Widower with no custody

PCaryl - posted on 05/11/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My widower gave up all custody of his three kids (adopted as infants) when his late wife died. Even so, he voluntarily pays child support, takes the kids when they need a ride to an event, has the kids stay overnight most weekends at his house. The kids live full-time with a very nice family along with their four kids in the LW's home. All three of my widower's kids call the new family "Mom" and "Dad," and my widower doesn't seem to mind sharing his title with them. I'm OK with his kids calling me by my first name. Because my widower is in his late 60's and his three kids are 15 years and younger, he does not want to pursue regaining custody through the courts unless the kids ask him for it. But this leaves open several questions maybe this forum can help with. How should his three kids deal with special days such as Father's Day (who is the "dad"?) Should the family they live with include their real dad in the kids' birthday and holiday events? Which dad would be appropriate for walking the daughter down the aisle for her wedding? I'm fairly sure the answers have to do with how the children want to handle it, but I thought there might be some strong opinions out there. Thanks for any comments.

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Louise - posted on 05/11/2012

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It depends on the children really. If they see him as there father then it should be him they want to share fathers day with and wedding duties. If it is their foster parents they see as parents then it is down to the father of the family. I am sure it will all work out for the best, I hope there are plenty of years before any of them want to get married. I suggest that your partner just stays in their lives and plays what ever role they want him to. Stability is the key to happy well grounded children.

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