why do i hate my mother??

[deleted account] ( 27 moms have responded )

i honestly can't stand that i hate my mother. i can't even write "mom" instead. but i can't stand her. i don't like how she treats me, i don't like that i feel like such a horrible person because of what she says and does and i hate that even now, as i'm thinking of all the evil things she's said to me in my lifetime, i'm thinking that i'm such a pitiful disgusting daughter for being so hateful toward the person who gave birth to me.



i don't even believe her saying my dad is dead. who does that? who mistrusts their own mother over something that should be so trivial? i got through almost twenty-three years without him, why should i care that he's dead, if he even is? and why am i so adamant about not believing he's dead???



she says he's dead but i found a guy who's the right age and has the same name and lived and worked in the same place my dad was when my mother says she was with him. my son looks just like him, when he doesn't look much like my husband or my daughter. how fucking crazy is that? this guy i don't even know, i MUST be pretending my son looks like him to justify some fantasy i have that this guy is my real dad.



and even after sending my mom a picture of this guy and her denying that it's him, i still don't believe her! who the hell does that???? right now i'm trying to justify that she has done so many things to make me not trust her, but at the same time i'm just thinking about what i probably seem like to someone who doesn't know shit about my family, and i look like a fucking nutcase.



she waited til i was 18 and could get out and try to find him before she decides she wants to say she found an obituary that says he died in a motorcycle crash, but she never showed it to me or sent me a link and never gave me proof, not even a damn picture.



i want proof, God damn it all! i want proof that my dad is dead! i want proof that this guy i found is not him, if he's not! i don't just want it, i NEED it, because otherwise i'm always going to wonder what the fuck is wrong with me, and i'll never have closure, and i'll never have a dad or know anything about him at all except that maybe if he'd had me, he wouldn't be dead right now.



and right now i hate her so much because she kept him from me. she made me wait and now he's gone and she won't help me at all.

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[deleted account]

Mom's are not perfect just because they are moms. A woman can be a mother, and still be a bad person. You don't "owe" her love just because she gave birth to you. I often feel guilty because my son loves me and I don't think he should. He shouldn't because I haven't been the kind of mother that deserves his love, sounds like maybe your mother hasn't either?



That said, I don't think you "hate" her--I don't mean to tell you how you feel, it's just what I'm reading into your post--I think you just don't love her. You can not love someone, and be very angry with them without actually hating them. Or maybe you do love her, but are tremendously angry at her, which could be why you cannot sever the relationship despite the pain it causes you. Apparently, Love hurts--A LOT.



Also, I think you have every right to know about your father. Can you contact the guy? Ask him if he was ever with your mother, if he could be your father. If he says yes, the sooner you ask, the more time you have to know him and build a relationship with him. Even if he says no, while that is not a definitive answer, he could be lying because he is not ready to face a child he didn't know he had, or he could just miss-remember if the relationship with your mom was short, but you will be in his mind, and he might come around later, or even try to be there for you even if he is sure he is not your biological father.



I don't put much stock in biological relations myself. I have deeper relationships with those family members that I've chosen and have no biological connection too. I do love my parents, but I'm just not close to them, they don't define me, you don't need parents to define you either--you are a strong individual person. You cannot let your feelings toward your mother make you feel like a paranoid, distrustful person, because you have to look at everyone--do you feel that way about everyone you meet and love, or just your mother because her actions have made you suspicious? I'm guessing the latter because I've read lots of your posts here, and I think you are a good, caring person to most people.

