Will holding my baby too much cause developmental delays?

[deleted account] ( 43 moms have responded )

My baby likes to be held all the time and I'm fine with that. I just got a sling so i can still get done what i need to and i let her cry for a few minutes sometimes but basically I've just accepted that she likes to be held a lot and from what I've read that's okay. But is holding her too much going to affect her developmentally, like rolling over or crawling? I put her on her tummy like 3 times a day but she hates it and just screams so its only for a few min. but i don't know if that's enough since I hold her a lot.

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Jordan - posted on 08/05/2011

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This topic has lots of differing opinions. If you ask my mom, she would say hold them all the time they want and give them all the loves in the world. She did that with her kids and one of my brothers was walking at six months and the other was at a little over a year. For me, I held my daughter alot, but not all the time. I still put her down on the floor to learn to hold her head up and crawl and walk, I still put her in her swing when she was to little to do those things or when I needed a break. Some people believe you should only hold your kids a few times a day and others all the time. The real question is what do you think is right by your kids and what advice do you like or agree with and want to try. I don't think there is a 'wrong' answer, but I also believe in moderation and not extremes when it comes to kids *smile* Hope this helps!

Jane - posted on 07/28/2011

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Actually, babies that are NOT held suffer developmental delays, attachment disorder, failure to thrive, and sometimes even death. So hold your baby as much as it wants to be held!.

"Touch is so important that an infant deprived of affectionate touch will literally perish from a syndrome called “failure to thrive”. Babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched.

At the beginning of the last century, the mortality among children under two years of age, living in orphanages in Europe and in North America, was almost 100 per cent. These children were being well taken care of physically. They had all the food and health care they needed. Yet they died in their hundreds.

Their physical needs were being taken care of but no one was allowed to touch them. At that time, it was thought that cuddling infants would spread infections and make children morally weak.

In 1920, Dr J Brenneman, a hospital paediatrician, introduced a rule in his ward that every baby should be picked up, carried around and “mothered” several times a day. Death rates fell immediately.

Like love, one has to be touched to live. No one can survive without giving love and receiving love. No one can live without touching and being touched."
Source(s):
http://www.guardian.co.tt/archives/2003-

Rebecca - posted on 08/18/2011

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Hi, I dont think it will affect your babies development...I think it would increase your babies development...The love shown may cause her to want to stick to u there fore leaving the room may cause her to scream...depending on your childs age this may be normal but try to encourage him/her to have some alone time...I dont mean leave her in the house alone and go out..NO WAY! I mean just put her in her rocker/ high chair depending on age and just go in the kitchen and make a cuppa even if she is crying!

Its not nice and I wouldn't encourage you to leave him/ her for more than it takes to make a bottle, cup of tea etc! We all need to spend some time a alone maybe just for 5 minutes while they sit in the corner and play with blocks or watch tv etc or even if u are watching tv or making a cuppa etc!

If the baby sees that you are willing to sooth her of which there is nothing wrong with! the baby May cry unnecessarily!

Hope this helps...Am not an expert but I know from experience lol. xx

Ania - posted on 08/12/2011

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Ladies, let's not compare orphanages to babies in regular homes, some need more attention others less you are both right. Let's not go into extreme on either side

Nicole - posted on 08/11/2011

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Both my boys hate tummy time as babies. My oldest is 27 months now and my youngest is 10 weeks. Of course my younger one is not rolling over yet and he gets held a decent amount because he's such a Mommy's boy. My older son got held probably a little more than my younger one and he was rolling over both directions at 4 months, sitting up at 5 months, crawling at 9 months and walking by 11 months. He's a very energetic toddler now and he's pretty smart for his age, too. You can never hold a baby too much and enjoy it because once they start getting mobile they don't like to be held quite so much!

43 Comments

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Sbrooks159 - posted on 01/15/2014

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i put my son on tummy time weather he liked it or not and it helped him he eventually loved it he did all the developmental milestones early becuse i did exersizes and things to help inprove them while still having fun he was also born 26 weeks 4 days 5 lbs 9 oz 18 1/2 long the docters said that tummy time is very good for development it prompts strengthening of the head and helps learn control

Lucy - posted on 08/31/2011

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This is pretty much the cutest question ever! No baby yet but I have a feeling we'll be similar, or at least I'll WANT to hold him/her all the time and that's fine!

