Young Moms V.S. More Mature Moms

Maretta - posted on 10/09/2012 ( 116 moms have responded )

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Ok I am not trying to offend anyone in anyways but seeing this is a young mothers group i wondered if anyone felt less respected as a mother since we are young? I know that i just had my daughters 3rd birthday party (I am 23) and a lot of other moms that attend her private school was kinda staring me down because i believe in actually playing and interacting with my child. Her party was at a gym so YES i climbed the rope walked the balanced bean and even played on the scooter...but it is not even that i feel like even her teacher doesnt always feel comfy in talking to me, because since my mom picked my daughter from school she has 1001 things to say to her, but when i do she hardly speaks 2 words. I dont know if i am over reacting but sometimes as a young mother i dont feel as if i get as much respect although i take GREAT care of my daughter and she is advanced for her age...she is well behaved...shouldnt that be enough...do any other young moms feel this way...?

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Deanna - posted on 10/11/2012

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I found when I started asking my daughters teacher more questions about what happens at school, I got more respect. I am not young, but I look it. That was what I found.

Jodi - posted on 10/09/2012

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Only you can control how you feel through your interpretation of other people's actions. Just remember, you ARE only interpreting. These people are not flat out saying you are a young mum and therefore that's why I am acting the way I am. Yes, I think you are over-reacting. Stop worrying about what you think other people are thinking.

Amy - posted on 10/11/2012

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Jodi, you must not be in this position. It's something young moms worry about every day. When someone treats you badly or gives you dirty looks on a daily basis please let us young mothers know how it feels. Maybe you yourself wouldn't care but I certainly do. It's not right in any way you look at it. Everyone deserves respect as a young parent, older parent, average parent or even someone who's not a parent. What happend to respect for one another in this world?

Ashley - posted on 10/10/2012

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i know how exactly how you feel! im 26 with 3 boys, started when i was 16, and i still look no older than 15. people think my oldest is my brother. but about doing things and being involved in playing with your children, the mothers just standing there watching should be ashamed that they would rather hate on you than playing with there kids. i always play with my kids. i remember one year, we got a slip and slide, and we have sooo many pictures of me and my mother in law doing it with my kids and my niece...it was sooo much fun, and both of us were hurting the next day, but the kids really enjoyed it. my kids love it when i get on the floor and play cars with them, or go down the slide or swing with them at the park, we really love the free water parks in our city, i run through them with the kids, and have a great time. i cant stand on the side line and just watch my kids, i want to get involved and have fun with them, and its just another way of teaching them. i think the moms who stand on the side lines, just think there too good for all that and there too busy putting there noses in the air to enjoy really good, fun, quality time with there kids.

Princess - posted on 10/09/2012

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I understand the feeling exactly! They are maybe in awe or suprised that a young mom is able to groom and raise a smart child so well. I believe they mostly run into young moms that are not so involved with their children. It took a couple of days for my son's teacher to actually hold a long conversation and commend me on my son's behavior. But it their job so the teacher should not let your age stop her from talking to you openingly. Maybe you should bring it up to her to clear the air. I am also a hands on mom I am running, jumping etc. with my son and his friends so you may have to get used to the stares IT WON'T STOP lol trust me my son will be 5 this month and they still stare. BTW just because a person is young doesn't mean they are not Mature. Its a lot of old immature people walking around.

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Jodi - posted on 07/31/2014

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Translated:

I had my first at 17 and my second at 23. I felt people looked down on me because of my age. It made me feel that I wasn't doing it right but then I told myself "hang on, I am just as good a mum as the next". It doesn't matter how old I am. I get funny looks now when I take my kids swimming at the park because I wear a 2 piece (nt a full n - I couldn't decipher that part). When I take them to the park I play on the swings with them. I just stub my nose up at them and say whatever. I love my kids enough to make a total idiot out of myself.

Now that I have translated, I will say, they are not looking down on you because of your age.

Having said that, I'm in my forties and play on the swings with my kids, and all the rest of that too, so I'm actually not sure what the heck your point was. Were you trying to say young mums are better or something because they can wear a goddamn bikini?

