Why?

Veronica - posted on 06/17/2009 ( 71 moms have responded )

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I have 5 children, and my husband and I aren't sure if we are done having kids yet. Why do people sneer at this? I find a lot of people ask me if we are done having kids yet, and that we should be done, we shouldnt have anymore - 5 is enough, and when i was pregnant again with each one, i got a lot of snide remarks about it, "what the hell are you having more for?" It makes me feel ashamed for having and wanting a large family!! It upsets me because this what my husband and I want, and I think it is our decision to do so. Yes, we do recieve help from the county (health care) my husband has shitty insurance at his job that we can't afford for this large of a family. BUT, he works his a** off to provide for us, I own my own business, our children are fed, clothed and healthy and well taken care of, and we bought a house a year and a half ago - I can understand if we were just poppin out kids and not taking care of any of them or working or making efforts --- so why do people have to bitch about it?? Anyone else get flack about having kids?? Oh, and dont get me started about remarks for birth control either! We chose when we were ready to have another, and our last was actually an oops baby! So BC has nothing to do with us having children. And Im young (25) I got pg at 18 years old - so i was sneered at about that too! What do you think?

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Veronica - posted on 06/17/2009

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Quoting Amanda:



Quoting Veronica:

Amanda Passmore you have no idea obviously -- if you adopt children, good for you -- I want my own children. Secondly, what kind of jobs do these people on TLC have?? My husband and i are not rich people, and we don't feel ashamed to get help when its there or offered to us. In this society with gas skyrocketing, groceries skyrocketing, etc. - I dont understand how the family with 18 children make it without help - unless they have good jobs. Its just not feasable -- and im sure they get paid a pretty penny to be on tv.

And we arent the only ones - you need your damn pride knocked down Amanda - shut up.






holy shit what the hell did I say wrong here?I dont have a problem with big families each to their own. and I used the duggers on TLC as an example because they have 18 and and all seem to be well cared for and happy and respectful. they also never take government help, they are very thrifty. if you have ever followed the show you would see what I am talking about.






You asked why do people look down on big families and I stated why some might. I dont look down on big families unless someone is having baby after baby that they cant afford. It is diferent to have kids and later find your self in a situation where you need some assitence but to actually plan a pregnancy when someone is on assistance isnt smart. I didnt say thats what you were doing. I have no clue what you were doing I was just responding to your question.






If you didnt want an anserw to your question than you shouldnt have posted it.






Ok, i will apologize for this one - Im so used to you being sucha rag online, that i immediatly put up my defenses -- i was being totally unfair -- thank you for the point you made, and you are correct for the most part. Sorry.

Guggie - posted on 06/17/2009

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I'm the oldest of 11 and growing up heard just the most asinine comments all the time. One time my mom was so angry at this one guy that she turned to him and said, "which one? which one should not be here? how about you!"



lol but the majority of the time she was quite behaved about it. People don't understand that having more children is just like anything else. The more you do it, the better you get at it. They think of their one and only child and pale at the idea of ten such children. But big families function differently. There's a different level of cohesion and tolerance that makes things possible. In other words, there is always room for more love.



DH has mentioned several times that he has a feeling we will stop at 5, from dreams or some such silly thing. I don't know that we'll be hitting 11 or 12 kids, but I'm not sure 5 is a big enough family haha.

Mary Beth - posted on 06/17/2009

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I think that people run their mouths like that because they are scared to think what they would be like in your position or that they wish they could be and don't want to admit it. I am 24 and I have one 4mo old little girl. I can not wait to have more. My husband and I have talked for years (we've been married 5) about having a large family and I thought that maybe having one might deter me from that dream, but I still want several! If your bills are paid and your kids are fed and clothed and you love them then why not multiply the joy with more!? You sound like a fantastic mom. Please don't let anyone discourage you from living life the way you want.

Nicole - posted on 06/17/2009

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As long as you're able to provide for and take care of your kids properly you should have as many as you want! Look at the Duggars! There are some people who can't even take care of one kid. And just a side note about rude comments, why do people feel the need to comment on your family (# of kids, BF in public, etc)? These people wouldn't walk up to a stranger and say "Your shirt is ugly" or "Your haircut looks stupid", so why do they make remarks about much more personal things that have absolutely nothing to do with them?

[deleted account]

Good for you! The social stigma of the "perfect family" is nauseating! When my husband and I had our daughter, everyone was like, "Now you have a boy and a girl. You're done, right?" Ugh! First of all, it's not anyone else's friggin' business how many kids you guys decide to have, so screw 'em! As far as being on assisted health care, don't let people give you crap about that, either. That's what it's there for. Like you said, it's not like you're sitting at home, unemployed, buying drugs with a welfare check! You're working your butts off! Don't worry about the rude comments. Almost every middle-aged woman I've talked to has said she wishes she'd had more kids. As long as you're taking care of them, it's nobody else's concern.

