Married couple VS Going out???

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I have a wonderfull husband!! BUT theres times I wanna go out w/Sister and or Friends that r married. My husband says not w/out him. I dissagree, and he knows that i dont think its fare. Sometimes i jux wanna girls night out. I never go out. Since i stoped working, im constantly at home with our boys (2boys). MAYBE just MAYBE once in my life time i want to hang out w/friends. I just dont feel like im apart of the ADULT LIFE. Ive never done anything for him not to trust me, he says he knows how the men r at the club/bars.



IS IT WRONG THAT I WANNA GO OUT?? IS HE OVER REACTING??

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Selina - posted on 06/03/2010

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just saw that you're still in your 20's and that you only want to go out for your birthday with your friends and also that your husband is at work.... Well I can't really see the problem, the only problem to me is your husband..... I think you need to sit down and talk with him and let him know how you feel and that you need to get out sometimes have adult female company...and as you say you are still only young and need to let your hair down or you'll go crazy... :-) I'm 42 and I'm still the same.. :-) Good Luck and I hope you can work this out...

Selina - posted on 06/02/2010

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I see nothing wrong in wanting to go out for a girlie night out with your friends. I go maybe twice a year for a night out with my friends to bars and clubs to just have fun and be silly....sorry but having a coffee afternoon or quilting doesn't sound like my kind of fun... but everyone to their own....
My husband goes out with his friends sometimes too, mainly just to bars as he can't be doing with all the loud music in the clubs..lol..
We've been married for 11 yrs now next week, I love being with him but there are those times when I just want to go and dance with my friends.... We trust each other and I trust myself to be able to have alcohol and not want to be with another man.....
But you have to work out between the two of you how you both feel about nights out, maybe take it slowly and as someone else has said on here, have a girls night in first...Good luck, hope you can both be happy.

[deleted account]

I love my girls night outs, but they are usually a quilting circle, a cup of coffee or pancakes :-) at midnight. I think Lynns idea is a great one. since hes probably worried about what fun your having with out him. Show him its all harmless stuff and uninteresting girl stuff.

Guys just don't have relationships like girls do. We need our girl friends! Guys can like go forever never seeing their friend then see them and pick up the conversation they never finished 5 years ago... (not that guy relationships are bad they are just different)

Maybe you could meet your girl friend at the park with your kids.. or mcdonalds type place. coffee and occupied children... as a compromise.

Do you take the boys to story hour? or sports? where you can get some adult conversation even if it only about soccer??

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I think it depends on where and why you want a girl's night. I go out about once a month with a few friends and my sister. We usually do innocent stuff like dinner, movie, putt putt, shopping, ice cream, etc... For me it is just a night out with out the kids. If that is the sort of thing you are looking for then he is unreasonable. However, If you want to go to bars and night clubs, etc. I do think it is unreasonable to go out without your husband.

Michaela - posted on 06/03/2010

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I think it is your friends he doesn't trust. I think he doesn't feel that they are good influences for you to be around. I was 27 with three kids and wanted adult conversation. I don't really think that is what you want our you wouldn't care where or how you get it. I think you wanted to go let your hair down and feel young again and there is no problem with that, been there felt that way. And your husband probally new that was the real reason you wanted to and why he had a problem with it. I enjoy going shopping with friends, going to coffee, to lunch or just anything, because I enjoy my friends company no matter what we do.

Lynn - posted on 06/03/2010

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Tomorrow night I am going out with My mom, a girlfriend, and her mom. The girlfriend of mine is actually someone I met through my husband. She used to be a co worker of his. My husband lets me go out when i want, but i feel so bad going out tomorrow without him since today is about 30 days he has worked straight with no break. My poor baby....

Jennifer - posted on 06/02/2010

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I agree with you, I am a stay at home mom as well and my husband allows me to have girls nights out or as I call it "Me Time". If he trust's you then there should be no reason to worry.

Maria - posted on 06/02/2010

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I'd say it all depends on where your friends or sister is taking you! If you're just eating out, or a birthday party or girls day out, I don't see any reason why he has to be there. Been married for 20 years this June, and my husband knows once or twice a year, my friends and I have a get together party at one friend's house. Mostly high school friends, and girls, so our hubbies give us that quality time to spend together. When we do go out bar hopping, though, they do come and join us.