Melanie - posted on 07/29/2014

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i had my first at 17 n my second at 23 i felt people looked dwn on me coz ov my age it made me feel tha i wasnt doin it right buh than i told myself hang on i am just a good mum as the next dosent matter how old i am.... i ger funny looks knw wen i take my kids swimming n to the park coz i wear a 2 peice nt a full n wen i take them to the park i play on the swings with them i just stub my nose up at them and say whaeva i love my kids enuff to make a total idiot out ov myself

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Keeping taking care of you kids, I'm sure you are doing a great job and kids can learn so much from you when you play with them. Not to mention they really feel your love and feel happiness then.

Chelsee - posted on 07/20/2014

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I just turned 21 years old and have a 20 month old! I find people looking down at me or trying to tell me what to do with my child. I find it very frustrating because I am 3 classes from my associates degree and work as a preschool teacher. I am not saying I know all about children but I know enough that I don't need advice from every random person. I believe a child should have parents http play with them .

Angela - posted on 12/01/2013

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I am 37 with 5 kids.....my oldest is 17. The others are 8,5, and 2 1/2 year old twins. I look very young and still play with my kids. I go down the slides, good off and all. I understand your point of view and agree that there is a prejudice of sorts toward young mothers. I have learned to ignore it. The people who view you this way and pass judgement do not know you and there opinion doesn't matter. Enjoy your children and give them a happy, wild, eccentric, imaginative childhood that they will never forget.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2013

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Some younger mothers don't do that enough either.....
Apparently it has nothing to do with age.

Kati - posted on 11/30/2013

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I think it is awesome that you play and interact with your daughter. I think that some older mothers don't do that enough. I can understand where you are coming from. I myself am a 27 year old mother of 2. I have a sister in law who is 35 with 4 kids and our way of parenting is totally different. She doesn't understand why I play and do some of the activities I do with my kids and I don't understand why she doesn't do those things. I do feel sometimes that she looks down on me because I am younger. Guess you just have to know that you are doing a good job and it doesn't matter your age. No one said you had to be old to be a good mother! :)

Christine - posted on 11/30/2013

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I completely understand I'm in my mid 20's and I look the same age as my brother (17). I have a 2 year old son and love playing with him at the park and at daycare with all the other kids. I came on here searching for other mom's in their 20's who feel this way and I found it! it's so nice to see that I'm not alone. I personally ask those judgmental mom's what they are staring at, but that is just the confrontational person I am. As for the respect I agree, not all mom's in their 20's are "bad" parents. I think it is a shame people would believe so. I see blog's posted all the time about how mom's in their 20's are the new teen pregnancy, WHAT? Think of it this way when you are in your 30's you don't have the same energy and you are starting to calm down your lifestyle, the older you have kids the less you will want to do things with them (just my observation) I'm not meaning to offend older mom's but I live in a rich suburban area of Canada and I see no mother 30 and up who plays with their child. Give 'em hell and hold your head high girl! You should be proud, your daughter will thank you for it and it builds a great relationship with your childern they will feel like you aren't just there to discipline, they will see a balance of discipline and that there is time for fun too. Keep up the good work!

Cleaver - posted on 12/07/2012

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i know that also plus its hard because i dont get along with alot of the young mom ive met ... i love being a young mom and having the energy to run around with my 2 boys its great fun i have the patience to sit with him for hours when he want to do his puzzles or arts i can chase him around and still have enough energy to nurse my baby i love being a young mom

Courtney - posted on 12/07/2012

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i completely understand how ur feeling Ashley. im 26 with a 5 year old and a 2.5 month old. i get the dirty looks from other moms all the time...especially when i am out with both of my boys. it has gotten to the point where i wear m engagement ring with the stone facing my palm instead of the way ur supposed to because the bottom of my ring looks like a wedding band. i hate the fact that i get dirty looks (i think part of it is i look like im only 18 or 19 yrs old even though im 26). my boyfriend tells me to ignore it but its hard