Tyarria - posted on 08/25/2011

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I would say yes or no.. Newborns you have to hold them but when they get four months you have to let them get use of you not holding on them so much... i hold my son alot and i let be on the couch... alot and he did not start crawling until he fourteen months and did not start walking until he was 22 months... and besides when they get older they going to expect you hold them all the time...

[deleted account]

Nope! but holding him too much will make the baby want to be held all the time. and if she's being passed around too much, they get very cranky !!!

Ania - posted on 08/12/2011

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You will not cause delays. Tummy time is overrated to me...I stopped putting my son on his tummy because he also hated it and he started rolling over later when he actually was ready for it at 4 months or so. He started walking at 9.5 months and was also held baby. No worries

[deleted account]

My baby hated being on her tummy. And I mean, HATED it. I got a baby play gym from my boyfriend's mom & that's how I kept Basil entertained. She loved it and I got things done and I still got to hold her when it was convenient for me.

Janessa - posted on 08/01/2011

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It shouldn't, it's what you are willing to do. I generally don't hold mine all the time because I know that will continue, and I honestly can't do that, but if it works for you, great.

[deleted account]

they do need tummy time to help their development along, my daughter hates it too. i try and lay next to her, so she can see my and we talk and play, she still doesn't like her tummy time too much but she is a bit better about it. i usually put her down for 10-20 mins 3-4 times a day, and spend about half that time laying next to her (i have a 2yr old so all the time is not possible). but i also have i carrier which i put her in and get stuff done. i have also read and artical which says that babies that get held alot walk sooner, but i don't know how true it was.

Jessica - posted on 08/01/2011

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As long as you are getting some floor time in each day holding her will not affect her developmentally. However, if you are taking her to stay at a daycare she will have a rude awakening when she can't be held all the time because as much as they would love to hold her they have other children to tend to as well. Relatives also don't mind holding children when they are young but won't enjoy it as much if they can't get anything done because she always has to be held or carried around.

Also, there are very few children who enjoy tummy time at first. Just keep working on it and the more time they spend on the floor the more muscles they build and will be able to look around where they want and that will satisfy them.

Jennifer - posted on 08/01/2011

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IMO, there's no such thing in holding your baby too much. I held my children all of the time. If it comforts you and the child, I don't see a problem.

Laila - posted on 08/01/2011

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I don't feel it will at all!!!! As was said before, look up Attachment Parenting or better yet go purchase "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears and his Wife. It has been a huge help with our 10 week old. He is our 3rd child but definitely the one who wanted to be held the most. We follow the Attachment Parenting was of doing things with him and it's working out BEAUTIFULLY!!!!! He is almost rolling over already and we hold him all the time!

Kathryn - posted on 08/01/2011

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I would not worry if she's not rolling. Mysix year old daughter rolled only once and didn't do it ever again. Her dr said they can skip that step with no problem, but it's not ok to skip crawling and go straight to walking. If they do that, they could be missing something the brain

Amanda - posted on 08/01/2011

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@Jane Just stating that the article is an extreme, it's NOT the norm. Most normal families, and normal situations, (not third world countries, which I'm under the impression this mom is not from)hold their children for an healthy amount of time. To post the article makes it seem that others or this mom is abusing or harming their child for not holding them constantly. I read the article, it seem geared more for third world, or lower income situations. I don't think this mom has to worry about her child not thriving due to extreme articles posted.

Sorry if you felt attacked, it was not my purpose! I was only trying to show that while this article might be a fact for some extreme situation is not the norm. I was also stating that leaving a child/baby with a small amount of independent time wont harm them either, but just wanted to ease the fears of the mom by stating that tummy time can be a great thing, not harmful at all!

Jane - posted on 07/31/2011

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@Amanda - The article I posted was and is factual. The exact same failure to thrive is seen in the Romanian orphanages where there are far too many children for the number of staff.

It was also seen in institutionalized Down's Syndrome children to such a degree that doctors believed that Down's Syndrome kids were doomed to short lives. The trend in keeping DS kids at home in the family has shown that DS kids, while subject to certain health risks, do not routinely die before their teens.

The original question was NOT will it harm my baby if I DON'T carry him/her all the time, but will harm come if I DO. In point of fact, you cannot hold your baby too much.

As long as your child is happy with the amount of time you hold him/her and is developing fine, then you have no problem. Obviously your kids got enough physical contact for them to develop normally. And so will the OP's child, although their baby needs more holding than yours did.

I see no reason for you to go off on me for reporting the FACT that children deprived of physical contact suffer. It sounds to me as if you either misread my post, or you are feeling guilty about something.

