First Pregnancy Miscarriage

[deleted account] ( 11 moms have responded )

First off I would like to send my most heartful thoughts & prayers to each & every one of you ladies...Losing a child is such a horrible thing to endure & sadly my husband & I are currently going through this awful experience...

For a little info to help ya'll get to know me, my husband & I are high school sweethearts from a small town in Southern Indiana & we married a year after he joined the Marine Corps. We're currently living in California where he's permanently stationed(living this far West sometimes feels like a lifetime away from our families & friends back in Indiana). We found out we were pregnant with our first child on Easter morning/my husband's 21st birthday (April 4, 2010). We were so excited that we immediately shared the news with all our family & friends back home. We were so excited to be starting our little family & eagerly started looking at nurseries, baby names, bought pregnancy & breastfeeding books & such.

Then on April 29, 2010(two weeks after we'd found out-so I was 6wks along), I started bleeding & cramping. My husband was deployed to Yuma for training so a fellow Marine Wife & I raced to the emergency room with fear in our hearts for my first baby....The doctors informed me that I was indeed miscarrying...on Wednesday April 21, my body completed the miscarrige... my husband & I lost our first child...All of our family & friends are trying to be so supportive & the Marine Corps was gracious enough to allow my husband special leave to come home to grieve with me. But now that he's returned to training until May 21st, I'm left with sadness & heartache & anger & confusion. This past Friday was horrible for me because I knew that I would be 7 wks & that every week from now on I'll always know what our baby would've been like while growing inside me...I'll always wonder what our child would've looked like when he or she would've been born on December 9, 2010...

I just want to know how other women coped with the lost of their first child & if there's a right amount of time to grieve...When I read the other women's stories, I feel as though I have less to grieve over because our baby was only 6wks but then on the other hand I believe that a baby is a baby no matter how far along it may have been...I just want a way to sort what I'm feeling, a way to grieve without slipping into a depression, to be able to try again one day...we didn't even get to see our child on an ultrasound before we lost him/her so we have nothing to "memorialize" our first child...I'm just so confused & emotional....if you're out there & have any kind of advice, I'm welcome it with an open heart...


Elisha - posted on 06/11/2010




I'm very sorry for your loss, Sweetie! I lost my first baby at 8wks almost 8 1/2yrs ago & there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about "her". I don't believe that there is a time frame for grieving. But I know that one day it will hurt a little less & you will be able to think about your lil angel with a smile & not tears. Every year on the day my husband & I lost our baby we talk about "her". We always thought it was a girl & now we have 2 boys. Stay strong & I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.

Jen - posted on 05/02/2010




My husband and I also lost our first baby. I was 10 weeks when I began bleeding and the ultra sound showed that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Our due date was December 29, 2003, which was the date of our second wedding anniversary.

I do have an ultra sound pic that I am very grateful for. Something that may help is to get a special piece of jewelry to remember baby by. Have a special time of remembrance on the due date. Grief is very individual. There will be good days and then there will be days you feel like you can't get out of bed. Take your time. You have much to grieve about. I still have saddness even though it has been 7 years and I do have two healthy boys now.

You never forget the babies you lose. They are always in your heart.

Melanie - posted on 04/26/2010




Firstly i am so sorry for your loss. Secondly it doesn't matter how far along you are when you lose it's still a loss. Your body needs time to grieve and unfortunately that can take time. I have had 5 miscarriages in total all been roughly between 10 & 14 weeks. I know it's hard you go through a whole rollercoaster of emotions. Mainly guilt at not being able to sustain the pregnancy. It will go away and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. After my 3rd miscarriage i gave up all hope of having kids. I was due for another scan to make sure i was ok when they found another baby. I had lost one twin but the other hung on and she's now nearly 7. I think you should grieve and then when you are ready you will move forward with your life. You will move forward with your life and you will always look back on this experience. Life throws a lot of curve balls our way. You sound like you have a great marriage and great friends so i suggest using these people to help you. It's ok to cry if you need to but remember it's never your fault and things like this just happen. It's an emotional ride and i hope one day you will be happy. Good luck xx

Kerrin - posted on 06/01/2010




I'm sorry for your loss.
My husband & I have lost both our first & 2nd children.
The first @ 6 weeks & our daughter was stillborn in Jan 09 @ 36 weeks.

There is no right amount of time to grieve & we all do it differently. I still miss my daughter like crazy but from the moment she was born, I never denied myself any of the emotions I was feeling whether I felt angry, sad or something else. For me, it made the first year without her easier in some way because I let myself feel everything & never pretended anything different to my family or friends.

