When will i have that

Christine - posted on 04/10/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My baby is 5 months, and i love him more than anything. but there are times i feel like i'm on the worlds longest babysitting job, and that it's real mom and dad will come home and rescue me. my husband instantly bonded with the "i'm a dad" idea since i told him i was pregnant...however, i just don't feel as though i'm as connected as i should be.

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Carly - posted on 04/10/2009

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I know exactly what you mean!  I spent the first couple of months of my son's life expecting some govt official to arrive at the door with a clipboard, check off all the things we'd done, thank us for our efforts and take him away to give to someone else.  I played it all out in my mind like a movie or something ... wierd, huh?  I thought surely I'm not expected to be responsible for a tiny little baby, let alone look after it for YEARS. 



I found that once our days had more of a pattern and I knew a bit more what to expect, and when he started smiling and interacting more with me, I saw him more as "mine" and was able to enjoy having him in my life.  It will come with time.  Soon he'll be your little buddy and you'll wonder what you ever did with your life before he came along.

Jennifer - posted on 04/10/2009

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Sometimes you just dont get that close until they are older, I had the same problem with my daughter, but now shes 9 and we are closer then ever. Give it time it will be worth it.

Mallory - posted on 04/10/2009

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It is so hard to raise a baby being so young I know how you feel I am 20 yrs old and my son is 2 yrs old. I am a single mother at that. Just try to spend as much time as you can that little guy loves you more than anyone ever will.

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Kimberly - posted on 04/11/2009

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You will get there!!! Don't worry.:) Your body might be still getting used to the fact it doesn't have the baby anymore. It takes others more time to bond with their infant, I was the same way. I love both of my girls now, so much!!!! Give yourself a break, you just had a baby. :)

Veda - posted on 04/11/2009

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It's a big change that you are going through. Your baby is still young and you are young yourself. Sad to say, but there's noone that will come home and rescue you. You must learn to rescue yourself and if you need time alone let hubby take care of baby and get some "you" time. All moms become overwhelmed, dad's really can't see things the way we do. We usually look at the big picture, guys usually focus on the here and now. If it feels unbearable seek help from your physician, let them know how you feel. Remember it takes up to a year before you start feeling like "you" again. You've still got baby hormones wreaking havoc on your body.

Amanda - posted on 04/11/2009

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It will def come and what helped me was doing some of the things that I did before we had a baby like my husband and I always went to the movies and out to eat, so we got a grandparent to babysit and went out and you feel normal again, but you also start to miss them. Sometimes it just takes being away from them a little to realize you miss them.

Cori - posted on 04/11/2009

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if you dont mind me asking are you breast feeding or bottle feeding? i felt like that when i was in the hospital the first night and the nurse finally left and my husband and i had that "Oh sh*t" moment where we realized that this little man was ours to take care of, for the rest of our lives.. but through breastfeeding and staring at his precious face while he is latched on made me realize that i am a mom and this is my son and he is perfect, we are perfect and whatever we do together, its the right thing for us. if youre bottle feeding, just hold him close to your body and stare into his eyes and see yourself in him.. youll get there.. its crazy, but youll get there!

Niki - posted on 04/11/2009

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I remember when we first brought Savannah home from the hospital and sat her in our living room in her little pink carrier, i thought ok what do we do now? During the first days i used to get anxiety in the evening over what the night would bring and just felt so overwhelmed. My husband of course took naturally to parenting being that he is the oldest of four, but i am an only child and did not have much experience with babies, much less having to be responsible for someone other than myself. It took me a little bit of time to get used to the routine of it all, and after a bit of time it was like she was always here, and i dont know what i would do without her in our lives. I know when your baby is born you think that you are supposed to instantly be in love, when it takes time to become used to everything and to get to know your little one. That is some of the best advice that I received while taking my birthing class. She told us not to feel bad if we dont instantly fall in love and bond. Everything takes time, and it shows what i great mother you are for wanting to talk about it.

Melissa - posted on 04/11/2009

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It shows that you love your baby and thats why you posted this. Make sure that you have mommy time, relationship time, and ofcourse lots of baby time. It will come, believe me it was very hard for me with my first child but it only took someone joking about taking him that made me realize that I wouldnt let anyone have him!

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2009

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I know the economy is bad, when my first was born we were very broke, actually we were 19 and students and I was in a compleatly diferent province than my family and friends, to top it off I developed social anxiety disorder fealt alone and isolated and then the depression set in and I cried most of the time and got to the point where I was scared to leave my house.



Honestly the best thing to do is get out of the house, even if you have no money and there are no groups and you cant afford a class. Go for a walk every day, go sit in the park. Try to find a forum for your community or post a free add on craigs list or kijiji looking for other moms to start a play group. It does not matter if you live in a village a town or a huge center, there are mothers everywhere who feel the same as you do. I know it is hard to take the first step but it will be worth it in the end. you will be a better mother to your son and will bond with him more easily if you have something other than him to wake up to every morning.



I am not saying that we should forget our kids and focus only on our selfs but I am saying that in order to be the best mom you can be and in order for the bonding to work you NEED to take care of your self and make sure your happy.



so again, find some other moms in your community or at the least, 1 other mom and get out of the house every day.

[deleted account]

Is anything else bothering you? Apart from the responsibility thing, which is overwhelming at times!
I kinda felt that way with my first at times because he was a high needs baby and he was in my face all day everyday, sleeping with me and all.
I also felt a little detached from my newest son, because I thought I would have another girl (two girls proceeded him) and he was fussy with a very bad diaper rash (turned out to be eczema) for the first 5wks of his life and life was miserable!
Once that passed though I felt less stressed and have bonded with him.
There is no certain way you should feel, every mother is different.

Jolene - posted on 04/10/2009

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I've never really expirienced that, but I can understand what you mean. How much does he sleep at night? Sometimes people just feel so exhausted in the first year of their babys life they can't fully enjoy things. It is a hard adjustment to suddenly realize you will not be an independent person again for some time. It's a lot of work to devote all your time into caring for a little one, but well worth it! Theres nothing wrong with looking forward to their bedtime! You won't feel this way forever I'm sure.

Christine - posted on 04/10/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



is this your first child? Ithink it is normal especially with the first baby. it is hard to switch from just being you to know being MOM. give it time. you are not abnormal and i am sure thigs will turn around eventually.  As far as it feeling like the worlds longest baby sitting job, well it is overwhelming especially if you cant get out of the house. Have you tried joining a class or a moms group. I took my daughter to salsa babies to help us bond. she loved it and so did I. 






yes, this is my first child.  i thought that it may have something to do with the fact that i'm not used to being responsible for someone else EVERYDAY, so it was a hard adjustment.  Unfortunately, i didn't know it would take this long.  where i live there aren't too many mommy and me places, and if there are, i can't afford it.  my husband and i can barely make it some months with how the world is, and i don't have any friends in the area that are moms either, thus, i'm looking to you all

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2009

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is this your first child? Ithink it is normal especially with the first baby. it is hard to switch from just being you to know being MOM. give it time. you are not abnormal and i am sure thigs will turn around eventually.  As far as it feeling like the worlds longest baby sitting job, well it is overwhelming especially if you cant get out of the house. Have you tried joining a class or a moms group. I took my daughter to salsa babies to help us bond. she loved it and so did I. 

Stephanie - posted on 04/10/2009

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hmm ive been wondering the same thing. my son is only 6 wks... but  yea.. its the same thing sorta

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