why do i feel so bad?

Monika - posted on 04/21/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

37

19

0

I ABSOLUTELY love my son more than anything. He is sooo sweet, such a joy and a pretty good baby. I know mom needs a break & time to theirselves. I am a stay at home mom so i am taking care of my son 24/7. And it gets really hard not having a break. My husband helps soooo MUCH. I still just feel overwhelmed sometimes. So why do i feel so horrible want to ask for help or ask for a break? Why do i feel like im failing as a mom, because i cant handle it?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tiffany - posted on 04/25/2010

10

5

0

You aren't. A lot of moms feel this way. I know I have myself. Its alright to take a break. I can tell when I am getting close to needing one when I get easily irritated and feel overwhelmed. Sometimes all it takes is a solo trip to the grocery store or just a lunch with a friend (i try to make it with a mom so she can understand what i'm going through) or a bubble bath with a locked bathroom door. Just know its normal to feel this way and you are in no way a bad mom. You just need a break once in awhile, no one expects you to be a supermom.

Trina - posted on 04/21/2010

291

18

16

How old is your little one? Have you been evaluated for depression? For me I know life is harder when my depression is untreated. Maybe you could get a workup ?

15 Comments

View replies by

Monika - posted on 04/24/2010

37

19

0

well it doesnt help that we are military family..sooo we dont live near any family.Dont get me wrong we have lots of GREAT,amazing friends.but they all have kids too so i dont wanna ask them to watch my son because i dont wanna overwhelm them tooo.lol.ive been looking into post-pardum depression.so im gonna go talk to a doctor about it....hopefully something good comes out of that. thanks for all the support though.its nice to know you're not alone.lol

Melany - posted on 04/23/2010

26

28

0

If a father tried to stay at home and look after baba 24/7 I think they'd feel the same. Before my daughter went to daycare half day I often felt that way. I found going to a movie or meeting up with a friend helped. (leave your son with his daddy or granny). I think me-time is very important!!!! It's NOT selfish!!!

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2010

12

7

0

I know precisely what you are talking about. My father has been incredibly supportive of helping me with my little boy but I still always have the nagging guilt feeling about it. You have no reason to. In all rationality, you deserve free time just like everyone else. We had children, we didn't enlist in a military service or commit a crime. It is horrible to feel like we can't ask. I hope things get better for you and you begin to feel a little more at ease with your breaks.

Monika - posted on 04/22/2010

37

19

0

Elysia- thats exactly how i feel i have been away from my son for more than an hour to run to the doctors and thats about it so it could just be "cabin fever"....

Monika - posted on 04/22/2010

37

19

0

Trina-my son is going to be 6 months on the 26th...& my husband & i were talking & we both think it would be a good idea to just go talk to the doctor to see what he says..

Kelly - posted on 04/22/2010

61

0

1

I feel the same way. I take care of my 2 girls, and my husband helps lots and does whatever I ask him to, and I also feel guilty asking for any time alone. But you need to get over it because you need it and deserve it. Even if it's just a shower by yourself or some time to read a book/magazine by yourself, you need to take that time. When you get burned out you're not going to be at your best. Set up an established day/time that way it's a given and your husband can plan for it and you get your time no matter what else is going on.

Tiffany - posted on 04/21/2010

32

18

2

IT IS HARD I HAVE A 3YR OLD AND 1 YR OLD AND AM A STAY AT HOME MOMIT IS HARD AND CAN TAKE SOME TIME BUT U CAN DO IT! TRYTO HAVE MOMMY AND DADDY TIME AT NITE AND AS OFTEN AS U LIKE TAKE A BREAK MAYBE HAVE DAD WATCH THEM AND U AND THE GIRLS GO OUT OR IF U CAN FIND A BABY SITTER U AND DADDY GO OUT?
WELL GOOD LUCK AND REMBER U CAN DO IT!!!

Elysia - posted on 04/21/2010

356

54

6

I understand completly im a 23yr old stay at home mummy with a 13month old son and 12weeks off having bubby number 2. But i think its part adjusting to the fact that you are no longer just you and responsible for you but coming to the realisation that you are now "mum" and have another little person totally depending on you. And part hormones re-adjusting and changing yet again. Most mums i know, myself included have felt like this at some point or another especially in the first 12 months. I have days where i feel so frustated at the littlest things that he does wrong and then i get upset at myself for feeling like that towards him. I dont think it matters how old you are either 20 or 40 it happens, its a bit like cabin fever i guess. U love that precious little bundle but u just feel like u need to run away for an hour or 2. My best advice depending on your situation-age of baby, breast or bottle fed. But see if someone1 can watch him for you and u and your husband go and have a nice dinner together or take a walk on your own. Or if you dont want to leave him with any1, (which is also my prob, i dont trust any1 but my MIL and partner) ask hubby to watch him and go take a nice bath or shower on your own have a nap, or watever you used to do for you, just take a bit of ME time. I think every mummy needs and deserves this to be the best mum they can be.
And most of all your not failing as a mum your only human. Try not to beat yourself up over it, it wont help and may even make it worse.