Amanda - posted on 11/03/2012

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Ya me and my mom don't have a great relationship either. She called me fat all the time, compared me to everyone else. I started swimming in grade three and loved it but when I got into grade 7 all she could say was "why aren't you as fast as so and so, why can't you do breast stroke." My brother is the golden boy and she has admitted it finally. I am 27 years old and every day of my life I have to live with the fact that at 17 my mom told me that and I quote "You disappoint me, you will never amount to anything, you are lazy, you are fat and you will never accomplish anything. You wasted your life swimming instead of getting a job like all your friends. You wont lose weight and think you are perfect. You really have disappointed me." The only reason I know the date and time, March 5th 2002, is because that was the day I was told I would never swim again, I injured both shoulders. I came home from the apt with the specialist and was heart broken. I sat on the couch and turned on the tv, what was on I can't remember cause I zoned out. But she came in and told me to turn it off and go for a run. I didn't even really pay attention because my life stopped that day and I hated that I was done swimming. She came in five mins later said the same thing, another five came in turned of the tv and said that to me. I went to my room in tears and locked the door. She picked it and sat on the bed and was like oh you must be so upset that you were told you can't swim anymore. I looked at her and said ya but also because of what you said. All she could say was "i didn't say that to you. Why would I say that to you." Again this month we had at each other. My brother and sister in law asked me to babysit because she got a job, well I work evenings. My mom told me to quit my job and babysit. I asked her why, she said cause your brother needs a babysitter. I looked at her and asked if I needed a babysitter should one of them quit their jobs? She told me why, they will always have a better job and more money then you. So trust me when I say I know where I stand in her heart. She blames it on the fact that her mom died when she was 5 years old and her step-mom locked her in the basement, broke her guitar when she hit her with it, or wouldn't let her eat. All I can say to that is then why treat me how you were treated. You know how it feels why repeat it. I never say anything negative to my son, I will never treat him how she treated me and if I do have more kids they will never feel resentment toward each other. Some people just never learn.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/13/2012

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Yep, Jaime, that's my mother to a "t"...I'm so sorry that you've been through all of that. The best thing that you can do for your health, mentally, is to cut her off. If you've got dollar amounts that you KNOW, such as the tires, then tell her you'll make payments on that.



Send her the phone, and any other "gifts" that she's holding over your head, and reiterate that she is welcome to see the items that SHE purchased, but were unasked for by you, such as the toys. Remind her that you ARE taking care of your responsibilities, but that you can no longer accept anything from her, monetary or otherwise. Tell her that you're thankful to be where you're at, and that you don't feel right using great grammas money or name in a non frugal manner.



You may have to change your phone number...just to avoid the accusations that she continues to level towards you, but that's a minor step compared to the mental health you'll be gaining.



I'd also, if I were you, make sure that you're monitoring your credit reports. This is your mother...unfortunately, she had your SS number before you ever even knew it existed. She may not be above using that to get more credit, and throwing you into a bigger mess. If you can afford a credit monitor, such as lifelock, I'd recommend that.



My heart breaks for you, it really does. You need to do what is necessary to keep yourself sane, and safe, as well as protecting your family from her.

Sunshine - posted on 02/06/2014

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I hate my mom. After 28 years of hell and trying to love her as the reincarnated witch she is i need to vent this out. I have my own life and family now and just want to have a mutual not deeply and strings attached on every fricken feeling! before my birth she has waved the 'mentally unwell' excuse at everything. She never worked, never cleaned, never accepted help like food, washing machines, unless it was cash! She played the mental health card manipulating every doctor in the country so she could be lazy and sleep as an occupation. When she spent all the money on alcohol & i was hungry she told me to sleep it off! I can barely manage my fatigue as an adult! Shed beat me in front of her friends to show off, accuse me of stealing from her, take me to perverts homes to watch porn and beat me later for watching it and everyone i was close to she would bitch about them & brainwash me hour after hour in lectures that they hurt her and that they sexually abused me. All of this i got at the ages of 4,5 & 6! She made me testify in court about it and i told the judge the truth that she made me say it.She walked out of that court packed my bags and left me to the government who put me in a foster home without a goodbye. She wrote twice in 4 years of no contact with me - conplete abandonment. Shes playing the same games again only shes learnt new tricks to manipulate people. She freakishly obsesses over every little thing and every aspect of her laziness and get what she wants attitude is eating her alive as karma burns every bridge she takes. I dont want her around my children she is not mentally unwell she is a psychopathic sicko of which i loathe existence of. I feel sorry for her but not enough to love her. I have no time for games in my life

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Yvette - posted on 02/12/2016

