Marriage vs Dating

Lynn - posted on 10/07/2009 ( 26 moms have responded )

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I was just wondering how many people feel there is a big difference between when you were 'dating' vs when you became 'married'?

I personally think there is a big Difference. My husband and I have been married since Feb 11th 2006 and I feel more in love now, then I ever did before. And I feel secure knowing that ge is committed to me, and me to him. And I feel like the 'I Do' announced to everyone that we are together, and love only each other.

I think when people are dating, its a different form of love then when you are married. And i am sure now that we are married, there will be bigger battles, and bigger makeups. But thats ok, because we are committed to each other.

And I am not talking about common law marriage, or engaged, or almost married, or been together so long its like marriage. i mean ACTUALLY BEING LEGALLY MARRIED.

So give me your feelings on all of this.

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Sylvia - posted on 10/03/2012

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I agree with you so much. Being legally married makes a BIG difference. There's no similarity!!! From the perspective of being married and truly committed to my husband, I can't get my head around how others never get married. I had this discussion with my sister, who doesn't want to get married. She asked me if it makes a difference and when I said YES!!! she asked how and questioned whether a piece of paper could really make all that much of a difference. Why does it make a difference? I don't know but it DOES. My husband and I agree. It feels different. We're totally committed to each other and our marriage. If we didn't have the marriage maybe we would have split when we had problems instead of solving them and growing closer and making our marriage deeper. No offence to anyone that isn't married and likes it that way. To each her own. Just my 2 cents.

Cutemommy - posted on 10/18/2013

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I got married last year my one year anniversary is in a couple weeks. we have known each other for eight years, dated six and the day we got married changed everything. its not just a paper its deeper then that. I feel more respected and loved. To have his last name is so beautiful, like we are one now. I'm not just the girlfriend I'm the wife, I love it. You can live with someone ten years if you aren't married hunny that is disrespect. The bond is deeper its a promise to God. My answer is yes, marriage is different then just dating any excuses a woman makes fit never getting married is the saddest lie. And shame on the man that throws dirt on her name by not marrying her but getting her sweet goodies all them years

Streetkid - posted on 10/16/2009

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There's a huge difference. I'm sure something spiritual happens when you marry. It's like your souls are fused together never to be torn apart. I agree, I love my husband more now we're married, and the love bumped up another notch when I gave birth, because out of our 'fused souls' another soul came. It's miraculous.

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Jaime - posted on 02/17/2014

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I don't think that there is a huge difference really but I just think it's better now. The relationship is more secure in a sense. But between us were still as in love as we were the day we met and it's just better now because we are married. My hubby will tell anyone though that I was always his wife. Even from day one, even when we were just dating. LOL

Taz - posted on 10/21/2013

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marriage did change for the better for us ,i know i felt more secure in our relationship and knowing that hes not just committed to me but our children as well. ;]

Kim - posted on 11/04/2012

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I feel some things change from dating to marriage. I know my husband doesn't feel as though he need impress me like when we were dating. Not a bad thing, showing off annoys me, lol.

I love knowing that because we are married, that makes us more apt to not argue. In dating, you can get mad and walk out, never looking back. In marriage, no. You promised to stay together and love one another for better, or for worse. When the worst happens, you bond together and fight against all. Never against each other.

Rachel - posted on 11/02/2012

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I do feel like us getting married has brought us closer together and created an even tighter bond.

Polly Sue - posted on 10/24/2012

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Why is it that people think that shacking up with someone is the same as married life?It is'nt. Being married come's with alot of reposabiltys, Not being married but living to geither means that either spouse can walk away and no harm done,But that's not really true. If you don't marry and you have kids then those kids will follow your example. If you do marry, then your kids will be in awe and will have more of a chance of a life without questions.

Samantha - posted on 10/18/2012

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My husband and i have been married for 3.5yrs and been together a totel of almost 7 years. Sorry but things are kinda the same as dating and being married for us. But we were each others first loves and we moved in together very early on and before getting married we already considered ourselves together forever. So the paper was just the legal part for us i guess. Feeling were there all along.

