Why is it that people look down on young 20 something moms??

Alicia - posted on 06/10/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I'm 21 almost 22 and pregnant with my third child. I had my first when I was 19, my second this last February when i was 21, and this one is due February 2011 when i'll be 22. What makes it worse is my husband, who was 17 when our sone was born, 19 when our daughter was born, and he'll be 20 when this one is born. He's in he military and we have a steady income and i'm able to be a SAHM to our kids. i under stand why some people look down on teen moms (which I DO NOT for even a ssecond), but why 20 something moms that are married? We don't have issue supporting us and our kids, and we aren't on any government assisstance except for WIC which we really don't even need that except for formula for our daughter. ( I do not, for a second, look down on people with government assisstance either. you have to do what you have to do). but i just don't understand it. i'm a member of a couple of other forums for moms, and EVERYTIME i mention that i'm only 21 and having my thid baby, i get reemed. What difference does it make if we can support them??????? Do they really even have an argument? I also get ccalled LAZY for being a SAHM because I am not out working to make a better liife for our children. They're two and four months. Their needs are met and my son has MORE than enough toys that we almost dont have room in his bedroom for his bed. He's happy as long as he has a sippy cup of milk and his toys and we take him to the pool everyother night. and obviously the baby is happy as long as she is fed has a clean diaper and i take time out to talk and play with her everyday....i just DON'T get it. Even if i did work i would e working to pay for child care. sorry this kinda turned into more of a rant, but i just dont understand it.....

12 Comments

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Miranda - posted on 05/07/2014

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From an older persons perspective, they see it as you practically still being a kid yourself. They think that you should just take care of yourself and live life for a little while before being responsible for other human beings. People are critical because it is a decision that they wouldn't make themselves. They either think, 'I am that age, and no way do I feel ready for a kid' or 'when I was that age, no way could I have had a kid.' This doesn't make you wrong and them right, or you right and them wrong....it's just a different prerogative. Just accept that not everyone thinks the same. I was 19 when I was pregnant with my first, 20 when he was born. I am also a military wife....though I didn't meet my husband till I was 25. We had 2 more children. I am now 32, a SAHM, and I still feel like people look down on me for having 'so many' kids (my husband also has 2 other children from previous marriages), so to look at us as a group....people just think 'WOW, FIVE kids.' On the other side of the coin, my best friend and her husband have chosen to remain childless, and she feels looked down on for that too. You can't win. Just keep yourself happy, and remember, what others think of you is none of your business.

Aimee - posted on 06/14/2010

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im 27 and 5 kids people look down and judge me all the time cause theythink u cant cope or have the money and the maturaty to look after them. u have to prove to poople that u can do it and u can hold your head up higher than before. as long as the kids are happy and luved then it dont matter what others think`

Kylie - posted on 06/11/2010

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i am so with you on this...i am 22 i had my daughter when i was 20...and i found out i was pregnant when i had 3 days left in high school i was 19...and people were mean about it its not like i was sleeping around...my boyfriend (now husband) anyway we lived together and i had collage under my belt and i had honors in high school its not like i was sleeping around we have been together for 7 years now...but everyone looked down on me and they do even more now that we are trying to get pregnant again they tell me im not ready and stuff i hate it, i just think there are jealous that i can take care of my daughter at a young age and she is happy and healthy that's all that matters right...i had to quit my job to stay at home with cadence but i don't care my husband takes very good care of us...the reason i had to quit was cause we could not afford daycare and the state would not help us they said we made to much...which pisses me off because i am from Davidson Michigan, 25 min a way from flint, but any way there are people that have really nice things and get everything from food stamps to daycare...and it pisses me off because there are honest people in this world...i think that the states should give drug test to people looking for assistance...i know that this is so off your topic now but it is nice to get it all out lol

Kim - posted on 06/11/2010

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I think people just need something to rant about. I am 23 with a 1mnth old. I have been with my husband (her daddy) for over 6 years. I get asked all the time "don't you think that you're rushing it"... Be proud, when our kids are grown we will be in our 50's and still able to run around with them and enjoy them. Thats what I always think of when I get stares or here people whispering..