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I have tried a 1000 times but I just can't seem to love her like I should. Ever since I was around 8 or 9 it's was the going thing in my family to constantly remind me of how my momom tried to put me up for adoption. I was constantly reminded of how she took pills to get rid of me but they didn't work. It was quite evident that my sister was very much loved but I, well I was the bad kid. No matter what I did it was never good enough for this woman. I kept all A's, graduated Valedictorian of my class and went on to college and majored in physics. My college years ended because the same woman who hated me became I'll and her favorite child was too busy living to help her. I always went out of my way to impress my mom or live up to her standards. As an adult I've learned that she never loved up to her standards. I graduated from junior college only to transfer the credits back and get my bachelor's degree and she didn't bother to attend. She told me when you get a real degree I'll come but that little degree doesn't mean anything. It felt like someone cut off my air supply. All of my accomplishments were always dwarfed with "but your sister". I could have discovered another 15 planets and she'd probably dismiss that as well. Once I got back into school and was 5 classes from graduation she said to me "damn you've been in school forever, I don't know why you're wasting these people's money cause you're too old and won't do it just like the last time". My then 10 years old looked at me as though she were confused, she later asked me why grandma doesn't like me. My own child told me of how my mother talks about me to everyone and literally slanders my name to anyone who will listen. But this is the same mom who I take care of financially and physically. Even in her sickness she talks about me, screams at me and throws things. My children now despises her for how she treats me. I have to stop them from defending me and being disrespectful to her. She has told so many lies on me I can't even count. I don't feed her, I won't clean her room, I take all of her money just whatever to make me look bad. After being on life support 3 times I would think someone so close to death would change and live out their days in peace. She comes out and goes right back to being more evil, disrespectful and meaner every time. I remember her telling me I'm too old to change so you need too. You owe me, you're supposed to taken care of me because I'm your mother. I told her you gave birth to me but you have never been a mother. For someone who has told me repeatedly they wished I'd die, I hope your fiancé beats you and messes you up.. I refuse to acknowledge you as my mother. I have been broken from this a long time, I have cried and suffered and even when I went to her in tears and told her of my despair she continues in the same fashion. So now it's nursing home time, I have to live for me and my family and continuously she curses me even when I ignore her. The more I ignore, the more vial her language is. She has told me from very early on that I look and act like my dad. So her hate for him has been placed on me for 38 years. I can't deal with her anymore and I've disrespected her and cut my days short arguing with her. I can't any longer. My girls have witnessed our troubles and it pains me to think that one day they could hate me as much as I hate my mom. I pray I have not been the type of mother she was to me. I hate my mother, not periodically but all the time. I feel no empathy towards her and her situation anymore because she has done so many low down things I will never forget. Sad part is none of the family deals with her and I'm almost positive that once she leaves here she will not live long. No one wants to be around her, no one visits her and they avoid her at all costs you family haso watched her do this to me for the past 14 years and will have nothing to do with her. I am all she has, yet she treats me worse than anything.

Anna - posted on 04/10/2015

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i also hate my mom she's one of the shitty thing God created

Skarlyn Melissa - posted on 02/23/2014

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IREALLY HATE MY MOM,i got a lil sister which is 6 and a lil brother which is 3 and me im turning 12 on 7 days, like everytime she argus with my stepfather shs just come and start acting like we were the fault, sometimes she says I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS IN MY LIFE, she also call me names ,like stupid b**** , and all that, i try going away from home for a day like to my friends house, or anything but she start yelling and abising, im really scared and tired of this please help me ,,,,,, (should i just take away my life)

Lawrance - posted on 12/14/2013

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I agree with u.... I just hate my mum, everytime she says i am a idiot, animal ,etc... I just hate her.

Lawrance - posted on 12/14/2013

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Yeah, i hate my mum, everytime she says i am a animal,idiot ect. I just hate her.

Josh - posted on 10/21/2013

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Hate my mother with a passion. burned every picture i have of her. im glad she is dead. i hope she burns in hell. I hope i go there to so i can torture her ass personally for eternity.

Josh - posted on 10/21/2013

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Hate my mother with a passion. burned every picture i have of her. im glad she is dead. i hope she burns in hell. I hope i go there to so i can torture her ass personally for eternity.

Helen - posted on 10/27/2012

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My mother has not called me in 2 years. I don't let it bother me anymore. My dad died in February. I am 49 years old. He was my father my whole life. She never even acknowleged the fact that he died or called to see if I was all right. I gave up trying a long time ago with her.

I just accept she is the way she is and I cannot change her nor do I chose to be like her!

