Young mom needs advice

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm 19 with a 21 month old little boy and his father and I are currently together but struggling with our relationship. We don't live together because money is tough, he has a full time job and I'm a full time student at home. I live with my son and parents and they have supported me since day 1. And I don't think I am ready to leave my parents house yet. My sons father is extremely manipulative saying that if I don't live with him at his parents house he is going to find another girl that will love him more. So here I am crying because I'm so stressed, depressed, and have anxiety. I feel like I'm making myself sick.

He recently told me he has been going out every night with friends to go smoke weed and sometimes drink. On top of that he had said he was experimenting with drugs like coke and said he was selling meth . So all those things are a huge no no and I don't want my son around that. He said that if we lived together he wouldn't be doing those things. His parents told him they wanted him to go to rehab. But he didnt even budge.

I'm at the point where I was considering going to therapy but my sons father has discouraged me not to. I'm so stuck in my life right now I cry almost everyday and my dad really dislikes him for everything he's put me through in the past. Please help me from this aching pain. I tried leaving him and he would just literally cry for me back. He's also the type of person that it's either his way or no way or he throws a fit. I have never left my son with him nor do I plan on it. Any suggestions ??

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Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2013

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He is the definition of controlling. There is nothing wrong with therapy. you do not need to seek his approval to go ahead with it. Do not even share the idea that you are going to therapy with him because if he is manipulative like you say he is than he will use that against you over and over again. Do it for yourself. I am all about keeping a family together but at what price? Is it whats best for your son? He is not selling and doing drugs because you do not live with him. It all goes back to him being manipulative. Stay strong and think about what best for you and your son. He should only be allowed supervised visits in my opinion. Keep your support system close ( your family and friends) and know that you are so young with a whole life in front of you. Be the best mom you can be and try to move on with your life. Again, this only my opinion. Been in similiar relationships and glad I finally saw the light. Yours is alittle different because he is the father of your son. but again, its all about whats best for your son.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2013

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I think about if you were a sibling. I have never had a younger sister only older brothers but this is what I would say. I think you want it to work so much but know deep down that things probably will not get better. Move on now. Keep a healthy relationship between the two of you for your sons sake...never speak ill of your son's father in front of him even if he does not do the same, and focus on your son. I can't help but think that if you continue a life with him, that this is only the beginning of heartache. But you have to follow your heart. I hope with a lot of thought and contemplation that you will make the best decision and I wish you the best of luck.

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2013

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Thank you so much for your response. I started calling around for a therapist. Maybe I'm young and naive but I do want to be a family with this guy I do want him to change. Weve been together for almost 4 years. I just don't know how to get him to stop all these nasty habits and start acting like an adult and a good role model for our son.. Or am I better off without him? ;( I don't know why I'm so attached to him.

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