Wondering if my husband is cheating...?

Valerie - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and we have two beautiful little boys. Things aren't always perfect but I thought that, for the most part, we were happy. He is prone to looking at porn sometimes, which is fine by me. But lately I have had a sneaking suspicion that he is doing something he shouldn't, so I did something naughty: I installed a keylogger to see what was happening on the computer while I was asleep. There were the occasional porn sites, which, like I said, is fine. But there were also emails replying to ads on craigslist, numerous dating sites where he was receiving messages from members to "meet up", and the Facebook profile page of a girl he had an affair with 3 years ago. Should I say something to him, or should I be ashamed that I had to spy on him? And if it was nothing, won't my spying hurt our relationship more? I am really confused and super PO'd, I don't know what to do. Any input would be appreciated very much!

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Louise - posted on 05/17/2012

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You have been married for 5 years and he has already had an affair? Blimey! One strike and hes out of there would of been my motto. You forgave him and good for you, the fact that this girls name is on the computer again would be enough for the vlocano to erupt for me. If you are sure of your facts then confront him out right. If he is cheating on you dont take the idiot back. Dump him and find someone who respects you. Life is to short to be second best!

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JoAnna - posted on 05/25/2014

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I found a text on my bf's phone over a year ago. We had been together for 7 years at that time. He was working 2 jobs so I could stay home and continue breastfeeding our son. The text was enough to push me over my boundaries. I confronted him, told him if we were married, we'd be getting a divorce. I was FURIOUS!!! After I proceeded to yell at him for about 30 mins, he had to leave to go to his 2nd job. Which, is where the girl he texted also worked. He tried to blame his reason for emotionally cheating, on me. Said we forgot how to be man and woman when our son was born. Yeah, right. Needless to say, a month after the incident, he quit that job and sold his phone. I returned to work. Anyway, I forgave him, but I will NEVER forget. I know keep a check on his Facebook, email, cell phone, whatever. You gotta keep them in check to make sure they don't step out on you.

Evelin - posted on 05/22/2014

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Ive lately been having these buzzard dreams that my husband of one year is cheating on me... I'm 8 months pregnant and people have told me that it's because I'm pregnant and insecure. I mean I don't feel insecure at all I've never been insecure. I have these dreams almost everyday and I have a really strong intuition that's telling me that he is ... I don't know what to do ... Should I ask him about it ? Be nosey and look thru his phone and stuff ? Any suggestions ?

Natalie - posted on 05/25/2012

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Well you looked, and you cant ignore it. I would confront him, maybe leave out the keylogger thing haha just explain that you know what he is doing, and ask him why? If he lies, well then you have some thinking to do. good luck i hope you can work it out.

ps- im not ok with porn, especially when they spend so much of their time looking at it. if it affects your sex life, it just aint right. Men who sit on their computers late at night watching porn for hours arent just watching porn, they are usually looking for other options like chatting, reaching out to other women and that is just wrong!

Starfish - posted on 05/18/2012

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"And if it was nothing..." I'm sorry, but in what world would it be "nothing" to be replying to craigslist and dating ads and crap like that? *Especially* since this person has already betrayed your trust (and so early into the marriage...).

To be blunt, in my opinion, your husband sucks. I'm not a fan of spying, but you can't just un-know what you know now. Confront him. And get yourself tested. And maybe look into counseling to see if such a deceitful person is someone you can and/or should stay married to.

Tina - posted on 05/18/2012

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Sometimes men give us no choice but to spy but if they were trust worthy we wouldn't feel the need to. I'd be kicking his but out the door. My partner and I have had our issues with these sites. I still have my guard up to. He knows if he ever does anything like it again it's over. I'd just be saying to him that you're worried and if he ever hurt you again what the consequences would be. And then check his history again and you'll know where you stand. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes and say it wasn't me. I don't know what I was doing, it was nothing and all the rest because once that trust is broken you wont get it back if he hasn't stopped the first time he'll do it again.

Valerie - posted on 05/17/2012

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Yeah, I have had to evaluate myself a couple of times, and while it's true that I am not the most physical or loving person, I have my guard up with him because of our past. Also, she isn't a FB friend; he was just searching her. Which is worse.

Kelly - posted on 05/17/2012

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Marriage is already in trouble. Someone who spends their time lusting after other women while viewing porn is in my mind already cheating and its not long before it progresses after that into porn that is more graphic, conversations, and relationships. Porn would NOT be ok by me in my marriage. He already cheated before and probably is doing it again. The fact that he destroyed your trust 3 years ago entitles you to spy on him as far as I'm concerned. He gave up all rights of trust. Who the @#$% does he think he is to even add this girl to his FB friends that he had an affair with already?! He either ends ALL OF IT or you decide if you like sharing him with other females and you put up with it and teach your boys it's ok. There will come a time when they know what is going on and then they marry and continue all that dad taught them. Dad's life lessons to his boys....lust after other women, disrespect them, and cheat on them....it's all good just try not to get caught!

Alisha - posted on 05/17/2012

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honey....honey...honey...if you look you will find i have learned this lesson so many times looking thru my bf of 10 years phone and sneaking checking his emails and so on and so forth first off mailnly a womens intuition is hardly ever wrong 9xoutta 10 ur right a man will tell u u r crazy and things of that nature but ur not thats there way of not owning resposiblity for there actions do u keep ur spice up in your relationship or r u giving him a reason to go elsewhere. r u the same women he fell n love with believe me i have had to take a look at myself many times n these 10 years and say is it worth it and how bad do i want this and evaluate me at times if you can honeslty say that he has no reason to do what he is if hes doing it then continue to investigate and drop hints that you are catching on by no means do i say stay if he is cheating but i also say do not drive urself crazy trying to figure it out focus on u and if you can when the kids are n bed take him back to 5 years ago and show him y he married you if he continues if he is doing it...which i dnt think he will...then let him know u have been cking behind hm its not u making it worst its him....stay strong and be smart about your next move

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