Ashley - posted on 12/07/2012

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I completely understand. I just turned 27 in September. I have 4 little ones, ages 10, 7, 4, and 2. I am also currently expecting my 5th! I am almost 33 weeks, due in January. I had my first child at a very young age, 16. I've always felt like an outcast with other Mothers. Most of the Mothers at my children's schools are much older than myself and they always seem to just stare at me, and not give me the time of day as far as any sort of conversation or interaction is concerned! I've also had this issue with my children's teachers! My 4 year old's preschool teacher has been the worst by far. My Mother in law picks my 4 year old up from preschool the majority of the time due to my school schedule. I drop him off in the mornings. When dropping him off his teacher has hardly said 2 words to me and my son has been going to this preschool since August. However, when my Mother in law goes to pick him up she ALWAYS talks to her, tells her any issues that may have happened, what my Son did that day, blagh blagh blagh. It has gotten so bad in fact, I've recently removed my Son from that preschool and will be enrolling him into another one. I've always wanted to join a Mom's support group, MOPS or something of that nature but haven't because of how awkward it is being around other OLDER Mothers. I hate that it is this way, but I realized some time ago that I can't let it get to me. : (

Tenesia - posted on 11/25/2012

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I have definitely felt this. I am 26 with a 19-month-old and I was more than ready for him. The area I live in just doesn't cater to younger moms. When I was pregnant I attended several birthing classes and I was about 10 years younger than most of the class. It can get lonely, but I know that I am a great mother and I'm sure a lot of what I thought were dirty looks and judgement were my own insecurities. I'm getting better at brushing it off as my son grows older.

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You know youre a good mom. And i dont doubt it. you should be proud to have that child spirit in you! i love it! i love playing with my son, and step son. im 21, and i have a two year old, a 5 yearold step son and one on the way. I AM YOUNG i know but i love being a mom, i love teaching and playing and my boys are VERY smart, because i interact with them the way i do. YOU ARE DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, NEVER STOP PLAYING NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU GET! i get funny looks when im playing in the sand box with my boys, or playing tag, like i should just be standing there watching them play? nota chance, we are a family. if those people think you shouldnt be behaving that way, then i feel bad for THEIR kids!

Marissa - posted on 11/16/2012

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Oh for sure. Im 24 and i have 3 of them! lol. ya way too fertile for my own good. i kno. i had my first at 20. someone else posted someting like this earlier too and i was just saying thst really we just need to be confident. and age does not = maturity... is it more mature to jusde someone by their age? is it more mature to talk down to people because you think ur superior over a trivial thing like age or marital status religion etc? As far as im concerned the mature mothers are the ones who just do their best accept the ups and downs and are willing to believe that other mothers are doing the same. Its no ones place to judge. Personally i just like to confuse them. when ppl give me odd looks etc or seem a bit judgy i just go up and talk to them. keep talking. be friendly. If you show them ur just another mom and that you are a person they usually chill out. lol

Jessica - posted on 11/16/2012

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If it bothers you that don't tell your age and act flattered that they think you're so young! Then of course don't give away your secret for keeping the wrinkles and grey at bay. ;) I'm just kidding! Don't do that. You hear mothers of all ages say the same thing "Being a mother is a thankless job". If you feel you are doing a good job with your children. Then good!! If you know in your heart that you are doing everything in your power to help them succeed and have a great life and child hood, then you are already a "mature" mom. As people, it's normal for us to want acceptance and to not feel constantly judged. There are no problems with that, unless it gets you to the point of being so depressed or hurt that you aren't doing all you could be doing for your child. The other mom's at her private school may not have been judging you; they may just be wishing they still could do that stuff as well. As for the teacher, I agree with Shenna, talk with her! Even if you are uncomfortable about your feelings, keep them out of it. Just tell her you are very involved in your child's life and want to know what's going on. Explain how your daughter's education is one of your top priorities and ask her personal advice on what you can do to help succeed even more. That alone will show the teacher how serious you are no matter what your age. When it comes to the other moms try asking them stuff like how they dealt with their children and their picky eaters, or how they study with their children. Share what you are doing and say "but that sounds like a good idea!" (Personalize the questions for the age group of your child) People LOVE to be asked questions/or for advice. Like I said earlier we are creatures who like acceptance. We all like to feel important you make the teacher feel important and she'll turn around and have your back from that point on. The other moms if you build up their parenting it will have the same affect when they think of yours. They'll start to see you as more of an equal because you showed you respected them.