[deleted account]

no, i wouldn't keep my kids from knowing the truth. i definitely wouldn't lie to them and say their father was a good person if he wasn't.



my mother has never said anything bad against my father so i don't know what reason she'd have for "protecting" me. i understand that it's possible, but it wasn't right by her to keep me from my father when everything she ever said about him was good.



i can't forgive her until i figure out what happened to my father, and she refuses to help so i have to find out on my own.



we went to see my great grandma yesterday, though, and my mother acted like nothing had happened, as i figured. however, she gave us a bunch of toys and clothes that they had bought for Julie since they are trying to sell everything in their house to pay for the debt she built up. she hasn't learned her lesson, though, and is still buying useless junk. i have no idea if it's with her own money or with my great grandma's, but i guess it doesn't matter what they do anymore. they've given up their house and property. my great grandma is leaving thirteen acres to me and my family, to sell and use the money for our own house someday. so that's nice. i just don't know what to do about it, though. i'd never wanted anything from them. but i guess don't look a gift horse in the mouth, huh.

Teresa - posted on 10/06/2012

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Doesn't sound like it's trivial to info to me. I get that you are pretty upset about the situation and it does sound confusing to you. I am sorry that you can't trust your mother and I know there is nothing I can say to releive your pain. Mothers are supoosed to protect their children and sometimes their means do not justify their ways. You say you are a mother yourself. If your sons father was so abhorrent to you and you felt that just knowing he was alive would harm your son, would you do the same thing? I am NOT justifying lying about something so intrinsic to a person's identity, just that your mother did what she did, if he did it at all. Now, coming to terms wiht it and finding a peaceful way to deal with it is what you must do for your own health. My father turned his back on me and my sister when I was 17 and she was 13. Even kidnapped HER and my mother and I didn't hear from her for 3 years. I used to wish he was dead instead of just not wanting me in his life. It took a good decade but I finally learned to forgive him and even contacted HIM to make sure he was doing good with his new family. It took my sister a decae more but she finally forgave him and we were going to visit him in Orlando with our kids he'd never seen while we were visiting DIsney WOrld. He died of an anuerism 2 weeks before we got there. He never saw our kids or wither of us after about 20 years. I am so glad my sister forgave him before he died or she would have felt guilt for the rest of her life. You need to come to terms and forgive your mother for your own sake before it eats you alive.

Kristi - posted on 09/20/2012

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Jaime--



I'm sorry for all you're going through, all that you've been through. Although I have a wonderful mom, I can relate to you on many levels. My exMIL was just like your mom with the "gifts" and favors. She always had to be the martyr. She's a pyscho on so many other levels it's down right scary! While I was still married to her bastard son, I just quit accepting her "generous offers." I let her visit us but stopped letting her babysit my daughter. We went without in order to avoid her traps. But, since I finally gained full legal and physical custody of my daughter and we moved away from them my daughter is SOOOO much better off.



I share your feelings about not being deserving of love, from anybody. I have been a burden my whole life. For a number of reasons I believed everyone, especially my children, would be better off without me. I have attempted suicide more than once. I am so glad you are in counseling. What I did just made everything worse, it was a viscious cycle. I still find myself in that cycle sometimes but with counseling and medication I'm doing better. If you've made it this far there is no reason to think you will not make it through now. You've got the love and support of your husband and children. Even though you know you didn't bond with your daughter at first, as well as you did with your son, does not mean that she does. All that is important is what you do now.



I don't know how old your kids are and what you've all been through but, I do know that kids are resiliant and they love us for loving them. Try to give yourself a break and remember to give yourself credit for doing your best everyday, even when your best doesn't feel very good. You are allowed to be human, too. If you're having a bad day, pop a Dora movie in and go take a bath or a nap or anything you find soothing and that will distract you from your current state of mind. You'll be surprised at how much that can help.



You are not crazy or out of line for being so overwhelmed by your feelings about your mother. Like Kelly mentioned, biology doesn't necessarily mean anything. I believe that a mother can be an egg donor just like fathers who are only sperm donors. I know the name of my sperm donor but he won't have anything to do with me even after 41 years. I have 2 brothers I will probably never know. My dad adopted me and has provided for me all my life. I was raising my stepson as if he were my own. He was only 18 months when he came to live with my 2nd husband ad me. I am more of a mom to him than his own mom will ever be. So, blood does not make you family. I do hope you get the clousure that you need but even moreso a chance at a relationship with your father. (assuming that this man is your father) Keep going to counseling, stick with it even when it seems too hard. You'll come out at the other end of the tunnel.



