When others step in ....

Maryann - posted on 10/04/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Going nuts when people step in when I am desciplining my child... Or I tell my child one thing and someone listening tells them another... I have been nice...And have said my peace... But my line is getting crossed to often... They are my kids!!!! I don't care if your grandma, Uncle, Aunt, or a friend.. What I say to my child should be respected and left alone.. Unless I ask for your assistence.... How do I deal with these people with out making them angry with me, or making a scene????

13 Comments

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Tara - posted on 10/04/2009

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Quoting Maryann :



Quoting tara:

Tell them clearly and politely but firmly, these are your kids and add in whatever else you want to tell them. its not rude to say so. I had the same issues until I put my foot down. Tough love for all. It took a few times of me getting upset with them but it worked. My bf just flat out told his family before hand and they listened quite well. If you dont communicate with people, how are they supposed to know what you want and how you feel? And (not trying to start on you I say this as nicely as possible) how are your children supposed to respect your authority as their parent with all these other people under-minding you? Not to mention it doesnt show your child or teach them rather, very good communication skills and how to stick up for yourself. We must always stand firmly. Maybe have your partner do it for you? I mean if its his family maybe they will listen better to him.





Thanks, alot has been said already... And I have mentioned to my man that the girls tend to ignore me at times, because they witness others doing so...It's hard because we live in a very large house with some of his fam.. since they moved into state acouple of years ago...My man has mentioned some things a couple times.. But he is not a firm as me...Sadly I can't just stop them from seeing my girls, when I live with them...





Tough deal. I say sit down with your hubby and make it known that this is affecting the children and most of all your happiness. If all else, ignore the pesky family members as best you can when it comes to you doing your job as a parent. Make it known to your children that what you say goes and no one elses word matters. When they step in push back and be firm, most of all stubborn. Allow no room for push. And be consistant with the way you deal with the kids and why. Best of luck and I hope I helped a little bit.

Jamie - posted on 10/04/2009

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I say make the scene once, embarass them, they probably wont do it again. But thats me, Im the family bitch.

Marion - posted on 10/04/2009

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I know for sure what you are going thought, I've been there and I am still going though it with some of my family as well ... You've got to keep reminding them that you are there mother and what you say goes. Grant it they will be upset with you but they will get over it.

[deleted account]

I know exactly how you all feel and I've set up my own group for this purpose. It's called "I'm the Parent!"



This is an open, free speech group that has the potential to attract drama, but don't worry. I've also set up a nicer supportive group and I'll add the link to that one when I get chance. For now feel free to click on the link and join I'm the Parent! Don't be shy about being the first one to reply. Get posting and venting and let this group take off. All are welcome.



http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/gr...



In answer to the OP. You have to trust your instincts and be confident about your parenting choices. You don't have to listen to anyone else. You are the mom and you know best.

Maryann - posted on 10/04/2009

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Quoting Carrie:

I know exactly what you are talking about!! My mother in law does that with my kids! We just stopped going over there so it wouldn't happen any more! My mother used to do that until I got onto her telling her that these are my children and they will listen to me!! I told her that she was underminding me in front of my children and that if it didn't end then she wouldn't see them like she does now! I know that was harsh but it worked!



Sorry I can't do... I live with them at this time...

Maryann - posted on 10/04/2009

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Quoting tara:

Tell them clearly and politely but firmly, these are your kids and add in whatever else you want to tell them. its not rude to say so. I had the same issues until I put my foot down. Tough love for all. It took a few times of me getting upset with them but it worked. My bf just flat out told his family before hand and they listened quite well. If you dont communicate with people, how are they supposed to know what you want and how you feel? And (not trying to start on you I say this as nicely as possible) how are your children supposed to respect your authority as their parent with all these other people under-minding you? Not to mention it doesnt show your child or teach them rather, very good communication skills and how to stick up for yourself. We must always stand firmly. Maybe have your partner do it for you? I mean if its his family maybe they will listen better to him.


