Why do people look differently towards young mums

Evie - posted on 08/31/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I recently feel pregnant with my second at 23 first at 21 and people ie midwives, nurses, general public, look at me as if i have done something wrong

16 Comments

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Iysha - posted on 09/07/2009

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It's probably because they think you're too young to have kids. Judging from your picture, you don't look 23, which is fine, people say I look 15 and I'm 21. As for the midwives and nurses, if you're going to be in labor with them around, You should talk to them about the way they make you feel. It's important that you have a good relationship with them and feel comfortable around them.

Esmeralda - posted on 09/07/2009

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i dont know why that happens. and it use to bother me,but it doesnt at all now.

i work hard to be a good mother,and anyone who sees me with my daughter can see that i am! So...i dont care what people think,they dont know me!! lol

Evie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Thanks for the great encouraging responses.... It just sucks that people judge before they they know anything about you or the situations.. But you all have have had great answers...

Anna - posted on 09/03/2009

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Hey ignore the looks. Society makes girls believe they need to have carears, marriage, etc... in a specific order. Buy the time its expected for "normal" age to have kids, women are burned out. I was 21 with my first one and another one 6 years later. I have managed to go through med school and residency and have two beautiful children and I am not even 30. Keep doing what your doing, enjoy the kids and family and achieve yur goals. It all can be yours, one does not have to sacrifice one thing for another.

Kiaya - posted on 09/03/2009

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People just don't think we are prepared, which well like all parents we aren't. I am 20 with two beautiful boys and I am happily married and well it's possible and I hate that people think it's not. and besides there are upsides to being a young mom. It's easier to get your figure back, easier to keep up with your kids and your not 60 years old when they are grauduating high school so there is a greater chance of meeting grandchildren and being there for your kids longer.

[deleted account]

WOW! How times have changed! I wouldn't worry about the comments made. Because look at the women who are waiting until their older...Their the ones who end up needing Young Mom's to donate eggs and carry their babies.. Women are suppose to have children young, your bodies are built that way. As for people who make comments i think...I would tell them where to go:) Don't worry be Happy:)

Tanya - posted on 09/03/2009

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back in the day you had your kids young, and now its those older people that i find that are so judgemental about it all, i was 23 when i had my son and my partner 21 we planned to have him and wanted him well before he was concived but we still got asked if he was an accident and if we will get married before we have more, are we sure we can afford it, they are a lot of work you cant just forget about them!!my partner and i have worked all our life and still do so to be put down like that hurts,we are great parents , and i think most who have kids young are great parents, you shouldnt judge what you dont know

Jeanine - posted on 09/01/2009

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I completely understand what you mean . I got pregnant with my first at 19 . I was with her "father" for almost 3 years he left when I was 9 months pregnant and i raised her alone and It seemed like everybody always looked at me funny, and even more so because i was a single young parent ,people thought i was out sleeping around or something ?? Which was Not the case. . I could almost guess what they were thinking by their faces . I look a lot younger than I am . I am almost 26 now and I have a second daughter who will be a year old very soon and I still get THAT look from people . I am with my second daughters father and he has taken on my first as his own . People guess my age to be like 18-19 and I have a child starting school. They are very judgmental towards me. Ive noticed this at baby classes when my first was younger , play groups , daycare , school etc . The older moms would stare . I know I am young to have 2 kids but i went back to university when my first was 2 years old . My fiancee now has a good job in the military but because of the way I Look ( young) people still Judge me . Its really upsetting sometimes .

Sarah - posted on 09/01/2009

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i had my son at 17 i got a lot of looks even now with my daughter i am 21 and married and still get the look

Melissa - posted on 09/01/2009

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I've been lucky enough to not have this problem. I was 17, married and pregnant (Got pregnant 1 month after marriage. How convenient) and everyone was so nice. I had the nurses at my Drs office tell me that we were doing a much better job than most of the older patients there. Sometimes I feel a bit awkward while taking my son to school or attending ball practices/games because I'm the youngest mom there, but I've never felt ostracized. I'm not sure why.



I think a lot of people feel that young moms are incapable of providing a good life for their children because of low income and very little life experience. Also, maturity is a big factor. There was a terrible thread that went on and on a while back on myspace about young mothers. The people who attacked the young women had strong points most of the time. Whenever *some* young moms posted in defense, all they accomplished was proving the argument against having children at a young age. (Shitty jobs, no education, living on welfare, terrible relationship with father of the child, pawning the child off on relatives, partying hard with baby in the next room, etc.) Anything that can be said about a young mother can also be said for older mothers. I just think it's more prevalent with the younger parents.

Courtney - posted on 09/01/2009

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I have the same problem too! I'm almost 24 with an 8 month old-which I dont think is really that young and I find that people treat me as if I am too young to successfully care for a young bub. I also get asked alot if I'm married which makes me a little cranky because I think that it didn't take a marriage certificate to concieve him or help me to love him any more...sorry, little rant I go asked it alot when I was preggo :) At the end of the day though, I don't let it bother me a great deal anymore I just want to be the best mum I can be and prove them all wrong!!

Heather - posted on 09/01/2009

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my son is two months old and i turn 21 this week, and people are always staring at us while we were pregnant and asking all sorts of questions like if we were planning on having a baby (kinda sorta) if his daddy is around (yes but its none of their bussiness) if we got married because of him (no, we concived him three weeks after getting married) and all sorts og other stuff. i personally think i am a better mom than some older moms i've met and age has nothing to do with it, one of the best moms i know is younger than me and going to have her second baby this fall

Ashley - posted on 09/01/2009

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yea i just had my beautiful baby boy in June im 21 and people always ask me if im still with his dad, im not only because he said he wasnt ready to be a dad (little to late buddy) lol

Tabitha - posted on 08/31/2009

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i think it's besause we don't stop at one we keep going i was 19, 20, and 21 when i had my kids and my doc. told me i took better care of my kids then mom's in their 30's.lol. he told me to say well i am still cute so my hubby can't keeps his hands off or we don't have a tv so there was nothing better to do. mainly don't let people get to you good luck

Emily - posted on 08/31/2009

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I agree. I am 25 with three beautiful kids. I had my oldest daughter 6 days after my 18th birthday my second a little over a year later and my son just before my 22nd birthday. Usually after i get through the inital question of are they all by the same person and whoa you started young it usually goes better. i wouldn't change it for the world. My father in law is 54 with a 9 year old. Nothing wrong with that but just not my first choice. I am young enough to enjoy t-ball practice/games and help my dauhter practice for soccer. Too many people judge before ever getting to know anyone. My advice is to just remember to never apologize for having your children no matter what age and they will make you a better parent for it.

Kylie - posted on 08/31/2009

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yep i'm with you there. I had my first when i was 18 and I knew i was young i also had another at 20 and 21 even with my last baby at 27 .I copped alot of remarks some where quite rude asking if al the children had the same father even...which they all do by the way..I say to those people that they shouldn't comment about things they don't know anything about I'm happy i'm young enough to enjoy my kids and my partner..there are plenty of older parents who make just as many mistakes as young ones. The thing that makes you a good parent is if when you see you are in need of help to ask for it ........you haven't done anything wrong be happy and don't worry about what others think...

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