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User - posted on 06/23/2009

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Your reply to Amanda was exceptionally rude. I think you KNOW why people sneer. I know plenty of people with MANY children, my sister is working on number 8 but she also affords ALL her kids without any form of government assistance. My husband is a disabled veteran and he busts his butt, I run my own business and we are raising our two children but you know what? When money gets tight and things are hard we feel it too but on top of paying to raise our two children we are raising your children as well. I am not trying to be rude, you already crossed that line. What I am saying is that when you work your tail end off and watch you money getting stolen by the federal government and know that it goes to people that keep having kids they can't afford to take care of while you struggle to take care of your kids but it wouldn't be a struggle if you weren't paying for other peoples choices it is a bit upsetting.

Christian - posted on 06/22/2009

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I think that it is your business what you want to do. Nobody elses. I commend you for taking care of such a large family and that you and your husband are working together at it.. (not sure if you heard, jon & kate are divorcing) large families, heck even some small families can take a toll on your relationship, but I think if you can handle it, that is you and your husbands choice, nobody elses, to make. Now.. if you can convince MY husband to have more kids...

Jocelyn - posted on 06/22/2009

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Quoting Jenifer:

hi i think u will know when ur done. souns like u do an amazing job. and to u and the mom in calgary look into nacha...its co op housing subsidies are available and if u or ur partner lose ur job they have a community fund for it...i applied and although the waiting list is 1-3 yrs u never know...and also board walk also has subsidies too.

dont let anyone tell u what u can and cnt do..its ur life not theirs...


omgoodness, we have been on a waiting list for a housing co-op in our area for over 17 months now...AND we just found out we got bumped down from 2nd place to 5th!  it's ridiculous!

Jenifer - posted on 06/22/2009

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hi i think u will know when ur done. souns like u do an amazing job. and to u and the mom in calgary look into nacha...its co op housing subsidies are available and if u or ur partner lose ur job they have a community fund for it...i applied and although the waiting list is 1-3 yrs u never know...and also board walk also has subsidies too.



dont let anyone tell u what u can and cnt do..its ur life not theirs...

Sara - posted on 06/22/2009

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After rereading my post I also wanted to add that I don't think there is anything wrong with you having help with the health insurance. I get just as irritated at the next person for watching the system be abused, but for people who work hard and do the best they are able, that is what it is there for. I'm not condoning people who NEVER try to work or do anything getting every bit of assistance that is available under the sun, but I know of plenty of times that I have had a bad month, bad year, whatever, and could use a little help. That doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent. Just human.

Sara - posted on 06/22/2009

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I personally have never wanted a large family, (I just don't have the patience, haha), but for anyone who wants that and is fit to do so I say more power to you! I have to admit, I occasionally get perterbed when I see things like the Octomom deal, but only because she does not seem fit to take care of these children. If you and your husband are happy and your children are well cared for (which it sounds like they are), forget what everyone else says! Whose life and decision is it anyway? Good luck! :)

Lin - posted on 06/22/2009

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If you weren't taking care of your kids that'd be one thing, but as long as you, your husband, and your kids are healthy and happy and you strongly believe you can keep it up with another child, I see no problem with it.

Some people will find something to complain about because the world isn't 100% what they want it to be. Don't let them get you down. I'm only pregnant with my 2nd child and I've gotten snide remarks from my grandmother (who gave birth to 6 kids, adopted one more, and essentially raised a grandchild; said grandchild is determined to have as many kids as possible until she has a boy, even if she has to give up some of her daughters, even if she diverts money from feeding her kids for an upgrade on her engagement ring, even if she has a huge file with Children's Services- and has on all accounts....but yeah I'm not "allowed" to have 2, go figure). Bottom line it, my grandmother's approval is not going to make me happy, and neither is the approval of all those catty people going to make you happy. Who knows, they may complain about you not having enough kids should you decide to stop lol.

(Hey, I give you permission to bitch about my cousin - she gives families like yours a bad rep.)

Megan - posted on 06/22/2009

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I have 5 kids too! The snide remarkIs never go away......I still get asked if I'm my kids' babysitter and if they're all "ours"........We also get state medical insurance for the kids.....I tell people that God gave me 5 kids and it's his way of keeping his promise of providing for my family! Good luck!

Sabrina - posted on 06/21/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

That's my next question, why do people bitch about wellfare? My friend and her husband both have jobs and only two kids - one is 2 yo and the other is 4 mo. they receive foodstamps, healthcare, wic, and heat assistance -- should i bash them down for this? No, they are working their asses off and cannot make ends meet - she cant even be home with her little baby - she has to work --- If you are pissed because you couldnt get wellfare, be greatful that you probably earn enought money that you dont need it -=- and i also agree that wellfare can be screwed up because they do discriminate which is unfair --- so dont anyone else discriminate those who are on it without knowing the situation. There sometimes is not enough hours in a week to pay everything -- theres things that happen in life that knock you down. My husband was unlawful let go at two places of work due to his health -- we had no choice -- so get off the crap about wellfare --- when you need it u need it. Would you rather see people starving, naked and homeless??

