Thinking of another.....need advice

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

My daughter is 10 yrs. old. My husband and I were recently talking about having more children, but I am already 32, and I am afraid with my daughter already being 10, they won't be close. I don't want to raise 2 only children, I would want them to be close siblings......any advice or similiar situations?

12 Comments

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Tracy - posted on 09/06/2011

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My daughter was 9 1/2 when her little brother was born. They adore each other and are very close. If you want them to be close make sure you don't make your daughter provide too much of the care but let her be involved in shopping for the new baby, holding the new baby, etc. If she can take care of the baby when you are around, she is likely to grow to love him/her and have a strong bond with the baby. Good luck. (And don't worry about your age! I was over 40 when I had my last child.)

Crystal - posted on 07/02/2010

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i am 26 and my daughte is 3 now we not planning on having another child if we do change our mind i will be in my 30's if we have another child and my daughter will be around 7 or 8 then but most likel i wont change my mind i had a friends there was 26 yr apart their mother tried for 26 yrs to have another child finially she did they were not close at all i dont think being 10 or 11 yrs will hurt u never know until u have a child everybody reacts different and talk to ur daughter abt it

Manige - posted on 06/13/2010

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I am an only. Sorta. My brother and sister are 9 and 12 years older than me, they have a different mom and lived in a different state. Me and my brother are close. Me and my sister are not. Me and my brother are so far apart I was more like a dolly when I was little and we never stepped on each other's toes. If you're gonna have another, I'd say do it ASAP otherwise the oldest will be out of the house before your other hits kindergarten and then you really will be raising 2 onlies.

User - posted on 06/01/2010

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i was looking for group talking in this issue. i also wish to have another child my daughter will turn 6 soon.it takes me so much time till my husband say ok i agree to have another child although i feel he is not serious about it because we were trying for sometimes and he refuse to go to any fertility center for help...time is flying and i am afraid of the big gap between siblings ..i sometimes feel disappointed when i feel my strong desire to have another child and he does not doing much about it

Shalaina - posted on 02/14/2010

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My sister and I are 10 years apart and are now best friends. It was fun because she took me places and made me feel like we were not that far apart. It was nice to have someone a little older to talk to about my problems, she could answer many of them without the pressure it would have been to talk to my parents. After we were both in the adult stages in our lives we became best friends. We are SO much alike, actually! I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Stephanie - posted on 01/29/2010

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I too think it depends how you nurture their relationship. I have an older brother (by 2 years) and 2 younger brothers (3 & 8 years younger). Even though we were fairly together in age we weren't all that close. I think that shows that age isn't the main factor.

Nicola - posted on 01/28/2010

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i personally think it would be good, ull find your 10 yr old will want to spoilt him/her rotten, as long as u pay as much attention to her as u always have, i hav 3 sisters 1 14months younger, 1 6 years younger and 1 18years younger, and we have always been close all of us.

Tanya - posted on 01/18/2010

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If you want more children...have them! As a mother with only one child and loving it...I can't imagine having more but that's my choice. If you feel having another child would complete your family...go for it without regrets! Just keep in mind that your 10 yr old isn't a personal babysitter (which I witness in other families) and allow the children to develop their own connection with each other. It'll not be like siblings who are born close together but that doesn't mean their connection won't be strong. I come from a family of 7 siblings with 10+yrs span... Again, if it feels right to you then go for it!!

Kayla - posted on 01/08/2010

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Well, I guess I can give you a similar situation from another perspective. I am 18 with a 9 month old of my and my youngest brother is .... 6 months old!! (I do have a sister 16 and a brother 14) I enjoy having our baby brother, we get the opportunity to be involved and help out with him. It has also given me and my mother something to bond over, raising our babies together.

Catherine - posted on 12/25/2009

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I understand exactly how you feel. I think we could be twins. I am also in the same predicament. I am 33 years old and my daughter is 10 years old. however i am still trying to convince my husband to have another one. I have planned it out for next year.

As for the closeness of the siblings, I agree with Adrienne. It is up to us as mothers raise our children to be close and to look out foe each other. So i'm will to try it, What about you?

Adrienne - posted on 09/25/2009

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I have two older sisters (18 and 16 years older than me) and one older brother (12 years older than me) and one younger sister (2 years younger). Same parents - they were 43 when they had me. All I can say is that my younger sister and I are the closest but I still am close to my other siblings. It depends on a number of things but parents need to foster the family relationship - spend lots of family time together - dinners, playing games, etc. I think that builds a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Part of it is also luck and the personalities involved. I am closer to one of my older sisters than the other and this has to do with personality and lifestyle. I think if you had another child, they could still be close.

Anya - posted on 08/12/2009

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I totally feel you! I always tell my husband I want another one before I hit my 30's (I'm 26 and he's still not sure about more kids..!!!) My daughter will be 8 when I turn 30 so not only do I prefer to have them at least a little close (especially since my brother was 5 years younger and was an annoyance from the very beginning) I want for everyone to be in school during my 30's so I can "get some of it my life back" lol. My Bro and I did get closer after we both passed our teen years so having said that, I guess it juts depends on their personality, and how you raise them and incorporate your older daughter into her sibling's life :D

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