Edana - posted on 06/02/2010

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You deserve the right to have time with your friends without him. My husband is not a dancer and I love to dance, he has no problem with me going with my friends to a club to dance (they are all married also). I do not drink, so I am always DD, but getting together with friends and have fun is needed. I also have no problem with him going out without me, although he doesn't except for a stop at the bar after work occasionally. We do usually go out with friends together, but it is not being selfish to want time alone.

Lauren - posted on 06/02/2010

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ok, I do alot of activites w/my kidos like ive said in the past and we have family time. But like i was saying. I only wanted one night w/the girls to hang out somewhere. Expecially since it was my birthday and my husband was working.



And i know many of you dont know im am still in my early 20's, and my other friends are to, and sitting at home and talking is kinda boring if we dont have our kids. But like i said it was my birthday, i wasnt asking for every other weekend. My friends live far from me and going out for my birthday? I didnt see it as a big deal, since i never get any "me time". Which i know that comes w/being married and having kids. Just because im young does not mean i dont know what comes first in my life thats why i never go out w/friends.



Thats why i wanted one night out, to catch up, dance, hang out w/the girls.

Maggie - posted on 06/02/2010

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Why don't you go out somewhere else besides a club or bar? You can have fun without going to places like that. I do think having a girls night out is a great idea. It lets you unwind and refresh yourself. He probably won't have a problem with you going out with responsible people if you go to a responsible place. Why not get together at one of your houses and play games or watch movies or do facials and hair and makeup (like an old-fashioned slumber party) - you could even throw in a little wine or something as long as you aren't driving.
You SHOULD go out, you SHOULD have adult interaction but you should also take into consideration how your husband feels.
Also - what is "jux"? I don't think that's a word...

Anne - posted on 06/02/2010

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Lauren what part of "going out" is most important? The time of day, doing it with out your husband, Doing it without your kids?

If you could talk figure out what part of the equation is the most important part, maybe you could go out to lunch, or organize a play date somewhere easy for the kids to have fun and the moms to get to talk with each other. You might even want to try to start a "Babysitting Co-op with your mom friends. I hope this has helped.

Lauren - posted on 06/01/2010

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Well thanks every1 for ur comments & sum helped. My Husband and I talked and he said he would slowly work up to me going out w/friends. And number 1 (im not a drinker). Thank u Jesus for that. The whole reason y i wanted to go out its because i love dancing. Even if its to a eating out/dance floor type thing. Dancing helps me w/stress. And hes known i love dancing since we were in school. But the reason to why he wouldnt let me was because hes affraid something mite happen to me and he wasnt there to help. Hes jux affraid to lose me.



I know most people go to pick up or meet. But before we were married or even together. I went to the club w/girls and only danced w/girls unless it was my guy friends. No strangers. And never took anyone home. Thats gross! I know how many sick/diseases r out there.



Ive always been really carefull.



But at least my husband now understands. I LOVE HIM!



THANKS LADIES FOR UR COMMENTS!!

Elisabeth - posted on 06/01/2010

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I wouldn't go to a club/bar without my husband, only because it's fun to go with him, and I find that there is mostly only one reason why people go to those places and thats to pick up, trust me I know I was a night club manager before I was married. This might not be your intention, but it is the intention of others there and sometimes just a small amount of alcohol can effect you and the choices you make, espessially if you haven't had any for a while (which happens to us mothers!) My husband goes out with the boys but always ends up coming home after a few hours because he misses me and all the other boys get drunk and start looking for girls. I understand you may feel like a bit more then just coffee, so maybe you should all meet up at someones house instead of going out. Or if you really have to go out with the girls go out for a few hours with them and he can go out with the guys and you can meet up together after a while. But be careful, you may find that even if you are only going out for fun, that small taste of single taste may be just enough to hook you in and you may find yourself wanting more.

