Young mom depressed

Renee - posted on 03/13/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am 22 and I have a four yr old boy and an eight and a half year old boy and just recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I am with my kids father and he works a 9-5 job. I stay at home with the kids and don't go anywhere. I often feel depressed bc I feel like I haven't accomplished much in my life besides having kids. I want to get some higher education so I can feel like I'm worth something and help provide for our kids. I feel lonely and sad all the time. How can I cope with this?? Depression pills good or no?

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Jaree - posted on 03/13/2013

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There are a lot of programs out there that can help you with child care. or do u hv relatives that can watch the kids.? also u could try thinking of maybe going to school for something while you are pregnant. I know that would be hard but there's a lot of people who do it. I don't know your situation as far as how far you finished school but that could be an idea. There's also gyms that have child care as well so you can exercise. Think positive Hun. Trust me your not alone in this people have been through the same and have made it. I am one of them

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Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 03/14/2013

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Listen sweetie , I understand your need to feel like you have accomplished something in life and I think if going back to school would help then go for if . Just don't forget how important the job of taking care of your children is and how priceless that is. Being a mother is in my opinion the best accomplishment in the world and sometimes we don't get the credit we deserve but don't you forget it. If you can , get your kids involved in activities , take a cooking class, make plans to take the kids on a play date once a week with a friend who has kids. If you start to realize how valuable you are to those precious children you will start to feel much better. Keep busy and try to stay off the meds unless you really feel like you have to

Melanie - posted on 03/14/2013

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I am right there with you two boys 4 and 7 and 8 months pregnant with a less than supportive baby dad ... I use to take medication but it made me feel so ... Blah ... I would suggest starting a journal it really has helped me you might be surprised ! I'm also 21 so I'm close in age with you and I understand how dissatisfied you feel!!

Renee - posted on 03/14/2013

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I had two jobs in high school and one of them was being a cna. I have tried nursing school but did not complete bc I felt discouraged and had a lot going on so I dropped out of college. I would like to try the medical assistant program bc it wont take as long to complete. My oldest will start school this year and hopefully things will be easier.

Jaree - posted on 03/13/2013

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I honestly feel what u r going through. I started very young I had my first child when I was 16 I'm 30 now with 4 kids and love my life and wouldn't change a thing. I never finished high school but I continued my education after I had my first kid. I went to school for medical assisting that was seven years ago and now I am a surgents assistant. What I'm trying to say is that just because u have kids does not mean your life comes to a hold. You need to get out there go to school find what it is u enjoy doing. You need that for your sanity. Pills I don't agree I think they just make u feel slower and honestly I just don't care for them or believe in them. Yes it's harder when u have kids to do the things u need to do but if u hv the drive y can do anything u r so yng dnt give up already and think u need pills do something positive for yourself and stick with it. If I accomplished it so can u. Good luck! My best wishes

Renee - posted on 03/13/2013

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Its nice to know that there are people out there going through similar things that I am. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I will definitely try following up on the ideas you suggested. :)

Denikka - posted on 03/13/2013

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Ahahaha!! 8 months olds makes a bit of a difference XD

Why not take the kids jogging with you? House chores can be let to slack a little bit, take half an hour and go for a walk/jog. If you have only a single child stroller, keep the pace slower and let the 4yr old walk. It's something you can do all the way up until you pop and, I have heard, can actually make labour easier because it strengthens the muscles.

If your kids go to bed reasonably early, you can also go for a jog after they're in bed. Hubby should be able to hold down the fort after kids are in bed for half an hour or whatever.

You can also do something like yoga. There's baby yoga that you can do with the 8mo old (basically using baby as a weight along with doing assorted movements with them :P) and the 4yr old should be capable of at least trying some of the moves. I know my 4 yr old boy (super active) loves to follow along with some of the kids shows (4square and RolePlay specifically) and do the movements and sounds.

Just find something that you can do around the kids (throw on a show for the 4yr old or get him involved with something while baby naps) or that you can do WITH them.

As for finding a therapist in your area, there's a number of things you do. You can talk to your doctor and ask them to suggest resources. You can open the phone book or do an online search for therapists and counsellors in your area and start making phone calls and asking questions. Or you can call an emergency line (suicide/help line) and talk to them about resources.
Specifically look into maternal mental health. Being pregnant may get you significantly more help in a significantly shorter amount of time. That's the line I've gone down and it's been great so far.

I guess I'm even closer to being in the same boat you're in :P I had my first at 19, I've never had a job, no longer get to do the few hobbies I used to have because of kids and finances, never get out...I understand.
The best thing you can do is to be your own advocate. You need to be selfish in a positive way. Hubby may be tired coming home from work, but he must have days off. You *work* inside the house and don't get days off. You also don't have to go jogging/whatever every single night, why not start out with twice a week? Come to a compromise.
The 4 year old will be going to school soon (unless you plan to homeschool of course :P) and at that point, while you will still have 2 little ones at home, you'll probably end up with at least a bit more breathing room to make things a little easier.
Best of luck.

Renee - posted on 03/13/2013

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Im sorry let me correct myself, I have a four yr old and an eighth and a half MONTH old and expecting. I had my first when I was eighteen. I have often thought about counseling or medications but I never really knew where to start. Before I ever got pregnant I loved to exercise and jog but now I feel like theres just not enough time in the day and im afraid to ask my boyfriend to watch the kids when he gets home bc he's always tired from working all day

Denikka - posted on 03/13/2013

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Medication CAN be helpful in the right situation.
Just from what you've said though, I would more strongly suggest counselling.
If my math is correct, you had your first child when you were 14? That's awfully young and you have missed out on a lot of things because of it. In a way, you may be grieving the life you didn't get to have (no kids, get to party, relax, travel, go to school, whatever it is)

I would suggest you go into some counselling. There are many free services available, and some therapists will work on a sliding scale fee (you pay based on income/what you can afford). They may be able to help you through all the negative feelings you're having.

Other than that, I would recommend that you go back to school. It doesn't have to be a full course load, but even a few classes here and there, do it online, it can really help. You can slowly work towards some sort of degree or higher education in general.
You can also do smaller things around the house. Find a hobby. Arts and crafts are big selling points. You can be creative and sell the results online or at a famer's market or flea market.
You need to do something for yourself. Get out of the house. Even just go for a walk around the block. Just get out.

I know how you feel. I've suffered from depression most of my life and am also now pregnant, at 23, with my 3rd child (although mine are younger, 4, 2 and expecting). I'm currently starting therapy (I've been before, but not in the past 2 years since I moved) and I'm itching to get out as soon as the weather gets more decent. You're not alone. Talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel. Don't expect him to understand, people who haven't been there generally can't. But just let him know you're having a rough time and need his support. It can really help just to have someone know that you're going through something.
Good luck :)

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