I'm 26 and I have friends who I get along with from my age all the way up to past their 60's. We get along amazingly and I love them. Reason why I get along so well with people of all ages is because they don't see me as a 26 year old and I don't see them as whatever age they are. We talk about experience. I respect them for their experiences in life and constantly ask for their stories, advice, whatever. They respect me because it takes a mature person to sit back and ask for help (even if I may not really need it, sometimes it's them who needs me to ask them for help). Learning this trait will not only help you be respected as a mother, but will help you in a lot of ways in life. Even to impressing parents and families of prospect husbands, etc.

Age has nothing to do with it. It's all about knowing how to relate with people. That's what makes the difference on how people treat you.

Jessica - posted on 11/15/2012

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This is for moms of any age. I am 37 years old. I did not have children until I was 29.

Shenna - posted on 11/07/2012

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Let me begin with this is something you will have to get used to. I'm 23 and I have 2 boys. I am a very involved parent. One is 6 mths and the other is 3 years old. My 3 year old is quite advanced, and I'm a very involved mom. The list could go on for days just like any other mom as to what I do! Anytime we are at a function or I have to deal with a babysitter or teacher it's a hassle. The real tried and true solution to this problem is to pull his teacher aside (or anyone that you constantly have to deal with) and let them know how you feel. Tell them what they are and aren't doing and you should see an immense change. When you are assertive with this kind of matter and let them know "Hey yea I'm young but I'm serious " the mood and air will change. Yes you don't have anything to prove to anyone but for the productivity for your child in school you need to know what's going on, and two words to none is not good as opposed to 1001 to your mom. Just speak up and let it be known. Plus the shock facter is like the kick out it for me! The response to my straight forward-ness is a lot of blushing and uncomfortable apologies! Hope it helped

Patricia - posted on 11/05/2012

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I THINK YOU ARE DOING GREAT,I WOULDNT EVEN PAY ANY MIND TO OTHERS....TRY TALKING TO THE TEACHER MORE OR INITIATE CONVERSATIONS WITH HER AND IN DOING THAT MAKE IT EASYIER FOR NEXT TIME......YOUR A GREAT MOM KEEP IT UP.....

Leslie - posted on 11/02/2012

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interacting with your child is good. my daughter is in early on and early headstart. she turning 2 soon. by potting training since 14 months and still on it. i'm in no hurry. I do things when she is ready. I play with her all the time and do the activities the teacher have us work on. she loves the new ideas to play. my teacher loves it when she is making process. she is in 13-15 months on the development chart. she is catching up. she loves to be play with.

Lauren - posted on 11/01/2012

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You dont need to find acknowledgement of good parenting in those people. believe me half of them probably dont even know their kids favorite colour BUT their nanny would.. some probably only have a kid coz its the next step in their "life" job... house.. marriage... kids...



im just like you when it comes to my kids their happiness is what matters and if that means interacting with them by doing silly things that so be it because as silly as it is what your doing thats quality time with your child that no one can take from you....

Vanessa - posted on 11/01/2012

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I think people are just not thinking this through and understanding the reason in which this board was created which is sad. We all lead on one level different life's and have different perspectives of situations of course. We share this here not to put one another down but to seek other perspectives that may help us. Also we are all mums and know the challenges parenthood holds. Sadly some people have it a little better then others and don't understand how sympathise and make a harsh judgement that causes a lot of pain to others. I for one appreciated this discussion and being one foot in each bucket if you like can fully understand both sides. England in general is a very judgmental country I'm British and think so. Our class systeam has a bigger divide then most, yes we are not all going to get along but why do we close our eyes and turn up our noses. A good mother asking for advice is only a good thing surly.