Because of circumstances, we don't have much of our daughter either (the doctors had recommended we not see her because of some of the complications) but we did find a lovely site online which does gorgeous pictures in memory called 'To Write Their Names In The Sand'. We had them done for free & then only paid when we wanted the hard copy. And my husband bought me lovely memory scroll necklace which I wear all the time & it contains our daughter's name & birthdate.

I still have both good & bad days. If it's a bad one, I just roll with how I feel but I don't deny myself the good ones either. I feel that she wouldn't want us to only cry for her but also to enjoy the good things that we still have in life & may have coming around the corner.

Veronica - posted on 05/20/2010




Im so sorry about your loss hunni. My story is kinda similar.. i found out i was PG on dec 4th after almost a year of trying..i was so happy!! From the first time i found out i literally loved my baby. I gave up caffeine, going out with my friends did everything right..but sadly when i went to get my 17th week checkup the doctors courent find a heartbeat...and i was induced on april 12th breaks my heart even more to think about the fact that a week before i had went to a sonogram and the baby was moving her hands and feet..thats when i was told she was a girl..i named her angelys...tears are streaming down my pain as i write this because nobody should go through this...i dont know if your trying to conceive..but if you are join my facebook page trying to conceive!! It helps out womens like us!!

P.S- Angelys would have been also my first child...and i know what u feel..i had so many hopes and all i think with every passing week is "oh i would have been 20 weeks" " oh she would have been like this" It doesent help that my coworker has the same time i would have has...ill always remember youll always remember your child...xoxoxo


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Laressa - posted on 06/23/2010




I know just what you are going thru. I lost my first one too. Its been 2 1/2 years now and I have a healthy daughter. But life has never been the same. Sometimes I wonder if its possible to get postpartum depression after only 14 weeks pregnany... makes sense to me cause the hormones get hijacked. I'm pregnant again now and of course I have the same worries now except I do know its possible to have a healthy baby.

Please don't make the same mistake I did. I hid in a shell so folks wouldn't know how hard I was taking it. I felt they might be critical. And some of them might have been. But please find some "safe" people to talk to. I even cut my mom out of the emotional side of my life. She recently came to spend a day with me and plead with me to please for the sake of my family, my husband and daughter to find someone to open up to so I can get over it once. I don't know how I will now find someone to be there for me because I pretty much have alienated my old friends.

[deleted account]

Thank you Elisha..We like to think of ours as a little boy :) It's been two months now since we lost him but it hurts like it happened yesterday. I'm trying to give it all to God let him comfort my soul...I know my baby boy is in good hands with Him!

[deleted account]

Thank you ladies...I've wondered about getting a piece of jewelry (one in particular that is a heart with a small baby inside of it i found it on this website,-miscarriage-keepsake,/Detail ) & I've also thought about writing our child a letter. Now that I see other mothers have done it, I feel good in knowing I wouldn't be alone. My friend recently participated in the Angel Baby 5k run/walk in Fresno CA & she said they wrote notes to their babies, tied them to balloons, & set them free as a rememberance to them. I think I would like to do something like that when it comes close to the time when our baby would've been born December 9,2010...It's been hard with my husband gone for training in Yuma, & I do sometimes spend all day doing nothing but lying in bed because I just don't have the motivation to do anything. The other day I went to a friend's daughter's second birthday & there were two pregnant women there & all everyone could talk about was babies, due dates, feeling the first kicks & such....I literally got nauseous hearing about it all & it felt like someone was squeezing my heart....It's not that I wasn't happy for those women, it was that I kept thinking of how my baby would never get to kick, or smile, or even get to be touched by his/her father... I'm trying to get over this feeling of sadness every time I'm around pregnant women because my best friend is pregnant & will be giving birth in a month. I want to be able to smile with pure joy whenever we see her little girl..but I find myself wanting to cry because we'll never get to hold ours...

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2010




I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter Makaila 2 1/2 years ago, and I am still grieving. There is no certain time frame fro which you should grieve. It does get a little bit easier as time goes by and you have the comfort of knowing your Angel is in a better place. You may want to look into a support group or try writing a letter to your child, tell your baby how you are feeling, that you miss the time you should be having together. It may sound silly but it helped me, I wrote several letters to my daughter, it's nice to say those things you never got the chance to. My circumstances were different, I lost my daughter at 33 weeks and my husband was out of state for work, but the loss is the same, it is still your child that you are grieving for and that's ok. The pain will always be there what you need to do is learn to live and cope with it. Know that you are always going to miss your child but life is also going to continue moving and that your baby Angel would want you to move on and have the life you always wanted, have the children you always wanted and lastly your baby knows that your have an endless love and will never stop thinking about and remembering your time together, however short it was. I hope this helps in some way. Stay strong and I wish you all the best. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to message me.

[deleted account]

Thanks for your post & words of comfort...I really hope that one day I will be happy again & be able to start our family...

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