Why am I so hard on my Husband??

Cindy-Justin - posted on 05/13/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My baby girl is now 2 and a half months old.

I am so patiend and loving and caring with her! But am so hard on my husband! at the moment he can do nothing right! even if he does, i still act as though it is wrong? Im still on maternity leave, do you think it's possible that I am suffering from cabin fever or do you think that it could be something else? I snap at him for nothing! when he offer to help i decline his help and then i blame him for never helping! am i loosing my mind?

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Cherria - posted on 06/11/2009

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what about post partum? i would talk to ur doctor as soon as possible..it can be the loss u feel when ur now at home too..

Melanie - posted on 05/16/2009

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deff need to take a break they recomend at least 30 min everyday...i was like that ith my first baby with number 2 i didnt want to b like that again its just not me. give baby to daddy everi night for a lil while and leave the room or house so that u cant see him do n e thing ''wrong" that way he gets well neded time to bond with his new baby in his own way n u get a well deseved break belive me it makes a huge diff dont b afraid to ask for help it will help u stay a good mom n wife

Samantha - posted on 05/14/2009

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My son is 6 months old and I still catch myself doing the same thing. I do think that it has alot to do with how much personal freedom you had before the baby. I had lots, and since the baby I feel like I dont get to have much of a life which is fine, i dont mind but it can be tough if you never get much of a break. I didnt make much time for myself and when he came home, he would try to help me and I would snap at him and show him the "proper" way to do things with our son, and end up just doing it all myself. Then I would complain that I hadnt been able to shower in three days. And go into well you get breaks at work i dont here. I have gotten a bit more laid back and i dont snap at him as much. But it is hard and like anything getting used to baby takes time, its gradually getting better.

Tiffany - posted on 05/14/2009

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It's hormones, girl. It took you 9 months to build up all those hormones, and they're all rushing out of your body in just a few months. It's hard to not be a complete witch after having a baby. Just take a breather, and when he asks to help direct him towards the dishes or the vacuum.

Staci - posted on 05/14/2009

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I'm in the same boat my poor hubby just doesn't know how to act around me he offers to help and I turn him down but when he doesn't help I get so mad....I talked to my mom and my mother in-law and they said they went through the same thing...there suggestion was to go out on a date maybe take a night to yourselves so you can fall in love all over again without worring about weather the baby has a dirty diaper or not. I'm not very trustworthy of peopel taking my baby away so if you have to just have a date at home just have someone there to tend to the baby if she cries.

[deleted account]

No your a new mum... And trust me its normal i felt like if my partner did anything he's only do it wrong so i might as well do it myself. You have a lot of adjusting to do right now your life has offically been taken over that is something that i struggled with i no longer had me time. Maybe it would do you the world of good to take bubs for a walk to get out of the house and away from hubby or get him to take bubs for the walk and soak in a bath. Let him help thats what he;s there for

Malorie - posted on 05/13/2009

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I think Jamie and Kerri are right on. My initial reaction was "you have a new baby still... Its normal." My husband took alot from me for the first little while and I think alot of it had to do with I wanted to do everything right from the very beginning and I certainly didn't want him to be right because I'm the mommy and I should know. But, I didn't. It was definitely a learning process for both of us and I got frustrated very easily and he didn't so he was able to think more clearly than me and that upset me too. I can honestly say this though- although things will NEVER be just like they were before the baby and this will happen from time to time, BUT will get better and better. Eventually it won't be a "problem" anymore. I think you and your husband will learn even more about yourselves and each other during the first several months of having a baby, while you are learning about the baby, and everything will work itself out. Keep your chin up!



Oh! If you have been with the baby 24/7 for the past 2 1/2 months, really consider getting away for a little while. Let the hubby watch the baby for a couple of hours or so. You will appreciate him for letting you get out and he will appreciate what your doing too!

Kerri - posted on 05/13/2009

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I was like that for several months after my son was born. Now that I look back I think it was the stress of taking care of a new baby, lack of sleep and all the hormones from breast feeding etc. Just remember that your body is probably still trying to adjust. It also could be a little cabin fever. When I went back to work things improved for me. hang in there.

Jamie - posted on 05/13/2009

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Rachel, I do the card thing, I pack his lunch for work everynight and sometime put homemade cards in them. He also goes to the gym at work 3 days a week so sometimes I stick notes in his shoes. Or if possible call him at work just to say hi or i love you. Just little things to make your man feel special.

Rachel - posted on 05/13/2009

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I know how you feel...my hubby and I just had a talk about this very issue.
Its hard to find the proper balance between caring for my little one and giving my hubby the care and love he needs. What I have realized is that the best thing for our baby is for us to be secure in our love for eachother...so yea, do something fun for him...sexy lingerie, a nice dinner and a massage after the baby is in bed, or even just a fun card to let him know you love him! I think its hard to remember that he was there first and that he is learning how to be a dad/hubby just like we are learning what it means to be a wife/mommy..its a process. At least you caught it early and can do something about it! Good luck!!

Mel - posted on 05/13/2009

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oh Hannah's comment was good to. this helped me me thinking about how i would be if i lost him and remembering how important he is too me. when we first got back together when i was just turned 18, I was so different. I just wanted him to love me and i wanted to be the most important thing in the world to him again. and i am , but slowly i reverted back to my old self

Mel - posted on 05/13/2009

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im the same except im like that with him full time not since i had baby! im kind of glad to hear its only just recently for you, so it means you can change it. its most liekly just stress, i can relate to everything your saying especially those last 2 sentences. I think it will take some hard work with counsellors etc to change but im prob not a good person to comment on it.

All i can say is my partner has many many times been in tears from me along with my previous bf, not something im proud to admit because i love hiim more then anything in the world, but i have so much of my mother and cousin in me its too hard for me to change myself. he accepts the way i am and i always say im sorry for acting like a cow i was just stressed out. he of course accepts it and is fine with it, but it doesnt change the fact that i have hurt him and that he will still hurt over certain comments for days, and he had a low self esteem so he doesnt really need this. Its something thats so very hard to change for me and most likely impossible so i hope that you guys talk and work it out, but your not losing you mind! relax you have a new baby

Jamie - posted on 05/13/2009

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I think we all get caught up in being "mom" and sometimes forget to be a wife. I think you are wanting to be super mom and do it all yourself when you just cant and dont want to ask for help cause thats like admitting defeat. Its normal, let dad be dad for an afternoon and go relax. You have a husband and are a team, let him step up to bat.

Hannah - posted on 05/13/2009

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Cindy take it from me I have watched my cousin go thru the same thing to much of the children. She drove him nuts with all the yelling and screaming. Try and think of the situation in a diffrent light, like if he were not to be there. that should make you apprecieate him more. He sounds like he trys to help you and you are just stressed to the max girly. Tell him you lovem and suprize him with some new lingerie and a bubble bath. Something that will catch him off guard but he will love you for. Trust mr life would be hell with out him, I am a single mother wishing i had someone around to take my frustration out on besides my baby girl. I dont do that I just have to lock my self in a room and scream then im all better for the day...til the next day of my CRAZY life. Be Thankful and let him know you appreciate him girl!!!

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