Need advice badly...separation anxiety...hard time...

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

My situation...firstly since I switched from broken computer to iPhone it's hard for me to get on COM so hoping I can check in and see if responses. My apologies if anyone posts and I can't respond. But I think I'll be able to read them if notifications show in my email inbox. It's even taking me forever to get this typed out for whatever COM reasons.

I have b/g twins 2.7 years old. My husband is a building his career as a pilot. Had to accept a job in a different province almost 2 yrs ago. But he was able to come in relatively frequently for about 5 days a a time. That's changed. He's now in a different province with another company. Just about 2 months now. In btwn switching companies he was home for about 3 weeks. Now he's only able to come in every two weeks. Supposed to be just one night one visit then maybe 3 nights the next but it hasn't been working that way. It's been just overnights. I've wondered if this would be even worth it (kids wise) or if we should just wait for the longer visits. But he needs to see them. He's very lonely and needs his cup filled so to speak. I was hoping the kids would adjust to this. Also figure better than nothing. I think of military families where they are all separated when mom/dad are deployed for a year or so and don't get to see each other at all.

So...the situation. He was in for sat to Sunday. They seemed to be coping well. That night my son shrieked like crazy after his usual lie in crib and chat about an hour or so. They're great sleepers so felt for him and went in to soothe him. He couldn't settle and eventually I had to go in and comfort him then leave when he seemed settled. Shrieked for a good ten min then passed out. Ystrdy he ripped a book cover at daycare. Not biggest catastrophe I know but definitely not like him. We talked about how books are precious and took it home to 'repair' together. Definitely a negative attention seeking. Last night so-so. In bed ok. Chat/sing about an hour (his sister cranky earlier but slept through it all. Then his shrieking began. Eventually went in to comfort but no matter how long I was in there came down to my having to leave and his crying about ten min than passing out due to sheer exhaustion. They've been sleep trained and I am worried about his starting to rely on me doing this. Taking to bed with me not an option. Cannot backtrack on his being abke to self soothe. Plus even if I did he wouldn't be able to sleep that way. My daughter is different. Her sleep hasn't been effected but she's become extra needy and cranky and struggling as well. Acting out. Defiant. Typical toddler behaviours sure but different than usual for her. They've also taken to sitting in each others heads, backs, standing on each other w/e. Good game but only if they're both in the mood. Plus not allowed for abvious reasons.

I deal with depression/anxiety/ADHD and am in a leave of absence for those reasons. I'm pretty good at keeping it together with the kids and following our routines and they honestly aren't feeling it no matter how in tune kids can be. I generally wait til alone to have my let it crying moments.

Any suggestions from those that this may ring true for? Again I have to stress the sleep thing and going in every night for periods other than briefly soothe him and not stay all night in room cannot happen. He doesn't fall asleep that way and I can't jeopardize his self soothing and falling asleep on his own. At same time this is breaking my heart.

Sorry so long. Took forever for me to type out. COM just doesn't like my phone :(. So if any responses and I can't reply at least I'm most likely to read and appreciate any feedback!



PS moving to where he is is not an option for a variety of reasons. Also should point out he isn't sick for sure. This is all just missing Papa.

Will be ordering for them both. Also making a Papa and me book for each of them.

Any other been there done that thoughts?


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[deleted account]

Thanks for posting so quickly. We do skype daily. I know they want to but when we do they pretty much ignore him. I get why but we still do it.

[deleted account]

Thanks for posting so quickly. We do skype daily. I know they want to but when we do they pretty much ignore him. I get why but we still do it.

Louise - posted on 06/26/2012




I know what you mean my daughter was the same with my husband coming and going for work for weeks at a time. We have established a skype link that we use when he is away where she talks to him and shows him her creations from playgroup that day. This has settled her alot and she does not seem that bothered any more. Mind you my daughter is 3.5 years old. Saying that my daughter gets very stressed if I go out and leave her at home and can have days where she just wants to sit on my lap, or she is just weepy.

With your son you could try and do the same to keep him in touch with daddy. As for the sleeping you are just going to have to be a tough mummy and let him cry it out. Go in the first time and lye him down and then leave the room. The next time go in and dont look at him or talk to him and lye him down leave the room. This way you are not rewarding him with your attention in the evening and hopefully he will stop.

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