im at my WITS END......

[deleted account] ( 9 moms have responded )

My 12 yr old is constantly coming home with notes from teachers stating that he is not doing any work during class. My son is required to have a signature after each homework assignment noted in his HW notebook, yet he doesnt write down his homework assignments. This drives me insane because when he gets home and i ask him what he has to do for homework he tells me NOTHING...when i try to get him to make up missing assignments he refuses to do so...when i try to get him to read a book, he sits at the table and wastes time...HE DOESNT READ!! what am i going to do with this child????



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User - posted on 04/12/2009




As a Special Education teacher, I'd make sure he has no learning disability. Ask your school psychologist, or your pediatrician. Also, ask the teacher to talk with him individually before he goes home about the homework. I also highly suggest making a rule that there will be homework every night, it's up to him who gives the homework. You can pick up workbooks at a school supply place (or office depot) that are on his grade level. He can do your home work, or the homework for school. What ever it is, do it together. When he fights it, it needs to be his choice. Either homework then privilages, or no privilages (TV, cell phone, computer, video games, etc.) No need to argue or make a big deal. Whatever he chooses is no skin off your nose. (I'd be struggling with that,because it WOULD be skin off my nose, but the less he is aware that it bothers you, the better.) I like the idea of hiring someone to tutor, because it takes the pressure off of you. It also gives it a time limit. Do it in an hour, or don't have privilages.

I have a strong willed kid, and class work is already a struggle. Blessings in your treck!

Patty - posted on 04/12/2009




Michele, I feel your pain, and I have been where you are for awhile. Has your child been tested for any learning disabilities? My son is 14 and has through the years gotten worse and worse. He has been tested for ADHD and High functioning autism and all show that he is fine. In 5th grade we did the whole signing of the homework book. His teacher would sign off he had all homework written down, I would sign off that he did it, yet the next day he would get to school and would not hand it in because he could not find it. Was a long and rough year, but somehow we got through it. 6th grade was no better, same problems. Last year for 7th grade, we hit rock bottom. He started the year being teased, for nothing in particular, he is a normal kid, does not stand out in any way, kids just had him pegged as easy target. We then did trips to crisis as he was drawing pictures of suicidal thoughts. After a change in school things seemed to settle although school work did not change and he ended up failing 7th grade and having to go through summer school. This year in 8th grade I thought we turned a corner he was back to all A's and B's the first quarter (he is very smart and could be straight A's with little effort and did in his earlier school years). The last two quarters he has failed classes to the point that he needs to bust his butt or he will not pass the 8th grade. I paid for summer school last year, But I told him under NO circumstances was I doing that this year, and as much as it kills me to do it, I will make him repeat the 8th grade. He does not want to do that, so right now the responsibility is all back in his hands where it belongs. I know this does not help you out any, but just know that you are not alone, and no spanking will not help. And I say that not because I am opposed to spanking but because I have found for my son, spanking does not "hurt" him or change things. As hard as it is for us parents to sit and watch, sometimes there is only so much we can do for our children and sometimes we have to step back and let them make their mistakes and learn by their mistakes and sometimes they have to do that the hard way before they will get it. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone.

Bekki - posted on 04/08/2009




have u looked at the option that maybe he is struggling can he read properly ...i struggled with my work in school so i covered it up my skippin work and mis behaving try asking him and maybe ask the school to give him a dislexia test as it can go unnoticed for so long ...also try making it fun if he doest want to read a book try getting him to read u a bit from his fav magazine or web page so u can atleast moniter his progress when he has ur trust then maybe he will want to read more with u!! but mainly be patient and allow him to do things in hs own pace and try to be genrally interested in what he wants to read !!!! good luck

Dawn - posted on 04/07/2009




I have twin boys that are 12 also, and have been there and done that. What we did, was stay in constant contact with the teachers. They are also diagnosed ADD, so when the end of the school day came, I would email their teachers, and they would let me know. If they didn't write it down in the assignment book, they were in their rooms for the night. They eventually figured out that the teachers and I were working together, so it was just as easy to write it down. As far as reading, we save this project for the evening, when I sit down and read to my 5 year old, they sit down and read too. It helps that they get extra credit for taking tests on books that they have read.

Heidi - posted on 04/01/2009




Where my son goes to school they have to write down what they have for homework in there agenda and the teacher has to sign it and when my son gets home I have a look through it to see if he has homework and I have to sign it as well.  My son doesn't like school work at all and at times it gets very frustrating  doing homework with him and he is in grade 4 so rather then fighting to get homework done I have hired one of the grade 8 students at his school to do homework with him.  She comes 3 times a week and it works for him because he doesn't argue about having to do homework.  We pay her $10.00 an hour and let me tell you its money well invested!

Jennifer - posted on 03/31/2009




Id say, instead of asking him if he has any homework, say, "Ok let's do your homework!" and do it WITH him.  If he says he has none, get a book and read it together or play a fun learning game with him, and tell him tomorrow bring home some homework so we can do it together.

Kelly - posted on 03/19/2009




I am exactly the same, i have a son who is constantly telling me he has no homework and when i check his diary he hasnt written any thing in, he has been on report for this and other silly things, i had had enough so wrote to his form teacher and rang the school too, eventually i had a meeting and told them exactly how i feet, and that i felt my son was being let down and i wasnt being informed enough about whats going on. They now keep an eye on my son, they have discusions with my son regular to ensure he is feeling ok and if he has any concerns of his own and my son is now on form better, doing homework and feeling happier in his self, he even admits his self things are better at school. He told me, he felt everybody ignored him and nobody ever listend to him but now the teachers put time aside just to speak to him!!


Kari - posted on 03/18/2009




If I could offer you two tools; 1. Love and Logic, 2. The book titled, "the Five Love Languages of Children".

[deleted account]

Not knowing your exact situation my first thought is can he read or does he has some reading complications such as poor eye sight, dyslexia, or other reading limitations? Then some teachers/school districts will post the homework assignments on web pages so you do know what the assignments are and can confront him with his homework.

My second suggestion is something that we do at work, a behavior management system. I suggest this because a lady at work used it with her grandson and swears by it. Pretty much he earns 'incentives' for doing the right things. Figure out what he likes and what he wants then go from there. For the smaller things he does right, like writing down the assignment he then gets something smaller that he wants, for bigger things he does right he gets something bigger that he wants. Then if he is able to complete his homework for a week straight he gets something even bigger. Things could be more tv time, or later bed time or more time outside with friends, or new shoes, or that clothing item he wants or something like that. In other words make him earn his things. We have to earn our paycheck by showing up to work and putting in a full day of actually working - not just being there if we want our check, so he has to put in some work, not actually going to school or just sitting at the table, if he wants his rewards. You give him the bare basics and everything else he has to earn. A big point with this is that you really praise him when he does well, but you still hold him accountable for his actions. Here's an analogy that was used to explain some of this - when he was potty training and the first time he went in the potty what did you do - had a big 'party' celebrating he did the right thing. Now that he's 12 you don't 'party' every time he goes potty (in fact you don't even want to know the details). Begin with flooding and making him aware that he can get praise and rewards for doing the right things, then slowly back off but not completely - still giving him the rewards as he does better things.

I really hope this makes sense. If not and it sounds interesting please let me know and I'll attempt to get the file from work and email it to you.

Good luck

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