AS for unfortunate people around the world, that is what charities were designed for, you either send clothes and toys to kids, or you send money for food, new homes, better facilities, etc. Not adopt everyone in sight - unless you'd like to take on some children, that is your own decision and discretion.

Even if i was on all kinds of wellfare, and help etc. - it is still no one else's business or decision about how many kids i can or will or cant have.



Thank you finally someone who comes out and says it. I am so tired of reading post about i raise my kids and im not on gov. assistance. well good for them but there is nothing wrong with admitting you need help every now and then. its the ones that dont ask that bother me. here their kids are starving because their pride is too good for assistance. I have had times in the past where we needed food stamps for a little while to help us out. right now i have been on wic. but i dont see it as the same but i know they are i guess. but since they are changing the rules i wont be using it after oct for the big kids. they will not allow kids over 2 to recieve whole milk you can only buy 1%. which is like water to me. but the baby who turns one this aug can get it for the year so i will keep it for her. the only poeple i get made about recieving assistance are the ones that lie or rip of the program. i heard so many poeple tell me to lie and say im not married so i could get help. that not me i tell the truth and if i qualify then i do if not them oh well.

Sabrina - posted on 06/21/2009

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I totally understand. I hae six kids and me and my husband are not sure if we want more. I have heard it all too. We too get health insurance through the state because my husband works for a private owned repair shop and they do not offer insurance. I always hear "do you have cable" or "dont you know what causes that". When I was working I use to hate to tell poeple because I would hear the rude comments and not feel excited about the pregnancy. It is my body and my live. As long as you are not paying for my kids then dont worry about it. My kids have everything they need or want. And actually we have been talking lately about another baby. But I want to wait because next year we are going to start the process of buying a house and my little one is only ten months. Best of luck to you and yur husband. You do what you think is right for you and your family that is what matters not the rude poeple of the world.

Megan - posted on 06/21/2009

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who cares its about you and what you want there are so many hateful people out there that want to past judgement you know you are a good mother and you know your husband is a good father so do what makes you happy

Lisamarie - posted on 06/20/2009

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Hey again, I was just reading some comments about people on welfare. Which has nothing to do with your oringinal question, but I would just like to comment.



I really don't understand why so many people have problems with other people getting help from the government. The reason for it is so help those who need it. Of coarse, you have those who may take advantage of it, but it the government's responsibility to find those cheating on their applications.

I have been getting help from social services since my first child, 7 years now. What alot of people don't realize, is that social services has many benefits. While I've had helped from them, I have been able to get my high school diplomah, certification in cooking, and now on my way to recieve my lisence for cosmetology, and all the while, my kids father works. Welfare is a blessing!! Oh and on another note, those people who do work and have welfare, the benefits are reduced dramatically each time your income goes up. So every time my fiance gets a raise, it gets even more harder to survive, because you win some, you lose some. People on welfare ARE NOT living a dream life!! The government OWNS you! You cannot make a move without them knowing. BUT, even so, they help greatly.

I really take offense when I read or hear people talk crap about others on welfare. You should not judge or look down upon those to recieve help. Even those who are cheating the government, don't complain to the people, because the government is too retarded to figure it out.

Also, who gives a flying fuck (excuse my french)! There are so many major issues far greater than welfare. Like the health care system. The way the E.R. is set up. How exspensive the perscription is for children with asthma! Another thing, I saw a comment about children in need in other countries, man I'm tired of that. God bless their little souls, I will help them when I am rich, but doesn't anyone ever realize that there are children right here in our own country who have been beaten, neglected, left alone to raise their little brothers and sisters, chlidren on the streets who are forced to hustle to survive?? I mean really! I would wish these damn celebs would adopt one of their own nations orphans.

All I am saying take issue on bigger issues than who gets welfare and who doesn't, and down frown upon those who do, they might really need it.

Well, I hope I enlightened anyone. May God bless you all!

Samanta - posted on 06/20/2009

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my dear if u can provide for all your children then i say to hell with the comments of others

only u and ur husband can truly decide whether u want to stop at 5 or not, just make sure u love and take care of all your little angels :)

Alice - posted on 06/20/2009

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It's your life, you and your husbands choice, You've decided to bring five blessings into the world and who should tell you that you cannot have more? No one. It's your happiness and your family's well being, and if you're coping and your children are happy then other people should really just butt out.

Ajia - posted on 06/20/2009

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FYI, I think families who are taking care of themselves and then something happens like the loss of a job are most certainly entitled to gov't help until they get back on their feet. But a family who is already getting gov't help who continues to have kids they KNOW they can't pay for on their own... I don't have a lot of respect for that. Just because it's there for taking doesn't mean it's free money no matter how hard you're working in addition to it. If you can't pay for the family you have why would you keep making it bigger?