Keri - posted on 07/31/2011

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children, especially babies, need attention and most of all physical contact. It won't go on forever, so it won't hurt her development. I always go by this: if the doctor's not worried, I'm not worried. It has kept me from obsessing about things my son and other kids are doing because every kid is different.

Amanda - posted on 07/31/2011

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@Jane Seno

While the article you posted is interesting, it is NOT factual! I and other mothers I know did NOT hold our children every second of the day, and I know BOTH of my boys are VERY smart, and have VERY high fine motor skills! They are both int he Gifted and Talented programs in their schools, and have very strong, and fast hand/eye skills (so their pedi said!) They also give me many hugs through out the day without being prompted! and are very loving and personable children!!!

The boys were placed on the floor several times at day at just over a month old, with a few toys to reach for, for about 5mins, the mins and number of times increased as they aged they both rolled over at least by 3 months, I think my oldest was 2.5 months! My oldest crawled at 4.5 months and was walking by 10.5 months, my youngest skipped crawling and went to sitting up and scooting, at 4 months and walked by 10 months! They are 2 years and 1 day apart in age.

So ALL children are different and to state that NOT being held leads to delays, is as absurd as saying being held delays!!! Just Sayin'

Amanda - posted on 07/31/2011

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@Jane Seno

While the article you posted is interesting, it is NOT factual! I and other mothers I know did NOT hold our children every second of the day, and I know BOTH of my boys are VERY smart, and have VERY high fine motor skills! They are both int he Gifted and Talented programs in their schools, and have very strong, and fast hand/eye skills (so their pedi said!) They also give me many hugs through out the day without being prompted! and are very loving and personable children!!!

The boys were placed on the floor several times at day at just over a month old, with a few toys to reach for, for about 5mins, the mins and number of times increased as they aged they both rolled over at least by 3 months, I think my oldest was 2.5 months! My oldest crawled at 4.5 months and was walking by 10.5 months, my youngest skipped crawling and went to sitting up and scooting, at 4 months and walked by 10 months! They are 2 years and 1 day apart in age.

So ALL children are different and to state that NOT being held leads to delays, is as absurd as saying being held delays!!! Just Sayin'

Antoinette - posted on 07/31/2011

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My son was the same and he's almost 2 now and developing just fine, crawled and stood by himself all on the same day at about 10 months and by 15 months was pushing furniture around to create steps so he could climb higher - found him on top of our 4ft TV cabinet one day in the time it took me to make a coffee - SCARY!! He still likes ALOT of holding but I'll take what I can get because I'm sure he'll be over me by the time he starts school. This really is one of those what works right for you situations, I think sometimes it's just a matter of trying to engage them while they're having floor time, getting down with them also I was told that tummy time doesn't need be on the floor, you can lie on your back and have her lie tummy to tummy with you, that way she's still having to lift her head/push herself up etc to look you in the face. My mum is the opposite and was always telling me to forget about doing my one armed dishes/washing/vacuuming and just sit or walk and hold baby if they want it.

Maggie - posted on 07/28/2011

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No Not at all!!! My son was a huggy baby too and HATED tummy time, he started rolling early, crawling normal time and running at 12 months. take the cuddles while they are willing lol!!

Stifler's - posted on 07/27/2011

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I've never heard of a baby being developmentally delayed from being held too much. Most babies I know... hate tummy time. Especially mine.

Minnie - posted on 07/27/2011

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Clearly it has totally negatively affected my daughter. Who was put down one time at five months and took off crawling. And walked at 9 1/2 months. And was speaking in full sentences at 13 months.



Darn babywearing has totally ruined babies for eons now ;). Someone must warn all of the mothers in the rest of the world...Asia, Africa, South America, etc.

Rachael - posted on 07/26/2011

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you can do tummy time with her on your chest an you on your back. you cannot spoil a baby by tending to their needs. from your other post she is 5 months so she should already be rolling if not i'd talk to your health care provider. good luck and keep holding that baby girl =)

[deleted account]

thank you all so much. its really been a big help to read all of these. ive found that if i lay her on the boppy on her tummy for a few minutes before i just lay here on her tummy without it seems to make her happier and she is content longer. if she starts to fuss ive taken my comp on the floor and just have done my school work right beside her and she plays by herself..as long as im right there of course lol. so i think its getting better and im going to just keep trying this until i hope eventually she'll be able to do like 5 min without me being down there.

