Question; Is anyone's husband tethered to their laptop and cell phone NO MATTER whar's going on!!

Janine - posted on 04/13/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My husband is on his phone and laptop every possible second of the day and sometimes night... He has taken it to family functions and will stop to read email in the middle of a meal, conversation or just about anything else that's going on. Very rarely is any of it so urgent that he has to stop what he's doing to address it it's just that he can't stand not being connected to his work. I've tried to explain how frustrating it is for those of us being half listenend to around him. It gets better for a few days and then he's right back on it... He will actually come in the door, and immediatly get out the laptop... because apparently being able to read his emails while driving home isn't enough information!!



Does anyone else have this issue and what have you done to resolve it, or at least come to a compromise. Becuz I'm at the point that I've thought about putting parental controls on his phone and limiting the hours certain functions are available... hahahaha

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Jeannette - posted on 11/30/2013

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I have the same issue. My husband as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning the first thing he grabs is his phone he will lay there for hours playing with it. Then the whole day he will spend going from his phone to his iPad to his laptop. When it comes to bed time he takes his phone to bed and laptop. He will sleep with his phone under his pillow at anytime he should wake in the night he will be on it. I have found this very hard to deal with as this is an everyday event. When I suggest we go out and so something he don't want to I end up going out with my daughter alone most of the time. I have tried hard to deal with it but now it affects everything in his life. When I ask him to do something it is wait a minute and it never gets done I end up doing it myself. We don't talk he rather be reading nonsense on laptop then talk to me. When ever I mention about it he just gets angry and goes in denial then won't talk to me for whole day sulking which he does anyway when he is ignoring me day in and out. It affects our sex life when I talk to him he says life is not all about sex or he says he is too stress for sex. I am 8 months pregnant and worried as to how he will help out with the baby. As his idea of looking after my 4 year old is to sit her in front of the laptop or playing with the iPad. It has gotten to a strange where I feel so lonely and down. He told me at the beginning if I just leave him he will start doing stuff in his own without me saying but I did and learned to deal with it in a way and it never got better in fact it has got worse. Now even when I suggest we watch a film before bed he will be yeah all up for it then tells me to wait a moment so I wait for more than and hour and still nothing. Then when I say something to him he says he don't wanna be tied down to a woman who tells him what to do and he can do other things in his life other then spending time with me. The thing is he does his own things a lot. The only real time he comes of it is if he goes to London to visits his brother or mates which he does alone and is out hours and hours and comes home hours in morning or not at all. Then just arrive home whatever time or day he feels like it. In a way u don't really deal with it becos when u do and try to it makes u feel more and more depressed and unwanted and ignored. So either we learn to deal with it and live miserable or we get out. Becos they won't change. Sometimes a wake oh call is what's needed.

Annie - posted on 08/27/2013

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hello ladies....I truly feel your pain I'm a woman married 4 times to the same issue, and nothing works now that im married to an executive man again, its still a 24/7 thing! either put up with it or leave but guess what with technology, it will still b an issue, i knew when the cell phones first came out that it would b a nightmare world and it became just that!!!!
my advice as a 63 year old newly married wife of 3 yrs is do nothing, let him be, these men will wake up one day when their children are grown and the cell gets boring they will not understand why we and their son or daughter are ignoring them, let them figure it out! after all karma its a bitch, sad but true, and it will be too late in the end for these lonely crackberry heads! ;)))))

Tou - posted on 03/12/2013

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hi Janine,

i am in the same situation as you and would like to know if you ever found a working solution since this seems to have happened a while ago? my husband is computer, phone and i pad addict, he is on one of them constantly and it really gets on my nerve and we have only been married for one yr. has anyone got a solution yet?

Jennifer - posted on 03/16/2013

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Ditto here.!! I feel like I never get even half of his attention and I know the kids feel the same. During dinner, in the mall,.... Wherever. It's always the same thing.... He says that he's paying attention but he'll interrupt me to show me something he just read on facebook.... Ugh!

Jay - posted on 04/28/2013

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I have the same issue. There's a addiction to their electronics. And it's just as hard for them to quit or reduce there addiction. For you and me I hope soon or i'm leaving the relationship.

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31 Comments

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Kissimmmee - posted on 04/04/2015

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I think device addiction is real.I see so many people near here walking with their face in their phones.Maybe it's an addiction type of thing.I am glad I still have an old fashioned phone otherwise I'd be on COM all the time :)

Maribel - posted on 03/20/2015

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I'm on your same situation for years. I remember when I was dating with my husband 12 years ago and he was talking on the phone while we having lunch. What to do? Just pray to God make a miracle , I'm not enougth possitive with this because my husband is a workaholic. I'm pretty sure that his first priority is his job, after that us and last God. Talking with him about this not help at all, just worse the situation.