Ajia - posted on 06/20/2009

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Personally, I believe that if your children are well taken care of and you are completely supporting your family on your own, without tax payers money then more power to you, have as many kids as you want. But if you are using state money, you cannot afford those kids and it's irresponsible to keep having more for someone else to pay for.

Melissa - posted on 06/20/2009

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I would say its completly your choice,I have just became a mum for the first time, my little girl is 4 1/2 months old and i am already thinking about having my next one.As long as you can manage then i dont see the problem, In fact i would say Well done for being able to cope with so many kids in a short space of time.I wish you all the best for the future and for any oter kids you have,

Tara - posted on 06/20/2009

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i think if you are still completing your family that's no bodies business but yours. how dare they! first off it's not their place to say anything. second, every baby is a blessing so shame on them for their remarks. and third who cares if you get assistance. haven't they ever heard it takes a village to raise a child. shame on them. just don't let it get to you, you make your family as full of love as you want to!!!

Helen - posted on 06/20/2009

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I say have as many children as your heart desires and God blesses you with.



I think it is wrong when a family is looked down upon because they need a little financial help. I think that as long as the mom or the dad are working and trying their best to provide for their families that no one has any right to judge them or look down on them. I also think it is wrong to look down on a Stay at home mom for staying home if the family is getting assistance. As long as Dad is out there working and someone is bringing home an income and trying their best why should a mother have to work to just cover the cost of daycare when she could just stay home take care of her own children and nuture that bond with her children and make sure they are being raised right. Taught right and wrong and are secure in the fact that they always have mommy (or daddy) with them and they don't have to go off to be taken care of by strangers. If daddy is working than that family is still paying taxes and is still contributing to "society". Perhaps (this is my OPINION nothing more) we would have more better adjusted children in our society if more families were not MADE to be a two working parent household. This is not in any way knocking moms who want to work out side the home. I think they should be praised for their hard work in juggling both. But I think that no matter your financial situation it should still be your choice if you want to be a SAHM or not. You shouldn't be forced to put your children in daycare and work for a crappy income that will barely cover the day care costs let alone contribute to the family expenses.



I am sure I will be bashed for this but that is my opinion and I stand behind it.

Veronica - posted on 06/18/2009

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I just want to say, thank you all for your posts -- I feel a lot better that im not the only and lonely, and that it doesnt matter what others think. I knew this - but sometimes i think we need to be reassured and find people on our side. Thanks!

Sara - posted on 06/18/2009

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I have 4 boys and I definitaly want more, at least 1 more. When I was pregnant with my youngest, my sister-in-law was also pregnant with her 4th. I ran into her and her mother in the store. She was having a girl and I told her that she should have gotten all the pink stuff. She said that she thought about taking her stuff back and getting the pink but she didn't know if they wanted more or not so they wanted to stick with something nuetral. Then we were talking about the birth control we were thinking about using and her mom was like "Well, you should just get fixed." It was like it's okay for her daughter to have more but not me and her son. She is religious and me and her son are married and her daughter wasn't married. Made me soooo mad. And now I want another one sometime next year and we hear a lot that we don't need anymore. I don't care, children are not a need, they are a want and as long as they have clothes on their back, food in their belly, a roof over their head and loved, that is all that matters. Have as many children as yo uwant and enjoy them! For anyone who gives you a hassle, screw em.

Angela - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

there is nothing wrong with having a large family IF you are able to 100% take care of them without government assistence. look at the duggers on TLC they have 18 kids and have NEVER taken a hand out. I think the problem a lot of people have is the same one my husband has. there are thousands of starving children in third world countries that need homes urgently and not enough willing people to adopt them so why is it fair to bring more into the world when we can save the ones that need us most. I to want a large family but he does not. he has agreed that we will have 3 and if I want more that we will adopt. we are fortunate in canada not to have to deal with the health insurence things. ours is free and perscriptions are cheap I watched that movie sicko and it made me glad that as a diabetic I did not have my kids in the U.S. I read that it costs around $25,000 for a diabetic to give birth there.


I can't stand it when people go on about the kids in the third world countries. I know it's not there fault but their parent dang well know that they can't even feed themsevels and they go and have kids. If you ask me thats just mess up. I'm not knocking the people that adopted but I'm sorry it's different raising someone elses kids no matter what anyone says.  I also think it's about bunch of crap saying its wrong not to have kids if you can't do it 100% without help at least those of us getting help have the balls to say that we need it. Not to mention you think that family on TLC isn't getting hand outs they are on TLC you would be surprised at what they are getting but they won't admitt to it.

Angela - posted on 06/18/2009

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I got a bunch of crap to cause I was young and I wasn't married. they said my bf at the time which is now my husband wouldn't stick around. But the ones that gave us crap felt very little when we ended up losing our first child. I got crap when I got pregnant with my son but the funny thing is they love him to death and feel like crap for giving us a hard time. With our daughter everyone backed off for the most part. but I still got crap about where I was working and the fact that I didn't go to college. But the way you have to look at it is do what makes you happy cause they're always someone out there that's not going to like what y our doing anyway! Good luck with your big family!! Big families are the best really!!!