Julie - posted on 07/26/2011

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Her screarming may not be an emotional plea - rather, something physical.
Do lay her down to give yourself a rest and for her a chance to repostiion... Its good for both of you.
Always be clsoeby and talk to her to remind her you are 'there' for her ♥

[deleted account]

I held my daughter constantly (or at least it felt like it) for the first 5 months of her life. I started giving her toys while she sat on my lap. Then we moved to the floor and I let her lay or sit down with toys.

She rolled over right around 2 1/2- 3 months. I never did tummy time. She hated so much that I didn't see a point. However I would do a modification of it by having her lay on my husband's nice wide chest. She would curl up right away, move her head over a bit to hear his heart beat, and fall asleep. It did make her a tummy sleeper. I could put her on her back until I was blue in the face and she'd roll right on to her tummy.

Brennis - posted on 07/26/2011

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Basically by 3 months she should be able to do 30 minutes on her tummy. However, yours sounds like my first child, she HATED tummy time. Then one day she just did it, all by herself. So as long as you are encouraging her to do it i think it is fine. Also, if you are worried about it give her more frequent tummy time, with just a little time on her tummy like say 1-5 minutes. Also, if she loves to be held, and you aren't already, do tummy time on YOUR tummy or the bed, as it may be a hard surface she doesn't like.

Rebecca - posted on 07/26/2011

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My kids were not early walkers but not because I held them all of the time. Just make sure you do lay them down once in awhile. Get a pack n play and let the baby down once in awhile. You'll be okay. It's always a learning process. Each baby is different and just because one person does it one way doesn't mean you should too. It may not be right for you. This coming from a 46 year old mom with a 6 and 7 year old. Both of my girls are very different and each was a learning process.

Jane - posted on 07/25/2011

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No.



We held our babies all the time, including using a front pouch, and both were early walkers and are currently athletes.



As long as you make sure she gets some tummy time, possibly with you right there with her, she should do fine.

Shannon - posted on 07/25/2011

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my understanding is the more a child is held close to mom the more stronger the attachment is. Theres studies shown that if a child is born early this can actually speed up the growth of a child thus resulting in the child being released from the NICU sooner. In the case that you are worried about her not doing things, I would call the Child development center if you beleive she is not doing things that other typical children in her age group are doing. I personally beleive its good for the child to be seperate for short times in order to have the opportunity to explore her surroundings, and gaining independance (very much a developmental criteria) You do what you feel is best for you both, and keep in mind you cant carry her around forever, and eventually she will get heavier, and u will get sore lol. Just keep in mind the more opportunities she has to learn new things the better off she will be, and keeping baby close is not a bad thing as long as like I said she has her own time to explore her surroundings

[deleted account]

it might slow her down in crawling/walking because she can't learn if she doesn't have the opportunity to build up her muscles

Aimee - posted on 07/24/2011

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no not really as long as u put the child down so many times a day on his/her back or tummy with lots of toys round and u sit near them then they can still develop like any other child hope this helps

Christina - posted on 07/24/2011

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My kids had designated tummy time every day. When they were newborns, it was only for about five mins. At 3mnths old, it would be for about 15-20mins three times a day. I would sit there and play with them while they were doing tummy time. All of them were crawling at 5-6mnths old. They all rolled over by 4mnths old. My preemie started crawling a week after she turned 5mnths old (which made her adjusted age 4mnths) The walking to with her walking at 8mths old made her adjusted age 7mnths old.

My mom told me not to hold my babies either. And yes, once they started walking, they were clingy little things for the next few months because they could chase me around the house, but all are very independent children.

[deleted account]

ok thank you that does make me feel a whole lot better becuase my mom just keeps telling me not to hold her too much or shes not going to start rolling over or crawling. and like i said i do put her on the floor during the day i guess its just not for very long periods of time. so thank you im not going to worry about it then as much

Christina - posted on 07/24/2011

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I held my babies all the time!!! They were glued to my hip until they were over a year old. All of my children were walking (or running!!!) before their first birthday. I have two autistic child, they were my late walkers and started walking around 10mnths old. My two neurotypical children were walking, and running, at 8mnths old, and one of them was born 5wks prematurely!!!
Holding your babies gives them good security. They know mommy will always be around and so they start venturing off on their own.

Holly Janelle - posted on 07/23/2011

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I agree with Jessica completely! If anything they benefit from you being close to them and giving them the feeling of security. I had the same question and then I read this from Kellymom.com and I felt 100% better. Hope this makes you feel better also. :)



http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/self-e...

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