25 Best Mommy Confessions

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )




1. I'm wearing maternity jeans but I haven't been pregnant in six years.

2. I hate reading bedtime stories. I only do it because I know I have to. Sometimes, I just let them fall asleep watching TV.

3. I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands.

4. I forget to brush my 1- and 2-year-olds' teeth. I am not sure why it’s so hard for me to remember, but it’s a good thing that these teeth will fall out.

5. Hidden in the pantry in a box labeled “flour” is top of the line chocolate and a few joints. I rarely resort to it, but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.

6. I miss the career I gave up more than I miss my son when I go to the grocery store. But I always get to go back to him.

7. Once a woman asked me if I breastfed my baby, so I asked her if she shaved her vagina. Sorry, you don't like personal questions? Me neither.

8. I confiscated my teenager's stash of pot, gave her a lecture, and have been smoking it ever since myself.

9. I joined a gym just for the free daycare. I drop the kids off and read magazines and blogs in the locker room.

10. At the end if the day, my needs are really simple: To be able to shit in peace.

11. I throw candy wrappers behind the couch and then blame the kids when my husband finds them.

12. My kids hardy bathe in the summer. The pool totally counts.

13. I knew my daughter had lice and I sent her to school anyway because I didn't want to cancel my hair appointment.

14. I buy store-made muffins and pass them off as my own for bake sales.

15. Everyone thinks I'm such a great mom for teaching my daughter how to read already. It wasn't me. It was the Leapfrog pen. I had no idea she could read.

16. I have a favorite child and I am hardest on him because I feel so guilty about it.

17. I clock out of motherhood at 8 p.m. I'm so done that I walk out even if they aren't all tucked in bed and go hide in the basement with my laptop and a beer.

18. Mother dropping her kid for a sleepover at my house: “No food dye, no dairy, just soy milk, only organic food, and we don’t eat ANY fast food.” I let them eat all the junk they wanted. They seemed fine.

19. When my daughter asked me what comes after a trillion, I told her "a gazillion." Um, we are homeschoolers. Not supposed to just make shit up.

20. Three kids and my husband has never changed a poopy diaper. He says he hates the smell -- like I like it?! I'm going to shove the next one in his pillow.

21. I often see kids and say, "My baby is WAAAY cuter." Not every baby is cute.

22. I've been socking away $5s and $10s for years and finally have two thousand dollars. No idea what I'll do with it, but having my own money again is empowering.

23. Questions of the day: 1) How did the pepperoni get stuck to the ceiling? 2) Why didn't gravity kick in & make it fall? 3) How did I not notice this? 4) When did we have pizza last?

24. I put my kids to bed in their clothes so I don't need to get them dressed the next day.

25. I confess that most days, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Everyone thinks I have it all together -- good wife, good mom, successful career -- but I really don't. I'm ready to stop pretending to be perfect now.

So, what's YOUR mommy confession?


Put my kid to sleep in clothes? Check.

Forgot to brush my 2yo's teeth? Check.

Would LOVE to shit in peace

Thrown stuff behind the couch and blamed the kids....yep

Can you relate?


Jen - posted on 07/11/2011




Our daughter will be 4 months old tomorrow and has had MAYBE 9 baths since she came home... and 2 of them were at Grandma's house. I'm not lazy, I just hate having to bathe her. Thank god for the diaper wipe rub down >


View replies by

Aleks - posted on 07/17/2011




I'm soooooo waiting for no.8 to happen...lol ;-P
But my kids are still quite young so will have to wait a while longer still...
he hehe!!!!

Karen - posted on 07/15/2011




#2 sometimes, #4, #6 wow so many of them lol. I know I've tempted the dirty diaper thing on my husband. I've blamed stuff on the kids that they didn't do (nothing they'd get in big trouble for though), and put my kids to sleep in clothes also. My new confession is letting my kids stay up really late sometimes just because i'm sick of trying to get them to go to bed when they are supposed too. It's been 5 months of a routine every night and NOTHING is working to get them back on track.

Grace - posted on 07/13/2011




Flip off the kids when the door closes - nope, just my husband when he leaves for work when he pisses me off and the kids aren't looking.

Forget to brush kids teeth - check, then get on my husbands case for not brushing kids teeth - yikes

Temping to toss poopy diaper in hubby's pillow - overwhelmingly temping at times.

You're right. Not ever baby is cute but mine is the cutest! (I am downright biast, I'm sorry.)

Totally going to start socking away $5, $10 etc

Put kids to bed in clothes - damn straight when I'm not on mat. leave

Perfect - Nope. I keep reminding my family not to expect perfection - welcome to the hear and now. I just left walmart cursing in front of my kids because of a stupid security check on an item they knew was an issue. Four year old having a melt down and not listening (heading to the parking lot without me) and baby screaming for her bottle and I'm NOT supposed to go insane?!? Again don't expect perfection, it's just easier that way.

Stifler's - posted on 07/11/2011




Bahahah I can relate to most of these. Had no idea of "pyjamas" for the first year of Logan's life, he only wears them now because it's winter and he can't wear suits all day as he walks now. I forget to brush his teeth at night so I do it in the morning. Miss the career more than the kids when I go shopping check. 25, check. 17 check.

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011




If ONE, just ONE more person asks me if I'm pregnant, or even assumes they are getting the wrath.

Do you know this lady emptied my entire shopping cart thinking I was pregnant?
I have a little pooch people!!!!!

Tah - posted on 07/11/2011




Lmbo..it'll serve them right...I often wonder where people live that so many people think they can ask these things...lol

Katherine - posted on 07/11/2011




I am gonna use #7 when someone asks me something personal....see how it goes.

Tah - posted on 07/11/2011




I look forward to summer vacation because my oldest 2 go to Philly and I don't have to rip my braids out while hey bicker...I told my husband I may just leave him so I can have somewhere to send our youngest as well..

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms