venting about grandparents...

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

I had a wonderful title all thought up a few hours ago when all of this was happening but I forgot it once I finally got my daughter back home...And warning, this is very long and I'm being extremely open about this. I just really need to vent and I figure, what better place...So please don't judge me, you don't even have to read this, or respond, or anything, I just need to get it written down and off my mind so I can sleep at ease tonight. Ugh...

Don't think me a horrible person, please. But for the past two weeks my daughter has been staying with my mother and grandparents due to us having an ungodly infestation of fleas. Apparently the entire city is thick with them so it's not just us. And these damn things are fucking hard to kill, ugh!!! But anyway...

And yes, before I continue, I know we should have handled it differently, I am very well aware and don't need to be told.

My mother came to get Julie Friday the 13th (ha just noticed that). I visited the next Monday night because I missed my baby girl. It was about 7pm when I got there (they live an hour away and I had errands to run after dropping hubby off at work at 4pm) and my daughter was still wide awake, as was everyone in the house. She was also soooo chubby!!! She was drinking from a bottle when I got there (she is 15mo, she never takes a bottle when she's with us, only with our parents, ugh) and she was sooo bloated. She was very happy to see me, but my baby didn't look like my baby! I was very upset, but didn't say anything. Then my mother mentioned she wanted to cut my baby's hair!! Because it was falling in her eyes. I told her that's what bows and head bands are for, and that I had packed some because Julie's hair is thick enough for them now. I also told her I would kill her if she cut my daughter's hair but that's beside the point.

Then I took Julie to her crib area and changed her diaper. She had the WORST diaper rash I had ever seen her have!!! It was oozing and red and pockmarked and just hideous!! Julie cried while I was changing her, even though I was trying to be as gentle as possible. I asked my mother how she had gotten that bad, and she claimed that she was already like that, or was beginning to get that way, when she came to get her in the first place. That's bullshit, because I was the last person to change her diaper before she went with my mother, and there was NOTHING. She doesn't GET diaper rash with us!! We change her every chance we get to make certain she DOESN'T get it. And this is not the first time she has gone there clean and come back with a horrible rash. It's just never been this bad.

Then my mother claimed that it started the day before when she was out with her all day, supposedly. That sounds more like it. My mother wasn't changing her enough. She claimed she changed her every hour, and when I said she couldn't possibly have gotten that bad if she actually changed her, she said she checked her every hour or so, which doesn't mean she changed her each time. My daughter was being forced to sit in her own filth for God knows how long. So I'm pissed, but our house is still full of fleas and I can't bring her home to that. When I tell my husband, he is livid. We considered having his mom watch her, but where she lives she can't have anyone, even a baby, stay over for more than a night. So we were stuck with Julie staying with my parents.

I went to visit again Friday and told my parents about the landlord sending an exterminator to spray Monday morning. My daughter still looked bloated and her cheeks were getting so round. She still didn't look like herself, but the rash was much better. She was more pink and no longer oozing, but still a little red in spots. So my mother obviously decided to do something about it, finally. But I found that they were feeding her a lot of fried fast food and such, and I casually suggested making sure she ate more veggies and less fried shit. So my mother asked me to make a list of veggies to buy and I did, but I have no idea if she actually got them for her, or fed them to her.

I was told that she drinks a lot of water and that my mother claims it was the juice giving her the rash (total bullshit) so she had completely cut out juice. She also claims she gives her formula once in a while, which is fine, but I'd rather she have more milk instead of formula since she can drink it now, and I know the juice isn't causing the rash, especially since she drank it just fine with us and never got a rash. I honestly don't know how much juice/milk/water a 15mo should have, so I need to look that up. We probably aren't doing the greatest job ourselves but we aren't too stubborn to check it out and fix it without having to be told.

The exterminator came Monday, sprayed, told us to wait until Thursday to vacuum, and recommended not letting Julie crawl on the carpets (the whole house is carpet, which makes it worse) until after we vacuumed Thursday. We had made plans with a friend to stay with him until Thursday but the exterminator said that wouldn't be necessary for us as long as we wore shoes, and our friend is having issues with his roommate anyway. Plus my mother all but outright refused to let us have Julie back until after we vacuumed. So we made the plans to get Julie Friday after everything was clean.

This morning (Friday morning) we head out to get Julie after I woke up from a nightmare in which my brother backhanded her and left a huge bruise across her cheek. We get to my parents' house, and the car is gone. I'm slightly alarmed, but this has happened before so I call my great grandma, who lives with my mother. She answers groggily, as though she's been asleep, and a warning siren starts blaring in my head. My immediate response to her hello: "Where's Julie??" She's still half asleep so she doesn't comprehend what I'm saying. I hang up, and thankfully I have a key to their front door so I let my husband and myself in. I go to my great grandma's room, wake her back up, and ask where's Julie again. She says she's with my mother, heading the opposite direction to the town where we live. I fly into a rage, I knew that something was terribly wrong, and I dial my mother, who lets her phone ring through five dials. Finally she answers with an angry tone and I try to calmly ask her where she's at. She says "Crackerbarrel" and I ask if she meant the one in the town where we live. She hangs up on me!