Lisamarie - posted on 06/18/2009

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I think that instead of people giving snide remarks, they should commend you for being so brave to want such a big family, and it seems that you are doing well with that decision too. Don't ever be ashamed to go for what you and your husband wants. Its nobody buisness but your own. If I could afford it, I would have more, but right now 3 are enough for me. I only think its careless to bring so many children in the world when you know you aren't mentally, physically, and finacially stable to take care of such a big family. Only because it wouldn't be fair to a child that you can't afford their basic needs. If you can, who cares if you have 5 or 10 kids? As long as those kids are happy and well taken care of, nobody can say anything to you girl!!

Shawnisy - posted on 06/18/2009

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who cares what people say. I 'am sure it sucks when people make there stuiped comments, but if a big family is what you want if your happy and there happy that's all that matters. People just make comments because they know they coundn't do it . I could conly have two but I would have love more so just laugh at people when they say stuff and be happy

Amber - posted on 06/18/2009

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Seriously, it is your choice how many kids to have and nobody's right to say a thing or make you feel guilty as long as you are taking care of them! I am pregnant with baby number two and I've gotten remarks because they are so close in age. I overheard a lady saying some rude things about it. She made me feel bad and then angry with her. Nobody has any right to tell you how many kids to have!

Becky - posted on 06/18/2009

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Girl, good for you for having so much love for your family that you want to add to it and have more family to love! Clearly, you have the ability to love and care for a big family, so if you've got the means to provide for them, have as many babies as you want! You're just 25 - you can even take a while to decide whether or not to have more and still have plenty of time to do so if the answer is "yes." Don't you dare feel ashamed to have a big family to love and care for. Be proud that, for one thing, you weren't so frazzled after the first 2 or 3 to just say, "ENOUGH!" It takes a lot of strength to parent one child, and even more for every child after that...and if you've still got the desire to have some more, then do it! The next little one will be just as blessed by having such a great mommy as the first 5 are! Oh, and in this day and age, it's nearly impossible to afford good health care for two kids - let alone 5! Don't let that stop ya - it'd be a struggle no matter what size family you have. You and your husband are hard workers and you love and care for your kids. No one can rightfully criticize bringing another child into a home like that - if only all children could be so lucky!

Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2009

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I would LOVE to have 10 kids, but my doc said that I can have one more baby. I had twins 3 yrs ago and then another 6 months ago. I had to have c-sections both times. With the last, he got stuck from all the scar tissue and we almost lost him. They were about to cut staight up my stomach to get him out, but after 20 minutes of 3 doctors pushing down on the top of my chest and one pulling, they got him out. He advices me to only have one more. So, I would say if you want more kids better have them before you can't. Good Luck!

Veronica - posted on 06/18/2009

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Another question (Amanda) -- Whats if you have an oops pregnancy while on government assistance, or financially struggling? I certainly wouldnt be aborting or giving up my child just because we weren't financiallly fit -- we would just work hard to make ends meet to prepare for the newcomer -- I think regardless of what situation you are in, if the Lord's will is for you to have another baby - its going to be there no matter what. If you only want a few children, that is fine - i dont bash anybody - not even the ones who dont want children - and certainly no one who wants a large family. If you aren't taking care of your children and abusing them, that would be an entirely different story.

Tiffany - posted on 06/18/2009

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I think as long as you and your husband are working and able to support them, then if you want more go for it. I am from a large family and I love every minute of it. I had my children young also and heard so much for it. But we work hard and they are taken care of. So if people give you crap tell them to mind their own business. You sound like an excellent mom. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Sweetie-take it from someone who is SUPER JEALOUS of you. Don't worry about how many children you have. Have however many your and your sweet family end up with :) It's great. You're one of few mommies who can handle many children. I am a Type 1 Diabetic, was diagnosed at 10. Because fo that, my first pregnancy at 18 scared everyone to death. Then, I planned the 2nd one much later than I wanted to, at 25. My family was too busy worrying about me, even though I'd planned it well, and was in excellent health for it, to be HAPPY for me to finally be having the child I'd waited 5 years for. Because of that, I allowed my Mom, God rest her sould now, to convince me to stop with 2 and get a tubal. I regret that decision every day of my life, and pray to God every day for a miracle that would allow me to have at least 3 children. I wanted a large family so badly, but let other people's stupid opinions cloud my better judgement and made a decision I will always regret. I do not feel my family is complete. I have two boys, ages 9 and 2, and a stepdaughter who is also 9, that we have not seen in 2.5 years because her mother is an idiot. Right now my children are on Medicaid and we are on Food stamps (Gov't assistance for buying groceries, Melissa). We've been on unemployment for 8 months until a couple of weeks ago when my husband FINALLY got a job. The economy sucks. It's hard on everyone. But that shouldn't affect how many children you have. When you work and pay taxes, you're not just getting a handout from the gov't with these things. If you pay taxes, you're paying for the stuff already! You're essentially just getting back what is already yours to begin with :) Good for you for having the nerve to not listen to these people and do what feels right for you :)

Joz - posted on 06/17/2009

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I think if you can provide for children then its ok to want more everybody has different answers but really its your decision at the end of the day i say if you can then why not, not every one can so if you can then go for it and enjoy it as there are lots of people out there who cant.