Candice - posted on 03/09/2015

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I have a live in boyfriend that is also constantly on his cell and laptop. He carries it to another level to date. He is always on Craigslist to find sex with multiple people and on Facebook to exchange numbers to date women . Is there a name of behavior for this craziness?

Scott - posted on 03/18/2014

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It seems like I am not the only one going crazy. My whole family have stopped talking to each other in favour of the laptop or their phone. The house is too quiet and no one listens to what i say. When i go to meet my boyfriend he is always on his phone too. Seems like I can never have a proper conversation with anyone these days, without them constantly checking their phone.

Annie - posted on 08/27/2013

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i feel for you, men will b boys, this has happen to me as well, he had also cheated on me,, but at least your husband is having sex only with you, and believe it or not as a older sexy woman with plenty of past men issues, that's not a bad thing, as long as he has sex only with you, it is what it is, these men go on a merry go round and in the end they are alone in a nursing home sipping soup from a straw and wishing they had a great wife next to them!.....i guess men just dont think with their heads!

Shanan - posted on 09/18/2010

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I am one of the unfortunate who found my husband who is addicted to his computer looking at young girls in racy photos. The computer history shows when and what websites he has been too. After I confronted him about it, he went out and purchased a Blackberry. He no longer uses the computer, but is now on his Blackberry all the time. And yes, he takes it in the bathroom with him... it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out what he is doing with the Blackberry. I even caught him looking at it before we had sex. Go figure... today's technology sucks!

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009

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My husband takes his laptop to the toilet with him. EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!!! I made the mistake of getting him to get on facebook. Now he does all the war games. He spends hours at night until he goes to bed, playing them. The cell phone is not so bad. I am very blessed that he does love to spend time with me and our children. I just wish the laptop was for work only. Not for home, vacations ect. I am sorry Janine that I have no advice for you. If I do find a way to get my husband to put his laptop down, I will let you know how I do it.

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2009

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My husband takes his laptop to the toilet with him. EVERY TIME!!!!!!!!!!! I made the mistake of getting him to get on facebook. Now he does all the war games. He spends hours at night until he goes to bed, playing them. The cell phone is not so bad. I am very blessed that he does love to spend time with me and our children. I just wish the laptop was for work only. Not for home, vacations ect. I am sorry Janine that I have no advice for you. If I do find a way to get my husband to put his laptop down, I will let you know how I do it.

Tara - posted on 05/29/2009

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My husband's cell and laptop are also up his butt. I've always had to ask him to do something with our daughter and his daughter is all but ignored when she's over. When he's on the road he gets very upset when I don't rush to answer my cell but when I try to get a hold of him he doesn't think it's a big deal. Makes me feel not all alone out there that there are others with the same situation.

Shelley - posted on 05/20/2009

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My husband admits that his laptop and phone are like appendages.He does need them for work alot, but after he has had his leisure time on there....I may make a comment like....well, if you can tear yourself away from the computer I would like to......and he usually gets the hint that I've had my share of his being on the computer way too much. He usually is pretty good about trying to divide his time when he is home. You do sometimes feel as if you play second fiddle to technology.

Karin - posted on 05/19/2009

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In the beginning, I got really upset with the computer and phone addiction. I was offended and sad that my husband was missing the fleeting moments of our daughter's first year. Then I decided to put my foot down. I used guilt. All the things I was feeling and thinking I began saying calmly out loud. My husband was not happy with me and my "nagging" but I did not let up. Baby steps... first no electronics in the bedroom... then no calls during meals... then shut down the computer for a few hours in the evening... I know I am doing what is best for my daughter.

Nicole - posted on 05/18/2009

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Part of what I find so nice about when my husband does come home is that I can actually do something around the house without having to hear my baby scream. So what does he do, puts her down to read email while she screams! It's so aggrevating! It really makes you feel alone! I can understand!

Amy - posted on 05/11/2009

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Yes! Yes! Yes! I am embarrassed when around family (we live in another state from them) and he is on the phone/laptop. Work is important, but aren't manners still important too? He gets defensive, so I've thrown my hands up to it. BIgger battles to win, I suppose.

Suzanne - posted on 05/05/2009

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Well, I don't know if I have any answers for you....but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! My husband travels during most of the week but on weekends (or the rare occasion he is in town) he lives with his blackberry/cellphone to his ear! We have spent many vacations with him 'stepping away' to take a call, later to find out it was a scheduled conference call (even once when we were at Disney World!). We also have had many family functions with him standing on the outskirts taking a call. You'd think he ran the entire company himself by this point!

All my nagging did no good...but once my kids got involved (6 & 8 yr olds) he started to listen. They would take his blackberry the second he placed it down and hide it. I've explained to him that this is a serious problem. He needs to realize that work will still revolve without him taking calls/emails 24/7! Unfortunately, the business world today is built on people who can answer a question within seconds rather than a few hours. Just keep telling him how much it affects others, especially if you have children. Hopefully it will eventually sink in!

