Would I be wrong if I keep my child away from his father

Tree - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Me and my child father is not together but we stay in the same town havent been together since child was born in 2010. He is a stand up guy when it comes to spending money on the child. He lack alot in spend time with the child. He only spend one day a week with him for no more then 6hr never keep him over night. If for some reason he dontcome and get him that week he will not call or come get him before next week get here. He has told me he know he dont spend enough time with him but he has 2 work( the job is not a 9 to 5 its a illegal job). He has forgot about bout my child several times. His illegal job come before his only child and I im feed up wit it. So I wanted to know will I be wrong to tell 2 stay out my child life since other things come before and your life so busy to the point where u forget about ur only child

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Tree - posted on 11/13/2012

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My problem is not his illegal job because I know the economy is bad. Its that he put it before his child, just like he put it aside when he get him for that one day a week he can put it aside for another day or a weekend. He know he can get him whenever he feel like it. He also know he dont spend enough time with him because he has told me his self (I know I dont spend enough time with him but I got to work his exact word). Yes that illegal job is how he provide for his child, whatever money he is out of because he spending time with his child I willing 2 cover what he cant get cause he losing money. I also know for a fact that he has not been for for a job. My mom tried to get him a job at her job and he said he couldnt take it right now. Im consider keep him out his life because it seem like that illegal job come before him and its too time consuming to where he cant spend nothing but one day a week with him.

Miri - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi, Tree. I've been involved on the other side of a similar situation... When my husband Josh's ex-girlfriend, Cyndi, got pregnant he was excited to be a dad, but she left and refused him any part in the pregnancy or Zoë's life. He didn't worry about Zoë because Cyndi lived with her parents who are wealthy, good Christian people; until 4 years later (we were together) he found MySpace pictures of Cyndi taking Zoë to parties with alcohol and drugs. He then filed and won full custody with the court ruling Cyndi was an unfit mother.



Unless the child wouldn’t be taken care of, would be in danger or placed in an inappropriate environment, I don’t think it’s right for a parent to not let their child spend time with the other parent.



You say that he good about spending money on your child, so it seems like he cares whether there’s money for the things your child needs, which’s good because there’s too many fathers that don’t care enough to do that much.



What concerns me is this illegal job of his. I don’t think having an illegal job necessarily makes someone a bad person; the economy’s rough right now and you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do, but has he tried looking for other jobs to your knowledge?

Regardless of what his job is, it does seem like he could spend more than one day a week with your child. I understand it’s frustrating for you that he doesn’t spend much time with your child, but if this job is the real reason he hasn’t been/can’t spend more time with you child, he may just be wanting to make sure he’s not putting your child in any danger, since what he’s doing is illegal.



You say you live in the same town, so have you tried getting together with him to see if you can work out a schedule better suited for them to spend more time and some nights together; or if the court is involved, a time when he can appear with you to have it altered? If I were you, before making a decision, I would have a talk and tell him how you feel, and see if you can:



—Get him to agree with and stick to a schedule.

—Make sure he wouldn’t be involved in any illegal activity while your child is with him.

—That you trust your child will be safe in his care the time they’re together.



If you’re comfortable with your child spending time with him, and he’s willing to work for them to be able to spend more time together, and to make sure your child wouldn’t be put in any sort of danger, then I don’t see a reason why you should keep him out of your child’s life.

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