Melissa - posted on 06/17/2009

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what is food stamps, how do they work and who uses them, curius i seen them on t.v but thats it.

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I'm in Edmonton Alberta Canada.



I have no idea what Amanada and her Husband do but jeeez! I wish I had enough money to go all Madonna or Bradgelina touring the world scooping up children at whim! I shall call this one Speckles, put him in the pen with the rest!



Right now most of my friend's Husbands are being laid off as the oilfield closes down. Even then they work during the rush and go on EI in the off season. Thing is after this round of EI there may not be work for them come next season.



My Husband works full time and we barely break the red each month. I did work, but when it came right down to it I was earning just enough to pay childcare. WE HAVE 1 SON! We still need to pay for our health benefits through is work, the taxes on our house more than doubled last year, and we're lucky we only pay around 500 for our mortgage then our utilities as opposed to the people nextdoor who pay $1200 for the exact same condo as well as utilities.

I have a minor disability that makes it hard for me to find/keep work (when you miss work due to illness flaring up it doesn't go well) but I'm not diabled enough to get any support. Even if I did qualify apparently my Husband is raking in some unseen fortune we're unaware of so I would be disqualified that way.

Then I get to hear about people I went to high school with who have convinced welfare to move her and their kid across the province so they can be closer to their boyfriend in prison TWICE (he was transferred). People who got the government to pay for all the meth rotted teeth to be yanked out of their head. OH the ones who see their monthly government child tax credit as a great weekend at the bar! FRICK!



The BIGGEST mistake I ever made in life was proving I was capable of working and not just being a dead beat, self serving, drugged out piece of crap!!! If I had gone the second option I would have the world handed to me on a god damned platter!!!



We are only planning on having one child, if something happened then horray it was meant to be. If you have a large family and do all you can to raise them properly and well adjusted I say go for it if you can get a helping hand when you need it! If you need help to raise your children NO MATTER HOW MANY now and then TAKE IT AND LAUGH! Lord knows there are people in the backroom someplace trying to take away that crumb!

Mel - posted on 06/17/2009

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i too dont think there is anything wrong with getting money from the government its what all the single mums do when thier kids are little and they cant go to work how else would they survive. my partner works full time, my only income is the government. i get $200 per fortnight now or a little less and as soon as i get it, i do my food shop, fuel up the car if i need to get anything else i made need and usually i am left without money for the next 2 weeks. i get paid next week and guess what i have to pay my rego so its gone already and some how my partner is going to have to pay for food. its not bad getting money for the government thats what they are there for so mums can stay at home with thier kids

Amanda - posted on 06/17/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

Amanda Passmore you have no idea obviously -- if you adopt children, good for you -- I want my own children. Secondly, what kind of jobs do these people on TLC have?? My husband and i are not rich people, and we don't feel ashamed to get help when its there or offered to us. In this society with gas skyrocketing, groceries skyrocketing, etc. - I dont understand how the family with 18 children make it without help - unless they have good jobs. Its just not feasable -- and im sure they get paid a pretty penny to be on tv.

And we arent the only ones - you need your damn pride knocked down Amanda - shut up.



holy shit what the hell did I say wrong here?I dont have a problem with big families each to their own. and I used the duggers on TLC as an example because they have 18 and and all seem to be well cared for and happy and respectful. they also never take government help, they are very thrifty. if you have ever followed the show you would see what I am talking about.



You asked why do people look down on big families and I stated why some might. I dont look down on big families unless someone is having baby after baby that they cant afford. It is diferent to have kids and later find your self in a situation where you need some assitence but to actually plan a pregnancy when someone is on assistance isnt smart. I didnt say thats what you were doing. I have no clue what you were doing I was just responding to your question.



If you didnt want an anserw to your question than you shouldnt have posted it.

Crystal - posted on 06/17/2009

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When people have low self-esteem, they take it out on others.

Just today at the bank, the lady helping me asked, "Are you still a stay-at-home mom?"

"Yep."

(crazy look) "What do you DO all day??"

"...Take care of my baby..." What do you THINK I do all day?? I know she's just jealous, though!

