Army wife/mom marriage problems

Amanda - posted on 03/01/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




Ugg, where do I start? I have a 4 1/2 yo and 8 1/2 mo both boys. My husband has been in for 12 years and is a workaholic. He works from 6 am to 6 pm and comes home tired, understandably. He doesnt text me to see how we are doing at home or call. He doesnt help with the kids except yelling when he sees/hears something wrong. He makes 4 yo go to his room when he is home. He says he needs to rest when he is home, even the weekends. What about me? I have to wake up in the night with babies. I have to clean and cook every meal without help. I have to bring kids to doctor and school. I have to do everything with a kid on my leg and one on my hip. I have not had "me time" in 4 years, but every weekend he can escape to the garage, get a haircut or go to the store when he wants and all alone. I have to teach a boy to potty train and explain and calm the kids when daddy is working or busy or cannot be disturbed. I never get to put the "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on my door if you know what I mean. On top of that, we have no money and never get out of the house. We dont go out to eat, or have romantic time. He doesnt buy flowers EVER. He wont let me talk when he gets home because he has to relax. He refuses to let me control the TV. He wont let me buy what healthy food we can afford because he doesnt like it. He doesnt pay any attention to me AT ALL unless he wants something. He refuses to do anything that makes me happy and I have changed 95% of myself for him. He wants me to go to school and not work so I have no money until I finish school (about a year). I have not ever been happy in the marriage and want out. I cannot afford it and dont wanna coast off him. What should I do?


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Lana - posted on 09/05/2013




Hey Amanda

I understand what you are talking about that was an reason for my divorce with my first husband. Sorry to tell you this but girl you have to focus on your kids! Talking to your husband if he can hear and understand your point and try to work your marriage out! It will take you some time, in the mean time focus on your kids and focus on what makes you happy! Course believe me if the mom is happy your kids will have an wonderful life too!

I found the support in an group of strong successful Women, now i have an little group of strong minded women that i spend my time and my thoughts with.

I did focus all my time and mind to this opportunity and on 12. October 2013 my new husband will be able to get out of the army course i'm making now double of what my man used to make but we will be finally free from this army life (dog life :) i'm sure you understand what i mean)!

This is the link to our powerful women meeting every sunday!

I'm sure you will love this!

Inbox me if i could help you out facebook:

[deleted account]

well there is always taking the remote and smacking him over the head with it ;) But no if your really unhappy then leave him.. No one should treat you that way my 8 year wedding anniversary is march 31st so right around the corner out of 8 years of marriage and being together a total of 13 years my husband has never ever treated me this way and if he were to do anything like that I would beat him over the head with something heavy and walk out the door because I love myself to much to be treated like that. You should be yourself and be loved for it! I know I am, so dont waist time not getting the love you deserve become free and find it you only live once and time passes by way to fast.. You will become a better mom, friend and find yourself again by getting out of the relationship if your heart truly desires it.

Corinne - posted on 11/22/2011




Like Tahney said, military one source!! you can call them and set up marriage counseling and they give you 11 free sessions, off post, with professional! you can do marriage or individual. it saved my marriage and i think it even dug down into deeper issues that we both had refused to ever bring up again. I really feel we are at a better place now than when i THOUGHT we were happy, before he deployed! i REALLY recommend them!

Heather - posted on 05/18/2011




Understanding your situation...been there myself, I can tell you communication is key. you need to express your feelings to him and he needs to listen, vise versa. i also agree that if doing this doesn't help that you should try some counceling. they do have marriage retreats too..ask him to look into it or talk to your FRG leader about signing up for one. you can get a break from the kids for the weekend and be with him while learning to better your's a win, win. My husband and I split up for a while and we went to one of them after i moved back with him. it was a great experience and it helped us a lot. we still use the tools they taught us. i hope you can find the happiness you deserve. good luck.

Tahney - posted on 05/06/2011




I went through similar problems. We went to many therapists because we wanted the marriage to work. Tricare and Military onesource give free family/marital counseling. I highly suggest you at least try it out. Men, especially military men have a lot of problems communicating with women. It took a therapist for him to finally listen to me. I still take care of my son 17 hours a day (he is a recruiter and works from 6 am to 11pm), and he definitely is not romantic, but he at least listens and takes my son for some time on the weekend so I can have me time. Never let finances be the deciding factor. There are so many grants and scholarships for moms going to school and you will get child support and alimony if you do divorce. You can do this which ever way you decide. You are such a strong woman to do this alone for so long. You need a break and some help. Let me know if you need help on how to find resources. Military oneseource is great about it to and it is free! Also maybe ask him if you could afford hiring a babysitter for some time durng the week or weekends (even an hour a week) so you can have some time to go to they gym or take a nap. good luck

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