I think I had every right to get pissed even more right there. She has MY BABY an hour away, on a day when we were supposed to be getting her back, after I'd been texting her all week for pictures and telling her how much we missed our baby and how we couldn't wait to get her back, and she has the fucking audacity to hang up on me when I'm trying to figure out where the hell she is through my complete and utter disbelief that she would go flighting off with my baby without telling me. All manner of things are running through my head, I have half a mind to call the police and tell them she kidnapped my baby because I'm so mad. But I try to calm down and I call her back. She said that if I'm calling her to bitch her out then she's going to hang up again. I tried to placate her by saying no, I was just trying to figure out where she was, and when she said she was where I thought she was I flipped again. My husband says I started cussing her out and I honestly don't remember much after that. I started bawling and I was so angry with her. I could not believe she would do this to me, would take my baby away, when she had no fucking right to, when she was being such a horrible grandparent by letting my baby get a rash, and by feeding her all these disgusting things, and by this and that and I was just pissed beyond belief.

She hung up on me again, and by this time I was shrieking with rage. My husband guided me outside and he took the phone and he called her and figured out where she was and what had happened and all that. He found out that my mother's friend had taken her out to eat for her birthday (my parents live in a tiny-assed town, the nearest nice restaurant is of course an hour away, where we live) and that she thought we were going to get Julie tomorrow (Saturday). He calms me down enough that we decide to go eat something (we hadn't eaten yet) and then get some business done with our insurance company before we meet my mother to get Julie. After I calmed down I texted her and apologized, which I NEVER do first, but of course my mother doesn't recognize this and refuses to even look at me when she gives Julie back.

After she leaves, hubby changes Julie's diaper and she's been caked in rash cream and powder, much more than necessary, but the rash looks like it's trying to come back. While hubby was trying to get all that extra cream off, Julie started crying because it hurt. We've been keeping her in a clean diaper since, just using powder, no cream, and it looks much better.

Oh, and my mother packed Julie a huge box of Crackerbarrel food that was so disgustingly deep-fried that even my husband wouldn't eat it. So Julie's diet has been absolutely appalling and she's going back to her healthy diet of fruits, veggies, and poultry. I only hope this doesn't affect how she eats normally, that she'll still eat healthy stuff. She deserves so much better than deep-fried fat.

Sorry this was such a long rant, and yes I'm sure we did plenty of things to make us "bad parents" and yes we had difficulty deciding which was the lesser of two evils, my mother vs. fleas, but what's done is done. All that counts now is that our baby is back in one piece and we can work on undoing what's been done and fix things back to the way they were so that my baby is healthy and happy again.

And no, my mother is never watching Julie again. We'll visit, after all of this blows over, but she's never keeping her again. I may have overreacted in certain parts, or perhaps even under-reacted, but this is NOT going to be allowed to happen again.

Ugh, so stressful...sorry this is so unbelievably long...


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[deleted account]

well thankfully Julie is no longer bloated, and apparently eating all that unhealthy food has not caused her to dislike what we usually give her, so yay. her diaper rash is gone again, as well, and she's been getting plenty of sleep. so seems like everything is getting back to normal :)

Corinne - posted on 04/30/2012




I don't think I'd've reacted any differently Jaime. I hope things get back to normal quickly.

Bonnie - posted on 04/29/2012




Oh wow. You definitely are not over reacting Jaime. Why is it that most grandparents don't seem to care and do what they want when they have their grandchildren?! You would think that the safest place for our kids to be is with their grandparents when they can't be with us.

[deleted account]

thank you :( i'm glad i wasn't completely overreacting (i do that sometimes) but my baby looks sooo much better today and she's only been a day back with us. she's still bloated but the diaper rash is much better and her bloating has gone down. she shared some yummy yogurt and fruit with me today for breakfast and drank some juice and she's been so tired. she wasn't getting her midday naps and she was going to bed at 9, waking up at 7. she's not even 2 yet, she needs her sleep! sigh....

Brittney - posted on 04/28/2012




I would be soooo mad! I can't blame you for not letting her watch your daughter again.

Katherine - posted on 04/28/2012




Wow! I'd be flaming too! If my mom did that she's get an earful!!!!! And I would do the same thing....never again.

[deleted account]

I was going to post my own vent about my son's antagonist, but after reading about your ordeal I am too exhausted!

Dove - posted on 04/27/2012




Dang!! I'm glad you didn't strangle her, but I don't know how you resisted. I don't know if I could stand to even visit her after that nonsense.

I'm glad you have your baby back!! I'm sure she'll be all back to normal in no time.

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