I wish you all the best and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. (even if you are a commie! lol saw that on your post in another thread) xo



editted because I didn't proof read before I posted

[deleted account]

she refuses to leave the house, haha. she's also not in the best of health so even if she wanted to leave the house, it's hard for her to even walk, let alone get in and out of a car. believe me, if she'd even let me i would :(

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2012

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Jaime, could you take your grandmother out somewhere? Lunch, park, or other venue where she could see the kids but you wouldn't have to deal with your mother,?

[deleted account]

my great grandma called me the other day apologizing for my mother's behavior about the slide for Julie and how she blamed me for all the debt. my great grandma told her that she was tired of everybody fighting. she just wants to be happy in her last years and my mother is being a bitch. ha...



she wants us to bring the kids down when we get the chance. but even though i want my great grandma to see our kids, my mother lives with her and that means i'd have to deal with her, and that she would have something to do with my kids. so i'm not sure what to do, but i really don't want to go.



i'm going to counseling now. i actually have an appointment in a few minutes.

Bethany - posted on 09/14/2012

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hey Jamie, i don't think i can say anything here the others haven't, and i'm kinda in two minds as to post this as i have a wonderful mum who copped my wrath as a teen and since then, especially since i was a heavily perggo first time mum with a teen stepson living under my roof, has heard i'm sorry you were right!!

but i do feel for you as if it wasn't for my mum i would have come unstuck and not had my wee man with me now!

i have know several mum/daughter combos, who sound just like you and your mum, unfortunately for most of them it seems to have ended in tears :(

i hope for ur sake ur mum wakes up and realizes what she is doing is detrimental to you and her grand kids and if not then i'm sure that you will adapt :(

i hope the gentleman you wrote to can be truthful enough to set ur heart and mind at ease, either way.

keep us posted and once again im sorry i'm not more help but ur in my thoughts ox

[deleted account]

thank you. we already paid off the tires, a year ago. but she just decided to bring it back up, and nothing i say will change how she feels. i don't plan on bothering with any of them further. like i said, my babies deserve better.

[deleted account]

my babies deserve much better than what my mother has to offer, especially if she's going to expect them to pay her back for "gifts" like she has me.



i asked if she wanted to go half with me on a slide playset for Julie. she reams me a new one by blaming me for her racking up $10,000 in debt on my great grandmother's credit card. i'm not the one who told her to buy all those $16 adidas shirts or that $80 play-yard they set up in their living room for Julie that we're not allowed to ever take home with us even in the event that we'd need it, or all those toys they've bought for Julie that she never gets to play with because we don't have the money to drive an hour to get there to let her play for a couple hours and then drive back because we're not allowed to leave with those toys, and i never told her to take her son out to eat every single time she leaves the house, and i definitely never told her to eat out at the most expensive places in town, and i never told her to buy three or four laptops and at least six tablet computers and at least four Nintendo DS units or whatever they're called. and this phone that i have through them? i didn't need it, they just put me on their plan because they could add up to five lines to my great grandma's phone and they decided to do just that even though i was doing fine sharing a phone with my husband.



i should have said no to all the things they wanted to get me, but then they'd say i didn't appreciate them and thought i was too good for their "gifts" like they always say when i don't want something they try to give me. but this is the perfect reason why i DON'T want anything! they turn around and blame me for all their stupid problems.



meanwhile i get stuck feeling that it IS all my fault and now i don't want to ever ask anyone for anything unless i have the money to buy it.



anyway, according to her, because i couldn't pay them back for the tires immediately, they somehow got $232 worth of interest, which she says is all my fault even though she was supposed to be making payments over the course of the six months Sears gave them to pay it off during before interest starting accruing. the argument ended with me telling her that she could sell all of Julie's toys to help pay for putting the family into bankruptcy, and that she could then go fuck herself because i'm tired of her being so condescending and acting like everything is my fault when she's the idiot who racked up all that debt. then she says that i'm still the one who didn't pay on time (even though we didn't have ANY money, we were about to have Julie and we didn't get very much back on our taxes and had our own bills to pay) and that i didn't care about them and i was selfish and i need to get off my ass and take care of my kids instead of basically doing anything else at all.



so i feel like an absolute piece of shit because i don't know if she's right or wrong and if she's right then i'm obviously wrong and i need to go crawl under a fucking rock and die because my kids and my family and everyone would be so much better off without my good-for-nothing stupid ass.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2012

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Oh, and Jaime...contact that man. Protect yourself in doing so, but you'll never know until you do. If he's truly not your father, then you will know. And if he is, but doesn't want a relationship, again, you'll know. But, what if he is, and through her deception, she also has kept him from getting in contact with you? You'll never know until you check it out.