Kakesha - posted on 05/31/2010

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I have times when I just go out with the Ladies. I choose not to go out to clubs because Im done with the bar scene. Like others have said on here, I have various parties at my house with the ladies, Fun Parties, Tastfully Simply Parties, Candle Parties, Bonfires, Tupperware Parties, Make finger foods add a signiture drink and music and were having a blast. Their are other places like resturants that have a band playing where we can dance as well. So try differnt things, go to the movies with your girlfriends or some of the ideas i said earlier=) good luck!

Cassandra - posted on 05/31/2010

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Hm, reading some of the responses here, they do seem pretty old fashioned.... like 'no fun without your spouse!!!'
Yes, getting together for quilting/ coffee might be fun
but sometimes a girl just wants a drink with a couple friends...and/or sometimes that quilting bee just doesn't cut the mustard.

Cassandra - posted on 05/31/2010

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Absolutely not wrong at all, but how often do you get time alone with him without the kids?
My husband and I went on a date the other day and his mother babysat for us.
I felt so much better after just being able to go to a movie with him.
Maybe you could set aside a biweekly date-night for the two of you and a monthly/biweekly thing for you and your friends or some other regularly scheduled date-night

Lauren - posted on 05/30/2010

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I take our boys out to the park, swimming, lake. But most of the time were the only ones there. It seems like im the only one w/kids. lol



And I live in Austin area and my friends live in a town 3 1/2 hours away. (the same little town we used to live in) And when i come into town, ( it was my birthday 2 days ago) and i wanted to catch up and hang out. They all wanted to go out too since we never get to. But I couldnt cuz husband dont like for me to go unless hes w/me. He always wants "couple dates" w/friends.



I would love to meet up my friends but we live so far from each other...

Heather - posted on 05/30/2010

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Do you have any hobbies? Maybe start a book club or something that meets once a week or month, meet at a coffee shop, book store, or in your homes. This would put you in a better environment but still allow you adult interaction. If you don't like reading, maybe a scrapbook night, or even a girls card night... I think it's probably the environment that you want to go to that is bothering him.

Lynn - posted on 05/30/2010

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Have you ever thought about having a girl get together at your home? After your children go to bed, on a friday night, plan a girls only time. you can all sit around and laugh together and joke together and watch movies, or have a drink or two. THen your husband can be there if he truly wants to be the only man there, or he can go off and do his own thing.... Thats just a thought. I know when i have my girlfriends over, my husband locks himself in the upstairs of our house so we wont bug him. lol

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2010

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Thats our agreement to. We havnt gone to a club or bar w/out each other. Us girls would want to go jux to have fun not meet guys or flirt or even get drunk. Im not a drinker anyway. I dunno, this will all pass as soon as i get busy to cleaning and just forgetting about going out. NO ADULT INTERACTION FOR ME. Sometimes i feel like im forgetting to speak english or something. Ill get over it. Thanks anyways...

Tiata - posted on 05/29/2010

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If I were giving honest advice, it would be...I completely understand wanting a little time to yourself or a girls night out. However, in my own marriage...I don't go out without my husband. I don't drink without my husband there. This isn't because we don't trust each other. It's more about not allowing ourselves to be put in a compromising situation. People make mistakes...but, I'm less likely to make a life altering mistake if my husband is there beside me. However, this is something he and I are in agreement on...and it took us a while to get here. I know this probably doesn't help but, I hope it all works out!!!

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2010

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Thats the thing Heather, we already do everything together. It dosent bother me if he were to go out once w/a few guy friends, because i trust him fully. I honestly do. Its not like it would be every weekend. When i was pregnant with our 2nd child i always let him go to his friends house and play cards an drink. Jux so he could get away from the stress. Im jux afraid to get bored of always doing stuff together. Maybe thats my real issue. I love him so much, and im afraid if were constantly together, ima lose it. Jux like the way relationships happen in high school for example. I dunno..Thanks for responding...

Heather - posted on 05/29/2010

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I would say it would be wrong to go out to a club or a bar without your husband. If you wanted to go out for coffee or something then it wouldn't be wrong. Why do you want to go to a club or a bar with out your husband?! Would you be comfortable if he went to a club with the guys?! Basically in our marriage we don't drink unless we are together. We don't go out unless we are together, unless it is for coffee, or some kind of a meeting.

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