Maretta - posted on 10/31/2012

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@ Lauren can you be serious???!?!?!? I personaly think it is very disrespectful to call someone old especially who maybe in their 30's or 40's. (THATS NOT OLD) So what word would you rather me use? Did you not read the body of the post? I mean "mature" means - Having reached maximum development of form. and in this sense it relates to age not mental development. In addition I am in your age group and was just putting out an issue that I was having and other mothers could relate too. So in a sense, and seeing that this website is full of discussions, than I guess that was my attempt and the fact I got advice that helped me out in my personal life made it sucessful. As we are all seeking advice and friendship, concerning motherhood, on this website. If not than why are you on here....better yet waste your time half reading a post you dont agree with..... So in a sense thanks for the encouragement, becuase your comment was quite entertaining - and to you my greatest apology , because my intentions were never to offend anyone....Guess you never can please EVERYONE

Lauren Chanel - posted on 10/31/2012

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I went to delete my emails this morning and ran across this heading and it instantly struck a nerve. Im a young, mature mom of two. Who ever created this heading was obviously just trying to get a discussion stirred based off of their false accusations and stereotypical beliefs which puts them in a category of, JUDGMENTAL! Who are they to judge?

Vanessa - posted on 10/30/2012

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Hi yes I do I'm in fact 31 but look 21 sometimes people think I even younger. It's not through the way I dress but I'm short and just have small features. I talk my two children one under a year and the other 2 to a toddler group every day but none of the other mums will talk to me. I get dirty looks walking down the street. I'm now a single mum I have no family and moved to this new area I have no friends. It's a very lonely life the only thing I have is that I have a career well I'm on a time out but I was an director in fashion film. I love what I do but it seems women also don't like you to have aspirations for a career some of them even think I'm lie. I've gone from living in a wealth part of London to a council estate, I'm well spoken so people round here won'talk to me either. I had friends that were very glamrous some even famous but as I can't even afford to get my hair done not alone keep up with them. I'm this in between person. Im so lonely these other mums have no idea the effect they are having on me I just go home close the curtains and want to hide.

Maretta - posted on 10/29/2012

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Thank you soooo much everybody for sharing your stories. It is greatly appreciated to know that I am not the only one in this situation and no matter the age.....size...race....single parent....married in some form or another no matter what none of us are perfect parents (people are waiting to detect flaws) and we are all judge in one form or fashion. You guys have really gave me some HONEST advice rather i agreed. related or didn't like what you said and that goes along way to see other people perspective. Some of your stories have made me laugh cry and want to yell. I have tried out a lot of the advice that I have been given and in the end I realized that I can only be me... (LEAH"S MOM)...because i like it that way and I dont want people to pretend and fake around me better yet I want my daughter to know that it is best bein you no matter what others thinks..My actions will forever speak louder than my words!!! THANKS AGAIN!!! SMOOCHIES and all you MOTHERS period. keep your head up we have to stick togather ;)

Bubu - posted on 10/29/2012

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How sad to those mothers and teachers beause the same reason we bond and our kids are so inlove with us is because of the attention and playfulness. That is what a child needs, a crazy friend who happens to be a his/her mother..BIG UPS!!

Shanequa - posted on 10/28/2012

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I understand. My kids doctor kept asking me the same thing. My kids father and aren't together. He left while I was pregnant. So I completely understand how you feel. It hurts like hell, but you are doing the right thing. You are there for your baby. It is okay to have feeling and let out a good cry. Just be there for your baby, and shw will know how much her mother loves her and will do anything for her.