Thanks, alot has been said already... And I have mentioned to my man that the girls tend to ignore me at times, because they witness others doing so...It's hard because we live in a very large house with some of his fam.. since they moved into state acouple of years ago...My man has mentioned some things a couple times.. But he is not a firm as me...Sadly I can't just stop them from seeing my girls, when I live with them...

Kathryn - posted on 10/04/2009

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i had this fight with my father. he shot at me 'well im his grandfather so i have a say' so i told him 'I am his mother, now if YOU had carried him to term gave birth to him then you would have the bottom line.' also told him that if he didnt like it then he should think fliping it around and how would he feel

Danielle - posted on 10/04/2009

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My mother-in-law used to put her two cents in all the time and actually my husband got so sick of what she was doing to me that we dont see them. We see them every few months and its so much better. I have also told my family if they can not respect my wishes then they wouldnt see my son. If they really care about you and your kids then they will listen. If you feel like it may get ugly have someone babysit your kids so they are not around.

Annee - posted on 10/04/2009

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this was happening a lot with my 4 year old daughter, so i have a list of the rules that are to be followed on the fridge & everyone that is around her needs to read them & they have all been told that my rules are the ones that will be followed first & foremost!

Carrie - posted on 10/04/2009

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I know exactly what you are talking about!! My mother in law does that with my kids! We just stopped going over there so it wouldn't happen any more! My mother used to do that until I got onto her telling her that these are my children and they will listen to me!! I told her that she was underminding me in front of my children and that if it didn't end then she wouldn't see them like she does now! I know that was harsh but it worked!

Tara - posted on 10/04/2009

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Tell them clearly and politely but firmly, these are your kids and add in whatever else you want to tell them. its not rude to say so. I had the same issues until I put my foot down. Tough love for all. It took a few times of me getting upset with them but it worked. My bf just flat out told his family before hand and they listened quite well. If you dont communicate with people, how are they supposed to know what you want and how you feel? And (not trying to start on you I say this as nicely as possible) how are your children supposed to respect your authority as their parent with all these other people under-minding you? Not to mention it doesnt show your child or teach them rather, very good communication skills and how to stick up for yourself. We must always stand firmly. Maybe have your partner do it for you? I mean if its his family maybe they will listen better to him.

Maryann - posted on 10/04/2009

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Quoting Danielle:

I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I are selling our house so we moved into my parents home. Everytime I try to discipline my child they yell at me for giving him time out. It is so frustrating. They also always try to step in and tell me what to do with my child. Finally, one day I had enough and sat my family down adn told them that I appreciate their help but my son is my child and I make the decisions for him. I explained my expectations and rules so that we were all on the same page. I also asked them to respect my wishes as I have respected them all my life. I have to say that the talked helped a lot. They have been much better and interfere a whole lot less. And when they slip up I remind them kindly but sternly that I am the mother. Maybe you can have a family meeting. I wish you the best of luck.


Thankyou!!!! It happens, to be his family.... A meeting would be a good idea!!! But seriously, I 've tried that with something else... And It was laughed at... So we never had one... I've tried the whole I'm the mother.. But certain people feel they have rights because they are related...  I'm affraid things are gonna get ugly..

Danielle - posted on 10/04/2009

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I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I are selling our house so we moved into my parents home. Everytime I try to discipline my child they yell at me for giving him time out. It is so frustrating. They also always try to step in and tell me what to do with my child. Finally, one day I had enough and sat my family down adn told them that I appreciate their help but my son is my child and I make the decisions for him. I explained my expectations and rules so that we were all on the same page. I also asked them to respect my wishes as I have respected them all my life. I have to say that the talked helped a lot. They have been much better and interfere a whole lot less. And when they slip up I remind them kindly but sternly that I am the mother. Maybe you can have a family meeting. I wish you the best of luck.

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