Mel - posted on 06/17/2009

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good on you thats amazing to have 5 kids by then, if i could afford to i would most definately do it. right now i say three because otherwise we'd have to buy a new car but im hoping i can change my hubbys mind down the track to have 4. when i was 16 i had a whole year of the school youth worker telling me to get on the pill and telling me how id regret my decision and all that crap. now i wish i could tell her i have a 14 month old who had a hell of alot more needs then your child due to tube feeding and im doing just fine and i love it. im trying for #2 now. Another girl from school made the decision like me to have a baby all she did was the do the timed sex and she was pregnant in one month. her daughter is now 6 months and shes perfect. dont let anyone worry you. its your choice not thiers. my whole family also kept telling my cousin when she fell pregnant, "why dont u do the right thing and give this one up for adoption". she has had 6 kids, 5 surviving and she is now 37

Shahida - posted on 06/17/2009

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Mama, people will always make remarks. I'll be 22 and I am pregnant with my 2nd. People always ask me "You're pregnant AGAIN?" It bothers me, but people will always voice their opinion. Just let it go.

Karla - posted on 06/17/2009

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as long as you can afford it then there should be no problem. dont let anyone ever make you feel horrible about your decisions

Jana - posted on 06/17/2009

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I married in to a family where my hubby is 1 of 13 and four of his older siblings are married and they all have larger families one has 3 kids one has 5 kids one has 6 kids and the other has 2 but is pregnant with #3 and wants more. I too have 2 kids and am Pregnant with # 3 and my hubby and I want more too. So I say have fun. I also wanted to say that my sister-in-law who has 6 kids the oldest is 7. so she had them all very close together and she gets a lot of looks and comments too. I think it's crazy that people feel they need to tell people when they should stop having kids.

Jocelyn - posted on 06/17/2009

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Quoting Veronica:

That's my next question, why do people bitch about wellfare? My friend and her husband both have jobs and only two kids - one is 2 yo and the other is 4 mo. they receive foodstamps, healthcare, wic, and heat assistance -- should i bash them down for this? No, they are working their asses off and cannot make ends meet - she cant even be home with her little baby - she has to work --- If you are pissed because you couldnt get wellfare, be greatful that you probably earn enought money that you dont need it -=- and i also agree that wellfare can be screwed up because they do discriminate which is unfair --- so dont anyone else discriminate those who are on it without knowing the situation. There sometimes is not enough hours in a week to pay everything -- theres things that happen in life that knock you down. My husband was unlawful let go at two places of work due to his health -- we had no choice -- so get off the crap about wellfare --- when you need it u need it. Would you rather see people starving, naked and homeless??

AS for unfortunate people around the world, that is what charities were designed for, you either send clothes and toys to kids, or you send money for food, new homes, better facilities, etc. Not adopt everyone in sight - unless you'd like to take on some children, that is your own decision and discretion.

Even if i was on all kinds of wellfare, and help etc. - it is still no one else's business or decision about how many kids i can or will or cant have.


omg my hubby and i only have one kid (but im preg with another) and i will take all the help i can get.  the cost of living here (i;m in calgary alberta) is soo extreamly high you need 3 jobs in order to get by.  my hubby was working 2 jobs and ended up stressed and sick and his body basicly rebeled against him.  i am a stay at home mom because the cost of day care is so freakin high.  (i make more in a month working one day a week than i would working full time after gas, insurance and daycare, and after the next one, daycare for two?! no way in hell)  when we had to pay health premiums, ours were subsidized, and now that i am preg, i got free extended health care.  we also get a really good baby bonus and extra health care for our son.  we get grants from the govt to help with our sons RESP.  we recently found mould where we are renting so we have to move.  and if we cannot find a place to live in our budget we are going to try for the direct to tenent rent supplement.  i love help from the govt! i mean, in canada we are taxed out the ass, so it's good to get something back.  it's just hard being one income in our area. 



anyways, yay for help, but now back to the original question;



have as many kids as you want, as long and you can keep track of them! i just heard a story from a coworker (this is about her neighbor) the wife was preg and they already had 6 kids.  3 days in a row, my coworker found their neighbors 2 year old down at their farm (live in the country).  the first time the kid fell down the hill, the second time the kid was walking down the road, and the third time the kid was down at the swamp, up to his waist in mud, being circled by 2 coyotes.  so they got the kid out, took him back up to his house, and the mother started ranting about the dog and how the dog had had its three chances to look after the baby and had blown it. so they called child services.   these ppl are very obiously way over their heads (even if they can afford their own healthcare and a huge house in the country), and imo they should NOT be having more kids!



so again, as long as you can keep your kids safe and well and fed, then by all means, reproduce!



and yes there are pleanty of kids that need adopting, but i looked into it... in canada it starts at around $25000 (to adopt within the province) and the costs just increase from there.  so addoption really isn't for everyone.  not everyone has an extra 25 grand laying around (on top of the thousands of dollars that kids already cost)



and the familys on tv get paid something like $30000 per episode, so that's why they don't need a hand out.