Gina - posted on 06/11/2010

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I understand how you feel I had my daughter right before my 21 birthday and she will be 7 in sept. I am now pregnant with my second at 27 and I still get the look and stares when we are out shopping. I have been asked if I am 18. You just got to let it go people are always going to judge you no matter what age you are. If you are happy the kids are well taken care of screw what everyone thinks.

Kayla - posted on 06/11/2010

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i agree im 20 i have a 20month old daughter and im a SAHM.
going to the mall - looks shopping for food - whispers and looks
i have had old people ask me where her mother is... when i tell them im her mother they get a nasty look and walk away...
i understand 100% but i just gave up on caring what other people think i know im a great mom, we are able to give our daughter a great life sure we may not be married yet but we have been together for 4 years and have been engaged for 3.

most people dont relize just by looking at us that we are doing great, and guess what we are doing better then some 30-40 year old moms.

as for the SAHM being LAZY? who ever said that should go be a SAHM because by far its the LEAST lazy job out there

good luck and dont worry about what other people say you know the truth :)

Stephanie - posted on 06/11/2010

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I understand where you are coming from, definitely. My husband is in the military. We got married when I was 19, and had our first son right before I turned 21. I'm now 22, almost 23, and we're expecting a baby girl soon. People look at me like crazy when I'm in the store, or anywhere else with my son. They have no right to judge, because they don't know our particular situations. Heck, someone asked me the other day if I was 15... WHAT?! Um, no. I, too, am priveleged to be a SAHM, for now.. so when people ask me how I am and I respond "Tired," they wonder why since I'm not working. Um, hello? I'm at home ALL day with my precious, but completely entergetic, 19-mo-old son, I cook, clean, do laundry, pick up his toys, tend to his every need, AND I'm pregnant. I go shopping, run errands.. do everything... How can I NOT be tired? LOL

Anyway, just know that you aren't alone out there. People can assume they know all about us, but the fact is--they just don't. I've come to ignore all of the looks and ugly comments. It's amazing how incredibly nasty people can be. My advice? Be nice :) It kills them.

Heather - posted on 06/11/2010

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I understand your frustration because I have the stigma of being a young single mom, and when I say the dad isnt involved alot of people have the nerve to ask if I even know who the dad is!



All I can say is people will always judge but surround yourself with people who support you it makes ignoring the other ones easier. I have a friend who has a 1 yr old and a 2 year old (almost 3) they deliberatly had their children close together due to deployments, and her hubby wants to try again (she doesnt) ITS ALL ABOUT WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY



If I was with someone, and more stable, I would definently want to have my kids young and close together just like you have

Laressa - posted on 06/11/2010

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I'm sorry but I can identify with those who are being critical. At one point in my life so was I. My husband and I had to try a few years before the birth of our daughter last August. When I saw a young mom especially if she had several children close together I felt that life just wasn't fair. Granted its not fair to judge either...

Now that I have a 9 mo baby myself and another on the way I so understand the moms I was jealous of. They had tough stuff to face too. Being a mom just isn't easy!

My encouragement is too see that perhaps some of the critical ones have some hidden hurt in their lives. I know that their criticism still hurts you but it may be a little easier to take it that way! Wishing you the best with your little ones!

Leoney - posted on 06/11/2010

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I agree, as long as your kids are clean, fed and well cared for it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. :)

Amanda - posted on 06/11/2010

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Older people almost always look down on young people having babies, because they didnt do that back in there day. And alot of yours probably has to do with already have 2 and 1 on the way. They may not think you are mature enough, or that you just arent being careful (bedroom wise) And as for the being married, i have got this too, you are young, and you are married to a military person, alot of people who get married young dont stay married long (some do) And military is the same way, with husband being gone, and changes between you two during that time. Also there is alot of talk about how all military wives do are have kids. *rolls eyes* Like the other person said there is always going to be people who judge you, just ignore them. It is your life, and if you and your husband are happy and your babies are in good health and well taken care of it's none of anyone else;s business. I myself am a military wife as well. so i get the being a younger female with a kid, who is married to a marine.

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There will always be someone somewhere who will judge you. No matter how old you are, what you look like, how many children you have, whatever your marital status is.

In your case, people assume a lot of things because you are younger and have 3 children. they might be assuming you can't take care of them because you don't have the maturity, the income, etc...

People will always judge, you just have to let it roll of your back and prove them you can in fact take care of the children. The only thing that matters here is that these kids are happy and well taken care of.

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