Amy - posted on 05/02/2009

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I have started considering myself a single mom. Lowers my expectations. I also keep reminding myself that his relationship with Alex is not my job to fix. I know he will regret missing things, but I can't help that. It isn't easy, but it's the best I can come up with.

Charity - posted on 05/01/2009

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I was thinking I might be the only one! He is full on addicted to his Blackberry and gets hostile when I try to talk to him about it. The worst is that our 16 month old has almost stopped trying to interact with him because even when he is home she can't get his attention. He is gone a lot but even when he is home he isn't actually "with" us. I would offer suggestions if I had any but I am at the end of my rope with this.

Amy - posted on 04/29/2009

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I have considered cutting the internet line... but I am afraid he would divorce me! I just wish he would help out a bit more with the baby.

I refuse to get him a Blackberry.

Lee - posted on 04/29/2009

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Oh ladies...I hear ya...my husband is either on his blackberry 24/7..he cannot put it down. It is soooooooo distracting and rude....One time it broke and he kept checking it every5 minutes to see if it was back on again....UGH, what can we do huh?

Karen - posted on 04/18/2009

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Quoting Amy:

Oh, you are SO not alone! For my husband, it is the game World of Warcraft. He travels for work about 2 weeks a month and carries 2 laptops with him- the work one and a personal one so he can play. When he is home he is constantly on the personal one. He claims it is work, but he generally has WoW going as well. Heaven forbid I should ask him to put his dishes back in the kitchen, or change the baby! I have considered cancelling the internet, but I am taking classes online and need it. Grrrr.


Amy,



My husband travels for a living too! I can so realate! When he is home, I wish he's spend it with his family instead of his toys.



Karen

Amy - posted on 04/18/2009

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Oh, you are SO not alone! For my husband, it is the game World of Warcraft. He travels for work about 2 weeks a month and carries 2 laptops with him- the work one and a personal one so he can play. When he is home he is constantly on the personal one. He claims it is work, but he generally has WoW going as well. Heaven forbid I should ask him to put his dishes back in the kitchen, or change the baby! I have considered cancelling the internet, but I am taking classes online and need it. Grrrr.

Janine - posted on 04/16/2009

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I think I'm really going to be sad now. I didn't want to even admit that there's the issue with Guitar Hero, Rock Band and Face Book. I recommended that he get on Facebook and check it out. He immediatly found over 150 people some of which he's known since elementary school. He's on it constantly (phone and PC). So while he's sitting there working, he's also posting, playing and chatting which just prolongs the work time.... it's a cycle with no end in site. Now to add to the fun, he's going to be traveling again and gone almost the entire month of June for training. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person out there, it's good to commiserate with others dealing with the same stuff.

Karen - posted on 04/16/2009

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I feel like I'm going through this too, plus the play station. It really annoys me to see my hubby ingnoring his loved ones. I always feel like I'm nagging him to get off the darn computer/phone/etc. I can't read to wait some responses here!

Janine - posted on 04/16/2009

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me too, me too! But don't you know that they would just go out and get the latest "toy" and have to spend even more time (if that's possible) figuring out all the new bells and whistles... LOL.

Melissa - posted on 04/15/2009

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It's nice to know I'm not the only one with this problem!! :) I adore my husband, but I want to run over his phone with my truck!!

Janine - posted on 04/15/2009

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Your post made me smile... you just described my husband and his cell phone perfectly. He takes his to the bathroom too! I've explained that if the person on the other end knew, that they might be slighty offended. Nothing I've tried or said has worked either. I've tried to offer a compromise, but it usually only last a few days. If I fifure out anything that works, I'll be sure to let you know as well. In the meantime, we can vent to each other :)

Melissa - posted on 04/14/2009

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My husband is slightly less obsessive with the laptop, but the cell phone is driving me crazy! I tried getting him to turn it off or ignore it at least during dinner, but he still answers it. I can't remember the last time we actually had a meal that wasn't interrupted by the phone. He literally has it on his person during every waking hour, and on the nightstand right next to him at night. I don't have a lot of advice to help you, but I can commiserate with you!! To me, it's very rude. To top it all off, if he's on the phone with me, and someone else beeps in, he'll automatically interrupt our conversation to take the call. But if it's the reverse, and I'm the one beeping in, he ignores me (though he does usually call me back when he's done with his call). It's very embarrassing to be in social situations when he constantly is interrupting the event to answer his stupid phone!!! I'm surprised it hasn't happened during "intimate" moments!! He even takes calls (business calls, mind you) when he's on the toilet!! I keep telling him the world won't come to an end if he lets it go to voice mail once in a while. It's the curse of being married to a workaholic! If you come up with any good ideas, I'm open to ANY suggestions, likewise, I'll pass on any I come up with. Unfortunately, I'm not optimistic things will change anytime soon, as I've discussed it with my hubby more than a few times. Good luck, I truly feel your pain!!

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