Lynn - posted on 10/20/2009

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Thats interesting Teasha. I guess everyone has their own feelings and opinion which you are certainly entitled too. I guess i dont look at it as JUST a ring, or JUST a piece of paper. I look at it like a life long commitment. But as i said, everyone has their own opinions. :)

Teasha - posted on 10/19/2009

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i think dating and being married are the same i dont think your love should change because there is now a ring on your finger my parents have been together for 25 years and arent married but yet love each other as if they were married ..

Cheryl - posted on 10/18/2009

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My husand and I have a saying that's always true for us..."I love you more than I did yesterday, BUT not as much as I will tomorrow." I swear if I heard it would be like this I wouldn't have believed it. He's just amazing. :)

Lynn - posted on 10/18/2009

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I also feel that being married helps you stay in love. I dated a lot of guys when I was a teen. I dated them, got sick of them, dumped them, moved on to the next. Before i was with my husband, my longest relationship last about 3 months. Now, I am married to my husband, and when ever I am feeling down, or angry, or upset. I just stop and think to myself "Wow, this man GAVE himself to me. He wrapped his world around mine. He loves me. He told me he loves me in front of everyone in our church. He legally said he wants to belong to me"

MARRIAGE IS GREAT!!

Jodie - posted on 10/17/2009

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I agree there is a difference in your connection with your husband after marriage. There is no more feeling of "who is next?", "Who to impress tonight?", "If I do this, will he break-up with me?" I agree, marriage is a commitment that you and him are in this relationship for the long haul. Once you make that commitment, "till death do us part" taking that oath in front of God, something in your soul just engulfs your husband with a love that grows each and every day. There is now, "I love you regardless if you did that.", "yes, you make me upset, but I am with you through thick and thin." When my husband and I got married, we told each other that we are not marrying with the idea that if this doesn't work we can get divorced. Actually we agreed to not mention divorce in our relationship!

It's amazing what God can do in a relationship as well. Look at your relationship as a triangle...if you have God at the top and you and your spouse at the bottom corners, as you grow in Christ, your love for one another grows deeper as well. There is a deeper love for each other when you both know that you will see each other in eternity as well!

Shelly - posted on 10/14/2009

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Lynn,

Great question...My answer MARRIAGE wins. Brad ans I have been married for 19 yrs and we have had our fair share of trials and tribulations that would of been much easier to walk away then to stay and work things out but because we are married we are more commited to staying and working things out. I feel like it is way to easy when your datring to just walk away and move on to the next guy even though you have never worked on the problem to begin with. Just like I think it's to easy to divorce in this country "unreconsilable differances"= Didn't feel like working things out or I'm tired of that person. If We were forced to go into marriage counceling or a mediator and have them truely work on thier marriage and make it so that it's not ok in the eyes of the country...We need to make it ok to be married!!!

Christina - posted on 10/14/2009

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I didn't feel a HUGE difference after we were married. We were committed to each other before that and loved each other before that. We have been married for 6 years now. I sitll get butterflies when he kisses me. To some being married is a huge deal and to other it's not. I don't think it mean one is less in love than the other it just means they don't see what the big deal is.

Sara - posted on 10/11/2009

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My husband and I dated for almost three years before we got married. And I agree with what you are saying. I loved my husband before and yeah we were happy together but It wasnt as satisfying as him telling our family and friends that He loved and It was I who he wanted to spend his life with! Now we are even more happy then before , we communicate on a daily level, there is that security and sense of saftey that I need to feel. On the other hand girl. I was married before and my x cheated on me with my supposively "best friend". There baby was born before our divorce was final and 2 weeks later they were married. So on that note being male or female even though there is a ring on his or her fingure doesnt mean they wont doing anything to hurt you. Just remember that saying Live Love and Learn! Hopefully that helps.

Zimmersgirl - posted on 10/11/2009

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There is a maturing because Love is actually a verb, not a feeling. When you are dating there is that whole, give them your best because you're in infatuation stage.

But true love comes from leading your heart--even through all the negatives that infatuation blinded you to when you were dating.

While I do think older couples can get into a rut if they are not careful, the deep love that has taken root can help fan those "romantic" flames back to life in a heartbeat if they truly want it and I do think most people do.

