When to tell child about absent biological father...

Autumn - posted on 03/07/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi all!

I have a daughter and she is 7 years old from a previous relationship. When I was 6 months pregnant I decided to leave the biological father and have had no contact since.

Within the first year of my daughter being born I started a relationship with my spouse that I am still currently with. He had a special bond with her from the beginning and naturally as she grew older he was known as daddy and still is to this day.

I've had people post some pretty harsh things on another board so all I'm really looking for is moms that have gone through similar situations and how they dealt with it... Thanks :)

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Ashley - posted on 03/11/2013

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I am in the same position as you . Except the other mother and I don't communicate. We are on each others Facebook I think only to be able to contact each other when the time comes when both of the kids start asking questions. Bio dad has never had anything to do with mine and was there for the birth of his daughter. I have the son. But he is now married with a new baby boy. I'm scared to see how my son is going to react when I tell him that he has a sister and brother and possibly another older brother. I'm only thankful that bio dad moved away before both kids turned 1 . There is only 9 months between hers and mine. I don't blame the other mothers at all bc I am sure they had and have no idea about us. Since I'm the one that had to tell his mother after my son was born that she was a grandmother.

Anita - posted on 03/10/2013

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Wow that sounds very hard to go through however you are not alone. HUGS. I would say you need to tell your child about their father when they ask. I was told about my real father at 11 years old. Just be honest with them and do not make him out to be the worst person ever because that is not good to do. I hope this helps you

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Suckie - posted on 04/24/2013

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I am in the same situation my daughtger is four and doesnt know her biological father .My partner treats her like her own and i am currently pregnant with baby number two . I dont want to tell my daughter , im afraid she will be confused and upset or even angry at me when i do tell her. She cannot have contact with her bio dad as he has vanished and is also violent and i am not prepared to go back into that situation. I think you should tell her when you fel she is emotionally mature. If i had my way i would never tell her but i cant bear lying to her .Maybe she will not be bothered as she has a good relationship with your partner she will not feel she is loosing out . hope it works out for you :)

Autumn - posted on 03/17/2013

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Thanks Ashley and shanita! I had posted this same convo on another board here at COM and I got some pretty harsh opinions and so I appreciate the warmness and understanding from you both... I agree with you shanita... I've always agreed on telling my daughter about him in a positive light...that I know is very important. If you don't mind sharing, how did you find out about your father? How did you feel after knowing?

And Ashley, it's nice to know someone else is in the same situation! How come you and the other mother do not talk? I was always very weary talking with the other girl but because she was in the same situation it was nice to have someone to talk to...however I learned that shes untrustworthy and unpredictable. So as much as I like the idea of our kids growing up together I'm just not sure about it,,,I surely do not want her to do something to create a conflict and then the children being affected by it.

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