Tray - posted on 06/17/2009

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I agree with you both me & my husband work our asses off we both work full time & we r on benefits 2 make ends meet, & i think if u want a large family then go for it my mum is 1 of 10 children she has 5 brothers and 4 sisters & my gran managed 2 cope with all of them and she is still happily married to their father. so if u feel u want more kids i say good for you.

Veronica - posted on 06/17/2009

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That's my next question, why do people bitch about wellfare? My friend and her husband both have jobs and only two kids - one is 2 yo and the other is 4 mo. they receive foodstamps, healthcare, wic, and heat assistance -- should i bash them down for this? No, they are working their asses off and cannot make ends meet - she cant even be home with her little baby - she has to work --- If you are pissed because you couldnt get wellfare, be greatful that you probably earn enought money that you dont need it -=- and i also agree that wellfare can be screwed up because they do discriminate which is unfair --- so dont anyone else discriminate those who are on it without knowing the situation. There sometimes is not enough hours in a week to pay everything -- theres things that happen in life that knock you down. My husband was unlawful let go at two places of work due to his health -- we had no choice -- so get off the crap about wellfare --- when you need it u need it. Would you rather see people starving, naked and homeless??



AS for unfortunate people around the world, that is what charities were designed for, you either send clothes and toys to kids, or you send money for food, new homes, better facilities, etc. Not adopt everyone in sight - unless you'd like to take on some children, that is your own decision and discretion.



Even if i was on all kinds of wellfare, and help etc. - it is still no one else's business or decision about how many kids i can or will or cant have.

Veronica - posted on 06/17/2009

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Amanda Passmore you have no idea obviously -- if you adopt children, good for you -- I want my own children. Secondly, what kind of jobs do these people on TLC have?? My husband and i are not rich people, and we don't feel ashamed to get help when its there or offered to us. In this society with gas skyrocketing, groceries skyrocketing, etc. - I dont understand how the family with 18 children make it without help - unless they have good jobs. Its just not feasable -- and im sure they get paid a pretty penny to be on tv.



And we arent the only ones - you need your damn pride knocked down Amanda - shut up.

Veronica - posted on 06/17/2009

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I dont know health wise what it has done to me, ive always had issues with my iron, my thyroid, and my weight is up and down. Otherwise i never noticed anything major. Energy... I honestly dont know what to say - im extremely tired - but i have to take care of my children and there are times when my hubby takes over so i can rest - or i have family that has helped too. For the most part i just do it - i dont really have to make a conscious effort.... I feel like im stuck in a rut though! hahahaha Right when one is done with diapers, another was born so diapers started over again, when one was potty trained, i was starting to potty train the next one, when one was done bottle feeding, the next baby was starting -- so i feel like im in a contiuous period of time! hahahaha My oldes obviously we go through all the new stuff with , like she lost her first tooth - shes having all the firsts, and then the next - hahaha I wont say im this big expert now - but ive got it down with it all - and its easier and easier with each one!

Nicole - posted on 06/17/2009

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I have a question for you: with your kids being born so close in age, how have back to back pregnancies affected you? I've heard it's recommended to wait 18 months inbetween births so your body has time to fully recover and replenish all it's lost nutrients and stuff from each pregnancy. Also, how do you have the energy to look after all of them? I only have a 6 month old, but I've also been babysitting a 16 month old and they wear me out! Kudos to all you moms who have large families!

Brooke - posted on 06/17/2009

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I say, don't let anyone get to you! My mom had six kids before she decided she was through. She raised us to be pretty good kids, and this was just with my dad working too! For most of our young lives we were homeschooled, fed, and raised by our stay-at-home mom. The youngest is now 14, the oldest is in his mid 30's. I don't know if I personally want to have that many kids, but if you love kids and you raise your kids to the best of your abilities then I think its okay to have a big family.

Amanda - posted on 06/17/2009

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there is nothing wrong with having a large family IF you are able to 100% take care of them without government assistence. look at the duggers on TLC they have 18 kids and have NEVER taken a hand out. I think the problem a lot of people have is the same one my husband has. there are thousands of starving children in third world countries that need homes urgently and not enough willing people to adopt them so why is it fair to bring more into the world when we can save the ones that need us most. I to want a large family but he does not. he has agreed that we will have 3 and if I want more that we will adopt. we are fortunate in canada not to have to deal with the health insurence things. ours is free and perscriptions are cheap I watched that movie sicko and it made me glad that as a diabetic I did not have my kids in the U.S. I read that it costs around $25,000 for a diabetic to give birth there.

Jen - posted on 06/17/2009

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If you want more kids go for it. It's no body else's business about how many kids you have or how you choose to plan for those kids. If you know in your heart that you can provide for all of them go for it. Be the model mom to change the stereotype about large families must be on government support and not doing a darn thing to pull their own weight. It sounds like your head is definitely on straight and you do what you can to make sure your family is happy and well provided for. I say to ignore the ignorant people and maybe come up with a snide remark of your own for them lol. Good luck with everything.

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