When to tell my daughter about her biological dad

Katt - posted on 01/06/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am trying to figure out when to talk to my daughter about her biological father. Right now she is 4.
I got pregnant right before we broke up. I moved across the country to be back with my family. I told him I was pregnant and he said that if I wanted anything from him then I would have to prove he was the father... blah blah blah. So he his not been apart of her life in anyway.

At 7 months pregnant I met the guy I am currently planning my wedding with. He has been there from day 1 and she knows him as her daddy. I had talked with my ex and asked him if he would sign the paperwork giving his parental rights over to my fiance but again another fight and not talking to me.

On her birth certifcate under father it says "no information provided".

Right now she is a very happy girl that is helping plan mommy and daddy's wedding.

I know I am going to need to tell her. But I don't know what age I should bring this up.

3 Comments

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Kathy - posted on 01/07/2013

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I would let your spouse adopt her if there is no information on her birth certificate and you can prove he had chosen not to be in her life and your spouse has raised her for so long then the courts should have no issue granting the adoption. I kbow this because I'm in the kind of same situation only more complicated. But if you want to be honest with her around the age 6 is when psychiatrists recommend talking to children about adoptions and fathers and mothers. But if he adopts her there is no reason to crush her world at the age of 4. She wouldn't understand the concept yet. But good luck and congratulations

Firebird - posted on 01/06/2013

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She should have always known that your fiance isn't her biological father, so the sooner you tell her, the better. If you wait until she's older, she could get very angry and hurt that she's been lied to all these years. She's young enough now that she's likely to adapt to this information quickly and fairly easily.

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