Maria - posted on 10/09/2009

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Being married for 19 years, I can look back and say as much as I loved the dating period, I love being married more. When you're dating, you put your best foot forward or try to as much as possible, and sometimes, you're blinded by your perception of romance that you see the other person through rose-colored glasses. When you're dating and you have an argument, you can both walk away and either worry about the other coming back. When you're dating, the possibilities are all a big "what if"? When you're married, you're both different individually, and yet similar in ways you never thought possible. Possibilities are endless. When you argue, you can't just walk away, neither do you go to bed angry. Your love together goes beyond romance. And, you can still go on dating whenever you want, wherever you want! And keep the romance going.

Dating doesn't give you the opportunity to grow together, and learn from each other long enough, including the errs of the relationship. With marriage, you have the opportunity to grow together, love deeper, learn from each other, whether it's from errs of each other's ways or joys of the marriage, and a chance to make up, and recover to rebuild a stronger relationship and keep the foundation you build upon a lot more resilient in the years to come.

Christine - posted on 10/09/2009

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My husband and I have been married for 6 years and there are significant differences that evolve especially if you have children when you become "one" aka "married": the love you share, thoughtful compromises, effective communication, and the list could go on.



The things we liked about dating though is taking that special time to spend with just each other and we would dress to impress and go out and do things and visit new places and share in the new experience together...we're happy to say that we set time away each week from putting the kids to bed early and popping popcorn and getting a movie at redbox and have an in livingroom date to getting a sitter on a Saturday night and going out to a dinner theatre or dinner with friends and even longer getaways and hand the kids over to the grandparents and go on a cruise to someplace we've never been...the key is to still go the extra mile you did when you were "dating" each other. I do feel more in love now as we value each other above all others!



We both prefer Marriage!

Lynn - posted on 10/08/2009

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Isnt marriage great? I love being married. There is so much more of a connection. Dont you feel special that your husband wants to legally declare you as his, and wants to legally be yours. People say its just a piece of paper. But to me its not just a piece of paper. it is them saying they love you so much they even want to be committed to you by law.

Laura - posted on 10/07/2009

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well first off im glad you are so happy and are so in love thats great!! for me personally we had bigger battles when we were not married then we do now. makeups are about the same not really bigger just more time together for us to makeup lol. big difference as in love though i love him just as much as i did then when we were dating, but we knew we loved each other the first date so maybe that has something to do with it. but i think we just have more respect for one another and understand each other needs more then when we were dating. we were engaged just 3 months after our first date and were marred 3 years later. b/c we were not old enough to marry when we wanted to. married for 4 years now and been together for 7

Ali Marie - posted on 10/07/2009

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I agree, there is a difference!



When we were dating he would ask me all the time how I felt about marriage, would I marry a guy like him, etc..I never thought much about it, thinking "marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything" But since he proposed to me and since we have been married I have have seen that being married isn't just a piece of paper, its a commitment that you have made to each other and to the rest of the world. It's a huge deal IMO!



I see so many other women whose boyfriend's/baby daddy's have not proposed to them, or have been engaged for years and years and years. I see how much it means now that my husband made it a point for us to not be one of those couples that puts things off. We got engaged a year after we met and got married 3 months after being engaged. To me that shows his true commitment to me-and that means the world!!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Lynn:

Marriage vs Dating

I was just wondering how many people feel there is a big difference between when you were 'dating' vs when you became 'married'?

I personally think there is a big Difference. My husband and I have been married since Feb 11th 2006 and I feel more in love now, then I ever did before. And I feel secure knowing that ge is committed to me, and me to him. And I feel like the 'I Do' announced to everyone that we are together, and love only each other.

I think when people are dating, its a different form of love then when you are married. And i am sure now that we are married, there will be bigger battles, and bigger makeups. But thats ok, because we are committed to each other.

And I am not talking about common law marriage, or engaged, or almost married, or been together so long its like marriage. i mean ACTUALLY BEING LEGALLY MARRIED.

So give me your feelings on all of this.


 

Heidi - posted on 10/07/2009

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Since the day we said "I Do" I seem to fall in love with my husband more and more each day. Everyday there is something new to experience. Some of the things are still the same. Like out of the blue he will still bring me flowers, and when he leaves for work and he still says he loves. Neither one of us walks out the door without saying I love you and kiss each other. Its just something we have done from the start and its been almost 9 years. But you are right being married and in love is different from dating and being in love. Like the song goes "love is like a road that never ends". I still get the butterflies when my husband comes home from work or the gym. Its the best feeling ever!

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