Best of luck. Love and support and good vibes sent your way

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2012

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Jaime, I can't add much except that I've been there (not her telling me that Dad was dead, but pretty much everything else). To her, I can do nothing right, even though I've been in a successful relationship for 23 years, have two great kids who are successful in their own right, I own my house, cars, and am debt free...and she still puts my brothers on a pedastal and tells me how much we need to "support and love them" through all of their trials and tribulations.



I've finally let go, I do see her once or twice a year to keep the family harmony, but they're short visits, mainly for the kids. I let her know how much she hurt me with her words and actions as I was growing up, how much her lack of emotional support hurt me, and let go. She's the type of woman that thinks money fixes everything, but also thinks that if she offers money, she should be idolized, and have control over everything. The final straw for me was when she was trying to tell my husband how to spend money that had no connection to her...just because she thought she had the right to butt in. Then, a couple of months later, when our inheritances were finalized, she gave us all instructions about how to spend that as well, which, again, wasn't her place. I took that with a grain of salt (as my gramma used to say) and proceeded to do what I'd planned with the inheritance.



Its the hardest thing in the world to do, to say that you don't love your family.. but sometimes, it's the truth. And, it's not through any actions of your own, but actions of theirs.



Know that you're not alone, and that we who've experienced similar situations are all here for you!

Corinne - posted on 09/11/2012

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Mums are not perfect, they are human and make mistakes. Some Mums do their best every single day and still fall, others go through their lives lying, cheating, stealing; but they're all mums, they're all human.

You are hurting a lot right now and you are angry. Your Mum has done what she believes to be the right thing, hiding your father away and trying to keep you from being hurt. She is still trying to protect you. If she is not helping or supporting you in this, is their no other family member you could ask? An aunt, uncle, grandparent? Surely somebody knows something? I would start there first, then start on public records etc..You have a right to know who your father is and whether he is alive or dead, what happes from there is not your mothers concern.

My husband is going through something similar. His mother cut us off last year, because he stands by me and won't back up her lies. He found out from a conversation between his gran and I that he may have a half brother out there - his mother had told me but not him! He's been told that his dad didn't want him and neither did his fathers family and after recent events we have been questioning all of it. Unfortunately, we can't ask any other family members as they've all jumped on the crazy train with his mum and my husbad is still hurting so bad, he won't talk to me about it.

Would it help to have another talk with your mother and tell her that whether dead or alive, you intend to find your father and would like her help? That this is something you NEED to do for your own peace of mind and that what she is doing to you is hurting you greatly?

I don't know what else to say, other than I know how much this sucks. My kids have a Grandfather and possible uncle out there, also maybe great grandparents and cousins, a whole other family denied to them by my M.I.L and her issues. Maybe if your mother sees how determined you are to do this, she will put her worries aside and help you.

[deleted account]

the "to most people" addition made me giggle...



thank you. i read some of your posts, and it seems like we feel very similarly about ourselves. i can completely relate to how you feel about your son, with how i feel about my daughter. i'm a pretty horrible mom but she still loves me and i feel like i'm going to push her away like my mother did me. to make matters worse, when i was pregnant with her i hated the idea of being pregnant and having to get married and i couldn't stand being a mom. i've gotten used to being a mom, and maybe i've done pretty good at making the transition, but when i got pregnant with my son i was ecstatic, i was ready for a baby, and now i have him and i feel like such a horrible person because i feel like i love my son more than my daughter. she's my pride and joy, i love them both, but i was much more ready for him and i am actually bonding to him where i couldn't with my daughter.



i wrote a letter to the guy i think might be my dad. he seems like a very nice person. he's married and runs a business with his wife and i'm not sure if they have a son or not. but in my letter i said that i wasn't looking for a relationship unless he wanted one, but that i had to know if he knew my mom. if he replies and says he doesn't, then i will just have to forget about it. i need to have closure but just getting a response from him should be more than enough.



thank you for reading and for your reply. and yes, i'm pretty paranoid about most people i meet. i'm extremely self-analytical to the point that i have anxiety issues and depression. but i was brought up with all kinds of bullshit ideas thrown at me. my childhood was filled with two-faced people and i never know who's being real. the only real people in my life right now are my husband and kids. and my dog, haha.

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