Worried and Confused

Sg - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )




My son hasjust turned 2 years old, he was part of a twin but i lost the elder one at 6 days old. The biological dad has never wanted and never does have anything to do with my boys, i have a new partner who knows of my son but has never met him. Im worried about introducing my son to my new partner because i feel that it could become confusing to him in the long-term, i know that i'll already have to explain to him about his twin and biological dad and im unsure wheather this is the right time to introduce him to what is virtually a stranger.

I have a friend, who's also a single mum but has introduced a "stepdad" to her son, this has caused him to be confused and triggered anger and behavioural problems, im worried this mite happen to my little boy.


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Stacy - posted on 04/16/2009




i think you need to take it one step at a time when he first meets him tell him he is just a friend of mommys. Dont tell him he is his step dad becasue in the long run when they do find out about their real dad it will cause them to hurt alot and thats not fair to the child. As for the twin im very sorry to hear that and some day down the road when u do have to face telling your son that it will take a long time to probably sink in and for him to realize but like i said one step at a time i would try telling him that your partner now is just your friend and as he gets older and if it goes further than thats something you would have to deal with then but one step at a time take it slow. your a great mother and you now your limits on telling them what they need to know.. have a great day :)

Amie - posted on 04/16/2009




From my own experience with this take it slow. If you are unsure then don't do it yet.

My fiance is not the bio dad of our oldest two. I waited to introduce him to them (even though he knew of them and wanted to meet them) until I was sure we were going to be together a long time and that he would be the positive influence I wanted around my kids.

When I finally did introduce him to them I had strict rules about it all too. He was introduced as only my friend. He was not allowed to kiss me, hold my hand, etc. anything that the kids would ask why he does that, your other friends don't kind of thing. They absolutely loved him though and adjusted well. Once they got to know him better I explained (to my oldest she was 5 at the time and my little one was only just a year) that he was my boyfriend. She didn't really understand what that meant completely, she was only five. But to her she was mommy's special friend who mommy cared about a lot and who sometimes spent the night. (Her definition after we were done talking. lol)

I never pushed either of them to call him dad, he was never introduced in any capacity as a replacement parent. Our little ones ended up calling him dad on there own though after we'd been together about a year. Their bio dad had a fit but he was rarely in the picture then and not at all now (he pitched another fit when we got engaged and moved to another province and stopped even trying to keep in contact with the kids). My fiance and I are in the process of finding out info so he can adopt them even.

It's all in how it's done. You don't want to shock or scare your little one and you want to make sure your comfortable with it. =) Best of luck and I hope it all turns out well.

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