Has misscariage destroyed my desire to have #4?

Karen - posted on 03/06/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I was excited about having #4. Had no worries about it since my 3rd was so easy. But, I found out I had a miscarriage called a blighted ovum at 9 weeks. I went through half of it at home, then an emergency dnc the day before my birthday. The next day, I found out my Dad was deathly ill. I was a mess for a long time. To top it off, my husband got upset thinking that I didn't want another baby because I didn't love him anymore. Then, my dad passed a month after the dnc. I just lost the desire to have another. I'm ready to just enjoy the ones I have. But my husband wants #4 so bad that he begs and gets mad about me saying no. I don't want this to destroy our marriage in the future. He's only giving me until April to decide for sure because he doesn't want to be 30 when it is born. I don't know if it's b/c of the traumatic time I had and just need more time or if I am just done having kids.

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Karen - posted on 03/08/2010

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Thanks to both of you for answering. My husband has lightented up some but everyonce in a while he brings it up. I'm just going to sit back and wait. See how I feel in a month or so. He hasn't acted like he would leave me for not having another. I'm just worried that over time, years from now, it may affect our marriage. I think I'm just paranoid as we have a wonderful relationship. It's just hard to believe how long forever is and the way things are these days, you never know. Both of you were very helpful. Thank you.

Melanie - posted on 03/07/2010

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Firstly would like to say how sorry I am for all you have been through. Secondly i think you need time to grieve for your lost child as well as your dad. I didn't want any more after my 5th miscarriage. It took nearly 3 years before I decided to give it one last try. Glad i did now have beautiful little boy as well as a girl. It's hard you go through the motions but you will feel guilt for a long time we all do when we lose a child. I think your husband shouldn't pressure you as much. ultimately it should be a joint decision and not one you feel you need to make to make him happy. Speaking from experience I told my husband i wanted a child before I hit 30. I nagged and nagged and eventually he gave in and agreed. then whilst 7 months pregnant I had a mild stroke something my husband blames himself for because he agreed to another child. I think you both need to sit down and talk it through with both your opinions on the table. It needs to be something you both want. I hope you can get through this. Good luck xx

Chelle - posted on 03/07/2010

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Hi Karen... I had a blighted ovum at 9 weeks also..I was devistated when the sonographer told me there was a sac but no baby... It took me a long time to try again and i ended up having another miscarriage and then i had an ectopic pregnancy which left me with only one tube... I felt the same as you that mabey i was finished having babies... I just put it in the back of mind and thought if it happens thats great and if it doesnt then i have 4 beautiful children and im very happy with that,,, Then 4 years later out of the blue i discovered i was pregnant once again but could not get excited about it untill i knew everything was ok.. Thankfully it was and i had a beautiful little girl... You will always wonder if you fall again that the same thing will happen... thats perfectly normal. But dont let that stop you trying for another baby (if thats what you really want) because chances are your next pregnancy will end up with a perfect little baby...:) As for your hubby.. He needs to be a little more patient and understanding especially after losing your dad... You need to be allowed time to greive and all the stress you are under will make getting pregnant hard also...As for giving you an altermatum I find that very disrespectful...what has he said he will do if you decide not to have another baby? I hope it all works out for you whatever you decide...Good luck and God bless... :)

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