Karla - posted on 10/28/2012

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I just turned 20, im a single mom and my daughter will be turning 4 months next month. Me and her dad are going through alot right now he's 19 we're not together and he lives an hour away from us. I always feel like her pediatrician treats us different, i dont know if its normal but she's always asking me if the father is still involved everytime i go she asks me the same thing. The first appointment she gave me like a lesson telling me how important it is to have her father in her life, i mean i know it is but i feel so bad when she brings it up or someone else does. They make me feel like to them i dont know anything and cant do it on my own. It was so hard when her father left me for another younger girl. Im not the perfect mom but i feel like im a great mom im with my baby all the time and doing it on my own theres times i sit there and cry. Being a single mom and feeling like people try to put you down and think you cant do it because you're young is so hard but i try my best to not pay attention and keep staying strong for my baby

Shanequa - posted on 10/23/2012

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I can understand how you feel. I had my twin girls when I was 25. Some say that is a good age to have children and some say you sould be older. Personally, (not trying to offend anyone), but since there are so many women having kids before they are 27 or older, people feel like "kids are having kids." I have also found that young mothers are judged if there is no man around. It is ard for young mother and young single mothers. I would try not to worry if other mothers don't talk to you because of your age, because there are other mothers out there the same age as you or younger that take great care of their children. It is their lost for not wanting to talk to you. That's the way I look at it.

Gracee - posted on 10/23/2012

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I have a question. It is unrelated to this post (maretta). I have already posted a reply to this thread, but how do I post a question of my own on here??

Veronica - posted on 10/23/2012

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Amber, you story is very inspirational and supportive! Hi five girl, you are not the only one!

Veronica - posted on 10/23/2012

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Oh darling! I am a small, tiny woman. At my 28, i am a mother of a 9.5 yeard old boy. Imagine people reaction when he yells across the street: MOOOOOOM!!! Have a nice day at the office! Yes i had times when i fel uncomfortable and weird. But they are gone. You have to be proud, you did not give up on your child, even if you were young when you got pregnant. You have the strenght, the courage and the knowledge to do things females can't do at their 35s! Teachers at school had to face the fact i am a very responsible parent. And were surprised to notice - me and my son have the closest relationship in the shole class. I respect women who make the choise to be an older mom, and i totally support that. But when it happens a bit too early, it is not a reason to feel bad or somehow worse than others! Welcome to the clubs of young moms and dont let anyone bring you down! Be proud!

Misty - posted on 10/23/2012

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Im 20 years old with a 3 month old daughter. The only things that have ever really bothered me was getting asked if I'm still with her dad and my mom and grandmothers surprise at what a good mom I am. I had to go get a drug evaluation due to problems from before I was pregnant. The woman who was probably in her late 50's decided to tell me that at my age I won't stay happy with just my baby for long and I'd be back to the old life style soon and that I needed to have a back up plan when it came to relying on her father for financial support because "those things never last" but I say screw them. I'll be rocking out at concerts with my 15 year old getting matching tattoos when she's 18 and taking her out at 21. I love being a young mom :) I didn't want kids till I was 25 yeah this is hard but I was on a bad road and I'd rather be home cuddling with my little angel than out getting high. She saved my life ♥

Sara - posted on 10/22/2012

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im 26 and i have 3 kids the only reason i get talked down to b/c i look alot younger than i really am sometimes its annoying but all i can sit there and smile and say thanks

Katherine - posted on 10/22/2012

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Sara, I always thought that one of the real joys of raising children was getting to experience that wonder all over again - through their eyes.

Sara - posted on 10/22/2012

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i would agree... some times when i take my kids and the half of the neighborhood with me to the playground the older mothers look at me like i have 10+ heads b/c i wana run around like a lil kid seeing something new 4 the first time

Laura - posted on 10/22/2012

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I am 26 (barely) my daughter is 5 (barely) and is also in private school. Her teacher is 28 and all of the other moms are in their thirties. I eel very disrespected from not only the other parents, but the teacher as well. I do have three children All under 5. I am a very good mom and my children are children who have manners, (most of the time they are still kids) They are well behaved and very smart. I can't stand being looked down on. I just behave seriously and act as if it doesn't bother me.

Miriam - posted on 10/22/2012

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Why are people so judgmental? I am not that young (28), but I look, dress and also act like it. I like to play with kids, get on the floor, I don't care if i get sweaty... When my kid (he is 3) started daycare all the moms stared at me and I knew why. But hey! You are a good mom and you know your doing it right. Don't let people get in your head with those dumb ideas, you don't have to explain nothing to anyone, just keep being the good mom you are to your child.

Once a woman even had the balls to tell me: "you re a baby with a baby" and I smiled and answered: "Thanks if I look that young!". You re not doing anything wrong, so act like that and smile to those plastic mothers and star asking to the teacher about your daughter's day and activities, eventually she will have to realize how dumb she is being.

Shannon - posted on 10/22/2012

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hunny dont worry im fixing to be 21 and have a two year old and a 3 month old thats deaf and everyone just looks at me like wow your way to your to have kids and the most hurt-full thing they ask me is .... are they from the same father as if just because im young my kids cant be from the same dad like young parents cant make it in this world ! and they always ask me how do you take cair of a deaf child and i tell thm just like a normal child ! and yes it seems like some of the people who are mckinzeys deaf teachers dont seem to take me seriousely till they see the way iam w my two year old and then they apolojize for being rude so no matter how young your are you can always be a great mom remember we are women we can do anything we set uor mind too :)

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2012

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This definitely happens all the time. I had my daughter when I was 22 and her original pediatrician would ask me ridiculous questions and talk down to me like I was unable to truly care for my daughter. She even requested a meeting with my mother once. That's the last time we saw her! Look I may be young, but my daughter (now 4) is a very well behaved, well mannered, amazingly smart little girl! I think im doing a pretty amazing job if u ask me!! We get funny stares still whenever her father and I take her out bc we still look young but all that matters is my child is happy and a well rounded little girl!!

Ashley - posted on 10/22/2012

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I feel the same way. I am 2 days away from 23 and My son is only 8 months old, but when i drop him off and pick him up at daycare, I get all kinds of looks. Also, the teachers feel the need to tell me how to do everything with my son, as if i dont know, bc i am young. I just walk in with a smile on my face, get my son, and say thanks and leave. Get with the program ppl, this is 2012, not 1940. Hang in there and know that there are many other young moms out there like you as well!

ALICE - posted on 10/22/2012

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I'm 28 I have 3 wonderful children and I look young people see me as a 16 to 18 year old I act more goofier withe my kids in front of people and. They wonder I don't do it often I just like to have a good time with my kids enjoy being young some people don't take me seriously, but I honestly I don't care I'm a great mom I do my best to do things with my kids they are the world to me sometimes I'll act serious but I got my reasons. Even the younger ones me my husband always be doing things with the kids that people looks at us and stares us down I don't get the respect that I need. Even though my husband is more serious he those but me they just want to hate me well sorrry that I want to enjoy every moment and interact with my kids but I do what I do I just think there hater and they just want to act like the adult ok whatever.

Katherine - posted on 10/21/2012

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Welcome to motherhood. If you didn't feel constantly and brutally judged before becoming a mother, you certainly will after. I think it's universal. Young mothers are judged for being TOO young. Older mothers are judged for being too OLD. Single mothers are judged for "making the choice to raise the child." Married mothers are judged for having support. Working mothers are judges for "leaving" their children. Stay-at-home mothers are called lazy. Mothers who WERE in careers but changed over to staying at home are judged for abandoning their dreams. Mothers who used to stay at home but decided to pursue a career are judged for abandoning their children! Mothers with seven kids need to learn when to stop. Mothers with just one need to make sure their children get siblings. Poor mothers aren't trying hard enough. Rich mothers are just raising a generation of spoiled brats. It goes on and on and on until you just want to give up on ever fitting in ANYWHERE.



In short, you can't win with judgmental people, and it doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, how many children you have, what kind of car you drive, or anything else for that matter. The trick is to learn to judge yourself by your own standards, and make sure you live up to them. Find a group of like-minded mothers, and stick with them. Stay involved with the school, but not necessarily with the parents. And keep trying to talk to the teacher. Perhaps even confront her about why she is willing to talk to your mother but not to you. Find a good time that is not pick-up or drop-off, and schedule a meeting. Tell her you have some concerns you need to discuss, and address them all in the meeting. Scheduling the time sends her the message that you respect her busy schedule, so she may already be more willing to open up with you.



