unless you spank them hard enough to really hurt but then wouldn't that be abuse to HURT your child?


 

Jen - posted on 02/24/2009

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Quoting Holly:

Saying that you were spanked & you turned out fine is like pointing to someone who smoked but lived to 80 to prove that smoking doesn't cause cancer. You might be fine but all the studies strongly show that children who are spanking are more likely to have a wide variety of problems than children who are not spanked. Since this is your children's emotional/psychological healthy we are talking about why risk it. I would reccoment the Positive Discipline series for those who need some ideas for effective discipline that does not harm your children.


Hi, I'm a qualified Early Childhood Educator and I completely agree with Holly!

Bulelwa - posted on 02/24/2009

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Wow! Obviously this topic touches a nerve with many of us. I can't believe the number of people who believe spanking is ok. It says a lot about our consciousness as a planet. I have a request for those who believe in spanking: the next time your child "misbehaves" or is being "naughty" please, try to see what is causing the behaviour and acknowledge the child's feelings before you smack/spank/swat...whatever. Just like Kate shared, most of the time it's an adults "fault" that a child will misbehave and we need to take more responsibility.

[deleted account]

Quoting Melissa:

For all those who believe in spanking...If you wouldn't do it in public, why do it in private? If you truly believed spanking was okay you wouldn't have to wait until you got home, you'd do it wherever, whenever! If there were naysayers all you would have to reply, well I was spanked and I turned out fine...Spanking is not okay anyplace, anytime!


OPINION-An opinion is a falsifiable, or the opinion has not been proven or verified. If it later becomes proven or verified, it is no longer an opinion, but a fact.

[deleted account]

Quoting Holly:

I really truly don't understand the comment I keep reading about kids "deserving" a spanking. No one ever deserves to be hit. You wouldn't think it was ok for your child to hit another child even if they told you that the other kid did something to "deserve" it.


It sounds lik you have your own personal reasons for not liking spanking maybe something happened to you and that affected you opinion on it but it's just that your opinion how dare you tell someone their own opinion is wrong this is a forum where someone posts a question and many people from all differnt walks of life can come and leave their own opinion on the situtation there is no wrong or right answer what happens in your house is what happens in your house.

[deleted account]

i think spanking on the butt is different then beating the hell outta your kids for some reason when people here the word spank maybe they flash back to their own child hood lol i have not a clue but there is a huge difference i believe than patting them on the butt if they are in the wrong verses beating the living crap out of them like i see on base all the time

Corrie - posted on 02/24/2009

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the way i see it, by spanking a child, you are showing them that the bigger person can hit someone if they don't like the actions of the other person. parent or not, how do you teach your child it's wrong to hit when you hit them? there are other ways of dealing with issue, such as taking away priviledges or favourite toys, time outs, ect.  i feel like spanking is done in anger and is not a way to teach your child to deal with problems. i remember watching my parents spank my brother, and then i thought it was ok to hit when i didn't like what someone was doing. it instills fear, not respect.

Kate CP - posted on 02/24/2009

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I don't spank my daughter and here is a perfect situation why not: I was at Wal-Mart yesterday with my 3 year old and we were doing just fine...until we got to the check out and she saw those games you can ride. She really wanted to ride one and I told her now because my hands were full and I knew she was getting tired. And that is where the fit began. Most embarrassing experience of my life, honestly. I could feel every single eye on me and my daughter and I have never wanted to spank her butt so much before in my life. But, I didn't spank her. Why? I knew it would just make the whole situation worse because she was tired and cranky and hitting her wouldn't get her to stop her tantrum. So, I got a cart, wheeled her butt outside and we sat down on the sidewalk near the building and I held her until she calmed down. Then we went home. She had a meltdown because of me-I kept her out too long and she was just too tired and stressed out. While beating the tar out of her was REALLY tempting, I knew it wouldn't help the situation at all. I took her out of the overly-stimulating environment, calmed her down, and took her home. The only person who got a spanking was me-I kicked myself for keeping her out too long.
I *have* spanked her in the past-just a swift swat on the butt- and it didn't help at all. She was so distraught over the fact that I hit her that the original offense that "deserved" the spanking was totally forgotten. Some children just can't handle a spanking.

Margo - posted on 02/23/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

For all those who believe in spanking...If you wouldn't do it in public, why do it in private? If you truly believed spanking was okay you wouldn't have to wait until you got home, you'd do it wherever, whenever! If there were naysayers all you would have to reply, well I was spanked and I turned out fine...Spanking is not okay anyplace, anytime!



I WOULD do it in public if the situation happened. Like i said previously, there is a fine line between spanking and abuse. And if you dont know that line then you should NEVER use spanking as a punishment. I dont think its a good idea to use spanking as an everyday thing but as a very last resort if nothing else is working.

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