My child is spoiled, selfish, and mean. How do I fix it???

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

I vowed I would never have a spoiled rotten little brat for a kid. I thought about it a lot because I only have one child and people warned repeatedly that I would spoil him.

I think they were right.

I try very hard to make him happy, but I tell him "no" from time to time as well, but lately, everything I do seems not good enough. It is not that he asks for things and we say "no", but rather, I do something nice for him of my own accord, just to make him happy, and I fall short--it is as if he would have been happier with nothing at all, if I hadn't ever even tried, but I can't stop trying because I like to make him happy, but no matter what, he's not. If he does ask for something, it is usually something completely outrageous that there is no way we could do, like literally impossible things, then he throws a hissy when we say we cannot do that.

I don't deal with hissys well.


[deleted account]

wow. i'm so very sorry but what a little shit.

cancel his birthday party. he doesn't deserve it, the way he acts. plain and simple. don't worry what other moms say. they don't know your son.

see if you can get him into counseling. because it seems like this kid may need it.

[deleted account]

how old is your son?

i know you want to make him happy, but really there are so many people who aren't happy with anything people do, and sometimes with them you just have to give up. maybe it's the same with your son. maybe you are doing too much for him so he takes for granted what you try to do. maybe if you don't do so much for him, he'll realize that he misses you doing things to make him happy.


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[deleted account]

Thanks, Nikki & Jakki :)

The thing is, he is great with other people, both kids and adults.

I do make sure he has a lot of interaction with other kids--he goes to school, does Taekwondo and gymnastics, plays baseball in the spring and swims in the summer, is on the Demo Team, and takes guitar lessons in a small group once a week.

I don't really have any "trusted" friends who I can ask--they all think he's perfect, because he IS perfect around them.

I am pretty ruthless (or so I've been told), but I have issues with emotions--I'm sure I'm screwing him up. The only behavioral issue we have is ungratefulness, and I'm not sure how to discipline him for it. My doctor recommended I take his toys away when he complains, so I took everything out of his room except for his bed (which he doesn't even sleep in) last week (So he would know what it is like to have nothing--I didn't make him sleep outside like I had to, and I still feed him, but I took the luxuries--toys, computer, blankets, curtains, books, rugs, stuffed animals, games, etc.). His birthday is tomorrow, and I'd really like to have the stuff put back in before the other kids and their parents (who think I'm way to strict with him) come over--they'll say I should give him a break because it's his birthday. Normally, when I take things away, I donate them to charity, but since it was literally EVERYTHING in his room, I rented a storage garage to keep it in with the intention of having him earn it back. The thing is, he seems perfectly happy with nothing. When I do offer him a way to earn it back, he tells me he doesn't want it because it's not good enough. Should I have taken the bed too? That seemed a bit extreme imo, but it is a luxury....Maybe I need to call my doctor for clarification. I was trying not to call because he's on vacation.

I don't want him to be so locked up with his emotions that he has the issues I do, so I want him to tell me when he is unhappy, but at the same time, I HATE his complaints, and I want him to be respectful of the things I do for him. Can't he just be more polite, like "I really like this toy, but I really want THAT toy." instead of "This is trash, I want that toy--if you don't get me that toy, I don't want anything at all."

[deleted account]

1)Be ruthless and persistent and crack down on every instance poor behaviour. Don't give 'em anything nice until they've "earned" it via nice behaviour!

2) Make sure you have a plenty of kids around often, so even if you have an only child, they are used to having to deal with other kids in their home environment.

3) ask a couple of close, trusted friends to give you advice about your parenting - there might be something obvious to them that you are not aware of doing.

Good luck!

Nikki - posted on 10/25/2012




Kelly, I am in the same situation, today I looked at my daughter like she was a stranger. She was so selfish and mean today and she is only 3. It is really hard not to spoil an only child. I like the gratification of making her happy too and I always go out of my way to make sure she feels special and is having fun. But when she treats others badly and acts like a spoiled brat it makes me question everything I am doing.

[deleted account]

I think you are right, I shouldn't do these things for him. The problem is that *I* am selfish--I want the gratification that comes from making him happy....

I suppose I need to find a better way to get that gratification?

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