If none of the advice you've received in these comments work, then have a drink, get angry, yell, cuss, throw things, then have another drink, take a bubble bath, read a good book, get some rest, and go climb the jungle gym with your kid, because you are doing just fine, and nobody that judges you based on your age is worth your attention to begin with.

Kristin - posted on 10/21/2012

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I was a young mom (had my first at 22) and even at 32 and have 3 children I still feel out of place and not given much respect, since most of the parents who are my kids ages ( 2,4, & 9) are a lot older then myself and my husband. Its really bad at little league when all the other parents seem older and looked down at my husband and me all the time to the point where we stopped going to the after game parties just to avoid the uncomfortable feeling they gave off, but when my parents went with my son to one of them they had a great time and people treated them like one of their own. I'm thinking its a stigma that when we are young they think aren't mature enough to be parents or think we were teen parents. Its rather annoying and I hope it gets better for you. Hopefully you will find moms around your age in your area and form a small group that might help.

Linda - posted on 10/21/2012

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I think this will continue to happen until they get to know you as a person and not being represented by just a number... truely there are older mothers that are not mature, and if you truely care for your children no matter what age you are , you are going to strive to do what is right for them... some people have to understand we all don't fall under one category.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/21/2012

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I have to say that I have seen it both ways.... I know a lt of older moms that are so amazing and they have no judgement on moms that are younger but to be super honest I have a hard time

In my community has well because I had my kids young and my community is an older community. They all talk about me behind my back and exclude me all the time. In the end I realized that its because like you I play with my kids. I'm playing grounded on the playground with them AND all the other kids, I'm swining them around and I'm not spending my time just telling them what not to do. I think that they are envious of this and its easier to just band together then look at why they don't do these things. IN NO way am I saying all older moms are like this. In fact I have seen SO many young moms that are more into themselves and their social lives than how their children are doing . I do notice that though in my community. I think it just depends on where you live. I know at the club that I belong to I'm the youngest there and the older moms are AMAZING and very involved

Kylie-Jane - posted on 10/19/2012

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I think it is a real shame you feel this way, but I am inclined to agree with Amy Clarke regarding 'vs'... does it have to be a competition? You wrote "because i believe in actually playing and interacting with my child" were you implying that all 'older' mums don't do that? If so you are also making assumptions and being judgemental about another mother. I have two children, I was 29 when my first son was born, and 32 when I had my second... would you look at me as an old woman who obviously doesn't play with my kids because I am too 'old'? If so, you would be wrong, but that could be your assumption...



Regarding not feeling respected by your daughter's teacher, demand it! The teacher may well be shallow and judgemental and be judging you based on age, if so stuff her! Grow a spine and demand respect! Don't sook about it and let her get away with it... while it may not be fair, you may have to work a little harder to earn her respect, but do it anyway, for your sake and your daughters.



That is probably the 'secret' of 'older' vs 'younger' mums... I have a lot of respect for younger mums, as motherhood can be hard, and ten years ago I would not have had the maturity that I have now (not saying you are immature or that this is a comp - I am speaking about myself) and would probably have allowed myself to be 'pushed around' more than I do now.



Be assertive (not agressive) and demand respect. If 'older' mums look at you judgementally when you play with your daughter, give them a big smile, scoop up your little girl in a hug and say how much fun you're having, and keep having it! Make a time to speak with her teacher, and tell her that your mother has commented on how much wonderful information the teacher passes on when your mum picks her up, and that as your daughters mother you would be delighted to have those same conversations and be kept up to date with her progress and activities.



Motherhood is a blessing regardless of age, enjoy it and try not to let prejudices (yours or anyone elses) detract from that.

User - posted on 10/19/2012

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I am 27 and pregnant with my third. (I do look young though, I sometimes even get carded to buy R rated movies!) I work with many moms who either are my age or had their kids in thier early 20s. For the most part I think people see that I am a good mom and judge me as such. I do think that teenage moms get judged before people actually have the information to make an informed decision. I think as long as you are trying your hardest and you know you are being the best mom you can be what others think shouldn't matter, although it may be annoying. Good luck and I'm sure you're not alone.

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