Monika - posted on 04/21/2010

37

19

0

thankyou! everyone i really did NOT expect anyone to respond.lol but all of the advice is helpful its just hard when all my friends that have kids make me feel like im crazy for needing a break. i suppose it would make me happier to get away and that way we can all be happy lol. It seems like when i get over something and feel better i just get hit with something else that makes me feel like i suck. And i feel bad always complaining to my husband. I dont want him to feel like he isnt doing good enough either lol.but thanks ladies that did make me feel ALOT better:]

Alicia - posted on 04/21/2010

56

20

12

Being a first time mom is overwhelming. Everything in your life changes and flips upside down. The relationship between you and your husband changes; you have to share your time and change the kind of things you can do. It changes your personal time; you are attatched at the hip to a new child who needs everything and can do nothing by themselves. You can't use the restroom the same, take a shower when you want, go to a movie when you want, everything changes...and FAST. I think I would be more concerned about a woman who tries to say that they aren't feeling overwhelmed about being a new mother. And it's ok to feel stressed and a little bit crazy because we all do. It is totally natural and something we all go through. My best advice to you is to savor the times you get alone. When you get to take that shower when hubby is home or baby is asleep, really enjoy it. Let yourself breathe and turn on some music if you can. I would get a book if you like to read and try to squeeze that in when baby is napping or eating. That might take away some of the tension and stress too. I would try to arrange some time either once a week or once every other week so that you and your hubby can go out or you can go out alone. Ask a family member or a close friend. Just remember that your baby will get bigger and become more self sufficient. Things will yet again change and you will have a little bit easier time. These moments pass by faster than you think. Just remember when your baby is crying and you feel like crying or hiding yourself, that one day that little person will look at you and call you mommy, say I love you, hold your hand and walk, and then start to learn their ABCs. I am a mommy of 3 with one on the way who is 25 and my youngest two were 11 months apart. I understand wanting to panic and scream into a pillow. But I can also tell you that they grow and now i can barely convince them to come give me a hug instead of playing lol. I wish you the best of luck, and don't feel down. It will all be worth it in the end, promise. :)

Anna - posted on 04/21/2010

259

17

34

I think the biggest mistake that moms make is not taking the time for themselves. You CAN handle it and seem like you are doing a great job. My husband helps all the time, he is an amazing dad. But we both understand that parenting is a difficult thing. We are incharge of another LIFE, a human being that cant fend for themselves. WHo could take that task lightly?! My mom didnt get alot of "mommy" time for herself, she had 4 kids, and a husband who worked all the time so they could pay the bills. I see how that has effected her. Taking time for yourself gives your children a brand new, shiney, polished and HAPPY mom. An hour a week wont hurt your kids and will make a huge difference in the way you look at things. I go to the gym once or twice a week, an hour each visit. Let me tell you, I am so happy when I get home. I love coming back to my little girl and seeing her face light up when I walk in makes me realize how much I love bieng a mom. I breastfed my daughter, still do at 10 months, and I know that it can make you feel trapped. I still went and did errands, and nursed in public. Its an unfair notion that moms should be shut ins. Im not saying go out and party and leave your kids all the time, but every now and then, we need mom time and we need time with our man. Happy mom makes a happy home :)

[deleted account]

everyone needs a break every now and again!! i'm a stay at home mommy as well.. however i do go to school 3 days a week.. trust me as a 23 year old mother of two i feel the same way!! everytime one of my babies throws a fit or has a bad day i always feel like its my fault, if i'd only done something different this wouldn't be happening.. but the reality is it isn't our fault.. i know its hard for me to ask for help because i feel like is should be able to do it without help.. the only thing that does is stress me out even more!! asking for help and catching a break isn't a bad thing and it sure doesn't mean your failing..

Ashley - posted on 04/21/2010

364

40

39

I have been feeling the exact same way. I think it because we start to loose our identity. I am breastfeeding and it is getting so fusterating because I cant get out or do anything without my baby. My husband is also a great help and we have been trying to get our son on a bottle for quite a while now but he wont take it and it makes me sooooo upset because I just feel like I need some time to myself. You are not failing as a mom. We as woman need some time too, to reflect on ourselfs and get back to things we once loved doing but now have no time for. I just keep thinking that this cant last forever and I might as well injoy the time I have with him while he is still so young and the only one. So I suggest if you can ask for help, take as much time as you can handle and most of the time people will understaind. Ask for hugs when you need them and just remember your not alone. Being a Mom is heard and I think we get overwhelmed by the though that we dont want to be a Mom all of the time. Its okay though you are aloud to be you and your baby wont hate that at all.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms